


When You Were Alone

by Twentythreefandoms



Series: Our History is Only the Beginning [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Death, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Main Characters Don't Die, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Katsuki Yuuri, POV Victor Nikiforov, Past Relationship(s), Smut, Victor's Backstory, post season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-10-21 01:37:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 100,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10675014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twentythreefandoms/pseuds/Twentythreefandoms
Summary: Despite Viktor’s charismatic and loving attitude, the Russian star rarely delved into his mysterious past. Viktor’s little quirks that Yuuri had grown accustomed to were always innocent in nature individually, but thirteen minutes can change everything, slotting them together into something completely unknown to Yuuri. As Viktor begins to tell Yuuri his dark story, Yuuri must make a decision: to eliminate the threat of Viktor’s past or to let it consume the man he loves in the present.





	1. Forgetful Vitya

**Author's Note:**

> This is my introduction into the fandom! Hello everyone! 
> 
> WYWA has been an idea that was stuck in my head for months before I began writing it not too long ago. It will delve into Viktor's personal life before he met Yuuri in 2016. I've compiled his backstory completely so that it fits perfectly with the narrative, so you can attribute this to the canon if you wish! 
> 
> I want to thank my beta and new glittery trash possum friend Megan (DomesticProwess) for helping me with this. She's absolutely amazing and my favorite YOI author. Check her out as well! 
> 
> Tags will be added with every chapter to keep the suspense up!

_Over the years, he has never ceased to surprise me. From the first time I saw him skate until now, it’s been one surprise after another._

 

February, 2017

Hasetsu, Japan.

 

Yuuri knew that fairytales didn’t exist; and even if they were to, he surely would not be in one. He was too anxious and yet too trusting. His wide eyes set behind blue spectacles weren’t gateways into a magical world where eternal happiness was born. If he ate anything worth a watery mouth he would find it coming back in the form of regret every time he stepped on the scale. He naturally came by an anxiety that crippled him at the worst times, nearly preventing him from pursuing his career in skating. To be quite honest, before he met Viktor Nikiforov, Yuuri had a hard time finding anything good about himself.

However, Yuuri had to admit, his life struggles had given him great qualities that he admired about himself. He was a hard worker, not because he was naturally talented, but because he wanted to prove that he could be the best. His family had instilled in him the ethic that if you loved someone or something enough you gave it everything you had. His family meant everything to him, and he wanted to make them proud. Through his faults, he tried to overlook it all to be positive.

It never stopped Viktor from loving him, though.

For reasons still unfathomable to Yuuri, the night the Japanese skater lost his wits and sobriety, clinging to Viktor at the Grand Prix banquet after a dance-off, was the night Viktor fell in love.

 _Meeting you was the first spark of inspiration I’ve had in years._  Viktor had explained to Yuuri in their hotel bed the night after one of Yuuri’s competitions.  _I thought my time as a skater was over._ _I had nothing left to give until I met you, Yuuri. You changed everything_. 

At the time Yuuri’s heart clenched at the thought of the man he spent his entire life admiring revealing this to him, but it did nothing to quench the fear that it was all too much. Viktor was widely considered the hottest man in skating, so what was he doing with Yuuri? Inspiration or not, it was hard to imagine that the love Viktor confessed to Yuuri on the daily was genuine.

Yuri reasoned that it would only be a matter of time before Viktor moved on to a man inevitably better than himself; a male skater with a better record, or a sweet florist who would give Victor’s mother flowers every morning. Until then, Yuuri would selfishly ride out his childhood fantasy with his idol turned lover. Despite his insecurities about himself, there was no one who loved Viktor more than Yuuri. Having known him as a faraway dream and then as competitor, to a coach and friend which turned into a lover and fiancé. The evolution of Yuuri’s love for Viktor ebbed and flowed to one of eternal love and devotion.  As he had said many times before, this love wasn’t as concrete as romantic love, but this raw emotion he had never felt before now solidified itself in the form of Viktor Nikiforov.

And now he was moving halfway across the world to prove it.

The decision to uproot his life from the domesticity of Japan to the craziness of Saint Petersburg, wasn’t one that Yuuri took lightly. He was used to living abroad, five years of his life was dedicated to his studies in Detroit, but the decision this time held more meaning. This wasn’t for academics, or even his career, per se. Yuuri and Viktor would have been just as successful in their skating if they had stayed in Japan. Viktor had proved that to Yuuri when the Japanese man had won his first ever silver medal at the Barcelona Grand Prix final the year previous. This move was about Viktor and Yuuri’s relationship, about them taking the next step in their road to forever.

It was just short of a year of knowing each other when they had made the decision to move to Russia, but everything felt so right in yuuri’s mind. The Grand Prix had happened two months ago and the couple had returned to Hatsetsu following the press conferences that had taken place right after the end of the season banquet. They practiced together daily at the quaint ice rink in the dreamy fishing village. It had been another typical day of practice when Viktor’s coach Yakov called the silver haired Russian, interrupting the peacefulness the couple had been enjoying.

Yakov was always an abrupt man, who seemed to used yelling as a form of caring. At first Yuuri was shocked at the volume Yakov considered to be reasonable for inside chatter, but it all became a norm to him after hearing it so often when the older Russian spoke with the silver haired skater. Viktor was a strong willed man  unfazed by Yakov’s sharp tone, but to Yuuri the seemingly angered shouts from Yakov were something that would always put him on edge.

“ _VITYA_!” Yakov bellowed over the mobile speaker.

Viktor grinned good naturedly, swiping his platinum silver hair to the side and giving Yuuri a wink that gave Yuuri a slight blush. They both were cold and stiff from the hours of skating in the rink, but it hardly mattered to him as his gaze settled on Viktor as he spoke with excitement over the phone.

“Yakov!” Viktor replied jovially, pulling Yuuri against him and rubbing his hand at the small of his back as he tried to keep the Japanese skater by his side for the duration of the call. “It’s been too long! You should come visi--”

“Don’t you tell me to visit you in Japan, Viktor Nikiforov!” The man continued to snap, interrupting Viktor.

Viktor had swept down,  pressing a soft kiss to Yuuri’s cheek, a giggle escaping from the dark haired man’s lips as he did so. He always enjoyed being playful with Yuuri while talking to Yakov. The other line was silent for a moment, Yakov waiting for Viktor to reply but he was too distracted by the pink in Yuuri’s cheeks, so he took it upon himself to continue his yelling.

“Viktor I am talking to you!” Yakov growled.

Yuuri shook his head and laughed, pushing away from Viktor slightly so he could go back to practicing. The Japanese man knew that the conversations between the Russian skater and coach took longer than strictly necessary. Yuuri decided rather than waiting, that he use that time to practice his new routine. The theme for this year was “Revelations” and Viktor wasn’t going easy on him. He had to work harder and longer, and he would do it without complaint for his fiance/coach.

His routine wasn’t complete yet, but Yuuri and Viktor both could tell that it was missing <I> _something_ </I>. They were attempting to look within Yuuri to find his own revelation, something that would seal his first gold medal at the Grand Prix final but it wasn’t easy. Unlike his previous Eros performance, his inspiration was proving harder to obtain.  It had taken two weeks for Yuuri just to admit to himself that he couldn’t just rely on his sexuality and pork cutlet bowls to motivate him for this performance. Even Viktor couldn’t piece together something to inspire Yuuri’s new revelation sequence. It was soothing to know that Yuuri wasn’t the only clueless one in the situation, but it put a heavy burden on the both men to discover Yuuri’s ticket to the gold medal.

After practicing his last jump of the day, Yuuri gazed over at his fiance who was still busy talking on the phone. He could hear the smooth lilt of the Russian language coming out of Viktor’s mouth as he skated up to him and he knew enough to pick up the easy words.

 _Home_ . _Life._   _Skating. Russia._

_Yuuri…_

“What is it?” Yuuri asked.

 _He looks stressed_ , Yuuri thought, reaching up to gently rub at the older skater’s face, attempting to smooth out his features.

Viktor sighed, surprising Yuuri, and locked eyes with him.  “Yakov wants to know when I’m coming back to Russia,” He responded, covering the speaker on the phone so Yakov wouldn’t be able to hear.

Yuuri’s heart skipped a beat and he felt his nerves spike with a prickling electricity at the thought of Viktor leaving him. His life and love was with Viktor and without him he’d be lost. Logically he knew this would happen eventually. Yakov was a practical man who had no time for those who weren’t going to follow his orders. It was a wonder that he hadn’t quit much earlier on Viktor who was so independent.

“He thinks they need me to come back…the team, Yuri...they need someone to support them and apparently it has to be me,” Viktor proceeded to explain that Yakov had claimed that the rest of the team needed him, and that the Russian Yuri needed a mentor for his new season. Apparently the blond was becoming more of a menace as of late and Yakov was looking for anything to influence the boy to be less of a terror.

The silver haired Russian could see the worry in Yuuri’s eyes. He pulled the younger skater in for a long kiss before murmuring against his lips, “Wherever you go I will follow, but I will not demand the same of you. We don’t have to make a decision right now, Yuura.”

Yuuri held tight to Viktor’s black t-shirt and it soothed his worries slightly, but the guilt that he was keeping Viktor away from his skating family bothered him. Viktor was a family man, constantly talking about stories of Mila and Yuri fighting, or Georgi with his new romantic tragedy. He knew that Viktor was giving up a lot for him, it had always been sitting in front of him, it was a burden Yuuri was always unable to forget. However, today was finally the day he would have to deal with it… even if it meant giving up the safety of his little seaside town for the bustling Russian streets.

Yuuri took the phone away from Viktor and held the device up to his face in order to speak to Yakov before Viktor could snatch it back. “Viktor and I will move to Russia. We’ll call you soon,” Yuuri mumbled before he promptly hanging up the phone.

Viktor’s wide eyes looked at Yuuri in disbelief, “We’re doing what now?”

“Russia. You and me. You still have your apartment in Saint Petersburg, right?” He asked as he stepped off the ice and went to put the guards on the skates. He proceeded about his task as if he hadn’t just suddenly made a huge life decision without thinking; he tried not to think about it as his anxiety threatened to overwhelm him.

Viktor took another moment to clear his head before he followed his fiance off the ice. He was much more concerned about the decision than Yuuri seemed to be at the moment. “Y-yeah… I still have it. Since when did we decide to move to Russia?”

“Well, it makes the most sense, right?” Yuuri replied, continuing his stretch routine for after practices, “The best way for both of us to improve and get gold is in Russia. There’s only so much Japan can do for us. And I know you miss everyone. I even miss Yurio,” He chuckled at the last bit. No matter how brash the younger Yuri could be, the Russian skater had definitely grown on him as a friend.

Yuuri stood from the bench and started to walk back to the locker room, but Viktor stopped him. Carefully grabbing the dark haired man by the arm, turning Yuuri to look at him. “Yuuri, are you _sure_? I don’t want you to make a decision because of pressure. We can do whatever you want, when you’re ready. We can stay in Japan for as long as we want. I would be happy living the rest of my days in this village, away from everything.”

Yuuri smiled, pulling his arm free and reaching up to cradle Viktor’s face in his hands. “I’m sure.”

He knew he wanted to move to Russia before, but Viktor’s hesitance to make sure that Yuuri was comfortable enough had prevented them from going right away. Yuuri leaned up and pressed his lips to Viktor’s sweetly, feeling the older man’s embrace soften to the touch. He closed his eyes, failing to see the slight stress that crept onto Viktor’s face.

“I love you,” Viktor breathed as they parted lips. “I’ll do anything for you if you think it’s the right thing for us.”

“I love you, too.”  _More than anyone has ever loved anyone,_ Yuuri added inwardly. “Come on, we need to start packing before Yakov flies here himself to do it.” He grinned as he pulled Viktor along with him.

A month of hecticness passed as the couple prepared to move to Russia. A month’s worth of packing, throwing unnecessary items away and applying for visas for Yuuri. It was a process that Yuuri had done before in his time in Detroit, but this time it felt so much more meaningful, because he was moving for Viktor, and he’d go through all the mountains of paperwork again without hesitation.

Viktor had been a quiet sort of excited, different from his usual energetic banter Yuuri had grown used to. The Japanese skater deduced it was his overwhelming happiness for the next month when they’d be done with the paperwork and the endless boxes; they’d be in their own apartment in Saint Petersburg with Makkachin and the rest of the Russian team. Every time Yuuri looked at Viktor there was a silent thrill that ran under his skin when he saw Viktor’s warm eyes meet his.  Those were the eyes that Yuuri had fallen in love with ten years ago, before he even knew Viktor personally. This was what Viktor wanted, Yuuri was sure of it.

 _They were the eyes that’d he’d love until the day he died_ , Yuuri told himself as he kissed Viktor at the airport, saying goodbye for only a couple weeks so that the Russian skater could finalize the apartment and get it ready for another person to live in it. It was only two weeks apart, they could manage it. They had skyped almost every night; Yuuri would tell Viktor stories of his time in Japan and Viktor followed suit with his in Russia. He told Yuuri the whole team was excited to have him as a member and that even Yuri was happy (in his own way) to see Yuuri again. He took it as a compliment. He felt horrible for missing the Russian Yuri’s sixteenth birthday, watching videos of the event from a slightly inebriated Viktor who sent them later one night to Yuuri. One was a video of Yakov who was yelling at Viktor for drinking and Yuuri rolled his eyes. Yakov couldn’t let Viktor relax for a minute, the man was all business and no pleasure.  

Less than a week before Yuuri would be taking off to Russia, the dark haired man woke up at seven in the morning and opened his laptop for his scheduled skype session with Viktor. It was late in Russia, just reaching one in the morning, but it would be the last day they could work in a long call before Yuuri would leave, and they had missed each other desperately they hadn’t cared about the time.

Yuuri looked at his contacts and saw that Viktor’s best friend Chris was online, but it was only eleven at night in Switzerland, not out of the ordinary for the Swiss skater. Phichit wasn’t online, but that made sense. It was five in the morning in Thailand; there was no way his best friend would be up that early in the morning. A thread of nostalgia hit Yuuri as he thought about his best friend. He would be moving so far away from him. It was hard enough to leave him in Detroit to move back to Japan.

His thought process was stalled when he gazed at the rest of his online contacts and noticed that Viktor wasn’t online. His brows furrowed and he compared the time on his phone with that of his laptop to make sure that he had the right time. He wasn’t early or late, why wasn’t Viktor there? Yuuri decided to give Viktor a couple minutes, maybe he was working on something at the apartment and lost track of time.

The thrill of seeing Viktor, even if it was only on a laptop screen, was something that he looked forward to each time they chatted. It felt as if it had been forever since he had seen his fiance and he missed him terribly. His strong hands holding Yuuri close to his body; his beautiful eyes showing nothing but devotion and adoration as they looked upon Yuuri; his lush gorgeous lips as they met Yuuri’s every morning in greeting. The second that Yuuri was reunited with Viktor he was going to pounce on him, it was decided.

In his only little world, Yuuri hadn’t noticed when ten minutes had passed by without a notification from Viktor. Sighing, Yuuri picked up his phone and tried to call Viktor, his anxiety peaking slightly, but the dark haired man worked to keep it in check as he dialed. Even if Viktor was late he would have let Yuuri know, it must be something very important that had caused him to lose track of time.

The phone rang endlessly until Viktor’s cheery voicemail started, “Hello!” It started with Viktor’s Russian accent, “This is Viktor’s personal phone! Leave a message!” An automated Russian voice played after the voicemail, presumably telling Yuuri to leave a message.

“Hey, Vitya…” Yuuri smiled, his worry evident in his tone, “I thought we were going to skype tonight…” He paused for a moment, “I miss you. Six more days. I love you...”

With a heavy heart he hung up the phone.

It was very unlike Viktor not to at least answer his phone. It was attached to his hip, much like his pair of golden skates. No matter how many times Yuuri had desperately attempted to retrieve Viktor’s phone the Russian skater always managed to get his phone back and then promptly instagramming Yuuri in an unflattering light, cooing over his annoyed fiance with a happy smile on his face. Of course Yuuri’s annoyance multiplied and then dissipated within seconds. He couldn’t be annoyed with Viktor even if he tried, and Yuuri certainly tried. Attempting again to make contact with Viktor, Yuuri constructed a text he believed to be the perfect amount of worried and not-anxious to try and get the Russian skater’s attention.

 

06:23 To: Vitya <3 : Hey, are we still on for Skyping? I miss seeing your face.

 

It was simple, not too obsessive...he hoped.  

Huffing, Yuuri left his laptop open and collapsed onto his bed. He still had a glimmer of hope that Viktor would contact him, either by phone or Skype, but after waiting for another hour, Yuuri couldn’t help the heavy slide of his eyelids close with finality as sleep greeted him unwillingly.

Yuuri’s alarm on his phone blared through the late morning, waking the Japanese skater with a yelp. He almost never slept in until eleven in the morning, the alarm only going off to make Yuuri aware of him needing to head to practice. At this point he would have been awake for hours, but the anxiety had overwhelmed him and he needed to escape.

The next thing he noticed were the slew of notifications on his phone. He scrolled down and noticed two hours ago Viktor had called four times and left three voicemails. There were nine text messages from Viktor and various messages and notifications from Chris and Phichit. His annoyance at Viktor prevented him from checking his fiance’s messages and went straight to a voicemail from Phichit.

“ _Yuuri!_ ” The familiar Thai accent greeted his hears and he couldn’t help but smile despite his friend’s slight urgency, “ _Are you awake? Viktor’s worried. He called me like six times freaking out because you aren’t answering him. Can you please call him? At least for my sake? See ya…_ ”

Yuuri felt a pang of guilt for Phichit, but he still couldn’t bring himself to listen to Viktor’s voicemails. Instead, he clicked Chris’ and listened intently, “ _Yuuri, you know Viktor is like a brother to me, but I will not hesitate to fly from Stockholm to St. Petersburg to kick his ass. You know his ass is well regarded by you and the rest of the world, so it’s in your best interest to call him back. He’s called me so many times crying because he thinks you hate him. Just…_ ” there was a pause, almost like Chris was considering what to say next, “ _Can you talk to him? He has trouble remembering things when you aren’t around him. Can you talk to him, please?_ ” His tone switched into his natural Chris sexual suave,  <I>“ _Anyways! You know my number! Call me anytime you’re in Switzerland! Ciao!_ ”

Viktor forgot that they had a Skype date? Yuuri’s annoyance reached a whole new level, and instead of listening Viktor’s voicemails he dialed the number to his fiance and waited impatiently for the Russian man to answer.

Almost immediately the phone rang to life and the sound of an out of breath Viktor rang in his ears. “Yuuri!” Viktor exclaimed. “You called! Thank you! I was so worried that you be mad at--”

“You forgot we were going to Skype?” Yuuri growled, attempting to be intimidating but it mostly came across as upset.

Viktor was quiet, the severity of the situation setting in “...Yes.”

“How could you forget, Viktor?” Yuuri asked incredulously. “It was all I could think about yesterday! Didn’t you want to see me?”

“Of course!” Viktor replied instantly, “I couldn’t stop thinking about it yesterday, either. I just…”

“What?” Yuuri quipped.

“I just forgot. I’m so sorry. I was asleep at that point and my phone was in the livingroom. I never heard your call or your text message. I woke up in the morning and found your notifications and everything instantly came rushing back to me. I couldn’t rest, I was worried the entire time.”

“Now you know how I felt,” Yuuri muttered weakly. He wasn’t sure where this newfound confidence to stand up to himself came from but he needed it. It wasn’t okay for Viktor to forget about him; if he couldn’t remember something as simple as talking to his fiance what else would he forget?

“I know. And I’m sorry. I really am, Yuura.”

Of course Viktor would pull out his special nickname for Yuuri as they’re arguing. It was unmistakable the effect it had on him, and he didn’t think Viktor used it as a ploy to get him to forgive and forget. He used it as a plea for comfort.

“I know you forget things,” Yuuri told him with a calmer demeanor, remembering Chris’ voicemail. “I know that you didn’t mean to do it on purpose, but it still scares me to think about what happens when I’m in Russia. I’m moving to a new country with a language I can barely speak. I’m going to need you, Viktor.”

“And I’ll be there,” Viktor assured immediately.

“I...I know you will be.”

Viktor’s voice was soft, unsure. “I love you, Yuuri. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You know that, right?”

Yuuri bit his lip, “Yeah, I think so.”

Viktor’s tone seemed to relax slightly, “If only you knew how much you’ve done for me, Yuuri. I can feel the loneliness set in like it did before. I’m forgetting things again.”

“Tell me,” Yuuri whispered.

“I’ll tell you once you’re here. I’ll tell you everything.” Viktor vowed, his voice earnest through the phone.

Yuuri furrowed his brows slightly, “Vitya, are you okay?”

“...I just really miss you,” Viktor admitted. “I had gotten so used to being with you, being happy, that I feel like I’m not right anymore. It’s like my old self before I met you is trying to claw its way back when we aren’t together.”

Yuuri’s heart heart for his fiance. He never knew how reliant Viktor had become on Yuuri. He always assumed it was the other way around. “I’ll be there soon, you won’t even have to think about it. You can get back to yelling at me for my quad lutz in no time,” Yuuri joked.

Viktor laughed, “Promise?”

“Promise,” Yuuri confirmed. He looked at his phone and noticed how late in the day it was getting. He still had to finalise his packing and enjoy his last few days with his family before moving to another country again. “Vitya, I should get going. I still have things to finish up.”

Viktor sighed, “Yeah, I should finally go back to bed. I have practice in a few hours.”

Yuuri noticed the time and sucked in a breath, “Viktor, Yakov is going to kill you if you aren’t rested,” He chastised lightly, a slight chuckle leaking through at the thought of Viktor’s coach wanting to strangle him for what was most likely the millionth time.

“Exactly,” Viktor laughed through a yawn. He took a moment before muttering another ‘I love you’ before the couple said their goodbyes.

Yuuri wasn’t going to lie, he was still slightly worried about Viktor. He had said he wasn’t in a great place before the two had met over a year ago, and Yuuri worried that maybe they would be making it worse again by returning to Russia. Chris even seemed to have an idea of the struggles Viktor dealt. There was still quite a bit that Viktor hadn’t been clear on concerning his past, but it wasn’t something Yuuri spent a lot of time concerning himself over.

Viktor Nikiforov was a closed off individual behind his outgoing and touchy exterior, and today seemed as if a piece of his old identity, his hidden history, had shown itself. Yuuri only hoped that Viktor would be able to keep his demons at bay for the time being, or at least let Yuuri help him through it. He feared for his fiance...but didn’t have the courage to do anything about it just yet.


	2. Reunited with Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri finally arrives in Saint Petersburg.

March, 2017

Saint Petersburg, Russia.

 

Russia wasn’t too unfamiliar to Yuuri. He had visited the arctic country many times for competitions over the years and the Rostelecom cup was even held in Moscow less than a year ago. Viktor had told Yuuri before they left that he was born in Moscow and that his parents still lived there. Yuuri had asked about his parents, a topic that Viktor usually avoided, and true to form, the charming man smiled it away after a beat and changed the topic. Yuuri concluded that they probably didn’t talk anymore, but who wouldn’t want to be around Viktor? Even his competitors all love him through their desperate desire to be him. They all thought he was perfect, but Yuuri could attest it wasn’t the case.

Yuuri thought of the call he received two nights ago from Viktor, one night after the infamous missed Skype call. He was trying to sound casual, but it was the early morning hours in Saint Petersburg, hardly a time when anyone should be awake. Viktor’s voice was strained as he talked with Yuuri, and after more prodding Viktor replied with, “I just need to hear your voice to ground me.” Yuuri had never heard Viktor sound so angst-ridden and he became more worried for his fiance.

“Viktor, what’s wrong?” Yuuri had asked, his voice trying to remain calm.

“I’m having a bad night. I just don’t feel well and I knew you’d make me feel better.” Viktor replied, his voice still strained.

The couple talked for hours through Viktor’s bad night, something Viktor had done countless times before with Yuuri. He must have had a panic attack, they both concluded as Viktor began to feel well enough to fall asleep. His voice was heavy with exhaustion and Yuuri wanted more than anything to hold Viktor while he drifted into unconsciousness. He only had a few more days and then they would finally be together again.

Now that he was in Saint Petersburg the first thing he noticed in the airport was, unsurprisingly, he was constantly surrounded by the Russian language. Compared to his Japanese and English knowledge, Yuuri was almost left in the dust. Viktor had been so great about teaching Yuuri the basics over the months, and getting into the more intermediate as they got closer to the big move, but this third language wasn’t easy for Yuuri. The accent was his biggest adversary, though after countless lessons from Viktor they both agreed as long as he had the words down the accent could follow later. Yuuri attempted to mock Viktor and his accent but that only brought them tear-stained cheeks from laughter rather than progress.

Though, he had to give himself credit. The signs in Russian were nearly all legible to the Japanese man. Viktor wasn’t just a great coach for skating it seemed. The butterflies in his stomach fluttered endlessly at the thought of seeing his fiance after two weeks apart, and the call from a few days ago made him even more anxious to see Viktor. He missed him beyond reason, and going by Viktor’s lack of coherence without Yuuri was anything to go by, Viktor was eager too.

_It reminds me of my life before you arrived_ , Viktor had told him the day after the event happened. _I was unfocused and I didn’t care about anything anymore. Now I have something… some_ one _to drive me._

A smile crept onto Yuuri’s face at the memory, even more eager to see his fiance. More than ever he wanted his new life in Russia to begin, and it all started with Viktor. He was the first person to see Yuuri for more than the anxiously addled man that he used to be. Viktor was the first person that Yuuri had loved more than air. His whole life seemed like it was preparing him for the day that he met Viktor, and now he could proudly say that he would spend the rest of his life with him.

His large suitcase was heavy as he traipsed through the airport claim, his excited nerves verging on erratic as he cleared through security in order to find Viktor. Minutes before boarding Viktor had told Yuuri he would be waiting for him in the airport, so it was no surprise when two strong arms wrapped around Yuuri’s midsection and held him tight. He turned around as much as he could in shock and relaxed instantly when he saw a wisp of silver hair falling into his face. “Viktor…” Yuuri breathed, instantly falling into the sweet embrace.

“Yuuri!” Viktor exclaimed, his mouth contorted into a smile against Yuuri’s neck. “You’re here! I still can’t believe you did this for me.”

Yuuri grinned and turned into Viktor’s embrace. He immediately noticed that Viktor looked tired, like he hadn’t slept peacefully in days. His tailored clothing hung off him like it was just a smidge too big but no one would have noticed unless it was Yuuri. Maybe it was lack of Japanese food in Viktor’s diet; it was never like Viktor was good at cooking. A dose of worry stayed with Yuuri as he looked over Viktor, but overall he felt like he was home.

“Miss me?” Yuuri grinned as he swept away Viktor’s platinum bangs so he could see both of Viktor’s sea blue eyes.

Viktor laid his forehead against Yuuri’s, the height difference showing no sign of stopping him, “More than you could even imagine. Makka missed you almost as much, too!” He told Yuuri, his eyes sparkling at the mention of the famous poodle.

Yuuri laughed, “I missed him, too. It’ll be good to see him.”

“What about me, asshole?” Came a growl behind him. Yuuri spun in his tracks to see the source of the foul sentence, though he already knew the only person it could have originated from.

Yuri.

Despite the fact that it had only been four months since the Grand Prix Finals in Barcelona there was no denying that the now sixteen year-old blond had grown. Before there was a noticeable gap between the two skaters now had shrunk to a mere inch or two in Yuuri’s favor. The blond was wearing all new attire though it all appeared to show the same Russian Punk persona.

“Yurio!” Yuuri exclaimed as he pulled the younger skater into a three way hug between the two men. Yuuri knew that Yurio would outwardly hate it, but he had come all this way with Viktor just to meet Yuuri at the airport. He was sure Yuri would never admit it, and Yuuri would never bring it up to him, but the Russian skater was glad to see him.

Yuri huffed into the crowded space of Viktor and Yuuri’s hug, “That’s not my name.” Despite his grumbling the younger skater held tight to both Yuuri and Viktor, filling Yuuri’s heart with a feeling of home. He was home with Viktor and Yuri simply added to that equation. For all of his brash attitudes and crass words he was hurting at heart. Viktor had explained to Yuuri one night after a particularly bad afternoon for Yuri that it was nearly the anniversary of his mother’s death. She was only three when she took her own life, so Yuri was given to his grandfather and then to his father, never truly having a home to call his own. Yuri had been there the entire time to listen to Viktor explain, his anger too palpable to explain it himself.

Ever since then Yuuri felt a tighter connection to the Russian Yuri. If he was lost without a home then Yuuri and Viktor would be his home. They were broken and beaten at best but they all could be a loving environment for Yuri to be surrounded in and flourish. They never spoke of Yuri’s past going forward, but Yuri was different afterwards. His anger, while integrated into his personality, was more subdued. He was kinder to the Japanese man and his fiance and in turn they took care of Yuri. He wondered idly if soon Yuri would move in with them, instead of living with Yakov and Lilia. They were great mentors to Yuri, but Yuuri wouldn’t object to having him live with the couple. It would be stable and he’d be with people more his age.

Viktor pressed a long kiss to the crown of Yuuri’s head and the Japanese man leaned heavily into him. He let the euphoria of now overwhelm him, knowing this moment would always replay in his mind forever. A year ago Yuuri would never have thought that his life long idol who had just arrived to his family’s onsen would change his life so completely.

“Alright, that’s enough, losers,” Yuri pulled himself away and smoothed over his sweatshirt. “I’m hungry and Viktor has no idea how to cook. He’s basically helpless.”

“Guilty as charged!” Viktor grinned, not letting go of Yuuri.

Yuuri rolled his eyes and laughed, confirming his thoughts that Yuri had been spending a lot of time with Viktor over the past couple weeks. “Come on, I’m sure I could find something to make at home.”

The thirty minute cab ride to the apartment complex wasn’t a long one, but the excitement that flowed through Yuuri was so palpable it made everything feel like it was in slow motion. He was experiencing a new country and wanted to take in everything that he could while being squished between the two Russians who conversed with the driver in Russian. There was only so much Yuuri could keep up with so he decided to tune it out in order to view the scenery of his new town. It was a serene moment for the Japanese skater.

Once they arrived to Viktor’s apartment complex the three men combined their efforts to get as many suitcases up the flight of stairs as possible. Yuri complained the entire time they made their way up the newer building to the third floor. It was a modern building built tall into the Saint Petersburg skyline close to the Ice Palace where they would hold all of their practices; Yuuri could even see it in the distance once Viktor pointed it out from one of the hallway windows.

Eventually they came upon a large metal looking barn door at the end of a hallway, and Viktor settled his portion of the suitcases on the floor. “Welcome home, Yuuri!” He exclaimed as he pulled the door open and a brown mass of fur attacked Yuuri. He tumbled to the floor and curled in on himself as Makkachin mercilessly licked and barked at Yuuri in her own way of saying hello.

“Hi Makka,” Yuuri smiled and hugged the poodle closer to his body once he knew it was safe to move. “I missed you, too, girl.”

Viktor laughed and pulled his dog off of Yuuri, “Come on, let’s let Yuuri settled in before we attack him with kisses.” He winked at his fiance, causing a blush from the Japanese man and a heavy groan from Yuri.

“I’m just here for dinner and visits for a few more hours. Can you _please_ hold off on the romantic crap until then?”

“We’ll see, Yurio.” Yuuri replied with a playful lilt as he brought himself to his feet and walked over into Viktor’s arms, “It’s been _so_ long since I’ve seen _Vitya_. How can I help myself if I just give him endless kisses.”

Yuri growled and stormed past the couple but not before kicking Viktor in the shin. “You made him like this.”

“Sure did!” Viktor proudly replied and he bent down to kiss Yuuri on the lips sweetly. “We’ll pick this up later.” He said lowly and Yuuri nodded enthusiastically as he pulled them into the apartment, a still bouncing Makkachin following closely behind them.

The first thing that Yuuri noticed was the expensive state of the apartment. Everywhere was a modern twist of excellence, Viktor sparing no expense to live in a beautiful home. Yuuri had seen pictures of it throughout his year of knowing Viktor and Yuuri had always been amazed at the state of the apartment, though he knew that at the time it was only a place to sleep and not an actual home. Before when Viktor lived in the apartment alone it was obvious he never felt attached to the place; the only form on personalisation was a shelf to hold all of his medals and trophies.

Now, it looked different.

There was an unmistakeable presence of home that immediately put Yuuri at ease. It was decorated with pictures of Yuuri and Viktor throughout the main living space, even Makkachin’s toys littered across the wooden floors to showcase the domesticity of the apartment. It was nicer than anything Yuuri had ever lived in, but for Viktor it was just right. Straight ahead was the livingroom and off to the right was the modern kitchen with a wall of windows giving off a beautiful natural light in the apartment. At the end of the room was another pair of metal barn doors that open to showcase an office with a door that Yuuri knew to be Yurio’s spare room when he wasn’t staying with his coach.

Viktor stood behind Yuuri and held him close, his breath tickling Yuuri’s neck in the best way possible. “Can you see yourself living here?” Viktor asked thoughtfully as he watched Makkachin and Yuri play tug-of-war with a chew toy.

Yuuri nodded, a new flood of emotions running through him as he realised this was it. This was going to be his forever. “Yes.”

The rest of the apartment was much of the same; styled magnificence with little hints of personalization which Yuuri knew was added not too long ago. The pictures which showed life and colour to the beautiful apartment were all ones taken after Viktor had met Yuuri. There were scenery pictures of Hasetsu, the Ice Castle, competitions from around the world, but mostly there were pictures of Yuuri.

While he loved the apartment and the man he would be living with, he couldn’t wait to make it his own as well. It wasn’t long ago that Viktor never thought of this place as his home, and Yuuri would try his hardest to change that for his fiance. Even looking at Viktor since Yuuri had arrived in Russia he could see the difference in the older man’s stature. When they were apart Viktor looked restless, unsure of himself. While he still appeared to be on edge it was quickly fading into assurance every time Yuuri smiled up at him.

“Why don’t I find something for us to eat?” Yuuri asked after he haphazardly set aside his suitcases in the master bedroom. “What are we hungry for?”

“ _Anything…_ ” Yuri grumbled from the floor where he was still occupied with Makkachin. “Just not a pork cutlet bowl. You don’t need the calories, Piggy.”

Viktor shot Yuri a hard glare but Yuuri brushed it off easily, “Actually, I have been working on traditional Russian meals the past couple of weeks and I wanted to show you them. How about smoked herring with boiled vegetables?”

Yuri’s eyes lit up and he stood in a haste, upsetting Makkachin who was still in play mode. “You can make that?! Viktor can barely manage a decent borsch the one day a week I stay here!”

Despite the blow to his ego Viktor ignored the young skater, “It does sound amazing… but we don’t have stuff like that to make it.” A flash of something glinted in Viktor’s eyes and he turned to Yuri, “Hey Yurio. How about you run to the store and get the ingredients Yuuri needs.”

“Why do I need to go?” Yuri whined, “I’m not the one who needs to learn where things are in the city.”

Viktor smiled as he wrapped his arms around the Japanese Yuuri, “You’re right. Why don’t we all go? In the meantime I can tell everyone how much I _love_ and _cherish_ my fiance.” He leaned in, Yuuri immediately picking up on Viktor’s plan. They met lips tenderly, but broke apart when they heard a disgusted noise from Yuri.

“Fine! I’ll be right back.”

The couple grinned in their victory, “Make sure you go to the market across town!” Viktor told Yuri as he was about to leave the apartment.

“Why can’t I just go to the one down the street?” Yuri grumbled.

“We want to make sure we have the best herring for my Yuuri! That means the herring has to be fresh from the market! You understand, right Yurio?”

“That’s not my name, asshole!” Yuri bit back. “Fine. I’ll go to the market. Need anything else?” He asked sarcastically.

“Could you take Makka with you? She loves taking walks with you!” Viktor grinned happily, the mention of a walk immediately exciting the poodle. She hopped up and ran to Yuri who was bombarded by the happy dog.

Yuri huffed but grabbed the leash, “Come on, girl. You don’t need those losers anyways.”

The moment Yuuri and Viktor were alone there was an electric thrill that ran in the air. They were alone. In their apartment. After weeks of separation. The feel of Viktor wrapping himself around Yuuri calmed the younger skater as they embraced lovingly in their safe home. Viktor’s undeniable and familiar scent wafted around Yuuri as he took in everything that had happened today. He was permanently in Russia with the man he loved more than anything. For the foreseeable future he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Vitya,” Yuuri softly spoke against Viktor’s temple, kissing it lightly, “Show me our bedroom.”

Viktor nodded and walked with Yuuri following closely behind as they entered their bedroom. It matched the rest of the apartment in which it had nothing less than expensive furniture which was designed in a modern flair. At the end of the long bedroom stood a tall canopy bed against a wall of windows which had a beautiful view of Saint Petersburg. He could tell why Viktor would want to live in such a location. Yuuri had rarely seen anything so beautiful.

Yuuri took off his light sweater and sat on the bed, looking over at Viktor who remained a few feet away from him. He was staring at Yuuri with a peculiar look and Yuuri couldn’t help but feel a deep blush warm his cheeks, “What is it?” He asked curiously, holding his hands out for Viktor to take.

Viktor broke his trance and toed his way to his fiance. They gently laced their fingers together and Yuuri guided Viktor to join him on the bed. “I’m just so glad you’re here, Yuura,” Viktor whispered, his voice thick with emotions. “It’s been hell being here without you. I could feel the loneliness and emptiness that used to rule my life creep in again. It was like I was losing myself. And when I forgot to Skype you…” He stopped himself in anguish, but Yuuri enveloped him in an embrace.

“Don’t trouble yourself with the past. There’s nothing to worry about. I’m here with you, let’s not waste this time to bring up less than perfect memories on this more than perfect day,” Yuuri brought their lips together and it was like they were themselves again, acting on instinct to please each other at all times. The smooth slide of lips against skin brought a shiver to Yuuri’s skin wherever Viktor touched him. It was soft and quiet without ignoring the urgent desperation to go further.

Minutes passed for the couple as they slowly discarded their clothing, reveling in their skin to skin contact after such a long time apart. As their lips continued to brush against each other, their tongues mingling in a dance of reunion, the need for more overpowered the two. Viktor pulled away slightly in order to look at the ravished Yuuri beneath him, and the dark haired man couldn’t believe his luck as he looked up at the man who meant everything to him.

“Viktor, take me. Take all of me,” Yuuri requested, pulling Viktor flush against his body so he could feel their hard desire for one another washing over him in the moment. Viktor whined as he felt Yuuri’s erection against his own. Yuuri added a single hard thrust up into Viktor’s, causing him to nod in his understanding at his lover’s impatience. Yuuri needed Viktor. Now.

Kissing Yuuri’s lips once more, Viktor reach over to one of the bedside tables and fumbling for the lube he kept in the top drawer. His breath came in short spurts as he opened the container and squeezed a healthy dose onto his fingers. His pupil were blown wide, hiding most of his sea blue color, but Yuuri couldn’t have cared less as Viktor’s long fingers began playing with Yuuri’s entrance. It was a talent that Viktor praised himself for, even to the point where Yuuri would crave Viktor’s long fingers inside of him, bring him to the breaking point with a talented working of his hands.

“I’m ready, Viktor,” Yuuri breathed, pushing against the fingers so close to giving him pleasure, “I’ve been practicing myself. Waiting for this moment.”

“Just a little while longer. You’re not ready yet,” Viktor bit his lip and reached for his own erection, pumping it in tune to Yuuri’s ragged breaths. The Russian man took the fingers that were playing with the tight ring of muscle and pushed them into the silky heat of Yuuri’s hole. The dark haired skater let out a sigh of pleasure as he felt Viktor thrust in and out with his fingers. “Tell me more, Yuura,” His erection growing bolder as it softly rubbed against Yuuri’s open thighs.

“I always imagined it was you behind me or above me every time I did it. I would get my toys and use them every night, preparing me for when we would see each other again.”

Viktor swallowed heavily and added a third and then fourth finger inside Yuuri. The Japanese man’s breath hitched in the new intrusion. He cursed heavily in before pulling Viktor to him by the neck and roughly kissing his fiance before continuing. “And every night I would yell your name, not caring if anyone heard me. I hoped I’d be loud enough that you’d hear me from Russia.”

Viktor broke away from their kiss and look pained, “Yuuri, I have to have you now. I’m afraid if I put it off any longer I’ll cum before we get to the good part.”

Yuuri smiled cheekily, “So the talking was dirty enough.”

Viktor laughed and kissed Yuuri again, “Yes, and it’s all my fault. This is what Eros does to a man,” Yuuri looked up at Viktor who had a look of adoration on his features, “Are you prepared enough, my love?”

Yuuri nodded enthusiastically, “Yes.”

Viktor took more lube and coating his erection with a few quick strokes before lining up to Yuuri’s entrance. The moment Yuuri felt the breach of Viktor’s erection in his hole he let out a moan of pure ecstasy. He was more than ready, his body open and yearning to be filled. He begged for more as Viktor slowly slid into Yuuri’s heat, never being able to say no to him. The weeks without Viktor had been difficult for Yuuri,  but everything was better now as he felt the love of his life fully sit inside of him.

Viktor began to thrust into Yuuri with a quicker pace, pulling a pleasured cry from Yuuri’s lips with each movement. Viktor may have been the only man that Yuuri had ever had, but the dark haired man knew deep down he could never get better than this. It reminded Yuuri of their first time after Yuuri’s first competition. They were running on the thrill of Yuuri’s first place and the happiness and love that had grown in the four months since they first had met. It had transformed into a mess of limbs and passionate kisses the moment they arrived back in Hasetsu. It was their first trial, to test the waters of what their relationship could be, much the same way their life mirrored now.

That thought gave Yuuri a drive he rarely had the capability to control as he pulled Viktor by the small of his back and pushed him even closer, gaining a new angle for the Russian skater to continue to pound him. Yuuri could barely make out his words, Russian, English or Japanese, so he settled for heavy breathing with scattered encouragements here and there to Viktor. He knew he was reaching his climax when he felt warmth beginning to pool in the pit of his stomach, his body beginning to flare to life. Yuuri reached for his erection and tugged it in tune to Viktor’s thrusts.

“Yuuri…” Viktor breathed, his head resting against Yuuri’s neck as he laid bruising kisses to the skin, “I’m… so close…” Yuuri could feel it, too. Viktor’s thrusts had become irregular in timing but no less in ferver.

Yuuri nodded as he continued to moan Viktor’s name until it became closer to a prayer or praise each time it left his lips. A few final tugs to his erection, and Yuuri soon came with Viktor’s name on his lips, his breath barely able to enter and exit his lungs as he gasped for air. The sound of Yuuri’s climax must have sent Viktor over the edge, because Yuuri felt as the Russian’s hot seed coated his insides, the two lovers riding out their climaxes together.

With wobbly arms Viktor finally collapsed next to Yuuri, the two still tied together as one body, their heartbeats beating out of control as they clung to each other. Viktor eventually began smiling like an idiot and kissed Yuuri who couldn’t deny his lover anything. Yuuri laughed as he threw an arm over his eyes, “That was amazing,” He breathed.

“Worth the wait?” Viktor asked with the same heart-shaped smile that Yuuri had always loved.

“Is that even a question?” Yuuri asked him with an equally happy smile. He leaned over and kissed Viktor’s lush lips and moaned when Viktor pulled himself out of Yuuri. “I missed you,” He told Viktor, as he leaned over Viktor in order to look down at his fiance.

Viktor played with Yuuri’s hair absent-mindedly, his eyes unfocused on anything in particular. Yuuri wondered what he was thinking about, “Believe me. I missed you more,” He eventually said. Yuuri was about to ask Viktor about all the times when Viktor seemed to be struggling in the past week but Viktor piped up with a happy smile once again, “Care to take a quick shower with me before Yurio comes back?”

Yuuri sat up when he remembered the young skater, “Yurio! I almost forgot about him!”

Viktor laughed as he pulled Yuuri off the bed with him and they gathered their clothes, “Don’t tell the little menace that. He’ll kill you.”

The shower had been a good call by Viktor, for not more than fifteen minutes after their shared shower did Yuri come trudging back into the apartment with Makkachin in-tow. His long blond hair and cheeks were wind whipped from the brisk Russian day but he didn’t appear to take any consideration for it as he threw the bags onto the kitchen counter. “There. The piggy has his fish. Now make me food!” He ordered as he walked away from the couple, not commenting on their mutually wet hair.

Viktor and Yuuri merely rolled their eyes at the sixteen year old. He seemed to be in a better mood than before when the pressure of needing to win the gold medal hung over his head. “Oh,” Yuri continued, “The geezer’s on his way. He’s mad that you didn’t answer your phone so he told me that he was going to come here.”

Yuuri looked at Viktor questioningly, “Who’s the geezer?”

“ _Viktor_ !” Came a yell from the apartment building’s hallway. “Answer the door _NOW_!”

Oh. Yakov.

Yuuri stood in place as Viktor made his way to the door and was barely able to unlock the entrance before Yakov barged into the apartment. The old man looked around the apartment and finally laid his dusty blue eyes on Yuuri. He felt himself shrink as Yakov pointed a pudgy finger towards him. “I should have known this was the reason you skipped practice today!” He grumbled, stepping towards Yuuri but Viktor intercepted him easily.

“Yakov! How nice of you to visit Yuuri on his first day in Russia!” He grinned good-heartedly and wrapped a light arm on his coach’s shoulder, “We were just getting acquainted with the apartment!”

Yakov looked between Viktor and Yuuri, noticing their damp appearances, “I can see that,” He growled, causing an embarrassed blush to grace Yuuri’s cheeks and the other Yuri to gag in disgust.

“ _Ugh_ , I did _not_ need to hear that!” Yuri whined.

“And you!” Yakov now pointed to Yuri. “You weren’t at practice, either! Don’t go thinking you can skip practice just because you have a gold medal, Yurochka.”

“He’s allowed one day to say hello to an old friend, Yakov!” Viktor grinned, trying to reason with his coach.

“Maybe _he_ can. But  _you_ know better than that Viktor Nikiforov. You know how you can be.”

Viktor lost his smile and a similar embarrassed blush appeared on Viktor’s face. It was a look Yuuri had never fully seen before. “He’s not going to miss any practices after this. Nor will I. You knew I had to get Yuuri from the airport. That’s all,” He said evenly.

Yuuri swallowed as he took in the conversation. This was a side of Viktor he never saw. He was fending for himself, his tone somber and upset. Yuuri wanted nothing more than to kick out Yakov and make all of Viktor’s sorrow go away.

“I expect you and you to show up to practice tomorrow early. You’re both staying late, too!” Yakov told Yuri and Viktor. The blond shrugged off the demand like it was nothing but Viktor nodded. The old man gazed at Yuuri one more time before leaving, “And you. I don’t care what you do. Just don’t get in Viktor’s way as a skater.”

Viktor’s jaw set as Yakov left, his gaze steely and intense as he pulled the metal door shut.

“What an asshole,” Yuri grumbled as he sunk lower into the couch and went back to playing on his phone.

Yuuri watched as Viktor made his way back to the kitchen and smiled at Yuuri, though it didn’t touch his eyes. “Are you okay?” Yuuri couldn’t help but ask his fiance.

“Of course,” Viktor replied to him. “Yakov just gets tough when you don’t put skating before everything.”

“But he was so rude!” Yuuri commented as he continued his preparations for the dinner.

Viktor sighed and shrugged, “He has a reason to be. He’s just trying to protect me.”

“From what?” Yuuri couldn’t help but ask with exasperation.

Viktor looked down at the cutting board of assorted vegetables, his hands trembling slightly, “A lot of things, I guess,” He took a deep breath and shook off his bad mood, putting a happy grin on his face, “But nothing to trouble ourselves over, right? I’d rather be full of food than sorrow. Now, how should I cut these carrots, Chef Yuuri?”

Yuuri furrowed his eyebrows, “Viktor, I don’t know about Yakov--”

“It’s really nothing, Yuuri,” Viktor told him with a smile, his eyes begging that the two lovers drop the subject. Yuuri looked over and saw Yuri eyeing the two over the edge of the couch and assented to his fiance. It was a topic for another time. Though it was a topic that Yuuri wasn’t sure of how to approach. There was a reason why Viktor was protecting Yakov, Yuuri just couldn’t understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for everyone who's read the story! I can't thank DomesticProwess enough for her help in my story. If you haven't checked out her work head on over! 
> 
> Next chapter reveals a startling blow about Viktor, so subscribe to get an email when I post! I'm making Sundays my official posting days! 
> 
> Until then, leave a like and a comment for this destitute writer! I love you all!


	3. Told Not to Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Yuri go searching for their spark for their new routines. Nikolai makes an appearance and isn't what Yuuri expected. Viktor's past comes crashing down on Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back everyone! Happy Posting Day!
> 
> There are major warnings in this chapter you should consider before reading! There is an explicit scene at the very end of a past rape that occurred between Viktor and three OCs. If you are sensitive to the topic then I suggest not reading past the scene with Nikolai. 
> 
> I want to thank DomesticProwess again for being the Queen of betas. She has been so helpful in this writing process. Please everyone go read her amazing works.

April 15, 2017

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

“Yuuri! Your left leg is looking sloppy!” Viktor criticised after having landed a perfect triple loop alongside Yuuri. His voice carried throughout the ice rink, the rest of the Russian team snickering at Yuuri’s failure from the sidelines. Yuuri knew his leg was getting tired during his jumps, he could feel it. He was exhausted, but amazed by the fact that Viktor was able to know what he was doing wrong despite working on his own routine. The silver haired Russian’s attentiveness had always astounded the Japanese skater.

“Yeah… sorry.” Yuuri huffed, his breath heavy after practicing for hours without a break. The rest of the Russian team, who were all quite nice despite their bloodthirsty desire to win at everything, had two practices throughout the day, but not Yuuri. The Japanese skater always pushed through without a break and if he was starting to get sloppy, it was because he had worked so much harder than the rest for longer. Yuuri knew it, Viktor knew it, and after a month of skating with the rest of the team they knew it as well.

The month itself was a fast paced one for the couple. The first few weeks flew by as Viktor worked to show Yuuri around the massive city of Saint Petersburg so that he wouldn’t feel lost. After that the weeks that trailed were first and foremost spent working and in perfecting Yuuri’s routines for the new season. He was in love with the idea of having it be ‘Revelations’, and Viktor was completely supportive in his endeavors, but it was much harder to translate on the ice.

The choreography by Viktor and Yuuri was gorgeous and only Yuuri knew how to show its true beauty, but there was an obvious lacking in the emotions. He tried to use different moments in his life where he had a life shattering revelation; like the first time he tried figure skating and knew he loved it, or when he met Viktor and his life turned completely backwards. He tried everything to make it work with the choreography, but the click of realization wasn’t there like it was last year...and he was not going to use his love for pork cutlet bowls again.

Viktor skated over to Yuuri who was leaning against the rail, his breathing heavy as well, causing a slight jolt of pride to run through him. Viktor had taken a break earlier and was still out of breath, and Yuuri was only beginning to feel winded. “Are you tired? You haven’t stopped since we started this morning.”

“I guess I am a little worn out,” Yuuri admitted as he felt his racing pulse on his wrist. He never realised it was getting so high.

“Then sit! You deserve a break!” Viktor smiled as he pressed a kiss to the side of Yuuri’s mouth.

“Viktor! What did I say about public displays of affection while at practice?!” Yakov yelled behind the couple, his voice booming.

Yuri rolled his eyes and pulled his boyfriend Otabek towards the locker room. He had definitely improved in his moods ever since Otabek moved his training rink to Saint Petersburg from Almaty in Kazakhstan. He was still moody and abrasive, but he was a lot calmer due to his boyfriend’s chilled demeanor. It still made Viktor wary that on the side Otabek was a guest DJ at clubs, but Yuuri knew that Otabek was a good kid and he really cared for Yuri.

“But Yuuri has been working so hard! He deserved a reward,” Viktor joked while Yuuri hid his face in embarrassment.

“Wait until you get to the bedroom to reward him!” Mila commented with a laugh.

Yuuri groaned and shook his head. He loved the new ice rink and the comradery of working with other skaters, but he missed desperately the one on one practices in Japan with Viktor. Not for the privacy solely, but also because Viktor was the only one to see him fail or succeed. There were so many eyes on him now. It was something he had to work on in the first few practices even though everyone was more than accommodating to Yuuri. Even now with the odd circumstance of Viktor being a coach and a competitor the rest of the team went with it.

Viktor laughed good naturedly and helped Yuuri off the ice and onto a bench where he helped get the dark haired man get his skates off. “Pay them no mind. They’re just jealous my Yuuri is more talented than them,” Viktor told him with a wide smile.

Yuuri grinned and rolled his eyes, “You’ve said that the past month but it doesn’t change the fact they’re always _lurking_.”

“Pests can do that,” He joked, leaning up to kiss Yuuri but he held a hand up to Viktor’s face.

“I don’t think Yakov is in a good mood, like always… Maybe we should cool it until after practice,” Yuuri told him with a slight chuckle when he saw Viktor’s puppy eyes sadden at the lack of physical intimacy.

“Fine. Instead, I’ll perform my routine for you so everyone can see the love I have for you,” Viktor replied with a coy smile.

Yuuri laughed, “That was so sappy. I think Yuri’s starting to rub off on me with his sour attitude.”

“Well you better get used to it, _moya lyubov_. You know my theme this year is Devotion, and the only person I want to devote my love to is you,” Viktor winked and Yuuri smiled a tight lipped response. Yuuri didn’t want to say that Viktor’s theme for this season was too easy, but in his opinion it was a lot simpler to think of someone to devote everything to.

Viktor could tell Yuuri was thinking of his theme and got closer to Yuuri, placing his hands on either side of Yuuri’s face, “You’ll find what you’re looking for, Yuura. I know it. I can see you searching for your revelation; it’ll come with time.”

Yuuri nodded and smiled weakly. He knew that he wanted this theme to work for him, and it was almost perfect. The only thing that was keeping him at bay was seeing how Yuri was struggling to find his niche as well. He was wrestling with a few different pieces but nothing was inspiring him like the year before. It actually something that the two skaters had been bonding over, and they had been taking time after their practices to go on soul searching quests like the year previous in Hasetsu. They figured since it worked for them last year it would work the same way this time around.

Yuuri looked over and saw Yuri and Otabek walking back into the ice rink. “Yurio! After practice search?” He inquired.

Yuri looked over at the couple, his face set in a hard line, showing just how annoyed he was at his lack in progress. He nodded curtly and Yuuri grinned in response. The month since moving to Russia boded well for the two skaters who bonded more every passing day, a fact that excited Viktor more than anything. Viktor had told Yuuri before moving to Russia that Yuri had grown dependant on Viktor as a mentor and guardian the years before he left for Japan and Yuuri. It explained the blond’s sour mood towards Yuuri when they first met and all the heavy feelings of animosity that had carried into the majority of their previous season together. To the Russian Yuri, it was like someone else was taking away the one person he looked up to the most. It took a long time, but finally Yuri was realizing that Viktor would never fully leave him, that Yuuri wanted to be a part of his life, too.

“Look at that,” Viktor marvelled as he stood to rejoin his coach who was still fuming on the sidelines, “Yurio can be a sweetheart.”

Viktor blew him a kiss in response before making his way back onto the ice. While everything in Russia went well for Yuuri, there was always that lingering unease about Yakov. Yuuri never felt like he treated Viktor the way that he should be treated, always criticizing him, yelling in a threatening voice any chance he got. If he was Yuuri’s coach he never would have gotten anything accomplished. Any chance Yuuri got to ask Viktor about his feelings toward Yakov, the older skater blew it off to discuss other topics, confirming that there was something about Yakov that Viktor didn’t want to tell Yuuri about. It worried Yuuri that there was possibly a connection between Viktor’s off mood the past month and Yakov’s behavior.

Yuuri decided he would ask Yuri about it after their practice as the Japanese man observed his fiance flawlessly land a quad flip. A wave of need ran through Yuuri as he watched Viktor on the ice. Need to get better so that he can adequately skate against him, and need to get him into bed. It was a raging flood of emotions caused by Viktor’s perfection Yuuri that made him want to be better in every way possible. The platinum skater looked over at Yuuri and shined the brightest smile he could muster and Yuuri waved back at him, unable to hold back the love he felt for Viktor.

“Come on, Pork Cutlet Bowl,” Yuri grumbled, hitting Yuuri in the back with his gym bag, “I’m done for the day and your fiance is giving me the creeps with all of his dopey smiles.”

“Sure, Yurio,” Yuuri replied, standing from the bench while never taking his eyes off Viktor. The skating routine came to a flawless finish with Viktor on one knee, his hands clasped together and held high like a prayer, his eyes shining with desire. Yuuri clapped wildly and cheered as Viktor looked over at Yuuri with a smile.

“Keep it in your pants, will you?!” Yuri grabbed Yuuri’s shirt and pulled by the arm, begging him to leave. Viktor noticed the scene and nodded in his approval as Yakov called Viktor over and began his barrage of insults and critiques for the skater and Yuuri sighed. He hoped one day Yakov would compliment Viktor… Or at least tell him he wasn’t completely worthless.

The soul searching brought the two skaters to a park in the middle of Saint Petersburg. The weather, even though spring in season, felt different than Japan. The temperatures were similar, but there was a chill both skaters seemed unable to shake as they perused around the Russian city, donning their heavier jackets. Viktor always joked at their pickiness when it came to them being warm.

Eventually the pair made it to a path that led further into the park. This was the closest thing they’d get to a waterfall experience they had done while in Japan in order to find their spark. They had been on their soul searching quests for weeks without any luck, but they were bound and determined that it would happen eventually.

They walked in silence for over an hour, looking out to the universe to help them find their inspiration for their routines. It was frustrating trying to find something that that was so badly needed and yet it couldn’t be found. The two walked past a mother and her young baby on a bench and Yuri quickly looked away. His eyes cast downward and he pursed his lips, “You know, I don’t really remember my mom.”

“No?” Yuuri asked, careful about the new territory he was finding himself in with Yuri.

“My Grandpa says I look like her, though.”

There was a catch to Yuri’s voice, and when Yuuri looked over at his companion it was evident that the younger boy was emotional at the topic. He must really miss his mom. “Do you want to go home, Yuri?”

Yuri nodded silently and they wordlessly made their way back to Lilia’s home. It was slightly out of the way for Yuuri, but it was obvious that Yuri needed the company.

“Hey, Yurio?” Yuuri asked, breaking the long held silence on their way to Lilia’s house.

“Yeah?” Yuri muttered through the density of his coat.

“How long as Yakov been your coach?” Yuuri asked. He needed to get Yuri’s opinion on the Russian coach, maybe he knew something that Yuuri didn’t about Viktor’s relationship with him.

Yuri shrugged but thought about the answer, “Five years,” He replied after a brief moment.

“And… do you think he’s a nice guy?” Yuuri asked.

“No.” Yuri replied honestly, “But he’s a great coach. Better than most. So we all stick with him,” Yuuri didn’t respond, his gut still clenching about his feelings towards Viktor and Yuri’s coach. “You don’t like him.” Yuri stated.

Yuuri tucked himself further into his coat, “He’s so mean to Viktor.”

Yuri laughed darkly, “Viktor needs it sometimes. He gets too in his head and he needs someone to pull him back to Earth. Yakov might not be nice but he knows how to treat Viktor when he’s lost.”

“What kind of lost?” Yuuri asked, his tone curious with a mix of condescending. Sure Viktor could be a goof sometimes, but it was never like he deserved to have someone on his case like Yakov did.

“I don’t know exactly. I’ve heard rumours, though. Stories about Viktor before I met him…”

Yuuri’s heart pounded in his chest, “What kind of stories?”

“He hasn’t told you anything?” Yuri asked, shocked.

“No? Yurio, what is it?”

Yuri was quiet for a moment, like he was pondering what he wanted to say, “Well, there was talk a long time ago that Viktor--”

“Yurochka!” Came a booming voice from behind the two skaters as they approached the street of Lilia’s house, instantly breaking the tension that was so built up between them. Yuri wanted more than anything to tell the person to go away because he was _so close_ to finding out about Viktor, but upon the two turning around they discovered an older male with a stocky build. Though he was older in years there was an aura about him that screamed _Don’t mess with me_.

He looked familiar to Yuuri, but it was answered immediately when Yuri exclaimed, “Grandpa?!” Yuri ran towards the older man and embraced him tightly in a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“You forgot that I was coming to pick you up?” The old man asked, his tone joking but a seriousness lingering on his words.

“No! Of course not!” Yuri chuckled nervously, trying to fix his wording, “I meant, why did you come so early? You were supposed to get me tonight.”

“Sometimes a grandpa wants to spend more time with his grandchild!” He chuckled in a low baritone and then made contact with Yuuri who had remained further away, not wanting to interrupt Yuri with his grandpa. “You must be Yuuri Katsuki from Japan.”

Yuuri swallowed and walked up carefully to the older man, “Yes. Nice to meet you. I skate with Yuri.”

A firm hand was held out for Yuuri to take, “Nikolai Plisetsky.” The two shook hands, though much of it was coordinated by Nikolai who Yuuri could tell had a very demanding personality. Yuri, who was normally brazen and outspoken by nature, was the complete opposite now. Yuuri watched as Yuri continued to smile at his grandpa but did so in a quiet and introspective way. The closest Yuuri had gotten to seeing it was the look Yuri would sometimes wear when he was performing his Agape routine. He wondered if that was who he had dedicated his Agape to last season.

Yuuri took his hand back and stuffed it into his padded coat, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Plisetsky.”

“Nikolai, please!” Yuri’s grandpa requested with a smile.

Yuuri gave a slight smile in return but let Yuri continue the conversation, “I thought you couldn’t come to Saint Petersburg because of your back so you had to limit your mobility.”

“Well, my back has better days, and this is one of them. I talked to Yakov and he gave you permission to take tomorrow off so we can have a couple days in Moscow together.”

Yuri’s eyes widened, “But I was going to ride the train back tomorrow tonight! I haven’t stayed at your apartment in years. Ever since…” Yuri  looked at Yuuri, a slight blush creeping on his face. He changed his topic of conversation after that. “And I can’t miss two practices in a row, I’m still trying to work on my routine for this season.”

Nikolai furrowed his eyebrows, “So you’re saying I wasted money in buying you a ticket?”

Yuri immediately stopped his worried speech, “No, you didn’t. I’ll go. I just need to get my things from Lilia’s house.”

“No need. I have it waiting for us so we can leave right now for the station.” Nikolai looked over to Yuuri, “I trust that you’ll be okay to get home from here by yourself?” He asked in concern.

“Oh. Yes!” Yuuri looked over and saw in the slight distance that his apartment building stood tall against the Saint Petersburg skyline. “I just live in that tall apartment building over there. It won’t be far.”

Nikolai peered towards the direction Yuuri was pointing to and raised his eyebrows, “How can you afford to live in a place like that?”

Yuuri blushed hard, “I--”

“He lives with Viktor Nikiforov, Grandpa.” Yuri told Nikolai. “They’re engaged.”

Nikolai laughed, but Yuuri didn’t quite know what was so funny. “I should have known. Viktor always liked the nice things in life.”

Both the Russian and Japanese Yuuri looked at Nikolai in confusion, “You know Viktor, Nikolai?” Yuuri asked.

“I’ve seen him perform before, yes,” Nicolai responded, pulling Yuri closer to him, “The first time I ever took Yuri to a professional skating competition was the 2006 Grand Prix Finals! He was just a little thing, but already he was interested in skating! So, what does a Grandfather do? He takes his grandchild to go see the best of the best! I’ve been a fan of Viktor’s ever since.”

Yuuri wondered if Nikolai was always slightly off-putting, but glancing over at his companion it was evident that Yuri was uncomfortable by his grandfather. He wanted to make sure that Yuri was okay leaving with Nikolai before he left, his need to protect surging forward within him, but the older man took things into his own hands after no one spoke for a moment. Nikolai came closer to the two and Yuuri could smell the bitter sting of a recently extinguished cigarette, instantly drawing Yuuri away. The smell had always disgusted him.

“Well, we should get going, Yurochka,” Nikolai told Yuri, grabbing his jacket sleeve by the wrist and pulling him closer to his grandpa.

“Yuri, you’ll be back soon?” Yuuri asked worriedly.

Yuri began to speak but Nikolai responded with a smile, “Oh yes! So soon you won’t even know he was gone! Come on, Yuri. We have a train to catch at two and my back is starting to hurt.”

“Okay, Grandpa,” Yuri said, his voice quiet. The two exchanged glances as Nikolai pulled them away.

“Oh, Yuuri!” Nikolai stopped and turned to see the Japanese skater, “I hope to see you soon.” He smiled once more and began to pull Yuri away.

Why couldn’t Yuuri have done something? His gut clenched as he began his way back to his apartment with Viktor, his mind running at blinding speeds as he took in his encounter with Yuri’s grandpa. The strong personalities were strong in the Plisetsky family, but there was something different about Nikolai. Viktor had told Yuuri once that Yuri had to live with his father after his mother took her own life. He said that it would be Yuri’s story to tell, but Yuuri never could muster up the courage to ask about his friend’s past. All he knew was that his his father wasn’t a great role model to have in his life.

Yuuri’s emotions ran high as he thought of the two men that meant so much to him. Viktor was clearly hurting from something in his past and Yuri obviously didn’t have the best upbringing either. It made Yuuri feel so fortunate to have such long and caring family members. It had been just under a week since he has spoken to his family and he missed speaking to them. Minako wouldn’t leave him alone, and Yoko was so sweet about not giving Yuuri a guilt trip for not speaking as often as they used to. They both were beyond busy.

Yuuri sent a quick text to Viktor asking when he’d be home as he was on the brink of entering the apartment building. The Russian skater replied almost immediately, saying he was about to finish up soon and that he’d be home within the next hour or two. Yuuri thought about making a nice dinner for them instead of leftovers, but his mind couldn’t take itself from the odd day he had with meeting Yuri’s grandpa.

He wondered if Yurio was okay and went to text him when he bumped into something in front of his apartment door. Yuuri looked down and saw a manilla envelope with his name written on it. Furrowing his eyebrows, the Japanese skater bent down and picked up the foreign object. Was this something Viktor sent to him? It wasn’t Viktor’s handwriting, Yuuri noticed as he continued to inspect the object. It wasn’t heavy, but when he shook it there was an evident shifting of something solid in the envelope.

Yuuri took the envelope and entered the empty apartment, the envelope making him very curious as he shrugged off his coat. Maybe it was a surprise from Viktor? Yuuri took a deep breath and broke the seal of the envelope and gazed inside. It looked as if there were a few pieces of paper with images on it and a case with a CD inside. Yuuri picked up the case which had a blank disk much like the ones he’d use for his music routines. On the cover it said “Watch Alone” in an unfamiliar penmanship.

 _What did Viktor get me?_ Yuuri mused to himself and he turned the case over to see if there were any clues to the hidden contents of the disk, but there were none.

Yuuri wandered into the living room and inserted the CD into the DVD player, but didn’t press play yet as he continued sifting through the rest of the envelope. He wanted to see what the pieces of paper were first before delving into what could only be something that Viktor had sent him. It was out of the ordinary for Viktor to give something to Yuuri without him being there, because he enjoyed giving the present as much as seeing the other person receiving it, but he didn’t question Viktor.

As he took out the pieces of paper, the first was nearly blank beside a short message:

 

_Yuuri,_

_You deserve to know what you’re getting into. Viktor did._

 

Yuuri’s heart began to race, his gut telling him something was very wrong once he realised this was not from Viktor. With trembling fingers Yuuri tore the page away to reveal the image beneath him, and as he did his breath stopped in his throat as he saw its contents. The image was a grainy one but it was clear as day what the picture contained: Viktor.

He was much younger as this point, easily ten years younger with his long silky platinum hair thrown haphazardly into a messy bun as he knelt forward on a table with a line of cocaine just beneath him. His nose was whiter than his pale skin and his eyes were glazed from the intense high he appeared to be riding on. The people around him were wearing similar expensive clothing, and Yuuri concluded they were in an expensive house filled with wealthy people. The year was displayed at the bottom of the image and it read 2006.

Though he didn’t want to, he went to the next image and his heart stopped. The year was still the same at the bottom of the image, but Viktor was nearly unrecognizable. He wore dramatic makeup across his face which was smeared and almost nightmarish, his face was looking up and his tongue sticking out as a man’s fully erect cock hung heavily near his cheek. Someone was standing behind him and holding him in place as he was tied with his arms behind his back and his legs together to prevent him from moving. Viktor looked pained in the process but his eyes were wide and unfocused, it was obvious that he was high, most likely from the cocaine in the previous image.

Moving to grab the remote, Yuuri looked up at his television through heavy tears and hesitantly pressed play, needing some sort of explanation for what he had just seen, but afraid of what the video might show him. This was not the Viktor he knew. His Viktor would never do drugs, or record himself having sex, or what looked like nonconsensual sex.

Pressing play started the video of the image Yuuri had just seen. Viktor was splayed on a bed with his arms and legs bound tightly. His eyes were hazy as he looked around in a dazed panic for some sort of escape. He was mumbling something in Russian, but Yuuri couldn’t understand it. In the background there was laughing from men and it sent shivers down Yuuri’s spine.

Yuuri watched in absolute horror as three nude men approached Viktor, their cocks filling with every stroke, their laughters continuing to echo in the dark, dingy bedroom. Viktor tried nudging them away but they were everywhere, and his body was pulled tight by the bonds. He was pushed down onto the mattress by the three men and Yuuri heard Viktor whimper at their rough hands.

“What is it?” One man asked mockingly in Russian. He spat on Viktor’s face and the silver haired man whimpered loudly again, “Can’t wait for me to fuck you up the ass?”

Yuuri wanted to throw up.

“I think he wants my fat cock in his mouth,” Another man replied with a smirk and without preamble he shoved himself in Viktor’s mouth, the younger man barely able to let out a scream.

The two other men laughed at Viktor’s pained expression as they tormented Viktor’s body. One man played with Viktor’s nipples while the other took Viktor’s ass and began spanking it with all of his strength. Viktor cried out in pain as another man continued to thrust his dick in his mouth. When he pulled out to readjust himself Viktor whispered, “ _Please…_ _stop…_ He won’t like this… You have to wear protection!” Tears were running readily down his face, his makeup smearing to the point of recognition of the photo.

“He can go fuck himself,” The man who was hitting Viktor griped, swinging down his hand and slapping Viktor across the face. “Actually, I might as well fuck you in the meantime, right?” And then he shoved himself into Viktor’s hole, unprepared. The scream Yuuri heard was nothing he had ever witnessed in his life and he knew he would go to his deathbed never being able to forget that tragic sound.

The camera zoomed into the man’s thrusting and blood coated his cock as he set a punishing pace inside Viktor. The look on Viktor’s face when the camera panned up to him was pure torture as he continued to scream through the pain. Continued pleas of _stop_ and _help_ echoed from his red stained lips but eventually one of the men circled their fists around Viktor’s neck and squeezed, effectively silencing Viktor as he suffered for air.

“ _Slut…_ ” One of the men seethed in a thick Russian accent.

Yuuri couldn’t take anymore. He fumbled desperately with the remote, pressing any button he could find before the television turned black and the apartment was filled with complete silence. Yuuri felt the familiarity of a panic attack greet him and he welcomed it gladly. He dropped to the floor and began screaming through his tears. _Just like Vitya did in the video_ , a voice told him and he began to shake uncontrollably.

“No… no… make it stop! Viktor! _Viktor_!” Yuuri pleaded as he shook on the floor, his hands fisted into tight balls, unable to push the images out of his head of the young Viktor in the photos and the videos.

What was that?

How did he get to that point?

Who was that Viktor Nikiforov?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of the chapter? How do you think this will affect Yuuri and Viktor's relationship? I want to know what you think in the comments below! 
> 
> Until then, have a happy Sunday and an amazing weekend! Love to all. :)


	4. But Beauty is Rarely Shielded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri thought his worst fear had come true in finding Viktor's video. And then Viktor comes home and everything changes for the two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Posting Day! Thank you so much for the response that was given for the last chapter! I love conversing with everyone! 
> 
> Nothing in this chapter is explicit, so there's no need for any warnings! 
> 
> Thanks again to DomesticProwess who keeps me in line with this fic! She's the absolute best, but everyone knows that!
> 
> Enjoy! See you next Sunday!

April 15th, 2017

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

The screaming never stopped. Yuuri couldn’t tell if it was his own voice or his memory of the video on repeat as his world continued to spin out of control. He wanted to claw his eyes out, never wanting to see such horror in his life again, especially those pertaining to the one person he’s chosen above all others. Viktor was loyal, he was loving, and above all he was _good_. He was a good person, who had achieved great things. 

_ I bet he did those things to get to the top _ , Yuuri’s anxiety whispered in his ear, but Yuuri gritted his teeth further and willed the dark thoughts from his mind. There was no need for Viktor to sleep around just to rise to the top of the skating world. It was evident just from watching Viktor for half of Yuuri’s life that he was clearly at the top, because he was the most talented. There was never any competition to be had. Even in 2015 at the Sochi Grand Prix Finals, Viktor’s gold medal score was nearly one hundred points higher than Yuuri’s last place shame. 

However, now the terrible thoughts and questions about the dubious moments in Viktor’s life before he met Yuuri were countless to the Japanese man. He was willing to overlook the fact that Viktor wasn’t too keen to divulge about his past, because not everything needs to be said if what was important was the future. It didn’t stop the questions from forming in his head. Yuuri wanted to forget he ever touched the envelope, but there was no denying he was living in the post-video world. He would forever know that he had seen Viktor in that time of his life, and now he wanted to know what brought him to that point.

Yuuri physically hurt for Viktor, who had looked so young and vulnerable, his hair still long and glorious. He wondered if at the time Viktor was in the midst of questioning what he wanted in life; if he knew at the time he was gay and proud or still hiding it from the world, if he was secure in himself to display both his strong masculinity and his delicate femininity, never feeling like he had to be either gender. Viktor was a bright and shining revolution to the world which was so drab and colorless. He was full of life and love even if he didn’t know it himself… And Yuuri watched it get ripped out of him through piercing shrieks and desperate cries for help. 

With trembling fingers Yuuri was able to find stability on the familiar fabric of the couch in their apartment. The room had finally stopped spinning after Yuuri’s screams dulled into sobbing. He cried because he was scared at the new information he received about Viktor. He cried because Viktor never told him. He cried because he couldn’t have protected Viktor... Though, he knew if it was possible to turn back the clocks, Yuuri would to do it to save Viktor from ever getting hurt. He began sobbing even harder when he realised that he was going to make Viktor remember that horrible night, or any night that resembled that from his past. He wished he could do something, anything, to make him forget what he had seen he’d do it without question.

With a startling revelation Yuuri knew that Viktor would be home at any moment. He told Yuuri that they would have a quiet night together, it would have been so peaceful and calming, but now everything was backwards. Yuuri gingerly sat up and looked around the apartment and noticed how much darker it had gotten since he last remembered. His heart began racing faster, knowing it wouldn’t be long before Viktor would come home and would demand to know why Yuuri was upset. Yuuri could barely lie on a good day, let alone try to keep something like this from Viktor.  

But now that Yuuri knew, he couldn’t deny that he wanted to know more. Viktor had been high off cocaine, there was no questioning it. The picture showed it clearly what he was doing.  A part of Yuuri felt like he knew this part of Viktor existed. The short memory capability and his weaker stamina despite being trained for over a decade in the sport were obvious signs. There was a period of time in Viktor’s life where it seemed as if he had disappeared without a trace, only to appear years later as if out of nowhere. With this new information,  it made sense to Yuuri that during that time was when Viktor fell victim to the world of drugs. 

It was years after Yuuri had become infatuated with Viktor that the Russian skater had fallen off the tracks much to Yuuri’s dismay. It was after the 2005 Grand Prix Finals that Viktor became quiet, and everyone assumed it was because of his horrific injury he sustained in his free skate. Viktor was in first place after winning the gold for the first time the year previous at the age of sixteen and everyone was rooting for him. He was a beautiful young man and he had a heart of gold. The whole world was at his fingertips.

His free program was a daring concept, one that Yuuri couldn’t even begin to try to repeat at the young age of thirteen let alone a trained professional. Viktor dared to put a final quad flip at the very end of his routine, attempting to land the jump and then finish with a flare to the audience. It would have been difficult even for a seasoned veteran to accomplish it, but Viktor had managed it throughout the Grand Prix series without any major flaws. 

It wasn’t until the last few seconds, right after he had entered the jump did everyone know, including Yuuri who was watching from his television at home, that he didn’t get enough speed going into the jump. Viktor had landed incorrectly and snapped his ankle upon landing, sending him crashing to the ice. His knee took the brunt of the impact and there was an audible snap as he collapsed. The crowd began screaming in panic at their golden skater finally breaking his perfect facade. 

Being the ever persistent skater that he was he managed to end his routine though he received deductions for the fall. Yuuri remembered watching with Yuko, and the both of them crying as reporters buzzed about how Viktor was rushed immediately to the hospital. Viktor put on a brave smile when he saw that despite the fall and the deductions his flawless first performance garnished him a gold medal, if only by the smallest margin. That year Viktor wasn’t able to stand on the podium and receive his medal. 

It was months before anyone heard about Viktor. Even then, it was a media released statement by Yakov that Viktor’s leg was much worse than expected and wouldn’t be able to compete the next year. Yuuri had been devastated at the news, wanting nothing more than to see his idol return to the ice. As the years passed and Viktor stayed away from the ice. The Russian skater seemed to transform into a myth to Yuuri, something that he dreamed up one lonely night when he pictured his ideal soulmate. 

Yuuri came to the realisation that Viktor’s leg injury had been the turning point in his career, something that most likely drew him to the horrible moments in his life that had been captured by the photograph next to him on the couch or the video he had be unable to stop watching. Yuuri wanted nothing more than to know everything, but how could he ask Viktor to relive that part of his past? 

Shakily, Yuuri got to his feet and made his way to the lights in order to illuminate the dark apartment. The shock of the lights hurt Yuuri’s eyes as he blinked away the sudden brightness that greeted his eyes. He had to go about his business like nothing ever happened. Maybe prepare a nice meal for the two to eat despite the fact that the couple agreed to simply do leftovers for the night. It was something Yuuri would willingly do to distract himself, his body still trembling from the shock of everything. 

As he entered the kitchen the lock to the front door rattled and Yuuri knew that Viktor was home. His breath came in short spurts as he busied himself hurriedly with different assortment of foods, not looking to make anything in particular. He couldn’t control the shaking in his body, but he hoped that Viktor wouldn’t notice. 

The door opened to reveal Viktor who looked as he always did after a practice. His hair was slightly matted to his forehead from the run back to the apartment, his gym bag strapped around his broad shoulders and his t-shirt hung close to his body. He wore a happy smile on his face when he saw Yuuri, his eyes lighting up and his whole demeanor lifted up. It contrasted so much with the dimly lit gaze of the cocaine high that Yuuri now couldn’t get out of his head. 

_ Stop it, _ Yuuri chastised himself.  _ Stop thinking about it _ ...  _ Stop thinking about it. _

“Yuuri!” Viktor grinned, “How are you, my love?”

“Fine!” Yuuri piped up, his voice high pitched and off. He cleared his throat as Viktor toed off his shoes and busied himself in the walk-in space. “How was practice? Yakov go any easier on you?” 

Viktor shrugged with a smile, “Not really, but sometimes you need that push to make you even better. But he knew that I was winded from helping you with your program so he only gave me smaller things to work with for my program,” Viktor looked over to the kitchen and noticed the ingredients Yuuri had laid out on the counter. “Oh, we’re making dinner? I thought we were going easy tonight.”

Yuuri took in a shuddering breath and attempted a haphazard shrug, “I don’t mind. I wasn’t busy…”

Viktor took out his phone and began typing away at several messages. Yuuri assumed it was the large assortment of sponsors for either himself or Viktor. “Did you find your inspiration with Yurio today?” He asked offhandedly, his eyes fixated on the small screen.

Yuuri completely forget that was even today. It seemed so long ago, “Not yet. I think it’s really getting to Yuri. And then he was really thrown off when his Grandpa came to get him--” 

Viktor made eye contact with Yuuri and his smile disappeared, “Yuri’s Grandpa? Yuuri, did he say something to you?” Viktor must have noticed Yuuri’s puffy face because he instantly dropped his phone, “Yuuri, what’s wrong? You’re upset!” Viktor bounded over to Yuuri and took his face gently in his hands. “Tell me what’s wrong. What did he say to you!” He spoke urgently.

Yuuri closed his eyes but the images instantly brought him back to the present. He jumped away from Viktor who looked even more hurt. “It’s nothing, Vitya,” Yuuri told him merely above a whisper. “He didn’t say anything. I just wanted to make you something really nice for dinner.”

“Yuuri,” Viktor said seriously, his eyes full of hurt, “Something is wrong you and you aren’t telling me. Why can’t you tell me?”

“It’s really nothing, Vitya. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Viktor looked like he wanted to argue further but he never brought it up, “Well, if you insist…”

Yuuri nodded eagerly, “I do! I’ll be done with dinner soon. I just have to throw something together.”

Viktor still looked confused as he watched Yuuri busy himself with a meal but he never brought it up. Yuuri watched as Viktor turned away and walked towards the living room. “Why’s the remote on the floor?” Viktor asked with a slight chuckle. 

It took Yuuri a second before he registered what Viktor had said when a loud scream erupted from Viktor’s mouth. But it wasn’t the Viktor standing in the living room. It was Viktor was from the video. In the short spare seconds it took Yuuri to register what was happening, Viktor had turned on the television, instantly replaying the video.

“VIKTOR, NO!” Yuuri cried as he dropped everything from the kitchen, dishes crashing to the floor in shattering pieces and he ran for Viktor. He looked up to see Viktor who was frozen in horror as the video continued to play. 

Yuuri ripped the remote from Viktor’s immobilized hand and quickly turned the television off once again, the apartment returning to silence which hung like a noose around their necks. Viktor’s face was transfixed in a look of absolute terror, his eyes unblinking but his body became tense. 

“How did you find this?” He spoke low and evenly. It wasn’t a tone Viktor ever used before. It was guarded and afraid.

“I don’t know,” Yuuri whispered and he realised he had begun crying again. “There was an envelope outside our apartment with my name on it when I got home today…” He took a shuddering breath as he spoke through his sobs, “I thought you had gotten me something and then I saw the pictures--”

“Pictures?!” Viktor interrupted, his frozen body finally moving to look at Yuuri. It was evident he was terrified. His eyes wandered to the couch where the photos were sitting by the envelope, a quick intake of breath escaped his lips when he saw the content of the pictures. He ran passed Yuuri and grabbed the photos, his back to Yuuri who was still in shock. 

He looked to Viktor who was trembling visibly and moved to put a hand gently on Viktor’s back, hoping to soothe him, “Viktor?” Yuuri asked, not knowing what the question was.  _ What was happening? What was that? Who sent that to me? _

Viktor shrunk away from Yuuri’s touch and when he finally looked at Yuuri he was readily crying. It was only the second time since knowing Viktor that Yuuri had seem him in such an emotional state. But this time it was so much worse. This was a the-world-is-coming-to-an-end cry. A cry where there was nothing left to do but to cry more. “I sent the check to him…” Viktor sobbed as he crumpled the pictures in his grasp, whether on accident or on purpose was up for interpretation. “He said he wouldn’t release them if I paid him…” Viktor collapsed to the floor in anguish, his cries echoing throughout the apartment. 

“Viktor!” Yuuri exclaimed as he ran to Viktor. He dropped to the floor and covered himself over Viktor’s trembling body. The older man began to scream in panic despite Yuuri’s attempts to calm him. It dawned on Yuuri that Viktor was having a massive panic attack. 

“Viktor, Viktor, it’s okay!” Yuuri tried to tell him, but Viktor continued his cries. “Vitya, please. You’re okay!”

“HE PROMISED!” Viktor screamed, scaring Yuuri to the point of stopping his soothing rubs on Viktor’s back. “HE  _ PROMISED _ .” He repeated like a mantra. 

“Who promised?” Yuuri asked, his breathing shaky as he regarded his fiance breakdown. 

“The man who ruined my life,” Viktor managed through sobs, “He had been blackmailing me since I returned to Russia… He said that he was going to tell you about my past unless I paid him every month. Yuuri…” He looked up at Yuuri with bleak eyes and in that moment Yuuri had never felt more helpless and weak. “You were never supposed to know I was like that. I didn’t want you to hate me,” His self loathing radiated from Viktor as he curled into himself, as if he was attempting to protect himself from the massive trauma that was ripping through his body. 

Yuuri clung tighter to Viktor’s shaking frame, “Vitya,” Yuuri whispered through his tears, “I could never hate you… don’t ever think that.”

“But...but you’re crying, and I knew you were upset when I got home. You must hate me, especially after everything you saw…” Viktor replied.

“I’m scared of what I saw. That is not the Viktor I know.” 

Viktor looked up at Yuuri, his eyes desperate and wild, “Yuuri, you have to believe me when I say that was a completely different person. I was young, naive, and I trusted all the wrong people,” Viktor reached up and held Yuuri’s hand in a firm grasp, “That night was one of the worst nights of my life. Please… believe me…” 

Yuuri’s heart told him that Viktor was telling the truth. His fiance had never lied to him, but this was a whole new territory for the Japanese skater. Yuuri had completely uprooted his life for Viktor, moved to a different country so that they could better their careers, and at the end of the day Yuuri knew almost nothing about Viktor’s life if it didn’t concern figure skating. 

With a startling revelation, Yuuri realised that he was somewhat responsible for this happening. Viktor had been so content and happy when they were living in Japan, and the moment Yuuri decided they were moving to Russia he began to look more anxious. Yuuri assumed it was the stress of the move, but he knew now it was Viktor’s stress over his past, and his fear of being forced to face everything again. Never once did Viktor mention missing Russia, or wanting to go back, it was all in Yuuri’s head that his fiance wasn’t happy in Japan. 

The anxiety that Yuuri could feel creeping into his system made him want to push away, but if there was anything that Viktor had changed about Yuuri in the year that they’ve known each other, it was that Yuuri was stronger now. He could face his anxiety and fear even when he was scared beyond wit. Viktor had shown him how to be brave, and now he had to be brave for his fiance who was still sobbing beneath him. 

“I believe you,” Yuuri took a deep breath and pulled Viktor into his embrace, “Of course I believe you. I just wish you had told me about it. You know I wouldn’t love you any less”

“I should have…” Viktor agreed eventually.

“Who were you sending money to?” Yuuri asked. “Someone was blackmailing you?”

Viktor nodded against Yuuri’s neck, “The man who recruited me when I was seventeen.”

“Was this after you broke your leg at the Grand Prix Finals in 2005?”

Viktor looked at Yuuri and the younger skater blushed. His inner fangirl was showing. Eventually Viktor nodded, “Yes, and I haven’t seen him in years. I have a restraining order against him, but he’s a powerful man. He knew that I was back in Russia and began making contact with me again though different means. He told me that if I didn’t send him money that he’d tell not only  _ you _ about everything I did but he’d release the photos to the  _ world _ . Yuuri, if that happened I would lose my career, our livelihood. I would bring you down with me, and I refuse to let that happen.” 

The terror in Viktor’s voice told Yuuri that he was genuine in his belief that this man, whoever he was, was out there somewhere threatening to strike at any moment. Yuuri immediately became protective of his fiance, his arms wrapped tightly around the older man’s shaking body, a new drive in life pushing him forward to be as strong as he could possibly manage. Viktor used to be the one who shielded Yuuri from the world when everything became too much, and now it was Yuuri’s chance to care for Viktor. 

The couple sat in silence, their breathing evening out eventually. Yuuri played with Viktor’s silver strands and he felt the older man relax to the touch. With Viktor in Yuuri’s arms, they continued to contemplate the new information that was revealed to him tonight. Yuuri had to admit that he was afraid, but not of Viktor. He was afraid  _ for _ him. There was so much that Yuuri didn’t know, and therefore had no way of protecting Viktor until now. 

“I’ll tell you everything…” Viktor said, effectively breaking the silence as he lifted his head from Yuuri’s shoulder and looking him in the eyes. His eyes were red and puffy and his hair was in complete disarray, but damn if Yuuri still didn’t think that Viktor was the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. 

“You don’t have to tell me if it’ll upset you…” Yuuri told him, though it was obvious that he was desperately curious. 

“You want to know,” Viktor replied, his tone understanding. “I’ve already dragged you down into what my past self was like, you have the right to know what brought me to that point and why you should believe me when I tell you that before I met you I was no one.” 

“Don’t say such things, Viktor,” Yuuri softly chastised.

Viktor cracked a small smile for the first and only time that night. “I told you that I’ll tell you everything. A lot of my past was self-loathing. I still deal with it today, but you’ve helped so much with that already, Yuuri. I hated everything that I was and skating was the only thing that saved me from my downward spiral. And after so many years I couldn’t find joy in it anymore. The year before I met you I was without inspiration or joy for the one thing that made me feel important. And then I met you, Yuuri. Everything changed that night in Sochi.” 

Yuuri had heard such words uttered from Viktor’s lips but never before had they carried so much meaning behind it. Yuuri leaned in and kissed Viktor lightly on the lips, not wanting to ruin the moment with words. Tonight was dedicated to Viktor and whatever he felt necessary to share with Yuuri about his past. 

Viktor dropped his eyes and a slight blush appeared on his cheeks, “Can we sit on the couch when I tell you? It’s a very long story...” 

Yuuri nodded and they moved to the couch. Yuuri was the first to sit down on the plush sofa and wrapped a blanket around his midsection, getting as comfortable as possible. He expected Viktor to sit as close as possible to Yuuri but instead the Russian skater sat on the opposite side of the couch. When Yuuri looked confused Viktor replied, “I’m still working off my panic attack. For right now I think I need space to calm down.” 

“Whatever you need, Vitya,” Yuuri replied, respecting Viktor’s wish. Yuuri was completely different when it came to panic attacks. He always needed Viktor to comfort him and invade his personal space so that he knew that he wasn’t going anywhere. Yuuri could tell that Viktor was unlike him in so many ways. 

“Yuuri, never in a million years would I think that I could deserve you,” Viktor spoke with sad eyes. “I hope by the end of this you won’t think any less of me,” Yuuri began to contradict what Viktor had said but Viktor cut him off, “No, I don’t want you to say something you’ll regret later. What I’ve done in my past, many things illegal, are things I can never take back. They’ll be with me forever. Once I tell you, it’ll be with you, too. Do you want to live with that knowledge?” He asked softly. His wording was never crass or harsh towards Yuuri, only tired and sad. 

“I can handle it, Viktor,” Yuuri spoke with certainty. “We’re going to be married one day. I want to know everything about you. Even if it’s the bad things. For better or for worse.” 

Viktor’s eyes lit up slightly at the mention of their future wedding, but they quickly returned to their previously dull and panicked state, focused on the task at hand. “I’ll start with my childhood in Moscow… I was introduced to the world of skating when I was seven…”


	5. And so He Slowly Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into the first eight years of Viktor's skating career. Even forces of light must go through intense pressure of darkness in order to shine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Posting Day my lovelies! I hope you week was wonderful!
> 
> A few trigger warnings for this chapter. There is description of emotional and physical abuse from a mentor of Viktor's. There are also homophobic language. 
> 
> Thank you for all the responses! I love everyone so much for your committing to this story of mine! I want to thank again my favorite ever, DomesticProwess. She always knows what this story needs. She's the absolute best.
> 
> See you next Sunday!

1995

Moscow, Russia

 

“Mama, I don’t want to go to Saint Petersburg!” Viktor cried into his mother’s fur coat, desperately clinging to her delicate frame. Despite being from an extremely wealthy family who despised public displays of emotions, Viktor’s parents had learned that they could not control their seven year old child who was extremely sensitive. 

Alyona Nikiforov, a naturally cold and serious woman, managed to sympathize with her crying son on this one occasion and knelt down to meet him at eye level. The boy looking up at her with the eyes that resembled so similarly to her own tugged at her usually very reserved heart. “Viktor, stop that.” She chastised lightly, her heart not fully invested in the order. 

Viktor continued despite his mother’s request, tears trailing down his chubby cheeks, but was able to stop his whimpering as he looked at his mother. He couldn’t understand why she was sending him away to live in Saint Petersburg with someone who was all but a stranger to him. He wanted her to come with him, craving some sort of familial company while in a new city. His father wasn’t supportive in his hobby, having never attended any of his local competitions. Viktor was sad at first that his father never came to watch him compete, but being the head of a major national business took all of his time. 

It reminded Viktor of a conversation his parents had about him a month previous, when they decided to send him to Saint Petersburg.

“I don’t have time for this, Alyona!” His father Ivan had snapped to his mother, “Once he starts winning awards I’ll consider spending time with him. Maybe we need another child, one who isn’t so fussy all the time.”

“I can do better, Papa!” Viktor had reasoned with his father, desperately trying to get his father to pay attention to him. 

Viktor’s father barely regarded Viktor and turned to his wife, “Don’t you know some guy who coaches figure skating?”

Alyona looked uncomfortable, “Yes, but he’s in Saint Petersburg, and I’m sure we can find someone much better for Viktor. The other guy has been known to be an angry person among other things…”

“Even better _ ,”  _ Viktor’s father replied. “Maybe we can get him to toughen up. I can’t bring him anywhere without crying about something. He gets this from your side of the family.”

Now, as Viktor stood outside a car which would take him to the train station and thus to his new life, a sense of determination came over Viktor. His mother seemed sad to see him go, but she couldn’t disagree with her husband that Viktor was an emotionally charged boy who did what he wanted despite what his parents said. Viktor remembered the previous year when he begged his parents to let him grow out his hair which began to grow past his ears. His father screamed at Viktor and cut Viktor’s hair himself with house scissors, leaving the young boy in a crying fit for a week. His father couldn’t even care if the chop that he gave Viktor looked uneven and poorly executed, he wanted Viktor to learn a lesson. 

Viktor knew that his father wasn’t proud of him, and his mother, regardless of her well wishes for Viktor, hardly knew how to handle a boy of Viktor’s tenacity. He was unlike any Nikiforov that had come before him. There had been some who had managed to make a name for themselves, like Viktor’s father who was a strong icon for what it was like to be a man, Viktor knew deep down that he would be the most famous out of all of them. He would dedicate everything that he had to his skating. Even though he was nothing like the Nikiforov men before him.

“You better get going, Vityan,” His mother told him, stroking his haircut that still managed to look uneven with the slow passing of time. “The train is leaving soon and your coach doesn’t like it when you’re late.”

“I don’t like him, Mama. He’s mean,”  Viktor pouted. 

Alyona pursed her lips and stood up, “Are you ungrateful for Coach Stanislav? That your father and I are paying all this money to make you better? You’re the one who is so intent on figure skating.”

Viktor looked down in embarrassment. He hated when he made his mother angry at him. It meant there was no one left to be kind to Viktor. “No. I’m sorry, Mama.” 

Alyona looked up to the sky and blinked away what looked to maybe be the brink of tears. Viktor had only seen his mother cry a few times, but it had been so long ago that the young boy couldn’t recall what it looked like, “Go on, Vityan. You’ll be staying with your coach’s mother for the time being. I’ll talk to your father about visiting soon.” 

“Tomorrow?” Viktor asked, his eyes hopeful. He clung to his backpack as the driver turned the car on, impatient to get going.

His mother stroked Viktor’s hair once again and helped him into the car, “No, Viktor. Not tomorrow.” 

His mother closed the door and stood back as the car began to move away from the lavish townhouse in Moscow. Viktor got up in his seat and looked out the back window and watched as his mother grew smaller and smaller in the distance. He allowed himself to cry even though he knew that his mother would be disappointed in his inability to control his emotions. He was scared, alone, and the only person he knew wasn’t a kind man. 

He knew an adequate amount of skating found out the first week of his training with Stanislav, his coach, but he spent more of his time yelling at the young boy from the sidelines with a bottle of vodka in his hand than actually providing constructive criticism. The first time that Viktor landed a double loop in practice without wobbling was the first time that Viktor’s coach hadn’t threatened to hit him, and this pattern continued day in and day out. 

His coach, while a drunk at heart and a cruel man in nature, did manage to help Viktor improve his skills in the skating world as the years continued. If he wasn’t busy working on his bottle that he brought with him to practice daily he’d give Viktor helpful hints about how to improve his skating. 

Stanislav used to be a figure skater well regarded in the Russian community, but fell short in his life when he was diagnosed with cancer, effectively cancelling his career when his body became ruined by the chemotherapy he had to endure for months on end. Ever since then his cancer was replaced by a burning dependence on alcohol and an out of control anger. If Viktor did something right it only made Stanislav angrier, knowing that Viktor was genuinely talented and would eventually surpass him one day. 

Three years had passed since Viktor had arrived in Saint Petersburg and he made slight progress in his figure skating despite his natural talent for the sport. His first competition since moving away was a disaster, with the young skater placing sixth out of eighth. His parents were so furious with his standings they nearly fired his coach and brought him home to Saint Petersburg. The idea at first sounded intriguing to the newly turned ten year old, but when his father told him he wouldn’t continue his figure skating Viktor promised he’d get better, and Stanislav yelled less after that.

Viktor’s first competition was the Junior Division for Grand Prix Finals in 2001 when he was thirteen years old. Stanislav and Viktor took a train down to Moscow, his coach reeking of the drink despite the fact that it was nine in the morning. Viktor was excited to be back in his hometown for the first time since he was seven and to potentially see his parents. Since he had left for Saint Petersburg Viktor had seen his parents twice. Once when he turned ten they flew up to stay with him for a weekend and a year after his father told him that his grandmother passed away. After that Viktor attempted to keep in contact with them but they rarely gave him a reply through letters and phone calls. 

Viktor called his parents the night before he left for his competition, letting them know he was competing in his first major competition in Moscow and that he saved two seats for them. His mother appeared to sound interested, but never made a promise of whether they’d show up or not. Viktor hoped desperately that they would come, they had never seen any of his competitions, and he knew with his determination and skills that he would do everything he could to win gold. Maybe then his parents would be proud of him. 

At the competition Viktor began his warm ups, his flowing platinum silver hair tied behind in a ponytail. Without his parents around to manage his hair Viktor was free to pursue his dreams of having his hair grow out. It was to the point of reaching past his shoulders and he couldn’t have been happier. Stanislav continuously made jabs about Viktor being a girl, but the thirteen year old saw nothing wrong with it. He loved to wear pretty things and wear little bits of makeup when he could find it. To Viktor, there was nothing wrong with his image. He was Viktor Nikiforov, the first of his kind. Whether he was seen as a boy or a girl never mattered to him.

Viktor was running on a high, excited and confident in his ability to win first. He was nearly up when he looked into the crowd at the area of seats dedicated to his parents and his heart sunk when he saw two empty chairs, his parents nowhere to be found. Viktor wanted to break down and cry, feeling abandoned yet again by his parents, and it showed in his performance. His progress that he made in the year of his hard work seemed to wither away as he performed his routine. He managed to land his jumps but his performance was lacking in style and concept. As he finished his routine he heard the crowd cheer and clap for him and Viktor smiled and waved to the arena, but he knew he wouldn’t win gold. 

The first time Stanislav hit Viktor was after the Moscow Nationals with Viktor’s third place medal. The old man was more drunk than normal when they arrived back to practice the next day after the competition. Viktor had cried for the first time in years as his coach screamed at the young boy, continuously hitting him and calling him every terrible name under the sun. 

“Don’t you ever embarrass me like that again!” Another hit, Viktor continued to cry. “Do you hear me, you fag!” More hitting, “No wonder your parents sent you away! You’re a disgrace! You’ll never be as good as me!” 

Viktor curled into himself and let himself cry, accepting his role of the disgraceful son and protege. 

“Say it!” Stanislav sneered as he grabbed Viktor’s long hair and pulled him close enough so that Viktor could smell the vodka on his breath.

“Say what, coach?” Viktor sobbed. 

“That you’re a disgrace! And you’re a damn fag. SAY IT.”

Viktor swallowed his pride and repeated the words back to his coach. And his coach made him repeat it every single day in practice. If he didn’t complete his new routine perfectly the man had no problem hitting Viktor to his heart’s content. Soon enough Viktor had shut himself off from the barrage of hateful words that were thrown his way almost daily by his coach. They became a norm for Viktor. He tried to get his parents to fire Stanislav and hire a new coach for him, but his parents weren’t convinced that Viktor deserved a better coach with his shameful third place finish at the Nationals. He was stuck with Stanislav. 

A year more passed for Viktor under Stanislav’s cruel coaching, effectively changing Viktor from the kind and emotional young boy to a determined and hidden teenager. While he continued to display an outer shell of happiness and pride for his work, deep down he was festering with self hatred and bruises he knew he could never heal internally. As Viktor’s hair got longer, refusing to take the one thing that Stanislav hated most about Viktor’s image, Viktor became more petulant with his coach. Stanislav was able to help Viktor in his journey in skating, but he had ruined him as a growing person. The Viktor who was soft and delicate was beaten out of him as the year progressed. 

Through more hard work and secret solo practices without his coach to see him, Viktor was able to create a piece of his routine that he knew would get him a spot in the Grand Prix Finals again. It was the end of the year in 2003; Viktor was completely prepared with his routine, having practiced it nonstop the week leading up to the competition. He no longer cared if his parents came to his competitions, having learned the hard way through years of neglect that he would never be accepted by them. 

Adorning his latest and most beautiful routine uniform, a completely black skin-tight number with half of it resembling female qualities. If his coach thought he was a girl, then he’d wear it with pride. He had nothing to hide from a drunk. His hair was long and glorious. The now fifteen year old Viktor treated his hair as if it was a national treasure as he pulled it into a loose ponytail. No one in the skating world could compete with his beauty and he knew it; the world knew it. He had gained a small following of fans throughout the past two years of skating, earning small sponsorships from companies throughout Russia. Viktor could sense it. He was on the cusp of stardom, he just had to  _ win _ . 

He was a femme fatale, slaying the masses of anyone who stood in his way.

The gold medal that hung around his neck felt cold and heavy as he wore it on the podium. It reminded him starkly of his third place medal he wore two years previous that his coach and beaten him with, but he knew this time this was his ticket to better things. He was going to be famous now, get major sponsors from not just Russia, but the entire world. He would get away from his coach, he had decided. He’d be able to afford one on his own and not rely on his parents any longer to pay for his coaching. 

The month after Viktor won the Grand Prix had been the best of his life. With his prize money Viktor bought a puppy, a beautiful brown poodle and named her Makkachin. She was the light of Viktor’s life and treated her as a queen. The newly turned sixteen year old Viktor was a new star just breaking out into the world as his prediction was right and many new and important sponsors lined up, begging Viktor to sign with them. Despite his parent’s wealth, Viktor hadn’t seen any of it since he was sent away, and finally felt was it was like to live well-off. 

Stanislav, who became over dependent on his alcohol, was unable to hurt Viktor anymore. The sixteen year old began to stand up for himself at his practices, threatening to fire the coach who had made his life so miserable growing up. It had worked for awhile, and Stanislav withdrew from Viktor until one day when Viktor didn’t show up to practice. 

Makkachin, who was still only a few months old, wasn’t feeling well and Viktor was beside himself with worry over the young puppy. He had called Stanislav and told him that he wouldn’t be at practice so he could tend to Makkachin for the day. His coach, in a drunken fury and with new conviction in his standing with the younger skater, made his way over to where Viktor was living with Stanislav’s mother. His coach’s mother was working, leaving Viktor alone when Stanislav broke into the house.

“Coach?!” Viktor asked, shocked as his coach tore through the small house and made his way directly for Viktor who was sitting on the ground with Makkachin who was cradled in his arms.

“That  _ fucking _ dog has to go!” Stanislav slurred loudly, his gesticulation pointing mildly towards the area of the young puppy. “You cannot allow pets to keep you from practicing.”

“But...but she’s sick-” Viktor whimpered, hugging Makkachin closer to him.

“Does it look like I fucking care?! Drop the dog and come with me  _ now _ .” 

“No…”

“What was that?!”

“I said no!” Viktor exclaimed, letting out every angry feeling he’s ever felt towards his coach release in the form of a scream. He wasn’t going to take away the one good thing in his life. He would never allow it.

“You don’t say no to me. Not now. Not ever. I’ve made you successful. Don’t forget that you ungrateful piece of shit.” 

“No, I’m successful because I’m talented and I pushed through your constant abuse!” Viktor screamed.

“Talented?! A faggot like you? You aren’t worth anything.” Stanislav spat, barely managing to keep his balance as he stumbled closer to Viktor and Makkachin.

Viktor knew immediately if he didn’t get away from his coach that either himself or Makkachin would be killed. The scorning hatred that seethed in Stanislav’s eyes were ones that Viktor had seen too many times before a massive beating, but his coach was too drunk to know when he should stop. There would be no stopping until someone was dead. 

Viktor dodged his coach’s lunge, grabbing Makkachin quickly and began to run away from Stanislav. Viktor headed straight for the door that was left wide open and ran for it. He could hear his coach bellowing after him, his drunken determination pushing him after the younger skater. They ran a short distance away before his coach caught up to him and tackled him to the hard concrete sidewalks of Saint Petersburg. He began to beat the young skater, shouting names and curses, just as if they were at their normal practices. His hits were more merciless and relentless than normal as Viktor shielded his puppy from Stanislav’s beating, caring little for his own safety. Before, Stanislav would hold himself back, knowing when enough would be enough, but something had snapped in his coach. He wasn’t going to stop. 

_ This is how I’m going to die. _

Viktor could feel the crunch in his ribs after a hard kick was landed, and Viktor cried out in pain, Makkachin yelping underneath him.  _ Keep her safe, keep her safe. I don’t care if I die, just as long as I know she’s okay. _

“You took everything away from me!” Stanislav screamed, grabbing Viktor’s long silver hair and slamming the back of his head against the concrete, “You’re a disgusting waste of space!” He spat on Viktor’s crumpled body, but Viktor couldn’t tell. He was trying with all his might to remain conscious from the constant pain that never stopped.

Eventually people threw his drunken coach off of Viktor. He managed to turn his head to see a crowd of people holding the older man back as he continued to try to pursue Viktor and the puppy he was holding. He looked down at Makkachin who was still crying but otherwise she looked unhurt. Viktor finally let the tears fall, thankful that he was able to save his puppy. “You’re okay, Makka baby. I’ve got you. Shhh…don’t cry.” 

The police were finally contacted by a civilian who watched the scene and they managed to arrive in minutes. There was a fight between his coach and the police as one man attempted to wrestle Viktor away from the older skater. Eventually they were able to contain him and take him away. After answering many questions and getting examined by a first responder, Viktor was then sent to the hospital with bruised ribs and a slight concussion, but nothing was broken. 

Viktor learned a week later that Stanislav was sentenced to jail for ten years, and in that moment Viktor knew that he was free. He began to laugh with happiness when he heard the news over the phone, the first time he felt truly elated in many years. The constant presence of negativity and cruelty that Viktor faced alone for nearly ten years would never be subjected to him again. Despite his injuries Viktor only wanted to get back onto the ice and experience what it would be like to practice without the fear of pain or injury to himself. 

The reality hit him, though, that he no longer had a coach and mentor to guide him in his drive to pursue the golden medal in the Grand Prix Senior division. Even with Stanislav’s twisted and physically wearing coaching, he still had someone to manage him and find sponsors throughout his season. Without someone to help him through it all he wouldn’t be able to pursue anything, and he couldn’t help the sinking feeling wash over him. He was terrified and alone in a city that has only brought him pain and misery.

Viktor began to worry and he went to his parents for help for the first time since he left Moscow, and surprisingly they agreed to help him. He knew it was mostly likely because he had won gold and they were accepting of their son (in some capacity), but he took the help. 

Viktor began his solo practices at the Saint Petersburg ice palace, the only other place he knew where he could practice his skating. He could no longer go back to the local old place, the memories were too terrible and fresh for the skater who was slowly getting back into the skating world again. His parents were still searching for a coach that would be adequate enough for their son, but in the meantime Viktor had to get back to the ice. It was the only place where he could truly be himself and he craved to feel the freedom that was now given to him.

As Viktor continued to heal from his last ever confrontation with Stanislav, the young skater made sure to keep a low profile from the other skaters that practiced after Viktor. The silver haired boy knew that he recognized a few of them, some were his fellow competitors from the year before at the Grand Prix Finals and he knew the names of one of the Russian boys; Georgi Popovich. He had admired Georgi’s tenacity and audacious demeanor when it came to skating, but it was obvious he lacked the general drive to make it to the gold. 

Viktor continued to skate alongside the other Russians. They were a small team, headed by an older man who yelled a lot. It reminded Viktor of Stanislav remotely, but the man appeared to be constructive and extremely well versed in skating. Viktor knew this coach to be Yakov Feltsman who was a world renowned coach for figure skaters that trained in Russia. Viktor knew that Yakov would be the only man who could properly coach him, but the older man was so busy that Viktor was never able to get time in to meet him. Eventually he was able to get in contact with his parents and Viktor begged them to let him be coached by Yakov. He did his research, and no other figure skating coach had the winning record that this man had. 

They told Viktor they would look into it, but it had been a week without contact from either of them. Viktor began to lose hope of having Yakov as a coach when he was approached by the man one day during his practice. He was used to minding his own business and keep to himself, and it was the first time anyone paid any attention to the young skater.

“Hey! Nikiforov!” The older man yelled over to Viktor who was working on his new routine. He had decided the theme for this season would be ‘Flight’, and he was putting everything he had in the performances. 

Viktor stopped in his skating and looked over to see the rest of the Russian team staring at him with the older man standing on the sidelines. It made Viktor feel extremely self conscious. 

“Yes?” Viktor asked cautiously, never knowing that the other coach was even aware of his existence. 

“Come over here and start practicing with us. You could do well to show Georgi how to do a quadruple lutz.” 

“But--” 

“I was hired by your parents. From now on you’ll start practicing with us.” Yakov told him. “You’re very talented, but inexperienced at how to win gold. It was miraculous that you even won gold last year with that asshole of a coach.” Yakov told him as he ushered Viktor over to the rest of the Russian team. 

“This is Georgi Popovich,” Yakov introduced Viktor to a slightly shorter boy around his own age. Viktor couldn’t deny that Georgi was extremely cute and he blushed slightly as he gazed upon the boy. “You’ll be staying with his family and you’ll ride together to practices from now on.”

“Hi…” Viktor spoke softly, smiling at the boy, his heart feeling fluttery as he tried to lock eyes with the shorter skater.

Georgi barely acknowledged him and gave a half-hearted hello as he was looking at a girl in the distance.  _ Oh _ , Viktor sighed,  _ He doesn’t like boys. _

Yakov put a comforting hand on Viktor and ushered the silver haired boy back onto the ice, “We’ll practice for a little while longer today, but I want you to rest easy on your ribs. I can see that they still are hurting. You won’t win anything if you don’t give your body time to heal.”

Viktor swallowed the bout of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him, finally feeling truly free from his past life with Stanislav. 

  
\--------------------------------

 

Yuuri looked at his fiance, who’s eyes were drooping heavily, his head resting gently against the back of their couch. Viktor had done well on his promise to Yuuri and was telling his tragic tale, but Yuuri could tell that Viktor was exhausted from the emotionally taxing day. The tear stains remained evident on Viktor’s face as the Russian man eventually gave up on talking, too tired to continue. 

“Vitya?” Yuuri breathed, getting closer on the couch to Viktor. 

“Hmm?” He replied, his voice raspy and tired from the in depth story he was in the middle of telling. 

“We can stop for the night. We’re obviously tired.” Yuuri told Viktor as he ran a hand through Viktor’s short locks. The Russian man melted to Yuuri’s touch and begged for more, gaining a small smile from the Japanese skater. How could Viktor, the sweetest man Yuuri has ever known, be subjected to such horror so early in life? It made sense now that Viktor rarely mentioned his parents who seemed so heartless and cruel to their son. 

“Okay, Yuura.” Viktor agreed, pulling Yuuri into his body. 

Yuuri was about to suggest they go to their own bed, but Viktor was soundly asleep before Yuuri could mutter the words to him. Yuuri settled into his position around Viktor and held him tight to his body, his emotions getting the best of him and he began to silently weep for the love of his life. As Yuuri fell into a restless sleep, his tears still falling, a horrifying realisation crossed Yuuri’s mind:

This was only the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a Tumblr! Come hang out with me or throw a random writing prompt for me to write for you! I'll do it all! 
> 
> http://twentythreefandoms.tumblr.com/
> 
> Come be trash with me.


	6. Desperate for Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor spirals and can't escape his past. Yuri unexpectedly comes back from Moscow early, and he's not doing well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Posting Day! 
> 
> This chapter contains mention of addiction, but other than that nothing too triggering.
> 
> Thank you so much again to DomesticProwess for being the best beta reader that's ever existed. She helped me so much with this chapter, it wouldn't be half as amazing if she hadn't looked at it.
> 
> See you next chapter!

April 16, 2017

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

Waking up in the early hours of the morning, the first thing Yuuri noticed was that the back of his head felt warm. It was different than normal for the Japanese man, who normally felt a large array of warmth throughout his body, but everything felt cold beside the intense heat hitting his head. Consciousness crept fully into Yuuri and he was able to fully connect to the reason as to why. 

Yuuri opened his eyes and saw the television in front of him, his shadow reflecting on it from the sunlight that was hitting the back of his head from the wall to ceiling windows in the kitchen behind him. To his right he saw a sleeping Makkachin on her doggy bed, peacefully slumbering away, her feet slightly twitching as she enjoyed her puppy dreams. He remembered himself and Viktor falling asleep on the couch, their bodies too exhausted to make the long journey back to his bed. The stark reality of everything that happened the night before hit Yuuri harder than he expected, and he felt sick to his stomach. 

It was shocking for him to believe that Viktor, the man he loved, who was so genuine and kind to the world, had known so much cruelty and horror. His parents were indifferent to him, sent him away to a man they knew wasn’t kind, and proceeded to endure nearly ten years of abuse, the last few physical. He knew of people crumbling under the intense weight of their burdens, never able to fully overcome their past and let it become them. But not Viktor. Viktor had seen the worst in humanity, and it only made him kind. Yuuri wasn’t sure how he did it, but eventually that scared and abused person had become Yuuri’s fiance. Somehow he overcame his addiction and he was still working on his emotional battles despite being so alone in his childhood.

Yuuri looked over to Viktor who was still passed out on the couch and his emotions overcame him. A few silent tears slipped down Yuuri’s cheeks, a new level of love and understanding bringing him even closer to Viktor that he had been before. The story Viktor told him last night was only the beginning of something much longer. Yuuri knew that there was so much more they had to cover, and he was determined to listen to it all. They could combat Viktor’s troubled memories together instead of Viktor fighting the battle alone. He would surely lose the war if that were to happen. 

“Yuura,” Viktor breathed, his sleep slowly leaving him. 

Yuuri looked at Viktor who slowly opened his eyes, a ghost of a smile etched on his lips until their eyes met. The Japanese skater knew he looked upset. He could feel the tension radiating from Viktor as the Russian skater began to wake. Viktor’s features eventually saddened enough so he lost any trace of happiness, and Yuuri was sure that Viktor was remembering everything that happened the night before.

“I thought yesterday was a dream…” Viktor mumbled, eyes dropping and he slunked away from Yuuri’s body.  

“Unfortunately not.”

“Are you disappointed in me?” 

“I’m still here, Vitya,” Yuuri reaffirmed strongly. Viktor would never lose him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“There’s still so much you don’t know about me, Yuuri,” Viktor told him with a frown. 

“It doesn’t matter. That was a long time ago.”

Viktor chuckled lowly, “And yet it still defines everything I do.”

“You don’t have to let it be that way-”

“I can’t help it, honestly.” 

Yuuri didn’t know how to help Viktor. This side of him, the one where he was unsure and pessimistic about himself was one that Yuuri had never seen before. His self-loathing was obvious and Yuuri hated how one moment in Viktor’s past was able to sour the man in the present. Yuuri felt helpless, but he wasn’t going to give up on his fiance. Viktor never gave up on him, and now it was Yuuri’s chance to return the favor. 

“We should go to practice, don’t you think?” Yuuri asked, running a hand through Viktor’s silver hair. “It’ll make us feel better. I feel like you could use a good workout to help your mind get away from everything.” 

Viktor pouted, “I don’t really feel like going to practice.”

Yuuri took initiative and untangled himself from Viktor’s lanky frame and stood from the couch. His body was stiff and sore from the sleeping position he had been in, but Yuuri pushed it aside with a heavy sigh. Looking down at Viktor, Yuuri noted the insecurity in Viktor’s body, how he was so different from his usual confident and happy exterior. His shoulders were slumped forward, his whole body making more of a curved shape as he curled in on himself. Yuuri wondered if this was how Viktor was like before Yuuri came crashing into his life.

“And that’s exactly why we should go today. It’ll be good for us.” Yuuri spoke softly to Viktor, holding his hands out for his fiance to take. “Come on, Vitya.”

Viktor regarded Yuuri’s hands and hesitated in grabbing them, like it was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. Yuuri knew that Viktor was now afraid of the outside world. It had beaten him and bruised him beyond repair, and again he was feeling the pain and misery he faced for years. Yuuri had to do everything in his power to squash any form of doubt or anxiety in the older man’s life. 

Eventually Viktor gained enough courage to take Yuuri’s hands and they rose from the couch. Yuuri pulled Viktor into his personal space and wrapped his arms around Viktor’s frame. He felt frail to Yuuri, like something delicate and easily breakable. “We’ll get through this, Viktor. Together. I promise.”

Viktor nodded against Yuuri’s frame and the pair stood motionless, their breathing repetitions the only thing settling their addled minds. “Thank you, Yuura.” 

They remained silent but strong throughout their run to the Ice Palace. Viktor was still in a place where he needed the space, but Yuuri made sure to make it clear to Viktor that he was there for him. Yuuri never once saw Viktor as a helpless victim of a horrendous crime; he saw him as a beautiful survivor who was being forced to relive everything that was done to him. The strength that radiated from Viktor, who despite his slight distance from Yuuri, allowed Yuuri to fully recognize the ever evolving beauty of his fiance. Yuuri couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

A mile before they arrived to the Ice Palace Viktor had to stop. Yuuri looked back to see a panicked look in Viktor’s eyes and Yuuri realized he was having another panic attack. Yuuri ran over to Viktor and pulled him away from the bustle of the crowd into a small alley. He promptly put his hands over Viktor’s ears and made him focus on just Yuuri, cancelling out the rest of the world. 

“Everything’s coming back,” Viktor whispered, his eyes wild with fear.

“It’s okay, I’m here… I’m here.” Yuuri assured, repeating the sentence again so Viktor could forget everything and just listen to Yuuri’s voice. 

Viktor nodded, his eyes never looking away from Yuuri as they embraced in the small world they created. “Whenever I had panic attacks, all those years ago… I used to do drugs to help me calm down. To help me forget.”

Yuuri could feel himself slightly tremble at Viktor’s confession. To think of a time where Viktor was so alone and desperate he turned to drugs to help him escape. Yuuri was so grateful that Viktor was so open with him and refused to hide anything. He thought about offering to stop listening to Viktor’s story, but that decision would be up to Viktor. This was his story to tell, and he wanted Yuuri to know. So Yuuri would listen. 

“Do you have the urge to do it now?” Yuuri whispered. 

Viktor scanned Yuuri’s face, calculating, “There will always be a part of me that yearns for it. However, the moment I met you I found a more of a reason to stay clean that I had ever had before. Not just for your sake, but I realised that I want to be better  _ for _ someone who makes me feel alive, maybe for the first time in my life.” 

Yuuri swallowed back his tears and smiled slightly, “You’re so cheesy.”

Viktor took Yuuri’s hands away from Viktor’s ears and kissed the golden ring on Yuuri’s fingers, “You love it,” He grinned. Viktor took a deep breath and exhaled, finally taking his eyes off Yuuri and regarded the busy street next to them, “I wish we could stay here forever.”

“Don’t worry, we’re not that far from the Ice Palace.” Yuuri assured, taking Viktor by the hand and leading him out to the street. “Anyways, we can’t be late for practice. I need to keep working on my routine.”

Viktor smiled down at Yuuri as they continued their walk to the Ice Palace, “Tonight. We’ll continue the story, yeah?”

Yuuri looked up at Viktor, who looked sad but remained with a smile on his face, “Sure. I’ll make a nice dinner for us.”

Viktor leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Yuuri’s temple, “Look at my Yuuri! He’s so sweet!” 

Yuuri laughed through his blush. “Stop being ridiculous and get ready. I’m not letting your sweetness convince me to miss practice.” 

As the couple arrived to their practice, Yuuri noticed an evident lack of a certain someone. It wasn’t until he noticed Otabek skating on the ice with his coach instructing him did Yuuri realise that Yuri was still with his grandpa. A shiver ran through Yuuri as he remembered the unsettling meeting with Yuri’s grandfather. After everything that happened with himself and Viktor last night, Yuuri had completely forgotten meeting Nikolai and that Yuri was with him. He had also forgotten to text Yuri to make sure he was okay. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked, “You look worried. What’s wrong?”

“I forgot that Yurio was with his grandpa. I just hope he’s okay, he seemed upset that he was missing a practice. I still can’t believe Yakov let him go.”

Viktor’s face hardened instantly, startling Yuuri. He rarely had seen Viktor’s face so angry. Viktor looked around and landed on Yakov who was walking into the Ice Palace with Mila. Viktor stormed away from Yuuri and headed right for his coach, Yuuri quickly following behind him. What was Viktor about to do?

“Yakov! I need to speak to you.” Viktor told his coach with a low grumble. 

Yakov noticed Viktor and told Mila to go on without him, “There you are. I was about to ask about Yuratchka. He’s not here. Where is he?” He grumbled, his tone accusatory of Viktor.

Yuuri and Viktor looked at each other quizzically until Yuuri spoke up, “Didn’t you tell him that he could take today off and spend it with his grandpa?”

“Now why would I do that?!” Yakov bellowed to the Japanese skater. He locked eyes briefly with Viktor, like they were communicating something. “I never would have let Yuri miss practice, let alone spend time with Nikolai.”

“Why?” Yuuri asked, referring to the last part of the sentence. 

Yakov looked again to Viktor, and the older man shook his head, his face grim. 

“Not yet,” Viktor said quietly. 

The older man sighed and looked at Yuuri, who couldn’t deny that he was more than adequately confused as he looked between the two men. 

“Did you see Nikolai yesterday?” Yakov grumbled. 

Yuuri nodded, “As we were walking back to Lilia’s house. He told us that he was taking Yuri for the next couple days, though Yuri seemed reluctant. He didn’t want to miss practice.” 

A look of extreme anger made its way onto Yakov’s face, the older man glowered at Viktor, “This is getting out of control. I need to call Yuri--”

“COACH!” 

Everyone in Ice Palace stopped in their motions and looked to see Yuri running into the building, his voice echoing in the large, open rink. He was wearing the same clothes as the day before, his blond hair was matted against his forehead and he carried a suitcase and backpack with him. He stopped once he was in front of Yakov, Viktor and Yuuri, his chest heaving with the immense amount of work trying to coordinate everything. 

“Yuratchka!” Yakov exclaimed, “I thought you were in Moscow.”

“I didn’t know…” Yuri gasped, trying to catch his breath, “My grandpa… he told me you’d let me take a day off… and then I found out he lied… the second I knew I was on a train to get back here in time for practice. Please… believe me, Coach.”

“Why would you think that I would give you the day off?” Yakov asked incredulously, raising his voice at the younger skater.

“YOU  _ KNOW _ WHY!” Yuri screamed, not hiding the volume of his voice. Yuuri jumped at the noise but Viktor only winced.

Yuuri couldn’t tell if Yakov was mad or not, his face always etched in an unpleasant way. “Get your practice attire on. You’re five minutes late.” Yakov walked away and headed to his office, his shoulders more stiff than normal. 

Yuri was able to gather his wits and managed his breathing as the couple regarded him, their guards up at the obviously emotional blond before them. “Did you Grandpa really lie about Yakov giving you the day off?” Yuuri asked.

Yuri grasped his backpack tighter, “Yes. He was being weird all day, and then he tried to get me to quit skating.” 

“What?!” Yuuri and Viktor exclaimed in synch. 

Yuri snickered at the two, “Don’t worry, you’ll still be able to win silver and bronze respectively at the Grand Prix Finals. I’m never quitting.”

Viktor looked incredibly worried. He reached his hand out to place it on Yuri’s shoulder, “Yurio, your Grandpa--”

Yuri shrugged away from Viktor’s touch and began to walk towards the locker room. “Leave me alone, Viktor! I’m going to start practicing.” 

“Yuri--”

“And I’m coming over for dinner tonight!” Yuri bellowed over his shoulder, barely regarding the couple. “I need a break from… everything.” 

Yuuri and Viktor looked at each other, contemplating whether they wanted to tell Yuri that tonight wouldn’t be the best night for a visit. They wanted desperately to continue the story, but it was obvious that there was something bothering Yurio. There was also the topic of Nikolai, and what role he had to play in everything. Yakov seemed to despise the man, and it was clear to Yuuri now that Viktor’s coach knew something that Yuuri didn’t. 

Viktor took Yuuri’s hand and squeezed it gently, “We’ll continue the story after Yuri leaves.” Viktor reassured. 

Yuuri nodded, “Does Yurio know anything?”

Viktor’s mouth set in a fine line, “No. He doesn’t. But I’m wondering if he should know.” 

“Know what?” Yuuri asked.

Viktor sighed, “I’ll tell you tonight. I promise.”

“Okay,” Yuuri sighed and pressed a light kiss to Viktor’s lips, “I love you.”

Viktor chuckled, “Did you just kiss me in public?”

Yuuri shrugged nonchalantly as he made his way to the ice, “What can I say? I’m a rebel.” 

Viktor followed after him eagerly, “Yuuri Katsuki, I love you.”

Viktor seemed to do better the rest of the day. Yuuri could tell that his mind was able to escape in the form on critiquing Yuuri’s form or perfecting his own in the case of Yakov. While there was the ever evident stress that seemed to always linger with Viktor, he was at least able to escape the previous life that had so rudely crashed into his life again. Yuuri did notice, though, that Viktor’s stamina wasn’t as good as normal, and that he would find himself huffing wildly after his routine whereas normally he wasn’t like that. 

When Yuuri eventually told Viktor that he thought it was time to go home, the look of relief on Viktor’s face told Yuuri everything. He was only able to do so much in one day, and his efforts he put forth despite the earth shattering night he had the night previous were admirable. Viktor loved skating, it was his passion, and if anything could get him away from his personal problems, skating would do it. 

“Coming Yuri?” The Japanese skater asked to the blond who was in the corner ogling his boyfriend who was still finishing his routine on the ice. Otabek was the best thing that could have happened to Yuri. He was intensely passionate but had the ability to remain calm and collected when it came to Yuri and his tendency to overreact to situations. He was the person that could truly understand Yuri, and it made Viktor and Yuuri happy that Yuri had someone like that who he could give his heart to. Their relationship was still in the beginning stages, but it was obvious the two cared deeply about each other. 

The blond broke his gaze from Otabek’s performance unwillingly, “Yeah, I’m coming…” 

Yuuri could sense that something was off about the young skater. Ever since he was late to practice he was all over the place with his emotions. There would be moments when he wouldn’t be as near as standoffish with his fellow teammates, but if someone extended a kind gesture or a simple pat on the back he would scream at them as if they had personally attacked him. He had been quiet when Yakov would bark orders at him, and extra close to Otabek when they were on breaks. Yuuri wondered if it had something to do with Yuri’s grandfather. Why did Nikolai want Yuri to quit ice skating? Yuri always said that his grandpa was his number one fan, why the sudden change?

Yuuri could tell that Viktor was eager to leave practice at the end of the day, his bag slung over his shoulder and held tightly as he waited at the front door. Yuuri remained behind to wait for Yuri, though he kept his distance from the younger skater. The blond was still waiting for Otabek to end his practice so they could say goodbye properly, and Yuuri knew better at this point than to interrupt the blond with the only thing that had made him happy that day. Despite their many differences, Yuri resembled so much of Viktor, the way they were so passionate about the people they cared for in their lives. 

Yuuri glanced over to see Otabek who had just stepped off the ice caressing Yuri’s cheek, their voices low but just loud enough for the Japanese skater to hear over the rustle of the ice rink.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” Otabek asked, his silky low voice visibly calming Yuri’s frame as they embraced closely.

“I’m sure.” Yuri confirmed, his arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend, “I don’t want to take you away from practice, and I’m sure they’ll take me tomorrow.”

Otabek nodded and pressed a loving kiss to Yuri’s lips, “Please be careful, love.”

Yuri looked up at Otabek, his eyes shining, “I will. I’ll call you tomorrow after we get back.” The blond looked over and saw that Yuuri was watching them, causing his face to blush quickly and walk away from his boyfriend quickly. “Let’s go Pork Cutlet Bowl. I’m hungry.” He muttered but there wasn’t an obvious bite to his remark like normal. It sounded somber, defeated.

“Yurio, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yuuri, please…” Yuri turned around and the Japanese skater could tell that Yuri was visibly upset about something. His eyes were verging on teary and his whole body looked exhausted. He did have a long day, having been travelling since the early hours of the day by train to get to practice. “I just want to go home.”

Yuuri was shocked at the raw emotion coming from his young companion, “Okay, let’s go home.” 

The three walked in silent unison back to Viktor and Yuuri’s apartment, the noise of the city swallowing their individual thoughts. Yuuri couldn’t shake the worry he felt for the young skater between himself and Viktor, who looked worn out and tired. Everything that happened yesterday only added to the apprehension and paranoia that Yuri needed to be protected. He was so young, the same age as Viktor when his leg was broken, and because of it he spiraled into a life of drugs and other horrible acts Yuuri still didn’t know about yet. It was more important than ever to make sure Yuri wouldn’t follow in Viktor’s footsteps. 

“Yuri, is everything okay?” Yuuri eventually asked as they continued their walk to the apartment.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Yuri replied dully. 

“If you aren’t, you know you can tell us, right?” Yuuri told him genuinely. Yuuri looked over to Viktor who only glanced Yuuri’s way. Viktor was acting off, too, but Yuuri at least knew the reason why. 

“I’m fine!” Yuri snapped more forcefully than before. “I’m just not in a good mood, okay? Lay off.”

Yuuri spoke softly, “Is it about your Grandpa?” Yuuri looked at Viktor and noticed his eyes had hardened.

“Why do you care so much?” Yuri growled, his mood souring exponentially. 

“ _ We _ care, because you’re a part of our family, Yuri,” The Japanese skater told him honestly, “We don’t want you to think that you’re ever alone. If it’s something with your Grandpa I’m sure we can--”

“Just leave it alone, will you?” Yuri yelled and he began to walk ahead in a brisk pace, his head ducked into the heavy training jacket he wore. 

Yuuri felt absolutely terrible for prying into Yuri’s business. He knew that he needed to drop the subject and let Yuri make his own decisions in his life, but Yuuri felt a strong urge to help the boy. Yuuri looked to where Viktor used to be next to him but noticed he was all alone. Looking around rapidly Yuuri eventually found his fiance walking a few paces behind him, his eyes holding the same hard gaze. 

“I know I shouldn’t have pushed him, but--”

“We need to make sure he doesn’t spend time with his Grandpa,” Viktor told Yuuri resolutely, his eyes fixed straight ahead where Yuri was continuing his fast walk well ahead of the couple. 

Yuuri was slightly surprised by Viktor’s response, “I’m surprised you’re agreeing with me on this. You’re always the fun dad.” Yuuri smiled slightly.

Viktor smiled but it was weak, “I’m really worried about him, Yuura. I feel like he’s going down a dark path, and we’re the only ones who can help him out of it. I bet he was pretty hurt when his grandfather wanted him to stop skating. I don’t like that he tried to do that with Yuri. It’s obvious skating is the only calming thing in his life.”

Yuuri reached for Viktor’s hand and held it tightly. “We won’t let him fall. We’ll always be there for him, yeah?”

Viktor looked over to Yuuri, his eyes indecipherable, “Always.”

Their dinner was a quiet affair. Viktor continued his silent aura of self-protection and it was obvious Yuri was still angry from earlier. The blond ate his meal with aggression, his eyes casting annoyed glances to his two counterparts who were lost in their own thoughts and eagerness. They loved spending time with Yurio, but they couldn’t deny that their gazes would land near their couch every other minute, waiting for the time that they could continue the story. 

“I’m sorry for snapping earlier…” Yuri muttered, almost to himself as they washed the dishes in the kitchen not long after dinner. He was still being quiet around the two, but it was a somber sort of quiet. The calm after the storm. 

Viktor looked at Yuuri for the first time since they got home, and Yuuri could tell that his fiance was hurting, like he was feeling guilt about the situation. Yuuri stood, pulled his two boys into a big hug, acting as their source of strength as his arms warmly encircled them. They were hurting so much and Yuuri didn’t know how to help them. Eventually he heard a muffled sob, and he expected it to come from Viktor, but it didn’t sound like him. Yuuri looked down to see the blond clinging to Viktor’s frame, his small hand wrinkling Viktor’s shirt as he cried into his chest. 

“Yuri, what is it?” Yuuri asked, mildly concerned for the young boy. 

“It-It’s my mom,” The blond replied, his voice shaking.

Viktor looked panicked, “What about her?”

“Tomorrow… tomorrow is the anniversary of her death,” Yuri said tightly, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks as he tried to keep it all in.

Yuuri’s heart broke for his young friend, hugging him harder. “I’m sorry, Yuri,” He whispered. 

“Why did she leave me?” Yuri whimpered.

Viktor looked unbelievably sad as he cuddled closer to Yuri’s frame. “Maybe she didn’t want to. She must have loved you so much, Yuri. Anyone who’s around you can’t help but want to be around you.”

The boy nodded and clung even closer to Viktor. Yuuri never felt a pang of jealousy when the two bonded so closely. He knew that Yuri cherished Viktor as a mentor and the only person he valued when he was growing up. They had known each other for so long, there was an established relationship that could never come between anything. 

“My Grandpa told me that she was selfish and she put herself before the family. When he asked me to stop skating and I told him no… he said I was acting like her…” Yuri sobbed. 

There was a fleeting flash of pure anger and hatred in Viktor’s eyes, the first Yuuri had ever seen from his fiance. Viktor stroked the blond’s hair, “Yuran--”

“Can I stay here tonight?” Yuri managed. “Please?” 

Viktor looked at Yuuri and they exchanged a glance. They planned on continuing their story tonight, and if Yuri stayed there was a chance that it wouldn’t happen. A silent conversation passed between the couple, but they eventually agreed that it was for the best that they took care of their young companion. Yuri was their top priority tonight.

“Of course.” Viktor replied, reaching for Yuuri’s hand and holding it tightly. “You’re always welcome here.”

They all held onto each other for an indecipherable amount of time. Yuuri could tell now that Yuri had been upset today, but his lack of knowledge when it came to Yuri’s life made it clear that it was for a specific reason. The details of his mother’s life wasn’t clear to Yuuri yet, but he assumed that there would be plenty of time in the future to learn more about the woman whose life ended much too early. The woman who looked so much like Yuri. 

“Do you want to go to bed, Yuri?” Yuuri asked the boy who had stopped his sobbing only to let out a long yawn. Everyone had an emotionally exhausting day, it was evident that they needed to depart to their own rooms for the night. 

“Yeah…” Yuri replied, eventually separating himself from the two older men and looking up at them. His eyes were red and puffy, his lip still slightly trembling. 

“Come on,” Viktor motioned, beckoning the younger skater to his guest bedroom. He hadn’t used it as much since Yuuri moved to Russia, but the times he did he used it for the times he needed to be alone. Rarely did Yuuri go into the room. As they walked into the room Viktor called for Makkachin who had been sleeping by herself in her bed but instantly trotted after the three.

Yuri’s room was a dark grey color that made the room feel very enclosed, but tonight it worked perfectly for the younger boy. The black bed comforter welcomed the blond as he crawled into its warm embrace, Yuri appearing not to care that he was still in his workout clothes. Yuuri and Viktor remained silent as they watched Yuri, his eyes closing at the small form of comfort he could afford  as he snuggled into the bed. Makkachin jumped up on the bed and curled herself against Yuri’s small frame. 

“If you need anything we’ll be in our room,” Viktor told Yuri quietly, walking forward in the long room to place a comforting hand on Yuri’s blond hair, the boy already looking to be half-asleep.

“Thank you,” Yuri breathed, sighing into the touch. 

Viktor dropped his hand and met with Yuuri who smiled at his fiance softly. He was his favorite person in the world. Viktor leaned in and kissed Yuuri on the forehead and sighed deeply as they shut Yuri’s door, effectively leaving the couple alone. 

Viktor sighed and pulled Yuuri against him, his frame tense as they embraced in the silent of the night. Yuuri settled into the embrace and wrapped his arms around the small of Viktor’s back. “This has been the hardest day I’ve had in years. I’m scared, Yuuri.”

Yuuri wanted more than anything to assure Viktor that nothing bad could happen to him, but then Yuuri realised that wasn’t true. A lot of bad things could happen to Viktor and they could all happen very soon. The man, whoever was threatening Viktor, was still out there somewhere with the video that could ruin Viktor’s career. 

“Do you want to skip the story tonight and just go to bed?” Yuuri asked, looking up at Viktor. “Get this day over with?”

Viktor pressed another kiss to Yuuri’s forehead, this one lasting longer than the first one. “You take such good care of me, Yuuri. I couldn’t love you more than I do right now.”

Yuuri chuckled, “I was thinking the same thing about you just a second ago, but I’m serious... If you want to just go to bed tonight, we can. We don’t have to think anymore today.”

Viktor thought about it for a moment before shaking his head, “No, I want to keep going. You deserve to know everything, and the more you know coming from me the better.”

“Are you sure?”

Viktor nodded, “Very sure. We can do keep going in our room where Yuri won’t hear us.”

Yuuri nodded in his agreement and they proceeded to their bedroom, preparing for another long night of storytelling.


	7. Though He Cries in Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor continues his story, where he tells where everything began to go wrong. His first love, the beginning of his alcohol and drug addiction, and why it all happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is ready for a long chapter?! Well you've got one! This chapter is extremely important for Viktor's characterization and why he is the way he is to this day. 
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Drug abuse, Alcohol addiction, Underage (in Russia it's legal but not in every country), and attempting to blackmail sex in order to maintain a secret. 
> 
> Thank you so much to DomesticProwess who has done everything to make this story its most perfect version. 
> 
> See you next Sunday! Enjoy!

2004

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

Viktor Ivan Nikiforov, thirteen days away from turning seventeen, was about to become the youngest ever contestant in the Senior Grand Prix Series to win a gold medal. In spite of everything he had been through, he was going to stand atop the podium as a winner. After overcoming emotional neglect from his parents all the way through his physical abuse from his previous coach, there was nothing that Viktor would go through that would be harder than anything he’s experienced in his short lifetime. He’s worked past it all and has still been able to be the better person. He was going to win.

He had won gold the previous year in the Junior Division, but everything was changing now that he was in the Senior Division. The stakes were higher, and the majority of the competition was so much more experienced than Viktor. His formative years as a skater were exponentially stunted under the “mentorship” of Stanislav, causing Viktor’s normally solid confidence to shake under the pressure of the Series. 

However now he had Yakov who, for all of his shortcomings as a patient human being, helped Viktor make leaps and bounds in improvement compared to what he was even a year ago. Viktor felt as if he was a whole new figure skater, and it was all thanks to his coach. He finally had a team around him, one that encouraged his good work and helped him overcome his setbacks. 

His closest friend was Georgi. The boy he lived with was funny, sincere and above all dramatic so it made Viktor’s life exciting and happy for the first time in his life. Viktor had his own bedroom at Georgi’s parent’s house, but most nights the two boys would find their way into the other’s bedroom just so they could goof around for a few more hours before they passed out from laughter. He was the first genuine friend that Viktor ever had, and the sensation was brand new to him. 

He could also feel the development of new feelings beginning, though he tried to ignore them. He knew that the feelings that were boiling beneath his surface were those of a crush, though Viktor tried everything in his power to deny the feeling that creeped into his thoughts. It was an unobtainable dream… Georgi only talked about girls, how they were so cute with their tight dresses and the way they would do their hair. It made Viktor jealous that Georgi couldn’t think that Viktor would be cute in those things. He had no problem dressing in such things, especially if it made Georgi happy. 

They never talked about Viktor’s upbringing, and that was just fine with Viktor. There would be rare occasions where Viktor would mention a dark detail of his past, causing Georgi to go silent and Viktor feel terrible, and the subject to quickly be changed. He didn’t mean to make Georgi uncomfortable, so he bottled up all of his emotions except happiness. He never talked about the beatings or the emotional abuse he endured by Stanislav’s homophobic slurs (though at this point Georgi and the whole team knew, it had been in the local news that his coach had been arrested for violence and public disturbance). Georgi didn’t even know that Viktor liked boys, but it wasn’t like it was a secret. He simply never mentioned it.

They had been living together for almost nine months by the 2004 Grand Prix Finals, but the time seemed as if it was passing by in a blur. When Viktor was under Stanislav’s coaching every minute felt as if it was ten, but now it was the opposite. He couldn’t believe that so much had changed in the short timespan, but it was like everything was finally looking up for Viktor. He was getting big sponsors left and right and the money was great. He even was getting interviews with major magazines that shipped worldwide to countries like Mexico and Japan. 

It seemed like overnight Viktor had become a sensation in the figure skating world. They all adored the sweet and happy sixteen year old with the beautiful long silver hair and the adorable poodle that he owned. They created stories and fables about who he was dating, and they all made Viktor laugh when they thought that he was dating a random female celebrity. Georgi thought it was the coolest thing to be featured in a huge magazine, so Viktor never told him the truth about anything. 

The first time that Viktor and Georgi got into a fight was the last competition before the Grand Prix Finals. They were in Salt Lake City and happened to be skating against each other. They had never had to compete against the other before, and the new dynamic had ruptured their friendship in a way that would continue to ripple into adulthood. Viktor was all but guaranteed a spot in the final, he just had to get fifth or higher and he’d be in. Georgi, however, was in a different position. He only won third at his previous competitions, meaning if he had any shot of getting into the finals he had to get first place at the competition. 

Viktor knew this, but he needed to be perfect. It was who he was. Viktor Nikiforov wasn’t going to go easy and possibly jeopardize his standings in the final, not when he was so close to winning gold as the youngest male ever in the Senior Division. Viktor’s performance had been nearly flawless, only messing up slightly by jumping a double instead of a triple in the second half of his performance, but Yakov didn’t seem too unenthused with his skating. 

Georgi, however, had succumbed to the pressure. He skated well, but had flubbed too many of his jumps for any chance to get first. Viktor knew it instantly, and it looked as if Yakov did too by the way he sighed at the first mistake. When he finished his performance the Russian skater immediately left the ice, not waiting for the audience to stop their applause. Georgi knew he had lost any hope of going into the final. 

It made things even more awkward when Yakov insisted that Georgi go to the Finals to support Viktor. The pair, who once were great friends now felt alienated when they were near each other, causing Viktor to go into a slump days before the competition. He tried to shake himself out of it, knowing that this competition would change his entire life if he won, but he still missed Georgi. Even though they weren’t requited, his feelings for Georgi helped push him to want to be the best. But it was also the reason why Georgi was angry at him. Viktor knew he needed to talk to Georgi if he had any hope of winning. 

The night before the final day of competition Viktor found himself sitting on Georgi’s hotel bed with the other skater standing clear across the other side of the room, his demeanor sour and his arms crossed over his broad chest. Viktor hated himself for making Georgi this miserable. Victor frowned at the opened bottle of scotch that sat next to Georgi with most of the contents drunk by the standing skater. 

“I wanted to talk to you, Georgi.” Viktor told him, looking his friend in the eyes even though the glare Georgi was casting his way made Viktor want to cower. He was still trying to overcome his tendency to whimper whenever someone looked displeased with him. He had to tell himself that Georgi wasn’t going to hurt him. He wasn’t in any danger, but his former coach had ingrained the habit into him. 

“Is this about how you fucked me over in Salt Lake City?” Georgi snapped, his voice slightly slurred.

Viktor winced, “Yes, I guess you could put it that way, but I didn't mean to-”

“You  _ knew _ I had to win first! But you just had to be perfect, didn’t you?” 

“I didn’t want you to think that I let you win…” Viktor mumbled, eyes casting down. 

“That’s bullshit, Viktor!” Georgi yelled. “You added all those extra jumps just to show off! Admit it! You were never going to let me get into the final so you can have all the glory!”

How could Viktor have thought this was going to make him feel better? Looking at how he destroyed Georgi and potentially their friendship hurt Viktor more than he thought it would. “You’re right. I wanted to win the gold.” He whispered, ashamed of himself.

“See I fucking told you! You were just being selfish,” Georgi  had looked surprised and then angered for a moment, like he was taken aback that Viktor actually admitted to his guilt. “I can’t believe I was ever friends with you.” 

Viktor looked up at Georgi with watered eyes, “Please don’t say that, Georgi. You’re my best friend.”

Georgi laughed, “This is what I get for letting you stay in my parent’s house. Did you know that they wanted to kick you out because everyone thinks you’re gay? They’re afraid you’ll turn me gay, too.”

“I don't think it works like that…” Viktor’s cheeks tinged pink, “And you don’t even like me that way…”

Georgi dropped his scotch on the hotel floor, the remaining contents spilling around his bare feet. “So it’s true… I never knew…” 

“Because you never asked.” Viktor snapped. “All you talk about are the girls you’ll never get in your lifetime and how you’re  _ so _ lonely because  _ no one _ loves you. And all this time I sat alone, never saying a word. I felt like an idiot for months thinking that if I waited long enough you’d see me the way you see those girls.”

For the first time that night Georgi looked submissive as Viktor became dominant in the conversation, “Yes, I’m gay, Georgi. I’ve known this about myself ever since I can remember and I’m not going to be ashamed of it. I love myself. And no, I won’t turn you gay. You couldn’t handle it.”

“Fuck you!” Georgi gritted. “I’m not my parents. I don’t care if you like guys. I’ve always suspected but it didn’t matter to me. And I just thought you’d value our friendship more than your own skating career. Clearly I was wrong and you’re just another gold thirsty asshole, willing to sacrifice the only friendship you have.”

Viktor sighed, “I’m sorry, Georgi. If there was anything I could do to fix this I would.”

There was a glint in Georgi’s eyes, “Well, there might be something…”

“What?” Viktor asked desperately, getting of the bed and striding over to Georgi.

“Kiss me.” Georgi commanded. 

Viktor took a step back, affronted by the request, “What?”

“Kiss me, and we can start working up from there.”

“But… I don’t understand, Georgi. You don’t like boys, and you hate me.”

“That’s true. And that will  _ kill _ you. Knowing that you’ll only get a taste of me and I’ll never want you back, that I’m disgusted by your touching me. I bet this is your first kiss, isn’t it?” He mocked, his lips sneering into an ugly smile. “I’m honored.”

Viktor’s lip trembled, “Georgi, I told you I was sorry. Please… I don’t want to do this…”

“I don’t give a fuck what you want!” Georgi yelled, stepping into Viktor’s space, effectively making Viktor whimper and curl into himself. This was getting too close to his previous life with Stanislav. He could feel himself regress to the scared little boy who was constantly alone in the world. “You took away the one thing I wanted, and now I’m taking away what you want. So you can either kiss me, or I’ll tell all the newspapers that you’re gay. Your choice.” 

Viktor was frozen in place, locked with fear as he felt the world around him crumble. He knew in that moment he had been so wrong about going to talk to his friend. He looked at Georgi, the boy who used to be his best friend, but now all he saw was another abuser in his life, someone who only wanted to use Viktor to get something. 

An intense wave of sadness washed over Viktor as he stepped away from Georgi, causing the boy to look at him with confusion. Viktor turned away from the boy and began to leave the room, “Go ahead and tell the world. I don’t care. Once I win gold and get my prize money I’ll move out. I won’t ever bother you again.”

Viktor went to sleep that night crying for the first time in nearly a year. 

The next day was intense with focus as Viktor began to ready himself to win. He barely regarded the threat that Georgi posed about exploiting his sexuality, and instead put everything he had into his performance. That year, he broke both world records for the free skate and the short program, and the moment he learned that he had become the youngest ever skater to win gold in the Senior Division Viktor hadn’t cared less about Georgi. He had finally done it. He overcame another obstacle and prevailed through it all, winning with beauty and grace. 

He could already feel himself soaring away from his problems. 

As he skated off the ice, his hair equiped with a large blue flower crown signalling his status as king, a younger boy caught his attention, “Hey Viktor!”

Viktor looked into the stands and saw a boy younger than he was with bleached blond hair and big green eyes. He was excited that Viktor paid attention to him and it caused Viktor to smile. This was what it was like to have a fanbase now, and Viktor loved it. He felt as if someone, somewhere, out in the world cared for him.

Viktor smiled, “And what is your name?”

“Christophe Giacometti!” The boy replied exuberantly. Viktor looked over and saw the man sitting next to Joseph Karpisek, the famous Swiss figure skating coach, and gathered that this boy was also a figure skater. He’d have to go back and watch the Junior Division to see if he was right. 

Viktor chuckled and took one of his flowers from his bundle in his hand and tossed it to the younger boy, “Here!” He grinned when Christophe began to squeal with excitement. “See you at World’s!” He encouraged, gaining an enthusiastic nod from the younger boy. The interaction with Christophe was the first time Viktor hadn’t hated his life since his interaction with Georgi that was off the ice. In fact, the young boy was the only one who saw him as a golden light in the world, whereas Viktor only saw himself as a selfish traitor.

What happened next with Viktor was something he couldn’t have thought possible. It was true to Viktor’s prediction that once he won he’d have made it. What he didn’t expect was his level of stardom. It wasn’t just the figure skating world that loved and adored Viktor, it was everyone. He had entertainment sources from around the globe looking to get a sliver of time with the new Hero of Russia, the boy with silver hair and a smile that lit up everyone’s hearts.

For the first time in Viktor’s life there were people who wanted to be his friend. People that he never thought would ever know his name. There were famous musicians from Germany, dancers from Canada, actors from the United Kingdom, and they all contacted Viktor with the hopes of meeting him. The happiness at feeling included and loved overwhelmed the Russian skater. His parents even made an attempt to get closer to Viktor, but after talking to them for five minutes he knew it was only because he was famous now; they didn’t actually care about him. 

It hurt even worse when Viktor walked past a magazine one afternoon and he saw a picture of Viktor and Georgi on the cover. On the front page it read: Georgi Popovich Dishes on his Best Friend Viktor Nikiforov! Viktor had never bought a magazine so quickly, terrified that Georgi had fulfilled his dark promise and told the world of his sexuality. He wasn’t ashamed of being gay by any means, but his newfound status was so fragile, and little shake up would mean catastrophe for the newly turned seventeen year old. 

Inside the article, Viktor skimmed throughout the pages with various amounts of pictures between the two friends the past year from the internet. It all appeared to be harmless and nothing too exploitive about Viktor, but in the article from a journalist who asks Georgi questions about Viktor, he repeatedly referred to himself as Viktor’s best friend. 

 

**Q: Have you and Viktor always been best friends?**

**G:** Oh yes! The instant Viktor and I met we clicked. And ever since then we’ve been best friends.

 

**Q: Were you upset Viktor went to the Grand Prix and you didn’t?**

**G:** Absolutely not. I was nothing but supportive for him. It was his first year in the Senior Division so he needed all the support he could get. And I guess it worked because he won by a large margin (laughs). 

 

Viktor was seething with anger at the man he used to consider his friend. Not only were his parents exploiting him for fame and power, but so was Georgi. He had the urge to find his former friend and start another argument, but Viktor eventually decided against it. Of everyone that Viktor had lost in his life, Georgi was because of Viktor’s selfish gain. He would let Georgi have this one. He wouldn’t get many more in his life as long as Viktor continued skating. 

Despite the decision to leave Georgi alone, Viktor couldn’t deny that he needed a distraction. He was emotionally upset and wanted more than anything to have someone take him away from the betrayal that he felt towards his shit ex-friend. Viktor looked through his barrage of text messages from random people Viktor didn’t even know and landed on a famous musician from Russia who invited him to a dance club that night. They had met on Myspace when Viktor liked his music page, enjoying the electronic theme to his music as a way to escape from his problems. From there they began a distant friendship where they exchanged numbers. The musician’s name was Luxy (or at least that was the name he went by), and if Viktor was being honest with himself, was one of the most attractive men he’d ever seen in his life.

He normally would pass on the offer to go out, knowing he had practice early that morning and he was still getting used to his new life in his apartment by himself. But the more Viktor thought about it, he realised it would be the first time that Viktor let himself loose and celebrate his Grand Prix win. In a snap decision he messaged the musician and told him he would meet him at the club that night. He was finally going out on the town, and he couldn’t have been in a worse mood for it. He had everything he wanted in life, but no one to share it with. It was the worst kind of torture. He knew he deserved to have this one night of letting loose and having fun, it was so rare that Viktor had the opportunity to do so. 

The outfit Viktor wore was one he never thought he’d have the audacity to wear outside his apartment. He wore a black v-neck that plunged daringly low with form fitting leather pants. His hair was thrown up in a messy bun with loose braids thrown in the mix and he even managed to put on a few hints of makeup on his visage. If he was going out for the first time he wanted to do it right. He didn’t care if someone posted a picture of his dubious outfit, he wanted the world to see how amazing he looked. 

Going into his first ever club was a lot more overwhelming than Viktor thought. The music was so much louder and the people were so compact, it brought out Viktor’s anxiety in less than ten minutes of being there. He was able to find Luxy quickly, the man had reserved a special V.I.P. section just for Viktor and a close knit of people, but it still didn’t quell Viktor’s nerves as he gazed upon the new world he suddenly found himself in. He was seventeen and he was barely acquainted with the taste of alcohol, what would Luxy think about him?

The Russian musician was actually pretty cool, Viktor found out throughout the night. He was much older than Viktor, a relic age of 24, but there was an aura of sophistication and worldliness that Viktor could rely on. He was quite wild in character and was constantly throwing back shots of who-knows-what, but he had a nice smile and made Viktor have fun. Viktor would look at Luxy with desire evident in his gaze, raking over the tall structure of the man, his defined muscles in his tight t-shirt, and his styled to perfection brown hair. He was a pinnacle of beauty, and Viktor couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

His first shot was easier than Viktor thought it would be. He had seen videos of people coughing up their contents of a shot in many movies, but the fruity flavored shot of vodka that Luxy gave him wasn’t nearly as bad as what Viktor feared it to be. In the next hour he had taken three more shots and had two mixed drinks from the bar which someone had sent over to him courtesy of the older man. 

It wasn’t long before Viktor saw the world in his first drunken blur. Halfway through the night he lost his shirt, but no one seemed to care as he had a slew of people surrounding him, constantly giving him praises about how hot he was, and how they’ve never seen someone with more beautiful hair than him. Too drunk to realise the people surrounding him weren’t his actual friends, just drunken cohorts who happened to be by Viktor at the time, Viktor relaxed into the drunken embrace of the club’s seat. He let the swirling feeling take him over as he insisted the people around him continue to give him attention. 

“Having fun?” A low whisper close to Viktor’s ear said, causing a drunk Viktor to twist around to find Luxy holding out his hand. “Want to dance?”

Viktor gave a lopsided grin, “Okay!”

Luxy led Viktor to the dance floor, their hands entwined as they took place in the center of the people. The anxiety Viktor possessed before melted away as the electronic dub step reverberated down Viktor’s spine. It wasn’t until Luxy pulled Viktor flush against him did Viktor take into consideration what was actually happening. He was in the middle of a dance floor, with an older man who was a stranger, completely drunk and he was having the time of his life. Viktor threw everything he had into his dancing, not holding anything back as he and Luxy continued their dancing which began to turn erotic. 

“You’re so hot, Viktor.” Luxy spoke into Viktor’s ear, the older man reaching down and cupping Viktor’s ass in the tight leather pants. 

Viktor bit his lip and clung closer to Luxy, “You really think so?”

Luxy gave a breathy laugh, “What? You didn’t know? Everyone wants to get you into their bed. I’ve had three girls in the past thirty minutes alone come over and ask if they had a chance with you.” Luxy grounded his hips against Viktor’s, making Viktor realise with a sharp pang of embarrassment that he had a full on erection. Luxy’s laugh returned, “That’s what I thought. Not much of a lady’s man are you?”

Viktor stopped his dancing and casted his eyes downward. “Are you going to tell people?”

Luxy pulled Viktor against him, his hands roaming everywhere on Viktor’s body, places Viktor had only hoped someone would touch someday, but the skater couldn’t care, “Now why would I do that to my new friend?” 

Viktor nodded against Luxy’s chest as he continued to let the older musician touch him wherever he wanted. Something deep inside told him it was wrong, but it was his first time with people who seemed like they genuinely liked being with him, so he pushed his feelings aside and let it happen. 

It was two in the morning by the time Viktor, Luxy and their collection of people made their way out of the closing club. The seventeen year old was beyond coherency and needed to have a few people hold him up as he stood outside in the cold Saint Petersburg air. For January weather Viktor was oddly comfortable without a shirt on. There was a slightly desire to pass out, but a fighting force inside Viktor told him to wait until he got home. 

“I want to go home…” Viktor slurred, looking for Luxy. “Luxy! Take me home…”

The older man appeared before him and took Viktor’s weight upon himself from the two other people. The drunken boy grinned as he threw himself into Luxy’s embrace, smelling the fresh cigarette smoke the older man had just lit and wrinkling his nose. “I want to go home…” He repeated. “Can you help me find my house?”

Luxy hailed a passing taxi and eased Viktor’s way into the cab, Viktor pouting at the lack of touching when Luxy shut the door behind him, “You’ll be okay getting back to your place, Viktor?” 

Viktor nodded and smiled, “Yup! I’m going to go home, and sleep! And think about  _ you _ !” Viktor realised what he said and grew quiet, his cheeks growing pink again.

Luxy chuckled, “I’ll definitely be thinking about you too. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Viktor grew bold and leaned over and kissed Luxy quickly on the lips, “Just something else to think about.” The younger boy winked, leaving Luxy bewildered as the cab drove away. 

Viktor just gave his first kiss away, and he wouldn’t even remember it in the morning. 

Waking up the next morning was the hardest thing Viktor had ever gone through. The immediate sensation of having to throw up overwhelmed Viktor, but his searing headache prevented him from moving anywhere, so Viktor was reduced to throwing up on himself in his own bed; a bed he had no memory of getting into the night before. There wasn’t much that Viktor could remember once he got to the bar, but he recalled Luxy, the man who gave him friends. 

Viktor sat in his mess for over an hour, unable to get up and clean himself off, but the sound of his phone vibrating clear across his studio apartment forced the seventeen year old to gingerly leave his bed and search for his phone. He stumbled aimlessly, hoping that the ringtone would continue to go off so he could locate his device. It wasn’t until the ringtone went off for a third time with Viktor found the phone, a foot away from his front door. He must have dropped it the moment he got home, along with his pants and shoes. 

Picking up the phone Viktor finally discovered the time of the day and nearly threw up again. It was one in the afternoon. 

“ _ Shit _ .” Viktor breathed, looking at his notifications and seeing that he missed nine calls from Yakov in the span of three hours. This was not good. Viktor had never missed a practice in his life, even when his coach was Stanislav; and now he had a coach he desperately needed, and he had missed the majority of the day. 

The phone went off again, and this time it was Georgi calling. Viktor seethed and instantly denied the call. He couldn’t remember last night very well, but he surely remembered that Georgi was the reason why he felt this way. It was his first angry hangover. The pain and agony he felt only duplicated as he collapsed on the floor, another fit of throwing up overcoming him. He vowed to himself that never again would he go out if he had practice the next day, even if he needed a night away to forget his stressful personal life. 

It turned out that Viktor couldn’t stand by his convictions. Not three days later did Luxy call Viktor, inviting him out again with the same group of people. Viktor recalled his hangover he just got over the day before and the furious rampage that Yakov spewed at Viktor for missing even a minute of practice, and he knew that he shouldn’t go. He attempted to tell Luxy that he couldn’t, that skating was his first priority in life and he couldn’t change that, but then Luxy sounded so disappointed… 

Eventually Viktor gave in and went out with Luxy and the group to another club just outside of Saint Petersburg. It was then that Viktor learned that Luxy’s real name was Luke Xydas, and he was even more cool than Viktor thought. Luke never used Viktor and instead genuinely liked him, unlike Georgi who had begun a going down a dark path of anger and possession. Any girl Georgi was interested in instantly became his property, and it wasn’t long before the girls ran far away from him, causing him to get angrier and angrier. 

Viktor didn’t necessarily like going out, but Luke did, and Viktor couldn’t lose him now. He made Viktor happy, and that was more than most people in Viktor’s life. So if he happened to get drunk most nights with Luke, he still managed to wake up in time for his practices. It didn’t matter if he was either still drunk or extremely hungover, Viktor refused to let Yakov down again. Not after he fought so hard to get to this point just to have Yakov as his coach. 

After one month of knowing each other Luke took the next step and they started a sexual relationship. Viktor was still so new to everything, so Luke took the reigns and showed Viktor everything. The skater asked one night if they were boyfriends after two rounds of sex, but the older man insisted they keep it casual and not use labels. Viktor was mildly upset, but he never said anything. He pretended to not care when Luke would come over, spend minimal amounts of time with Viktor, only to fuck him when he pleased and then leave. He wanted to believe that Luke cared about him as much as Viktor cared for the older man, or that the other men didn’t exist that Luke slept with. 

It was two months before the Grand Prix Finals and Viktor was looking to be another top contender in the series. He had out beaten every contender in every competition he faced, winning gold after gold. He couldn’t have been happier with life. Luke took him out to party almost every single night, and soon Viktor was a professional not just in skating, but drinking as well. There wasn’t a day where the seventeen year old wasn’t getting drunk with Luke, or even by himself. It became secondhand nature for the skater to feel that familiar buzz. If he didn’t, he felt sick. 

He knew that he should stop, or at least limit the amount of alcohol he consumed, but every time he attempted to stop he felt sick and angry. It was easier to just drink, especially if Luke was doing it. Luke made everything easier. He confronted Luke about him sleeping with other guys and the man admitted it after Viktor persisted his questioning, but they never said that they were exclusive, so Viktor had no right to get jealous. He couldn’t help it, though. Viktor had genuine feelings for the older man, he was his first and only, and by nature Viktor was a jealous person. 

They got in fights frequently, mainly after Viktor had too much to drink, causing a frustrated Luke to find a drunk Viktor in his studio and they would argue about it. Eventually Luke would make Viktor feel stupid for getting jealous, and then Luke would fuck Viktor in any spot they could manage. It wasn’t a healthy relationship, but it was the only one Viktor had. 

Slowly, though, Viktor’s dependence on alcohol grew too dull for him. The drunken swirl of the world was his new normal, and soon it wasn’t enough for him. He craved more, to feel more than the internalized anger and loneliness that Viktor was trying to cover up with the drink.

It was then that Viktor was introduced to cocaine.

One of Luke’s friends had offered it to him one night while they were out clubbing after Viktor officially won his spot in the Grand Prix Final for the second year in a row. There was a part of Viktor that knew it wasn’t right, that he should have left this world behind long ago and only focus his life on skating. But that part of himself was overshadowed by the deep desire to get more, to feel more. So he began his new addiction to cocaine.

This time Luke was hesitant and unsure about what Viktor was doing, but it only gave Viktor a better reason to do it. If Luke was so worried, then he’d give up the rest of his guys and focus only on Viktor. Luke never did, but instead monitored Viktor as he started his new addiction. 

The feeling of being on cocaine was so much more different than alcohol. With cocaine, he felt energized and constantly alert. Like he could see everything. It was a whole new world for Viktor, one that he quickly was growing on a dependence as well as alcohol. 

The 2005 Grand Prix Finals were upon Viktor, and he couldn’t have been more ready. He loved his performances, and most importantly he knew he was the only person in the world who could do his routine to its full extent. He was daring to do what no one has attempted to do by putting a high level difficulty jump at the last second of his performance, and so far it had payed off for him. He won new records almost every time he skated, and Viktor felt like he was invincible because of it. 

Two hours before the free skate started, his last routine before he won gold again, Yakov pulled Viktor aside to speak with him alone. “Viktor, despite your talent in skating, it’s become clear that you don’t have what it takes to take skating seriously. If you don’t win today I’m stepping aside as your coach. I’ve been more than patient with you when it comes to your… habits, but I will not tarnish my reputation just so you can be irresponsible!”

“Coach, you can’t do that!” Viktor pleaded with Yakov, his hands shaking from the lack of alcohol in his system. Who said that he didn’t take skating seriously? He hadn’t had a sip of alcohol all day to prepare himself. 

“I can and I will. This will be a wake up call for you Viktor. It’s either you keep your current lifestyle or skating. I refuse to let you have both.”

Yakov left Viktor to wallow in his decision, the minutes ticking by as his trembling grew worse. He needed something, anything, to help him get by today. And then he’ll stop… Just one last hit…

Viktor remembered the small stash of coke he hid away in his bag and instantly grabbed it and snorted its contents on the locker room bench. The high was almost instantaneous and relaxed the skater’s nerves about today. He was on his way to winning a second gold medal at the Grand Prix Series, there was nothing that was going to stop him from doing so. The cocaine was only helping him focus on what his task was for completing the routine. 

The routine itself was going well for Viktor. His jumps were flawless and his step sequence flowed with grace as the Russian man came up on the second half of the performance. He looked over at Yakov and knew instantly that his coach had known he was high during the performance. He was skating too well and not stressed about what he was doing. To anyone watching it wouldn’t be out of the blue for Viktor who was known for having a confident nature about himself, but Yakov knew better. 

_ Today’s the last day, Yakov, you’ll see… _

The last jump in his routine was saved for the very last second. He would land it and then go into his final pose. It was all he needed to do. The moment Viktor left the ground he felt off. He felt it the second he entered the jump that he wasn’t going to land it. The height was all wrong, and he definitely was under rotating in his jump. Viktor attempted to soften the blow by gently landing his foot on the ice, but the skate caught the ice and instantly snapped his ankle, causing Viktor to land on the ice with a smash, his knee taking all the impact and shattering the instant he fell. 

Viktor knew something was wrong, but running on a high he couldn’t feel the pain just yet. He could hear the gasps and the screaming around him, but he never paid attention to it. He barely managed to land his final pose, and the moment the music stopped he collapsed. The pain began to radiate throughout his right leg, making it unbearable as Viktor thrashed on the ice, a cry of pain leaving his lips.

The medics were with him almost instantly as they put a brace on his distorted leg, the whole world watching as Viktor failed to contain his pain. He was taken away on a gurney, feeling as if he had done everything in his power to fail, when he looked and saw the final score. Despite not landing his last jump, even with the deductions he was still first.

He won the gold again.

Viktor let out a cry of victory, and he requested that he stand on the podium to receive his medal, but the doctor was insistent that he get to the hospital. Viktor tried to fight her, he needed to show the world that he was invincible, but she told him that if he didn’t get to the hospital there was a chance he wouldn’t be able to properly use his leg ever again. 

Begrudgingly Viktor agreed with the doctor and was wheeled away on the gurney and taken to the hospital, not able to receive his last gold medal for many years.

 

* * *

 

 

“All of this happened when you were seventeen?” Yuuri asked Viktor, looking down at the Russian skater who was cuddled against Yuuri, his head resting gently on Yuuri’s chest. He had been quiet for a few minutes, their light breathing and Yuuri’s thoughts the only thing interrupting the early hours of the morning. 

Viktor stirred slightly and reached for Yuuri’s hand. Their fingers entwined and Viktor nodded, “Any shred of innocence I had left was gone by the time I was eighteen. I was an alcoholic… addicted to cocaine… and the one person I thought cared about only cared about my body. I lost all sense of self-worth, even after winning my second gold medal. I was so injured from that jump…” Viktor visibly shuddered.

“I remember that day.” Yuuri whispered. “I was watching the Grand Prix with Yoko and Takeshi. I had been a fan of yours for over a year, and this was the first time I would see you win a gold medal. You were beautiful, Viktor. I had fallen even more in love with you with every second.”

Yuuri looked down when he heard a soft cry coming from Viktor, “Vitya? What’s wrong?”

“I let you down.” Viktor whimpered, his face contorted in pain. “I let so many people down. All because I was young and immature.”

“You’ve never let me down, Viktor. You were alone, and people left and right were using you. In fact, the only person who hadn’t used you was…”  _ Oh _ . “...Yakov.” Maybe Yuuri had miscalculated Yakov and his intentions with Viktor. Like Yuri said a few days ago, Yakov may not be the nicest person, but he was the best coach.

Viktor continued his soft weeping, “You’re right. And I let him down most of all.”

Yuuri swallowed, “Vitya, what happened after you broke your leg?”

Viktor sighed, “Every bad thing imaginable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just love a nice light chapter? Yeah, me either.
> 
> Come say hi to me on tumblr! I'm under the same username! I'll even write you a little something if you want!


	8. He Masks His Sorrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three skaters travel to Moscow, where secrets are revealed by more than one willing party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Posting Day!
> 
> I'm on vacation this coming week, so you'd think I'd have all the time in the world to write and relax right? Well, we'll see! haha
> 
> For this chapter, there is mention of suicide (from Yuri's mother), mentions of past drug abuse and prostitution. 
> 
> Thank you again to my rock, DomesticProwess. She has the most patience in the world with my busy life and helps me produce amazing chapters. I love her so much!
> 
> See you next Sunday!

April 18th, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

The dip in the bed should have alerted Yuuri that there was another person present in the room. However, after another long night of listening to Viktor’s story, Yuuri was unable to fully understand reality until he had a moment to collect his thoughts. There was another audible shift in the bed’s weight, and suddenly there was a large poodle on top of him and licking his face. Yuuri instantly awoke to the sensation, accidentally waking Viktor who was curled around his frame. There was a moment of utter confusion that passed between the two men who were struggling to wake up as they calmed Makkachin. She was extra boisterous today, but then again it seemed like she was more energetic in the morning than both Yuuri and Viktor combined. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think she’d wake you up…” Came a soft voice.

Yuuri and Viktor were able to move Makkachin out of the way in order to see Yuri sitting on the end of the bed, glancing over at the two men. The blond was dressed in a suit and tie, his hair was combed and styled neatly to perfection. His expression was somber as he regarded the two older men, and the reason why suddenly returned to Yuuri. Today was the anniversary of his mother’s death. 

Viktor seemed to have arrived at the same conclusion as Yuuri. The dark haired man held out his hand for Yuri and beckoned the younger skater closer to the two. Today was not the day for Yuri to be strong, Yuuri concluded, it was a day to reflect and be close to the ones that took care of you. Yuri still looked tired and upset despite a night’s rest with Makkachin and it was evident across his face, especially pertaining to the dark circles under his eyes. It was understandable, but Yuuri still felt the tender pull of his emotions running high for his boys. 

Yuri eventually made his way up the bed after a moment’s hesitation, before snuggling between Yuuri and Viktor. The two older men gladly accepted their bundle of Russian sass and pulled him into their embraces. Yuri laid his head on Viktor’s chest as Yuuri wrapped around the blond’s frame, lightly pressing his head behind Yuri’s. The Japanese skater could feel the blond eventually losing his tense composure, slipping into one of slight relaxation as the minutes ticked by. They hadn’t said anything, but everyone knew what today was and what it meant to Yurio. He was in a world without a mother, and while Yuuri had no idea how that felt, he could assume that Viktor had a slightly better connection. Yuuri wondered when the last time Viktor saw his parents, or if they even cared about their son anymore. 

“I wanted to ask you guys something…” Yuri muttered as he played with one of the buttons on his suit jacket. He sounded nervous, like he wasn’t sure how the two men would react.

“What is it?” Yuuri asked as he lifted his head to look down at Yuri.

“Will you… err… will you go with me to Moscow? To see my mom?” Yuri spoke softly, his eyes completely focused on the button, unable to meet the older skater’s gaze.

Viktor and Yuuri exchanged meaningful looks with each other, the implications of Yuri’s request weighing heavily with them. Out of everyone Yuri could have asked to take him to see his mother’s grave, the sixteen year old skater asked Yuuri and Viktor. A swell of emotions ran through Yuuri as he processed this new information, tears threatening to shed as he clung to the younger boy in front of him. 

“Of course, Yuri,” Viktor replied, saying the words that Yuuri couldn’t say for fear of becoming an emotional wreck. “We’re honored that you’d ask us to take you. Does Yakov know we’re going?”

Yuri nodded, his face set in a tight line. Yuuri knew this was the face he made when he tried not to show his emotions, it was the same one he wore the night before when he couldn’t deny the sadness today would bring. Maybe Yuuri would get more insight into Yuri’s life before he met him a little over a year ago. It was amazing to think that not long ago his life was so different. Everything had changed. “I told him a couple days ago. He knew it was coming, but he had to be a jerk about it. He didn’t like that all three of us were missing a full day of practice.”

“Nevermind Yakov,” Viktor told Yuri as he continued to hold the younger blond, “He’s just looking out for you. He did the same thing for me. It doesn’t mean he’s always right, but at the end of the day he does care about you. We all do, understand?”

Yuri nodded, his face still clouded with what looked like a million thoughts running through his head. Yuuri couldn’t tell if the blond actually believed Viktor, but a large portion of him hoped that some form of Viktor’s words comforted Yuri. The blond still appeared to be upset, a look Yuuri assumed would stay throughout the day, but the Japanese skater wanted desperately to do something to help the young skater. There was only one way Yuuri could think of doing.

“Yurio, want me to make a big breakfast for all of us before we go? We’ll need to bulk up if we’re taking a day trip to Moscow.”

Yuri’s eyes lit up slightly at the mention of Yuuri cooking food and he hummed in response, “Yeah. Can we have Syrniki with fruit?” 

Yuuri smiled as he moved to get off the bed, running through his head the ingredients he would need, “Sure, that sounds perfect.”

Viktor held his head up, “Do you want us to come help you?” 

The older skater started to move as if he was going to leave the bed as well, but Yuri, who was still clinging to Viktor, looked mildly upset. Yuuri quickly stopped Viktor from moving, “No, no! It’s okay. I’ve got this one, Vitya. You two enjoy the extra time to relax.” He smiled when Yuri’s face eased and continued to lay on Viktor’s frame. The oldest skater smiled at his fiance and mouthed his declaration of love, pure devotion etched into his eyes. Viktor settled fully into Yuri’s embrace as he slightly patted the blond’s head which was situated on his shoulder. 

It didn’t take long for Yuuri to finish their breakfast of syrniki, and soon enough he walked back into his room to find both Viktor and Yuri asleep comfortably in the same position they were in before. Yuuri held two large bowls, one filled with the syrniki and the other with the assorted fruits Yuri requested, and made his way onto the bed again. Normally he wouldn’t think of eating in bed, especially a food which could stain the expensive sheets, but today wasn’t an ordinary day. 

The sound of the bed shifting woke the two sleeping skaters and Yuri sat up quickly at the smell of ready food. He grinned when Yuuri sat the bowls in the middle for everyone to take and quickly grabbed own portions. The other two could only grin and take their time eating, admiring the upward shift in Yuri’s mood now that he had some food in him. Yuuri would have to remember that Yuri always felt better after eating something. 

“What time is the train to Moscow?” Yuuri asked after nearly all of the food was gone, mostly eaten by Yuri.

“In a couple hours,” Yuri replied with a full mouth of fruit. 

“I need to get ready!” Viktor exclaimed, “Do I even have a decent outfit to wear?!”

The two younger skaters eyed each other wearily, “Uh, Vitya, all you own are designer outfits…”

Viktor took a moment before his heart-shaped smile made its way onto his face, his eyes crinkling, “That’s true! I’ll have to find the right one, though.”

Yuuri admired Viktor’s demeanor and suddenly realised why it felt foreign to him. It was the first time that Viktor had properly smiled in three days. It was the most welcomed thing Yuuri could hope to see, and it lifted a large weight off his chest he didn’t know he was holding. He wanted to cry with relief, knowing that Viktor eventually could smile with such ease again, after everything he had been through. He was going to be okay.

Because Yuri was already in his full outfit for the day, he had to watch as the two older skaters made their way frantically throughout the apartment, looking for any little thing to complete their outfit. They wanted to look their best for their day trip, which took all of their extra time before they had to leave. Yuri kept griping at the two men to hurry otherwise they’d miss their train, and eventually Yuuri was able to put together a nice outfit before Yurio got too angry with him. 

Viktor was another story. 

He was going through his choices of outfits, going back and forth between a charcoal black suit and an onyx black suit. When Yuri started yelling at Viktor, saying that they were the exact same color, Viktor dramatically gasped and had to go into exhausting detail as to why Yuri was so wrong. Eventually, Yuuri had to separate the two arguing Russians and ordered Viktor to put on the charcoal black suit on, claiming it matched with his platinum silver hair. His fiance’s mood lightened considerably at the compliment and was able to put himself together in no time. 

Yuri eventually calmed down as everyone left for the day, but not before taking Makkachin to Lilia’s house, the older woman graciously accepting the role of dog babysitter for the day. She gave Yuri a long hug before they left. She even gave a generous thank you to Viktor and Yuuri for taking the blond to Moscow. Yuuri hadn’t seen Lilia so human before, only the side of her that demanded perfection in her choreography. 

There was an instant during their exchange with Lilia that caught Yuuri off guard, but he never mentioned it until they were sitting in their first class seats on the train. Yuuri and Viktor sat next to each other and Yuri sat across from them, the blond’s mood darkening slightly as he looked out the window. 

“Hey, Yurio?” Yuuri asked.

Yuri tore his gaze from the now moving scenery outside the window to look at the Japanese skater, “Yeah?”

“What did Lilia mean when she told you to say hello to your mother for her?” 

Yuri’s eyes dropped slightly to look at his hands, “My mother used to be a student of Lilia’s.”

Viktor and Yuuri both ogled at the blond, “She was?”

Yuri nodded, “Before she had me, she was a Russian Idol who performed with Lilia’s ballet team. She was really good. I’ve seen videos of her, but they’re not great quality. But… she was the best one in the group.” There was a faraway look in Yuri’s eyes as he recalled the only grainy video of his mother. “But then she got married and got pregnant with me, so she had to quit.”

“How did your mom and dad meet?” Yuuri couldn’t help himself from asking.

Yuuri noticed that Viktor looked mildly uncomfortable, but never paid him much attention. He was too enrapture with Yuri’s story, and he assumed that Victor was most likely reflecting on his own upbringing at the mention of parents. 

Yuri’s mood darkened at the mention of his father, “He was a nobody who happened to meet my mom at the right time. She fell for him instantly and they got married because she had a name for herself. But the second she had me he left us. He didn’t even want me after my mom died. The only time he was forced to take me was after my grandpa went to jail.” 

Yuuri’s eyes widened, “Nikolai went to jail? What for?” Yuuri instantly regretted asking the question, knowing it must be too personal, but Yuri responded too quickly for Yuuri to take back the question.

“I… I don’t know. He would never tell me, even to this day. But, it can’t be that bad, can it? I mean...they let him out early,” Yuri mumbled, slightly embarrassed by the curious dark haired man’s line of questioning.

Yuuri shifted his gaze away, smiling shyly at his fiance for only a moment before realizing something was wrong. Viktor looked as if he had never been more uncomfortable in his life. He was wearing a deep scowl across his face and his usually relaxed posture was stiff and trembling. Without hesitation he stood from his seat and barely glanced at the two, “I’ll be back. I need to take a walk,” He tensely muttered to his two companions before walking away quickly. 

The two looked at each other in bewilderment. They had never seen Viktor like that before, “What’s with him?” Yuri asked. 

Yuuri wanted to say that he didn’t know, but after the past three days of Viktor’s ups and downs, he could understand. He still questioned why the conversation about Nikolai made him upset, but that would be for a later discussion. One without Yuri present in case there might be sensitive topics for the younger skater. “It’s been difficult for Viktor since we have came back to Russia...I think he was really beginning to like living in Japan.”

“Well, I’m glad you came back,” Yuri said softly, silence settling between the two men in the moments thereafter. 

They remained quiet for a few minutes before Yuuri’s curiosity won out and he needed to ask Yuri more questions about his past, “Did your Grandpa ever tell you why your mom was so depressed?” 

Yuri shrugged, “Well, her husband had left her and it’s not like I’m an easy person to be around, so I can only imagine that she had plenty of good reasons.”

Yuuri furrowed his brows at the blond’s bitter response, “You don’t blame yourself for your mother’s death, do you?”

“Of course I do!” Yuri growled, “She wouldn’t be in a cemetery in Moscow if it wasn’t for me! She’d be a worldwide sensation, the best dancer ballet had ever seen. But then she had me and had to stop everything. She had to put her life on hold because of me, and later she ended it on her own account. So yes, Pork Cutlet Bowl, I blame myself for my mother killing herself. Any more questions for me?” He asked sarcastically, his voice dripping with venom as he glared at Yuuri. 

Yuuri stared at the younger skater in horror. He had no idea the kind of emotional trauma that laid dormant in the younger skater’s life. He entirely blamed himself for the death of his mother, but even Yuuri could see that there was so much untold about Yuri’s past that even Yuri didn’t know about. Of course there were a million questions had for Yuuri, but unlike Viktor who was so open and willing to tell Yuuri everything, Yuri was much more closed off. He couldn’t stand to think that he was upsetting his young companion any more than he already was. 

“No, Yurio. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”

Yuri sighed and looked at his phone, “We only have an hour and a half before we get to Moscow. I think I’m going to just listen to my music until then and text Otabek.” He put in his earbuds but before he went into his own little world the blond looked around, “I haven’t seen Viktor in awhile. You should go see if he’s okay.”

Yuuri startled when he realised Yuri was right. It had been awhile since he’d seen Viktor. “I’ll be right back, okay?” He told Yuri as he rose from his seat.

“Whatever.” He replied without a care as he tapped away on his phone. 

Yuuri sighed and walked away from the blond Russian in order to find his fiance. It had been so long since Viktor made himself present, Yuuri began to worry about the older man. Was he having another bad day and Yuuri was too focused on Yurio to notice? His guilt ate at him as he continued to walk through the train, looking desperately for Viktor. 

Eventually he found his fiance in solitude at the back of the train by himself, the emptiness of the train cart reminding Yuuri how lonely his two men were before they found their little family. Viktor was sitting at a window seat, his head resting against the glass as he lazily watched the world pass him without interest. He noticed Yuuri walk up to him, but he maintained his spot. 

Yuuri made his way to sit next to Viktor, neither one saying anything as they curled into each other. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity as Yuuri watched Viktor who continued to watch the world zoom past them. He was so down, and Yuuri began to worry about his fiance. “Vitya? Are you okay? We were starting to worry about you.”

Viktor eventually answered Yuuri. “I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” Viktor replied monotonously to Yuuri. “I need to be strong for Yuri today.”

“You don’t have to be strong for anyone,” Yuuri assured, placing a hand on Viktor’s thigh, “Least of all us. We’re a family, and if someone’s down then we all work together to pick up the pieces.”

Viktor chuckled darkly, “And if Yuri and I are both in pieces? It’s not fair to you to look after us. I need to do more to be there for him… but, oh my god, Yuuri, there’s so much that you still don’t know. So much I should have told you before we left for Moscow.”

“How much more?”

Viktor looked at Yuuri, his eyes sad but a weak smile made its way onto his lips, “Nine years worth.”

“Nine years?” Yuuri breathed. “What happened to you, Vitya? After you broke your leg?”

“Yuuri, there’s one thing you need to know before we go to Moscow. It’s about the man who ruined my life.”

“What is it?” Yuuri asked. 

“There’s a chance we might see him,” Viktor told Yuuri, “And you need to know that everything I’ve told you about my past is true. Even the things I haven’t told you yet, they’re all true. He can’t come near me, but that might not stop him.”

“How will he know you’re in Moscow?” Yuuri asked in horror.

Viktor looked anguished, “Yuuri, he’s--”

“Hey! Losers!” Yuri bellowed as he made his way into the train compartment, effectively scaring the two who were in their own little world. “You can’t just leave me alone the entire train trip! I’m sad and you need to comfort me!” He demanded, folding his arms as he approached the couple. 

“Yuri, Viktor was just about to tell me something--”

“I don’t give a shit,” Yuri growled as he pulled Yuuri from his seat. “Come on, we’re nearly at Moscow and this train station can be a pain in the ass to get through.” 

Yuuri looked at Viktor but the older man could only acquiesce to the younger man’s request. There was a look between the two that they’d continue the conversation soon, but Yuuri wished more than anything that they could have it now. There was a chance the man who ruined Viktor’s life was in Moscow and ready to find Viktor, and Yuuri had to be as prepared as he could. He was the main source of stability in his family right now, and the more he knew the better. 

The rest of the train ride was spent in silence as the three men sat in their seats until the train rolled into Moscow. Yuri’s eyes had hardened into a steely gaze as they exited the train. He was on a mission, Viktor and Yuuri were only accompanying him to make sure he was okay. He walked with a purpose that resembled very similarly to one he would walk in a competition. He had a purpose and he was going to achieve it. Even through the taxi ride to the cemetery Yuri remained quiet and determined as he stared out of the taxi window.

The cemetery itself was different than what Yuuri was used to. The land itself was forested over with trees and plant life, overshadowing the grey light of the sky so that it left everything a shade darker on the inside. The headstones itself seemed considerably more outdated and threatening. It was enclosed by a tall steeled gate that ran along the road before opening to a ornate entrance at the corner of the street. The whole thing felt intimidating to Yuuri who was used to much less busy work in Japan. 

Viktor and Yuuri let the younger skater lead the way through the cemetery. His somber demeanor was like a constant companion, gloom hanging over the blond as they twisted their way throughout the tombstones, some old and on verge of crumbling and others newly placed. Yuuri reached over and grabbed Viktor’s hand, needing the reassurance that his fiance was next to him in this journey. Viktor held on tight to Yuuri’s hand as his eyes continued to scan his surroundings, surely paranoid of his surroundings. Yuuri would be, too, if there was a chance that the man who caused Viktor’s life to crumble was in the same city as him. 

Eventually Yuri stopped in his tracks and stopped in front of a slightly dated tombstone and stared at it. The tombstone was pinkish in color, but otherwise simple. It read: 

 

**Нина Плисецкий, мать и дочь. Навсегда танцы.**

 

“What does it say?” Yuuri asked in a hushed tone to Viktor. While Yuuri had been in Japan for a considerable amount of time and he could listen and speak the language much easier than before, reading the new alphabet was still a challenge to overcome. The older man observed as Yuri softly knelt down in front of the gravestone, his tone impassive. 

“Nina Plisetskaya. Mother and Daughter. Forever Dancing,” Viktor whispered. 

Yuuri took a shuddered breath as he turned his head to watch as Yuri continued to stare at the gravestone, his hands curling into the damp soil at the foot of the grave and let his emotions run loose as he crumbled to the floor. “Mama,” Yuri cried in his native tongue, reaching his hand out to place on the tomb, the one physical form of his mother he could touch. “I’m sorry…”

“Yuran…” Viktor soothed, gently releasing his hand from Yuuri’s and going to comfort the younger skater. 

Viktor knelt down and went to reach for Yuri, but the blond shied away from him. “No! Don’t touch me.” 

“Yuri…” Viktor sighed, but the blond grew angry and got to his feet. 

“Just leave me alone! I’m… I’m sorry I can’t be around her,” He sobbed as he ran away from the two. 

Yuuri went up to Viktor and helped him to his feet. “I think you should go after him.” Yuuri spoke to Viktor, helping him straighten his suit. “He says he wants to be alone, but I think he needs you now more than ever, Vitya.”

Viktor nodded as he stared off in the direction that Yuuri ran to, “I think you’re right. Will you be okay by yourself?” He asked, eyeing the cemetery’s surroundings.

Yuuri nervously chuckled, “Will I be okay in a creepy cemetery by myself with the grave of Yuri’s mother? I don’t see a problem with it.” 

Viktor smiled and leaned down to kiss Yuuri on the lips, “I’ll be right back, Yura. Don’t move.”

Yuuri returned the kiss and nodded, feeling the loss when Viktor separated himself to go run after Yuri. The moment he was alone Yuuri he felt the weight of the grave before him, knowing who was there. Yuuri couldn’t believe that this woman whom he had never and will never meet held such an important role in his life. Her actions helped pave the way of Yuri’s life, and therefore affecting Yuuri’s as well. He couldn’t explain the emotions that ran through him as he stared at the grave, the Russian words slowly making more sense to the Japanese man. 

“She was very beautiful,” Came a voice from behind Yuuri, effectively scaring the skater from his position.

As Yuuri turned around he was greeted by Nikolai Plisetsky. He was standing twenty feet behind Yuuri, his stature closed in and guarded as he regarded Yuuri. It made Yuuri feel defenseless as he stood fully to face the taller man. Never before had Yuuri been alone with Nikolai Plisetsky, and to be honest he would have liked to live out his days never doing so. There was something threatening about Nikolai, though Yuuri couldn’t place what made him feel off about the older man. 

“Nikolai… I didn’t expect to see you here,” Yuuri replied, his voice tight during the uncomfortable situation, unable to understand why the older man was here at the exact time they had chosen to arrive. 

“This is my daughter’s tomb,” Nikolai replied harshly his weathered face contorted into a deep scowl, “Why wouldn’t I be here, Katsuki?” 

Yuuri blushed, “No, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean it like that. I only meant that--”

“It’s fine,” Nikolai replied stiffly, walking up to Yuuri and standing next to him at the tomb. “I caught you unaware. I should have said something so I didn’t startle you. And yet you’re still scared of me.” Nikolai observed, glancing his way towards Yuuri who remained still in his spot, “I’m never myself around this time of the year. I recall everything about my daughter’s finals days, I go through all of the decisions I made at that time and wonder if there was anything I could have done differently. Maybe Yuri would still have a mother.”

“At least he has you?” Yuuri replied, crossing his arms. “He says a lot of nice things about you.”

Nikolai scoffed, “Don’t lie to me in front of my deceased daughter. I would think you would respect me enough to do that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any offense--”

“GET AWAY FROM HIM!” Yuuri spun around to see Viktor reappearing without Yuri, his chest heaving as he made his way quickly to the pair. 

As soon as Viktor was close enough he took Yuuri by the arm and dragged him away from the older man who now held an ugly smirk on his face. “Viktor?” Yuuri asked, scared of his fiance. He had seen Viktor upset, especially in the past couple days, but never before had he seen Viktor completely enraged. “It’s okay, it’s only Yuri’s Grandpa. This is Nikolai Pl--”

“I know who he is,” Viktor spoke lowly as he glared at the older man, his grip on Yuuri’s arm beginning to hurt. 

“You know him, Vitya?” Yuuri asked, as he looked between his fiance and Yuri’s grandpa. 

Viktor swallowed as he nodded, “I tried to tell you on the train, Yuuri. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner.” Viktor’s body was trembling with barely contained hatred, “This is the man who ruined my life.”

“What?” Yuuri asked in horror, moving closer to Viktor as he looked over at Yuri’s grandpa, the smirk evident on his face still, “I don’t understand. How… He ruined your life?”

Nikolai bursted out in sarcastic laughter, “Oh Vityan, you can’t honestly blame me for your problems, can you?” Nikolai stepped forward towards the couple but Viktor pulled Yuuri away from the older man. “It’s not my fault you were a desperate little druggie.”

“Get the fuck away from us! You aren’t allowed to be within a hundred feet of me and you know that. I’ll call the police and they’ll send you back to jail,” Viktor snarled.

“All those years of the cocaine I gave you really did a number on your memory, didn’t it?” Nikolai smirked, “Don’t forget we’re in Moscow. I  _ own _ Moscow,  _ Vitka _ . There’s nothing you can do to me here.” 

“Viktor, I don’t understand,” Yuuri trembled, “He gave you cocaine?”

“Oh I didn’t  _ give _ him anything,” Nikolai continued to walk forward, “He had to work for his drugs like the little slut he is. He would fuck anyone just to get a gram. I bet he never told you that. I bet he’s slept with half of Europe’s rich and famous.” 

“STOP IT!” Viktor screamed, his body shaking with all the stress. “Don’t bring Yuuri into this!” 

“If he’s going to marry you he’s already condemned to pick up your sloppy pieces. You’re broken beyond repair, Viktor. I made sure of that. You can never recover from your past. It will continue to haunt you well past the time of my death.” 

“Viktor, I want to leave,” Yuuri pleaded with his fiance. He had no idea where Yuri was, and everything was starting to overwhelm the Japanese man. He needed to be alone with Viktor and get the real story from his fiance. The way Nikolai spoke about Viktor frightened Yuuri. “Please, we need to leave.”

“Listen to your fiance, Viktor,” Nikolai smirked, “It might be the last chance you have.” 

“Viktor, please!” Yuuri pulled Viktor away from the older man, tears forming as he tried to remember the way out of the dark cemetery. Where was Yuri?! “I want to go home.”

“Leave us alone, Nikolai,” Viktor spoke low and threateningly as the couple began their careful steps away from the older man. “Yuuri is the only good thing about my life and I will not hesitate to protect him.”

Nikolai chuckled darkly, “I was hoping you’d say that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me on Tumblr! I go by Twentythreefandoms as well! We can all be YOI trash together. :) Plus, if you want me to write you a little something I can do that as well!


	9. With a Crown of Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor's backstory and his connection with Nikolai is finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the best day of the week!
> 
> I'm sorry I posted so late in the day! I was on "vacation" but I never had a second alone officially, so I'm deeply sorry if this chapter seems a little shorter!
> 
> I want to thank DomesticProwess for her constant friendship and assurance while I wrote this. She was so kind to me and helpful despite my anxiety!
> 
> This chapter contains drug abuse, rape/non-con, and attempted suicide, so forewarning, lovelies! I'll see you next Sunday!

2006

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

“...And so, it is with deep sorrow that I confirm that Viktor will have to take this next season off. He will be focusing on healing the multiple breaks in his leg through therapy and hopefully he will be coming back to the skating world stronger than before.” 

Viktor watched the scene play out on his television screen. Yakov stood amongst the slew of reporters with their large microphones shoved close to his weathered face, a large scowl across his lips as he spoke. He was never good at doing press releases, and ever since Viktor’s broken leg a month ago their relationship has been anything but solid. It was evident right away that the break and the additional damage, a smashed section of Viktor’s knee, was not an easy fix. After several different consultations, it had been determined that it would require months upon months of grueling physical therapy just to get back to normal use. 

In the previous week, when Yakov first visited Viktor at the hospital, he brought the gold medal for the nearly eighteen year old, but refused to give it to him.

“You don’t deserve this!” Yakov angrily condemned his student. “There were five other skaters who slaved away all year to get to this point. Some had waited years just for this chance, and you cheated them out of it. You won by a hair’s breath, Viktor, but I should disqualify you.”

“No coach!” Viktor pleaded, holding out his shaking hand towards his coach, “You can’t! I won!” 

“No, you didn’t!” Yakov countered. “You’re a cheater. And I refuse to be your coach anymore.”

Viktor’s eyes widened, “What? No! I just did it the last time!”

Yakov sighed and stood from his chair, “I told you, Viktor. I'm done with the drugs and carelessness. You decided getting high was more important to you than winning with a clean conscience. I’m sorry, but I refuse to coach you anymore.”

Tears were streaming down Viktor’s face, “Please! You have to believe in me! You’re the only one in my life who has!”

Yakov walked away but stopped at the door and turned to look at his former student, “I’ll always be there for you, Viktor. You’re the most talented skater I’ve ever seen in my days as a coach. But you have to take care of yourself first.”

As Viktor looked at his former coach through the screen, only resentment and agony ruptured through Viktor as he shut off the television. He was without a coach, without a proper leg to stand on, and without a purpose. Once again, Viktor felt all alone. The one thing that he devoted his entire life to had to be put on hold because he didn’t give it his all. He was desperate for love and affection, and because of his weakness he lost everything. 

The first week after his broken leg Viktor was able to stay clean. He was going through nasty withdrawals and lashing out at anyone or anything that was less than perfect, but his week long stay in the hospital meant that he couldn’t get his cocaine. He tried texting Luke, needing the older man more than ever… needing someone to comfort him, but the musician gave constant excuses as to why he couldn’t go to see Viktor. His parents were all but non-existent in his life, but at this point Viktor expected it. They were only mildly interested in him because he was world famous, just as he always knew he’d be, but the moment he crashed they disappeared. 

He truly was alone.

It was only time before Viktor found his way back to cocaine. The week of being clean in the hospital was one of intense pain and misery, one the eighteen year old couldn’t bear by himself. He needed that added push to get him through the day. When he looked back on it in the future, he supposed that if he had someone in his life to help him heal and better himself that he wouldn’t need the drugs. But then again, Viktor loved to deceive himself. Every second in his hospital room was spent waiting for the moment he could leave so that he could dive wholly into his nasty habit. Not even alcohol appealed to him, he craved that shot of energy in his system, to make him feel alive again. 

The moment he arrived home to his studio apartment, the dark empty space making him feel no less home, he ran to his secret stash next to his bed. It was more important to him that anything else. He hadn’t even seen Makkachin, who had been staying with Yakov he had later found out, but he couldn’t focus. Viktor was addicted and he couldn’t have cared less. His hands were shaking feverishly as he made his way to a flat surface and snorted the contents in one go. The instant it hit him was a smack to the face. His mind went blank with the sensation. He didn’t care about the unpleasant taste at the back of his throat that made him gag, he welcomed it. It made him forget. 

In his drugged state Viktor made constant attempts to reach Luke. He missed his companion, and more importantly he needed sex desperately. His drug hazed brain pushed his pain to the side. All he wanted was to be touched, craving human contact. In the minutes that ticked by at an accelerated pace, Viktor thought about finding a random guy at a club and bringing him home, but he didn’t want to give up on Luke. He was his first and only. Even though he knew Luke didn’t feel the same way, Viktor loved the older man. He made him feel crazy half the time, but he couldn’t deny his feelings, especially when he was high. 

Eventually, after so many desperate attempts to reach Luke, the older man finally  relented and made his way to Viktor’s apartment at the tearful request by Viktor. He hadn’t seen Luke in nearly two months, and the moment he saw him walk through his front door Viktor pounced on him, desperate for Luke to fuck him until he forgot his name. Because despite their odd relationship this was when they were at their best. At first Luke seemed hesitant, but when Viktor dropped to his knees uneasily with his cast and began sucking Luke off he lost all protesting. 

They spent the day in a blissed haze of sex, the cocaine enabling Viktor to go nonstop with Luke. They went rounds all over the small apartment. Leaving Viktor messy and sticky from the mixture of both men’s fluids clinging to his body. It was the best he had felt since the Grand Prix. His leg still throbbed angrily from all the activity, but he reasoned that this was his form of physical therapy for the day. Now that Luke was back, he would be able to get much more activity. 

Towards the end of the night, the cocaine beginning to wane, Viktor hobbled with his cast to go find another hit. “More?” Luke asked as he grabbed Viktor’s wrist and held the younger man in place.

“Yeah, it’s starting to wear off, so I need more,” Viktor reasoned, attempting to pull his hand away but Luke held it firmly.

“Viktor, you don’t need anymore,” Luke told him evenly.

Viktor ripped his hand away from Luke forcefully, “Yes, I do. You don’t have to have any if you don’t want to, but I need it.”

Luke furrowed his eyebrows and followed the crippled Viktor as he looked for more drugs, “You need to control yourself.”

“No!” Viktor replied angrily. He continued to look around his apartment but it was evident from the constant usage that he had run out. His hands began to shake as the withdrawals were beginning to overwhelm him. “Fuck! I thought I had more. Luke, do you have something? Anything?”

Luke sighed, “No, I don’t. And even if I did I wouldn’t give you any.”

Viktor looked up at the older man with anger, “Don’t pretend like you’re so much better than me. You’re the one who made me like this. You introduced me to alcohol and the drugs. If anything happened to me, it’s all because of you!”

Luke brought up his hand and swiftly slapped Viktor across the cheek. He hadn’t been hit in over a year, but he still remembered every time it happened, and they all came rushing back to him. His shaking hands reached up to his face as he felt tears cascading down his cheeks. “You know I’ve been abused,” Viktor whispered. The fear of his past abuses crawled into his present as he stared at Luke. The man he thought he could trust had committed the same atrocity as his previous coach. He no longer felt safe and began to slowly back away from Luke in fear. 

“I-I didn’t mean to…” Luke stuttered, his eyes wide and apologetic. He tried to reach for Viktor but the younger man shied away from his touch.

“I don’t just need the drugs because I want to have fun, Luke. I want to forget every bad thing that’s ever happened to me. I want to forget that  _ he’s _ ever touched me.” Viktor stepped away from a shellshocked Luke, his hands shaking beyond control as he tried to keep his wits together. He wanted to fall apart, to lose everything that he’s tried so hard to keep hidden about him; all the loss, the abuse and the people so easily leaving him. It would be so easy for Viktor to lose it all, and he wanted to. 

“Viktor, I think I should leave,” Luke spoke finally, his eyes sad as he still held his hands in front of him, frozen from his previous act. 

Hot tears ran down Viktor’s cheeks. “I should have known you’d only want to fuck me then leave like I was nothing.”

“Viktor, that’s not--”

“JUST LEAVE!” Viktor shouted, the volume of his voice shocking him. Ever since he could remember Viktor had never shouted in his life. He had gotten close with Stanislav, but he was scared then. Now he was in pure agony. He didn’t hear movement so he looked behind him to see Luke still stood in the same spot. “Please…” Viktor sobbed, not knowing whether he was asking for a miracle and for Luke to start caring for him the way Viktor cared for him, or for the older man to leave. 

Luke stayed frozen for a moment longer before dropping his hands in defeat and walking out of Viktor’s apartment, never saying a word as Viktor continued to let himself cry. It was just another heartbreak, Viktor told himself. It shouldn’t hurt this bad. But then again, Luke had meant something much more to Viktor; more than his parents, than Stanislav, than Georgi or even Yakov. He meant liberation and love, he meant physical pleasure and happiness after seventeen years of repression. Just like everyone in his life, Luke had left once Viktor got to be too difficult to manage. He was too emotionally damaged, and once his body became damaged as well everyone ran for their freedom. Yakov wasn’t willing to help Viktor, and Luke only cared for his body. 

Viktor wanted to give up at that moment, but the only thing that drove Viktor was the desperation for more cocaine. He was beyond the feeling of despair, but he couldn’t stop the aching need to have another hit, even though he had his dosage of cocaine for the day. He knew that soon he would have to do a drug test if he had any chance to have Yakov back as a coach to prove his sobriety, but at the moment there was no part of Viktor that desired to ever skate again, not in the mental state that he was in. 

Viktor’s body weak from the emotional turmoil and the excessive amounts of sex throughout the day, but he was running on the pure desire to get more drugs. It was the only thing that drove him past the point of wanting death. His body screamed for the release of his current life. He needed an escape...he needed to go out. 

The moment Viktor stepped foot into the overwhelming atmosphere of the dance club he felt immensely better. He was no longer alone in the grand scheme of the world, he was just another lonely soul looking for a way to get away from it all. The music blared through his eardrums, his body continuing to shake from the withdrawals he could feel himself lose control. He needed to find someone, anyone, who could give him drugs. He would do anything for it. His foot was sore as he trudged his way through the dance floor, looking for someone familiar to give him his dosage of cocaine. 

It wasn’t long before he found a familiar face in the crowd, a man he had previously bought cocaine from while he was with Luke. The thought of his former relationship with the musician fueled Viktor’s seething rage and desperation to get the drugs. He only meant to get enough to get him through the night, but as he stood face to face with his opportunity, he threw all of his cash into the substance. 

The man in question seemed delighted at the massive purchase, even offering to throw in a night of sex to show his appreciation. Viktor, who was more alone than ever took the offer and brought the man back to his flat and let him use Viktor however the man saw fit. He never cared, though. He was high on cocaine and too blissed out on the missing sensation to properly care. They could have gone for hours and Viktor never noticed, only when the guy left Viktor to his wrecked body and large amounts of cocaine. 

The months that passed for Viktor continued very similarly to the previous night, where he used the rest of his drugs, went out and found a random dealer and brought them back to his apartment to do whatever they pleased as long as they gave him cocaine. It was on his term, and he was okay with it. He was able to forget. He forgot his life as a figure skater even after he got his leg cast off, as someone who was looking upon as a perfect beacon of athleticism, as a Russian Hero. He was only an eighteen year old boy who had never felt true affection and was too much for anyone to handle, so he could only take so much into his own hands. 

His it all came to a halt when his money dried up. He had stopped going to his sponsored interviews or advertisement photoshoots, the companies had no choice but to pull out. Viktor was sure that was the gist of the letters that were sent to him that were left unopened throughout his apartment, but the thought of his only source of funds ending terrified the Russian boy. He wouldn’t be able to pay for his apartment, let alone his white habit. The moment hit him with full force as he tried to get his drugs but was vehemently denied from a man who had used Viktor’s body many times when Viktor was short on cash before, but refused to give Viktor any cocaine if he didn’t have any money on him. 

Viktor was enraged at the man he didn’t even know by name and started a fight with the man in the middle of dance club, resulting in a large security guard to throw Viktor out into the cold Saint Petersburg night, his elbows and knees scraped against the concrete as he could feel the eyes of dozens of people staring at the drug addicted man before them. Most of them likely didn’t know who he was, but even if they did know Viktor couldn’t have cared. 

“Are you alright?” Came a gruff voice above him.

Viktor shakily looked up to see a mucher older gentleman standing above him, his small misty green eyes peering down at him, slighting hidden by a flat beret. He had the aura of a man of importance. 

“I’m fine…” Viktor winced as he slowly made his way to his feet and looked at the man. It felt as if the man was calculating as he regarded Viktor, making the Russian make shrink under the heavy gaze. 

“It doesn’t look like you’ve had a good night,” The man observed as he looked over Viktor’s tussled hair and scantily clad outfit. 

“I’ve had worse.” Viktor sighed, his hands refusing to keep still as he ran his hands over his outfit to wipe off the grime of the street. 

“I’ve noticed,” The man replied with a slight smile.

Viktor stopped and furrowed his brows at the man, “How do you--?”

“I’ve been watching you for awhile, Viktor. I think I could help you, if you’re interested.”

“I’m sorry, I think I should be going.”

The older man let out a low laugh, effectively creeping Viktor out as he turned his back and made his way from the stranger, “You need cocaine, don’t you, Viktor?”

Viktor stopped in his tracks and turned around. The old man was wearing a wide grin but it sent a crawl up Viktor’s spine. “How do you know?”

The man walked up to Viktor, “Let’s just say that it’s my business to know. I run a small business and I’m looking to employ a few people who are interested. In return I’ll give you all the cocaine you desire.”

Viktor swallowed heavily, “What kind of business?”

The man chuckled and slapped a hand on Viktor’s arm, making the younger man wince from the impact. “I’ll just have you entertain certain people; my friends, if you will. If they knew that if they could spend time with  _ the _ Viktor Nikiforov, we both could make a great profit from it.”

“That’s all I have to do? Spend time with people?” Viktor asked, unconvinced.

“Let’s just say that if they paid the right price, we might be able to work something else out. This is the only offer you’re going to get this good, Viktor. I’m offering unlimited drugs, the opportunity to spend time with people and a chance to keep yourself off the streets. Unless you plan on going back to skating anytime soon, I doubt you will get anything better.”

Viktor knew in his state that he was under no place to accept this offer. It felt wrong from the beginning, and the man in question gave the impression of power despite the masses. He couldn’t deny that the opportunity was intriguing, considering his desperation for his current lifestyle, but even Viktor could tell that this man wasn’t good news. Viktor was afraid of him, it was obvious to everyone.

“I-I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can accept your offer--”

Without preamble the old man closed the space between himself and Viktor and grasped him by the arm tightly. Viktor cried out in pain but the older man took his free hand and placed it over his mouth, muffling his protest. “Let me make something clear. When I offer an opportunity like this, it isn’t an option. When I want someone, I get them, Viktor. And I want you to work for me.”

“No…” Viktor winced, weakly trying to pull away from the man. 

A few pairs of hands came behind Viktor and the skater looked around to see two tough looking men holding Viktor. He looked back at the man with unshed tears threatening to fall, “Please, sir, let me go. I don’t want this...”

The man looked at his men and motioned with his head to take Viktor away, and immediately Viktor could feel his body being pulled away from civilization. “Please, call me Nikolai. I have a feeling we’ll be very good friends.”

A heavy force collided with Viktor’s head, instantly causing the younger man to instantly lose consciousness. 

 

* * *

  

Once Nikolai took Viktor into his employment, his body was no longer his. What used to be his golden temple in order to be the best figure skater in the world became a slave to the drugs that overtook his life. The older man would let Viktor stay in a lavish house with all the beautiful furniture that Viktor had always dreamed of having ever since he left his parent’s house. However, Viktor knew that nothing was his. It was only a facade much like Viktor’s life. It was ornate and beautiful but only worth the most for its things. 

The people that would visit Viktor just to spend an hour with him gave endless compliments about Viktor’s talent and how they missed him skating but understood why he quit if he already had this much money. It was a simple enough process. Spend time with lonely rich people and get paid a minor amount of the profits, only to spend it on drugs. It wasn’t much of a life, but it was better than being homeless. Makkachin was even able to stay with him in the large house. She was constantly by Viktor, especially when he was high, looking for any sort of way to protect him like the way he protected her when she was a puppy.

One specific night after a rather dull gathering of people, one man had stayed behind with Viktor. The skater, who had only wanted to have everyone leave so that he could snort his daily amount of cocaine, never noticed the man as he came up on Viktor and began kissing him harshly. Viktor, obviously flustered at the motioned, pushed the man away, “What are you doing?”

“He said that if I payed more I can have you for another hour, just the two of us,” He man said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He pulled Viktor close and attempted to continue the barrage of kissing, but Viktor feebly held the man off.

“I never agreed to this…”

The man grasped Viktor tightly by the hair and pulled him even closer, “Look, I fucking paid for an hour, so you better make it good, got it? He only said I had to use a condom if I was going to fuck you, but other than that I could do whatever I wanted with you.”

Viktor felt sick, but he should have guessed that Nikolai would have done something like this. Viktor was a gorgeous and famous, of course people would pay to have sex with him. He had to do this, Viktor knew this. There were no other options for him. If he didn’t, his life as he knew it would be over. His place to stay would be taken away from him and so would his drugs. And there was a real possibility that his life could be in danger as well. There had been stories of Nikolai from people passing by who told of his power, especially in Moscow; how he basically ran the whole of Moscow’s underworld of drugs and prostitution. 

So, Viktor gave in and began his ring of prostitution for Nikolai. 

The clients that were sent to Viktor were of all genders, colors and nationalities, but the common denominator was that they were all rich people who desperately wanted to spend time with the beautiful boy with long silver hair. Once there was word that Viktor’s body had a price, people willingly paid it, even for an hour. He was run ragged as Nikolai endlessly sent people for Viktor to sleep with. 

He thought about telling Nikolai that he was done, that he couldn’t do it anymore. The thought only lasted a minute after a flash of logic crossed his mind that was so obvious: Nikolai would never let him go. He was Nikolai’s prized possession, the one thing that brought him his biggest chain of clientele. His life was no longer his. Even the drugs seemed to dull his tastes so that nothing to Viktor appeared to hold appeal to him. The burn in his system had depleted to nothing from the constant usage. 

It was during the dulled months when  _ it  _ happened. It wasn’t the first time that Viktor was raped, his whole career as an addicted escort made it seem like half of Nikolai’s clients treated him without respect. However, it was the first time that it had been recorded by non-paying customers. Once Nikolai found out about the abuse, it was obvious that Viktor or anyone for that matter would ever see those men again. Two gunshots by Nikolai in the back of an alley made sure of that. He couldn’t have cared less that Viktor had been raped, Nikolai had sent a client not two hours later to Viktor’s house, but he cared that his precious possession had been defiled without condoms, and by those who hadn’t paid to do it. 

The final straw, ultimately leading him away from his life of sexual slavery, were several encounters with a particular man by the name of Maurice. The man in question was a French diplomat who held high prestige throughout Europe, but only Viktor knew that this man was sick and twisted. At minimum Maurice would visit Viktor at special request for an entire night, and the entire time he would abuse Viktor from the moment he arrived to the second his time was up. It didn’t matter if it was whips or choking, or even bloodplay, Maurice did anything and everything to Viktor. 

The first night he visited Viktor the man immediately drugged him, Viktor losing consciousness as the older man fucked him. He woke up hours later, his ass full of semen and his body littered with bruises, with Maurice fucking his previously unconscious body. The man became angry with Viktor, who claimed he like it better when Viktor’s body was unconscious. It got to the point where Viktor approached Nikolai and begged him to stop letting Maurice access to Viktor, but it was no use. Maurice was Nikolai’s best paying client, and there was no chance that he was going to take that away because Viktor’s feelings were getting hurt, according to the older man.

Maurice was the client on the last night of Viktor’s life as a prostitute. The man seemed to be in a more maniacal mood that normal, claiming that he lost an important election and needed to let off some steam. The binds that held Viktor in place were to the point of cutting off circulation as Maurice pounded mercilessly into Viktor’s ass without a condom, spilling his seed into the young skater countless times throughout the night. He was still so fresh from the rape that Viktor cried and screamed endlessly through the whole thing, but it only fueled Maurice further. 

The moment the older man left, Viktor had completely given up. He was done with his life, no longer wanting to live. Using the last of his cocaine, Viktor injected the entire dose, knowing full well that even a quarter of it would have killed him. But Viktor welcomed it. He was a man who had only wanted love and affection in his life, and was given hatred and abuse. He was all alone, no one but Nikolai would care if he died, he was sure. He had no grand purpose in the world. He had failed as a skater, as a son, as a human being. 

No one loved him. The world would finally be rid of him.

As Viktor fell into the blissful darkness, a smile crept on his face when he realised he would no longer feel any pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit me on Tumblr at Twentythreefandoms or say hi on here! Comments and kudos are always welcomed and appreciated!


	10. To Overlook the Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hotel room reveals all secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Sunday all! 
> 
> No trigger warnings this chapter, only mention of drug abuse and alcoholism. Oh, and Yuri's swearing. But we're all desensitized to that. haha
> 
> Thank you again and again and again to DomesticProwess! She's the absolute best and knew how to make this chapter its fullest. <3 Check out her amazing work!
> 
> See you next week!

April 18th, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

Getting to the hotel so Viktor could tell Yuuri more of his story was harder than the two anticipated. Viktor and Yuuri escaped the Moscow cemetery and found Yuri waiting near their taxi. The younger of the three had his head low and his arms crossed, like he was embarrassed that he had showed such weakness in front of Yuuri and Viktor. Yuuri’s need to help the younger man through the difficult day was overshadowed by his fear for their safety. They needed to get away. Now.

The moment Yuri noticed the couple walking quickly towards him he became tense, “What’s wrong? Viktor never told me why we had to leave so quickly. He just told me to wait here…” 

He was cut off by Yuuri and Viktor opening the taxi door and beckoning in the blond. “We’ll tell you later, Yuran,” Viktor told him, making eye contact with Yuuri. How were they supposed to explain the situation to Yuri?

As they drove away from the cemetery it was obvious to the couple that they couldn’t go back to their home in Saint Petersburg. Nikolai was the one who orchestrated the video being sent to Yuuri, so he knew where they lived. The two talked hushed tones, quickly formulating a plan on where they could stay, but they knew it had to be outside of Moscow. Yuri was confused at first when they explained that they were going to stay in a hotel, but he was too emotionally exhausted to actually put up a fight.

Yuuri looked to the blond skater to his right and wondered how much the younger boy knew. The Japanese man hoped beyond anything that Yuri didn’t know anything, just like Viktor said. Yuri was a young man who had everything going for him at the moment; he had a rough childhood just like Viktor and was working past it to become better. The last thing Yuri needed in his life was more complications. Yuuri never wanted to be the person to tell him, but he thought realistically about keeping the information hidden from him. Did he deserve to know? And if he did, how much does he get to hear? 

Yuuri was pulled out of his deep thoughts by the feeling of Viktor lacing his fingers with Yuuri’s. The Japanese skater looked over and noticed how rough Viktor appeared. His silver hair was mildly sticking to his forehead and his face lacked color, all around looking stressed. Yuuri assumed he didn’t look too much better, but the slight tremor in his fiance’s hands kept Yuuri alerted to his fiance’s condition. Yuuri had never seen Viktor so afraid or angry before by one person. There had been annoyance with JJ, but this was a whole new level.

“Where should we go, Vitya?” Yuuri asked as he regarded the vast changes of the Russian surroundings. He knew nothing about the city they were in or where they could go where they knew it was safe. It it was true that Nikolai owned Moscow they had no hope of staying anywhere near its center. They needed to stay inconspicuous until they could decide what to do next about the older man. 

Viktor grabbed his phone and scrolled through nearby hotels, his hand never leaving Yuuri’s. Eventually the Russian skater dropped his phone and made a pained face. He dropped his head on the back of the taxi seat and closed his eyes. “I told you earlier that I had to be strong for you and Yuri, but I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Yuuri could feel the blond’s gaze on the two of them, causing Yuuri to blush slightly and run a hand through Viktor’s matted hair, “We’ll figure it out, like we always do.” Yuuri took a deep breath and looked at Yuuri who could only stare in confusion. “He’s not feeling well. We need to find somewhere to stay for tonight.”

“There’s tons of places in Moscow, just pick one.” Yuri spoke glumly. 

“Viktor wants a place outside of Moscow…” Yuuri replied, his voice thin.

“Why?” Yuri asked, his eyebrows furrowed at the older man, “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting super weird. I should be the one who’s having the bad day.”

Yuuri squeezed Viktor’s hand in reassurance, “We just need to find a place where it’s not so crowded. I think he’s overwhelmed. And it’ll make us all feel better to be away from a city for once.”

Yuri huffed and turned away from the couple, “Whatever.”

When they arrived in their shared hotel room they attempted to usher Yuri into the bathroom, telling him that he needed a relaxing bath to detox the stress of the day. However, the younger man had different plans. Instead, he insistently sat on his bed and got on his phone. He casted his eyes upward from his mobile device, noting the expectant looks from the older men standing next to each other. “Why are you two looking at me like that? Did we get a hotel just so you two geezers could screw?” He asked with heavy attitude.

“No!” The two answered in unison, causing Yuri to roll his eyes.

“You two are nasty. I’m in the same room! Even I have the restraint with Otabek to hold off if you two are home.”

 Yuuri and Viktor looked at each other in alarm before looking back at the younger man, “You… and Otabek, you’ve...?” Yuuri asked weakly.

Yuri scoffed, “Yeah, and I’m sure if I told you half the stuff that we did you two would pass out. It’s best I not tell you.” The two gaped at Yuri but the blond sighed and got off the bed, “Fine. I’ll take a bath. But I better not hear something that will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

Viktor sighed, “We’re not going to have sex, Yuri. We’re just going to talk.”

Yuri raised an eyebrow, “Right.” He sorted through his bag before finding a pair of boxer briefs and a black t-shirt as well as portable speakers that Viktor and Yuuri had bought for the blond for his birthday last month. “It’s a good thing I brought these. I might have thrown up without them.” Yuri walked past the couple and into the bathroom before shutting the door soundly. It wasn’t long before heavy metal music played loudly from the room. 

They eventually found their way to the far bed in the hotel room and Viktor told his long story to Yuuri. Since leaving the cemetery, Viktor had been in an even stranger mood as the minutes passed. His skin had visible perspiration on his forehead and he constantly seemed lightheaded. It was most likely because of the traumatizing day everyone had and the panic attack Viktor had at the graveyard but Yuuri couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a deeper reason behind Viktor’s appearance. He never complained, though, so Yuuri told himself that he was overthinking everything as always.

“So… it was all Nikolai?” Yuuri whispered after Viktor was finished with his story. He looked at Viktor’s slackened frame as they sat on their hotel bed, a feeling of deep sadness washing over him. 

Viktor nodded, his chest rising and falling visibly, “This was the absolute lowest part of my life. There wasn’t a night where I was drunk, high, or both. And after my overdose, it really hit me that my life was literally in shambles. It hit me that the person I thought I was couldn’t have been further from the truth, and I was so much farther away from where I wanted to be. I wanted to be the best figure skater in the entire world, to the point where everyone in the world would know who I was. I had lost my way so long ago I don’t even know what was the official turning point. All I know is that the most defining moment in my life was Nikolai taking me and making me work for him.”

There was a thud of something in the bathroom and the couple stopped to listen intently. They could hear Yuri’s sobs through the music and their hearts ached for the young boy. They still felt terrible for having to pull him away from the grave so soon, but there was no choice. Yuuri knew now that Nikolai was an extreme threat to not only Viktor, but potentially Yuri as well.

“But you had all of that before you broke your leg.” Yuuri pointed out, going back to the subject at hand. 

Viktor thought about it and eventually shrugged, “I had only won two gold medals in a row at that point--”

Yuuri scoffed and swatted at Viktor’s arm, “ _ Only _ .”

Viktor grinned softly and began to rub the spot where Yuuri hit him, “Well, that wasn’t a world record by any means. People had won a gold medal two years in a row. I wanted to be  _ more _ than them. I wanted to prove that I was the best figure skating world had ever seen and that I could do it time and time again.”

“So, after your overdose, you went right back into skating again?” Yuuri guessed.

Viktor chuckled sadly and shook his head, “No, I still wouldn’t skate for nearly two more years.”

Yuuri’s eyes widened in shock, “How could you have been away from skating for so long and still come back to be the best figure skater the world has ever known?”

“It’s… not without its difficulties…” Viktor breathed, his eyes glossing over and his breath coming in short spurts. He swallowed heavily through his short breaths and rubbed his jaw like he had been punched. 

Yuuri crowded in Viktor’s space and observed his fiance, “Vitya, what’s wrong?!” Yuuri asked worriedly, checking over Viktor’s features. 

“I’m fine…” Viktor responded, attempting to downplay his symptoms. He wiped his forehead and smiled weakly at Yuuri, “Just a little pain. I think I’m a little lightheaded from everything happening today.” 

Yuuri wasn’t entirely convinced, “If you’re not feeling well, we can go to the hospital. Yuri will be fine here by himself.”

Viktor shook his head adamantly, “No, it’s not safe out there. Nikolai could be after us for all we know, and I don’t know what he’s capable of anymore.”

“Viktor, it’s not like he can go and kill people in cold blood.”

Viktor only stared at Yuuri with a pained expression, refusing to speak.

“He’s killed people before?!” Yuuri asked, horrified.

“We shouldn’t talk about this right now.” Viktor motioned with his head towards the bathroom where Yuri was still located. 

“Viktor, we can’t let this go on any longer. We have to call the police--”

“ _ STOP _ !” Came a scream from the bathroom, causing the two men to jump at the sound and turn around to see Yuri clad in a heavy sweatshirt and leggings just outside the bathroom door. His eyes were filled with unshed tears and his face wet with ones who had spilled previously. His fists were clenched together tightly as he regarded Yuuri and Viktor on their hotel bed. “You’re can’t call the police on him!” 

Viktor’s face lost all color, “How much have you heard?” He whispered raggedly, clutching his chest. 

“I heard everything.” Yuri growled, remaining in his spot, “The walls are always thin in cheap hotels. After awhile you forgot to speak quietly so I heard it all.”

“No…” Yuuri breathed, horrified. The sixteen year old boy, who was in Moscow because of his mother’s death date, had just found out his grandfather was a drug and prostitute lord. “Yuri, it’s not…”

“It's not what?! Save it, Katsudon!” Yuri snapped, “You're always so willing to believe every fucking word he says! How do we know Viktor isn’t lying, huh? For all we know he could be making this up and placing the blame on someone else! Did you ever consider that?”

Viktor’s breath still remained ragged as he listened to Yuri’s rant, “You think… I would actually do that? Do you even know me at all, Yuran?” 

Yuri let out stressed grunt and hit the wall next to him, “I don’t fucking know! Either my grandfather is what you say he is, or you’re a lying piece of shit. I don’t want either of those options to be true. But… he’s my grandpa, so I have to take his side. He fucking raised me. He took me in after my mother just abandoned me. He can’t have done anything wrong. It was all a misunderstanding… He’s the only actual family member I have… you can’t send him back to jail!”

Yuuri’s face fell slightly as he looked at the youngest skater, noticing how scared the blond looked. He wondered if Viktor ever looked like that when he was not much older than Yuri. “Yuri, I believe Viktor. I’ve… seen the proof. And if it’s true that your grandfather has done these bad things, then we have to do something about it.”

“You can't do this! You can't do this to me.” Tears fell down Yuri’s cheeks, “I’d never see him again. I know he’s not the nicest man, but he at least cares for me.”

“And we care about you, too, Yuri.” Yuuri replied, standing up from the bed and walking slowly towards the blond skater. “We aren’t going to hurt you, we promise.”

Yuri glared at the Japanese skater. “Don't touch me, Pork Cutlet Bowl.” Yuri moved away from the Japanese skater, his hands coming up protectively, “I don’t need your sympathy. You think just because you’re the only one without a shit childhood that you can come in and act like you’re so high and mighty compared to us? You must think that Russia is some shit country if the two closest people in your life are fucking messed up. You must feel so great about yourself!”

“Yuri! Stop!” Viktor snapped, causing the two men to turn their heads to see Viktor standing slightly from the hotel bed, his hand still clutched to his chest and his expression pained. “Yuuri didn’t do anything wrong. It was all Nikolai.”

“You have no right to say my grandfather’s name! I don't believe anything you've said! Prove it! I want you to fucking prove that he's done what you claim!” Yuri shrieked, moving closer to Viktor but Yuuri stopped him. “Besides...if what you say is true then you’re just a worthless addict who sold his body.”

“Yuri back the hell off!” Yuuri ordered the blond, “I understand you’re upset, but I will never let you say something like that to Viktor. You know damn well he is the kindest and most loving person on this horrible planet. He would never do anything to hurt you.”

“Just because he screws you doesn’t mean he gets a free pass! You shouldn't allow yourself to be so fucking blinded by him.” Yuri growled, “He’s fucking pathetic. I can’t believe I ever looked up to him.”

Viktor’s eyes welled with tears as he attempted to walk towards the two men, but he stopped his movement, “Yuri… please, don’t say that. I’ve only done what I thought was best… to protect you from having to know.”

“You never told me anything!” Yuri continued to scream. “You've know this whole fucking time and you just let me be with him. You sent me off to him all the while knowing what he does. You aren’t  _ sweet _ or  _ compassionate _ . You’re  _ selfish,  _ Viktor. And I hate you.”

Viktor’s breath came in short spurts, his face screwed in an expression of utter pain, “Yuri… please…” 

Yuuri’s heart shattered for his fiance as he took in Yuri’s harsh words. It was obvious that Viktor craved the love and affection given to him by his two men, and for the young blond to declare his hatred for the older man, one of the two people who had stayed with Viktor, it was breaking him. It was breaking Viktor, who had spent his whole life alone, to have yet another person want to leave him. The agony at Yuri’s words finally took its hold on Viktor who cried out in pain and doubled over against the bed.

“Viktor?” Yuuri asked, taking his eyes off the blond to regard his fiance a few feet from him. The older Russian man seemed to be crumpled in pain as he continued to clutch his chest, seething in pain, “Viktor, what’s wrong?!” Yuuri moved away from the younger man and went up to Viktor, observing him to see what was causing him pain. “You’re hurt! We need to get you to the hospital!”

Viktor winced, attempting to speak but instead he crumpled to the floor in front of Yuuri. He muttered something in Russian but it was too garbled for Yuuri to completely understand him. He was only able to hear something about his chest.

Yuuri looked at Yuri who stood in shock. “I can’t understand him!” Yuuri sobbed frantically, following Viktor to the floor and wiping away the perspiration on his forehead as the older man continued to breathe in short spurts.

“I… I think he’s having a heart attack,” the young blond said in shock, his eyes wide as he looked down at the two men. “Viktor… I… I didn’t mean it…”

“Vitya!” Yuuri exclaimed, bending his body down to cradle over the older man. “We need to do something, we need to help him. Yuri! What do we do?!” 

“I…” Yuri was completely shell-shocked, unable to move as he continued to stare down at the two men. 

“Yuri!” The Japanese skater screamed, stirring the blond out of his state of immobility.

Yuri moved robotically to find his own phone in the pile of things lying around in their hotel room and dialed the emergency number. He waited momentarily, a look of contemplation on his face, before handing the phone to Yuuri. He was still hovering over Viktor who was still breathing heavily, but it was clear that Viktor was trying with all of his might to keep himself calm. “Here, you talk to them.” Yuri instructed as he began to look around the room.

Yuuri sniffled as he stroked Viktor’s hair and watched Yuri run around the room. “What are you doing?” He asked the small blond. Yuri made a pleased sound and held his prize in front of him. It took Yuuri a moment to realise that the younger Russian skater was holding Viktor’s phone in his hands. 

A Russian woman’s voice came on the emergency line and Yuuri began to speak to them, describing where they were and how Viktor appeared to be having a heart attack.  He attempted to give as much detail as he could, but his mind was very quickly running blank. His thoughts were only of his fear that he was losing Viktor, the only person in the world he truly loved and cared for beyond anything. He continued to talk with the woman on the phone that he barely was able to register Yuri coming up to the couple and asking the Japanese man a question. 

“Katsudon!” Yuri snapped hurriedly, waving a hand in front of Yuuri’s face.

“What? I’m sorry…” Yuuri responded, dazed in the situation. 

Yuri sighed, Viktor’s phone held up to Yuri’s ear. “Ask the woman what hospital we’re going to.”

He was able to get the hospital and repeated it to Yuri who spoke the name of the hospital to whoever he was speaking to on the phone. The woman on the phone told Yuuri that an ambulance would arrive shortly to their hotel room. 

As soon as Yuuri got off the phone he looked over to Yuri who himself just finished his phone call and met eyes with Yuuri. The blond must have seen the look of confusion on Yuuri’s face because he walked over and placed Viktor’s phone on the ground next to Viktor and Yuuri and placed a gentle hand on Viktor’s sweaty hair. Yuri winced as Viktor continued his pained grunts, his eyes watering, “I’m sorry, Vitya…”

Yuuri swallowed his tears, attempting to be brave for his two men. “Yuri, who were you talking to on the phone?”

Yuri looked down like he was embarrassed, “I called Viktor’s parents. They’re meeting us at the hospital.” 

Yuuri’s eyes widened considerably, “Hi-His parents? How do you know his parents?”

“I met them once.” Yuri said as if it wasn’t a big deal. “Viktor’s father is an asshole but his mom…” There was a deep looking in Yuri’s eyes, “She wasn’t so terrible. I think she missed Viktor. She told me if Viktor ever needed anything to call her.”

Viktor’s hand went limp in Yuuri’s, causing the Japanese skater to focus his attention to the man beneath him. His eyes were drooped to the point of closed and his mouth slightly agape. He was losing consciousness quickly. “Viktor!” Yuuri exclaimed, “Wake up! Please, you have to stay awake, Vitya. The ambulance is almost here. Stay awake...”

Viktor’s eyes opened slightly and took a moment of dazed confusion until he found Yuuri. “Yura…” He whispered, fear evident in his tone and eyes. “I tried to be strong for you.”

“I know you did.” Yuuri whispered, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Viktor’s lips. “But now it’s my turn to take care of you. We’re going to the hospital now, Vitya. We’re going to make you feel better, okay?”

Viktor swallowed hard and nodded, “Okay. I promise… I won’t leave you. I will never leave you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check me out on Tumblr at Twentythreefandoms! We can chat and I'll write a little something for you if you so wish! We can all be trash together.


	11. He Wants to Hide from All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor is stable in the hospital, but Viktor's parents provide a new outlook for Yuuri.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to all! Happy posting day! I hope it's a great one!
> 
> Thank you so much to DomesticProwess for helping me with this chapter. She is so amazing and helpful even though this week was less than ideal. You're a warrior and I'm the luckiest person in the world to have her friendship.
> 
> No trigger warnings this chapter besides discussion of past drug abuse! 
> 
> There is a chance that I might not be able to post next week. I'm moving throughout the week and I don't know if I'll have time to provide an efficient chapter, but I'll keep everyone posted! Keep up with me at my tumblr, Twentythreefandoms. 
> 
> Enjoy!

April 19th, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

Stress-Induced Cardiomyopathy, or The Heartbreak Syndrome, was what the doctors eventually revealed Viktor’s condition to be after hours of uncertainty. Yuuri wasn’t even sure at first if his fiance would survive, but the older skater pursued through his pain until the very end when he couldn’t handle it any longer and passed out. It wasn’t until the doctors were able to stabilize Viktor and make sure that he was in no immediate danger of death that Yuuri could feel himself stepping away from the large cliff  that had loomed in front of him in the corners of his mind. Viktor had been so brave, fighting against a body that was failing him. So when Yuuri knew that Viktor was winning his battle, the Japanese skater made it his mission to stay strong just for a little longer.

After Viktor was stabilized the doctors began their tests on Viktor. They wanted to make sure they were able to pinpoint the direct cause of Viktor’s heart troubles. The one thing that worried Yuuri was the doctor’s warning about Viktor’s heart once they were able to stabilize him. “While this may have caused by stress this time, it is clear that there is noticeable damage to his heart due to his past drug abuse. I would recommend keeping him away from any high stress situations until he has worked up his strength. Otherwise I fear that another heart attack will occur, one much worse than this one.”

Yuuri looked over at his fiance who was sleeping peacefully in his hospital bed and a wave a emotion ran through Yuuri. He wished that Viktor was there to help him so he didn’t feel so alone. “You must know that he’s a professional skater,” Yuuri replied to the doctor, breaking his trance, “Would you consider competitions to be high stress?” Yuuri honestly feared what Viktor would do if skating was taken away from him. It was his life, the thing that made him who he was. What if it was inaccessible to him? Would he crash like before and resort to drinking and drugs again? Would he think that Yuuri wasn’t enough for him?

The female doctor considered the outcomes, “I believe that if Mr. Nikiforov was able to manage his stress at a reasonable level it shouldn’t be too constricting on his heart.”

Yuuri breathed a sigh of relief and smiled, “That’s good. I don’t know what the world would have done without Viktor skating.”

The doctor smiled in response and she motioned to her charts, “I don’t see a reason for him to stop now. He’s perfectly healthy otherwise. He really just needs to pay attention to his environment; no violence, no strenuous activities, nothing that would cause a normal person to experience high amounts of stress,” She explained.

Yuuri cleared his throat slightly and looked down, “And what about… other activities?”

The doctor grinned and blushed slightly, “I would give his heart time to heal. He should be fully functioning after a month, but it’s different for every person. He just needs to listen to his instincts and if he feels any discomfort he should know to step away.”

Yuuri’s smiled, “Thank you. For saving him. For… everything. Really.” Viktor stirred in his sleep as he softly spoke mumbled Russian words Yuuri had no hope to understand. He instinctively went to the bed and sat next to Viktor, needing to be as close to his fiance as possible.

“He should sleep for a few more hours, I suspect,” The doctor informed, “This is normal. It’s their body’s way of healing itself. But I wouldn’t think it’d be too much longer.”

“Would it be okay if he had visitors now? I feel terrible that Yuri is alone.”

“Are you referring to the younger blond male who arrived with you?” The doctor asked.

“Yes,” Yuuri replied as he took Viktor’s hand in his, “The doctors wouldn’t let him in because he wasn’t family, but it would be good for Yuri to see that Viktor is okay. He… he’s had a rough couple of days.”

The doctor looked uncomfortable, “I really shouldn’t…”

“Please?” Yuuri asked, “Viktor’s sleeping right now, and I don’t want him to be alone.”

The doctor sighed and nodded, “Okay, he can come in. But the moment Viktor awakens and doesn’t appear to react well to him he has to leave.” She left the room, leaving Yuuri and Viktor alone for the first time since the train ride yesterday. So much had happened since then, it felt like years ago.

“Hi, Vitya…” Yuuri spoke softly as he rubbed his thumb against Viktor’s hand and used his free hand to run his hand through his fiance’s silver hair. Even in a deep sleep Viktor had the appearance of put together sophistication. Yuuri was incredibly jealous. “You’re doing okay. You’re in the hospital, but the doctors said you’re going to be fine. Your heart was having trouble but you’re getting better now.” Yuuri blinked away the tears that he had kept at bay for nearly six hours now. “I was so scared,” He whispered thickly, his breath shuddering. “If I had lost you, I don’t know what I would have done--”

The door to Viktor’s room opened to reveal the doctor and Yuri following a few feet behind her. He looked worse than Yuuri, with his hair haphazardly thrown in a ponytail and his clothes wrinkled. His eyes were the worst of all. They were red and puffy though he attempted to hide it by keeping his eyes cast downward.

“It took some convincing but he finally agreed to come back here,” She told Yuuri as she beckoned in the younger skater who was still hesitant to enter the room. “He thinks that he almost killed him.”

“I told you that in private,” Yuri grumbled as he shot a glare at the doctor.

“It’s okay, Yurio,” Yuuri said sincerely. “We’re all fine. We’ll be okay.”

Yuri grimaced, “ _Clearly_ one of us isn’t fine, Katsudon, and I’m the reason why he’s here. I told him that I hated him, and the next moment he has a fucking heart attack. I just… I don’t want to cause him any more pain than my family has already done to him.”

The doctor looked between the two men and cleared her throat, “I’ll let you two discuss this on your own. I’ll be back once Mr. Nikiforov wakes up. Please, don’t argue around him. He needs to let his body heal.”

The two men watched at the doctor left, leaving Yuuri and Yuri to acknowledge the impending conversation. The Japanese skater stood from his seat and walked over to Yuri who was still on the other side of the larger room. “Yuri, this wasn’t solely because of you. The biggest factor was his drug addiction from years ago. He has a weaker heart because of it, and it could have been affected by anything. I think after seeing…” Yuri’s eyes hardened and looked downward, “ _He_ was the biggest factor. They hadn’t seen each other in years, and I still don’t know how it all happened.”

Yuri swallowed and looked desperately at the older man in the hospital bed, “He’s done so much for me, and I said that to him last night. How could he ever want to be around me after that? First my mom and now Viktor…” Tears ran down Yuri’s cheeks and a soft sob escaped his lips, “All because I was scared and stupid. I’m going to lose you two.”

Yuuri pulled the blond into his arms and shushed Yuri, “You won’t lose us. I _promise_ you. We’re a family. That will never change.”

Yuri never contradicted Yuuri’s statement, but there was a sadness in his eyes that left Yuuri unconvinced that the younger skater believed him fully. Though, Yuuri wasn’t sure how he would have felt after yesterday, especially if Viktor’s trip to the hospital was connected to his family’s doings. Yuuri honestly empathised with the younger boy, knowing how alone and scared he must be. The one family member in his life turned out to be a drug lord who had major influence throughout Moscow and perhaps a wide range in Russia as well.

“I wonder if he was trying to recruit me…” Yuri whispered once they finally separated from their hug. The younger boy sniffled and wiped his eyes on his oversized sweatshirt.

“Who?”

“My grandpa,” Yuri replied, “When I came here last to visit him. He tried to get me to quit skating.” The thought had never occurred to Yuri that perhaps Nikolai was trying to take Yuri away from the world of skating into one of drugs and prostitution. “He did say that he thought it was time I was old enough to stop with my hobbies and focus on helping him.”

Yuuri felt as if he was going to be sick. “Yuri, now that you know about your grandpa, he could hurt you. You shouldn’t see him.”

A flash of desperation passed through Yuri’s eyes, “Are you _sure_ he’s telling the truth, Yuuri? It’s just… it’s my grandpa. I have to know for sure before doing something as drastic as just cutting him from my life,” His voice was small and uncertain, like he already knew the outcome but he was too afraid to accept it.

Yuuri sighed and placed his hand on Yuri’s arm, “I heard it from your grandfather’s mouth. He was the one who said all those things about Viktor. I’m… I’m sorry, Yuri. But everything that Viktor went through with your grandpa is true. He was going to tell me more last night, but he got too sick to finish.”

“You mean I started fucking screaming at him to the point of his heart giving up?” Yuri grumbled, moving away from Yuuri to sit on the couch in the corner.

The older skater followed the teenager and sat by him, though mindful of the space Yuri most likely craved. “You need to forgive yourself for last night. You know Viktor will be upset if he knew that you were beating yourself up over this.”

“Just… can I have some time to process it? I’ll feel better once we’re out of this hospital.”

Yuuri understood completely. While the hospital was a place for healing Viktor’s ailments, Yuuri would never forget what Viktor looked like when he arrived; all in pain and trying his hardest to survive. Even seeing Viktor’s sleeping body in his hospital bed sent a wave of unease throughout Yuuri’s body. He wanted to get home to Makkachin and let their new lives start. One without the world breathing down their necks and threatening to break their once innocent lives. A year ago Yuuri was worried about losing Viktor to Yurio’s competition at the Ice Castle, and now he was worried that he was going to lose Viktor altogether.

The Japanese skater silently stood from the couch and left Yuri to his sulking, knowing that eventually the younger man would hopefully come to forgive himself. He couldn’t live his life thinking that he was the reason for his mother’s suicide and the near fatal heart attack of one of his closest companions. No one had probably helped Yuri through his feelings, at least not until Otabek came into his life. He suddenly wished that the Kazakh man was here to talk Yuri through his feelings. He was the only person in the world besides Viktor who seemed to be able to break through to him.

“He looks so tired…” Came an older female voice from behind Yuuri.

“He’s just had a heart attack. Of course he’s going to be tired,” Replied a stern male voice.

Yuuri turned around at the sound of the voices and was greeted by two older figures standing just inside the hospital room. The man and woman looked upon Viktor in the hospital bed and moved closer to him, not noticing the two men behind the door. The man wore a tailored suit and the woman wore a beautiful cream dress.

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Yuuri spoke up, becoming territorial of Viktor and his safety. If this was a reporter and photographer Yuuri was going to sue without hesitation. He stormed up to the two figures, ready to defend his fiance, but immediately stopped his stance when the two looked at Yuuri.

The man and woman in question were undoubtedly Viktor’s parents.

Yuuri could tell that the woman was Viktor’s mother. His face resembled quite similarly to hers. Her oval face and large blue eyes and heart shaped mouth were without question given to Viktor. However, it was clear that his father resembled closer to Viktor as well. He was a taller man with shiny silver hair and built similarly to Viktor, though his father was built more solidly. His eyes were hidden behind rectangle glasses but even so it was clear that the older man was a strict one.

“Oh,” Yuuri said dumbly, looking between the two. “You’re…”

“Yes, we’re Viktor’s parents, and if you don’t mind we’d like to see our son.” Said Viktor’s father as he walked away from Yuuri towards the silver haired skater. His father approached Viktor and stared down at his son, his face unreadable.

“Ivan, please,” the woman spoke, watching her husband with sad eyes, “Pardon him, he’s under a lot of stress with the family business.” She tore her gaze away from her husband and looked at Yuuri. Her eyes reminded Yuuri so much of his fiance’s it nearly took his breath away from how desperately he wished to be with Viktor. “And you must be Viktor’s Yuuri. I’m Alyona, Viktor’s mother. I… I don’t know if you’ve heard of us.”

Yuuri blushed, “Yes, he’s spoken of you. But… there hasn't been a lot.” There was no point in saying that Viktor was emotionally and physically abandoned by his parents when he was only seven. She looked like she was trying to do better, and Yuuri wanted to give at minimum Alyona a chance. 

Alyona nodded, almost sheepishly, and looked at her son once again, “I don’t blame him. I… I feel partly responsible for this. Everything that has happened in his life is because of us.” She whispered, her eyes tearing up.

Yuuri gently took Alyona’s hand and squeezed it gently, “You’re here now, and the doctor’s said that he’ll be okay. We all could have done things differently to prevent this, but we’ll stick by him no matter what. That’s what a family does.”

Alyona let her tears fall and she hugged Yuuri tightly, “Thank God Viktor found you. He’s been searching for you his entire life.”

“Alyona!” Ivan snapped as he looked at his emotional wife. “Control yourself.”

Alyona pulled away from Yuuri and wiped her eyes dry, a lack of emotion washing over her like she’s been trained. “I’m sorry, Ivan. It’s been a long day for everyone.”

Ivan sighed and nodded before taking a seat next to his sleeping son. “How long has he been stable?”

“About six hours.” Yuuri replied. “His heart is responding well to the medication and at this point his body is healing while he sleeps. All we have to do is wait for him to wake up.”

Alyona took Yuuri’s hand gently and walked with him to the other side of Viktor’s bed, her eyes never leaving her son’s sleeping form. “You’ve taken such good care of him, despite everything,” She smiled despite her sad tone. “I assume he’s told you about his past?”

Yuuri felt incredibly awkward, standing between Viktor’s mother on one side and Yuri who was still sulking anonymously on the other side of the room. He didn’t want to reveal too much to Viktor’s parents about who Yuri was. It appeared as if Ivan had considerable influence and Yuuri was afraid that Yuri would be in trouble if they knew of his familial ties. He wanted Viktor’s parents to like him, but Yuri was his responsibility.

“I think I know enough,” Yuuri eventually replied. “He’s been able to tell me bits, but it’s been difficult for him, but he persisted.”

“That’s always been his strong suit,” Ivan spoke evenly. “Even if it was going to kill him, he would have kept going, just to prove a point.”

“Ivan--” Alyona sighed, but the older man continued.

“No, Alyona. It was your idea to come visit your precious Viktor. Can’t you see what has become of him? It’s clear we were much better off leaving him to his own state.”

“We are not going to abandon him like we did all those years ago!” Alyona gritted. “He was my son and I gave him away because I was too scared to stand up to you. Every bad thing that has happened to Viktor is on our hands, and now I want to clean them. I don’t care if you don’t want to be here, but I’ve chosen my side, Ivan. Now choose yours.”

Ivan stared at his wife with wide eyes. Clearly Alyona had never stood up for herself before. It almost made Yuuri want to crack a smile. Especially because the face Ivan portrayed resembled so similarly to his son’s.

“Would you stop it!” Yuri exclaimed in a hushed whisper. “Can’t you hear Viktor’s heart monitor! It’s gone up you morons.”

Everyone stopped their arguing and paid close attention to Viktor’s heart monitor which was indeed increasing. Yuuri instantly felt horrible for allowing that kind of atmosphere around Viktor, especially when he was trying to hard to heal himself through his much needed sleep. Yuuri looked over to the blond who was now standing squarely in the middle of the room, his stance angry as he looked upon everyone by Viktor’s bed.

“Who are you?” Alyona asked, not in malice, but in shock that there was a hidden person in the room this entire time.

“I’m Yuri P--” Yuri stopped himself, connecting the dots and understanding it’d be best if he didn’t reveal his last name. They knew about Nikolai Plisetsky, and there would potentially be too dangerous for the sixteen year old if they knew. It was for his own safety. “I’m Yuri. I sometimes live with Yuri and Viktor.” The older couple regarded the younger man with a certain level of unease but they never pushed the subject.

“I’m going to spend time with Viktor. Maybe it’s best you and Yuuri give us space.” Ivan announced with strong finality, looking away from his wife and to his son.

Alyona looked as if she wanted to protest but Yuuri guided her away from Viktor, “We’ll have our time.” He soothed, “If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you some questions.”

Alyona looked at Viktor again desperately but eventually conceided with her husband and Yuuri. Already Yuuri could tell that the woman next to him was trying her hardest to be there for her son despite the majority of his life. He wanted to give her a chance. Ivan on the other hand was a more complicated story. He was a cruel man but he seemed willing to accept Viktor in his life. Whether it was because he was famous or he genuinely wanted to be with his son was still in question. At the end of the day it would be up to Viktor to decide how he wanted to take in this new family aspect.

Alyona and Yuuri sat across from a now sitting Yuri on the opposite couch, their bodies close as they remained each other’s source of strength. “Alyona, if you don’t mind, I have some questions for you about Viktor.”

Viktor’s mother nodded in understanding, “What would you like to know?”

Yuuri sighed, “After his overdose… what happened?”

Alyona furrowed her eyebrows, “Which overdose?”

Yuuri and Yuri looked at Alyona in shock, “He’s overdosed more than once?” Yuuri asked in shock.

“Yes. Three times. They were all relatively close together, though. I would say within six months.”

Yuuri looked over to Viktor’s sleeping form and desperately craved for the story to be told by his fiance. Those dark times when Viktor felt so helpless he drove himself overboard with the drugs. It was the darkest time of Viktor’s life, he had said. It was more than clear to Yuuri as to why.

“It was a miracle that I was able to find him all those times. After his first overdose we were called to the hospital because we were the only family members on his emergency call list.It was the first time we had seen Viktor in years. He was so handsome, but he was so damaged. It was at that point that I realised that what we had done to him was past the point of cruel. I began to change my ways, but it wasn’t easy for Viktor. He had been so abused at that point that he’d changed. He couldn’t accept love anymore, or believe that anyone wanted to actually love him.”

“So… what happened?” Yuuri whispered.

“We brought him home with us to Moscow. We had no idea he was in the same city as us this entire time he was…” Alyona shuddered at the thought. “He stayed with us, but we barely ever saw him. He was going through terrible withdrawals, constantly in a state of agony. It was at that time that he would find some way out to find drugs, but his tolerance was a lot lower than it had been, so he overdosed two more times. At the third time we decided enough was enough and we took him to rehab just outside of Moscow.”

Yuuri couldn’t believe the immense pain and loneliness that Viktor must have gone through in those six months. Did he have anyone there for him to genuinely care for him, who unabashedly refused to give up on him because they adored Viktor? Judging by the way Alyona crushed Yuuri in a tight hug when they first met, he assumed no. “Did he get better there?” Yuuri asked.

Alyona nodded, “Oh yes. He was surrounded by a core group of people meant to help him overcome his addictions. It was a very long process because he was so hooked to the drugs, but eventually he was able to understand his position. He began to realise that his life had crumbled before him and he wanted it back. He was a hard patient to keep. He’s so charismatic and he hides his insecurities behind that exterior. It took awhile before the therapist was able to get through to him, but once they did he made a lot of progress. And… there was Alexei, but I’m sure he’s told you all about him.”

Yuuri furrowed his eyebrows and looked over to Yuri who only shrugged in mutual confusion, “No, I’ve never heard of Alexei.”

Alyona stared at Yuuri in shock, “He didn’t tell you?”

Yuuri swallowed and shook his head.

“Oh…” A slight blush crept on Alyona’s cheeks.

“Who is he?” Yuuri asked.

Alyona appeared as if she was calculating her response. “I think it’s best that Viktor tells you. You deserve to hear it from him. It involves that scumbag that took my son and brought him into that world of drugs and prostitution.”

Yuri sat up straight, looking as if he was going to yell at Alyona, but he was able to retain his wits. Whether it was the pure agony of the past few days or his change of heart regarding his loyalties, Yuri could no longer defend his grandfather. He looked at Yuuri sadly, showing that the decision was still a hard one for him to make, but Yuuri and Viktor had done nothing but stand by him and care for him. Nikolai was another story. A surge of pride welled in Yuuri as he looked upon the younger man. Despite everything, he was growing through all of it.

“I’m sorry that all of that happened to Viktor.” Yuri spoke up glumly.

Alyona turned her attention to Yuri, “Why are you sorry?”

Yuuri shook his head slightly to the younger man, indicating that now wasn’t the right time to reveal who he was related to. “I… I just am.” He replied. “Viktor didn’t deserve any of that.”

“ _Yura…_ ” Came a familiar voice from the other side of the room.

Ivan walked over to the three people on the couch and he found Yuuri immediately, “I think you better come see Viktor. He’s waking up.”


	12. His Imperfections are not Art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News vows are made and relationships continue to hang on by threads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! I'm late! I'm so sorry for the delay on the update, but moving is the worst. ughhh
> 
> Man, everyone hated Ivan! haha, I meant to make him super stressed and a jerk, and I guess everyone took that to heart! lol, I want to make sure that in this chapter Viktor starts to heal with his father. Ivan still isn't the greatest guy in the world, but he wants to try to be better. :) 
> 
> Thank you so much to DomesticProwess for being so kind and patient with me during this week while I moved. She was amazing and helped so much with this chapter. I owe her my next three children.

April 21st, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

It was another two days before Viktor was completely stable and without major risk of heart failure. When he eventually woke from his sleep and discovered his parents were in the room it sent him into a minor panic attack, causing his heart to palpitate irregularly. He was clearly surprised to see the parents who he had only seen a handful of times since he was seven. The doctors were able to give Viktor medication to calm him down, otherwise he risked the chance of another heart attack. His heart was too sensitive at the moment, and any little thing would have set him off. 

However, it was Yuuri who calmed Viktor, simply seeing the dark haired man brought Viktor’s stress down immensely. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted off of Viktor, allowing the older man’s breathing to even out. Yuuri had only  left Viktor’s side unless Viktor was soundly asleep. Next to Viktor was where Yuuri slept, ate, and most importantly laughed. He would stay by Viktor to prove beyond anyone’s doubt that this was where he belonged. 

Ivan, to everyone’s surprise, stayed longer than anyone anticipated. He was clearly not the nicest man, but he revealed himself to be fiercely loyal to his son, oddly enough. Whether this was due to his wife’s newfound courage to stand up to her husband and demand he be there for his son was unclear, but Yuuri was slowly getting used to the older Nikiforov. He even offered to have the three skaters stay in their home while Viktor recovered fully, but Viktor insisted that once he was well enough they were going to travel back to Saint Petersburg. 

There didn’t seem to be any resolution in sight for the Nikiforov family,  but much to Yuuri’s surprise there seemed to be the smallest glimmer of hope spurred by a conversation he had overheard between Viktor and his father one afternoon. There had been almost inaudible conversation, causing Yuuri to wake up from a nap on the couch in the far corner of the room. The two men, who looked so similar, were talking quietly, their faces pinked by the topic they were discussing. Ivan's back was to Yuuri, and Viktor didn't seem to notice that the dark haired man had woken up. It wasn’t until Yuuri leaned in, was he fully able to glean what the two Nikiforov men were talking about in the other end of the hospital room.

“I already told you I was sorry, Viktor…” Ivan told him, his voice exasperated by earnest. 

“Sorry isn’t going to take back all those years,” Viktor muttered. 

Ivan sighed, “I know. But I’m trying to be a father now. Isn’t that something?”

“I’ve grown up. I don’t need a father anymore. I needed one when I was a child and had no one to rely on. I was alone, and scared. And you weren’t there.”

There was a moment of silence between the two, Ivan’s face impassive as he took in the information. “I did was I thought was best for the family at the time. Clearly I was wrong. Just… tell me what I can do to be a father. Despite everything, I want to at least start trying.”

“It’s too late for me. I’ve grown up without a father so I have no use for one anymore. But… there’s someone who could need you.”

Ivan furrowed his brows, “Who?”

“Yurio. He needs someone in his life to guide him, and Yuuri and I can only do so much. I have a feeling he’d listen to you, actually. He, too, can be an asshole.” Viktor smiled slightly.

Ivan chuckled, the sound odd to Yuuri’s ears. He assumed the older Nikiforov didn’t have that capability. “He looks like he’s a piece of work.”

“He is. But he needs someone. Spend some time with him, I think you two would get along well.”

Ivan nodded and ran a hand through his silver hair, “If...if it will help you to see how serious I am at trying to do better...I'll do it.”

Viktor smiled, “Thank you.”

Yuuri grinned to himself as he processed the information. He was glad that Viktor and Ivan had a chance to talk alone; and while it seemed like Viktor wasn’t completely ready to let Ivan back into his life, he was willing to give him a chance to make it right by spending time with Yuri. He needed a strong figure in his life, someone more similar to him than Viktor or Yuuri would ever be able to be. It might be the best thing that could happen to Ivan and Yuri, but only time would tell. 

Between the constant interruptions by doctors checking in on Viktor, his parents and Yuri who hadn’t left their side, the couple never had a moment alone to speak. Yuuri had a million questions to ask his fiance regarding the information he learned while he spoke with Viktor’s mother. He wanted to know about his life after his overdoses when he was living with his parents, but most importantly he wanted to learn more about Alexei. Alyona was hesitant to go into details about him, but it was obvious that this person had a great impact on Viktor as a person. Where was he now? 

The day before Viktor was cleared, Yuri was beginning to get restless. The poor skater hadn’t slept in a proper bed in days, or had a decent meal either. He had been extremely cooperative with Viktor, much to Yuuri’s relief, but after so long Yuri’s patience was running out. Any little thing was setting the blond off, causing Yuuri to worry that the blond could snap at any moment. Yuuri’s first priority was making sure that Viktor could heal himself properly, and he didn’t have time to manage both of the Russian skaters. 

Yuuri eventually spoke with Ivan and Alyona who were wrapping up their visit with Viktor. The dark haired man was feeling much more confident in his ability to communicate with Viktor’s parents. He had only met them a few days ago, and yet he felt like having met them made him even more closer with Viktor. Alyona was just as sweet as Viktor, and Ivan, for all of his ability to be dislikable, was an extremely headstrong and loyal man, just like Viktor. He was able to see Viktor in a new light through his parents. 

“I was wondering if you could do something for me…” Yuuri spoke quietly as he regarded Yuri sulking on the couch he had claimed as his own. He hadn’t spoken a word to Viktor, even though Viktor had tried desperately to convey to the younger skater that none of it was his fault. 

“What is it, dear?” Alyona asked. 

“I was wondering… if you could maybe take Yuri out for dinner? He’s been down so much because of everything, and he needs even an hour or two to feel normal again. Plus, I feel bad that he’s only had cafeteria food. I know I’m asking for a lot, but--”

“Sure,” Ivan replied, “He looks like he could use a break from the hospital. I think we all do.”

Yuuri sighed with relief, “Thank you. Thank you both so much for everything you’ve done.”

Ivan nodded simply and walked away in order to let Yuri know about their plans to take him out for dinner. Alyona shifted her gaze to her sleeping son. “You know, it’s been nearly seven years since I’ve seen my son.”

Yuuri couldn’t believe Viktor, who craved love and affection from others, hadn’t been able to receive the basic level of affection from his parents. He knew that Ivan had a hard exterior, and maybe Alyona used to be that way when she was younger, but now there seemed to be a sudden shift in the way she was coping with her son. The way Viktor interacted with his parents now was a mix between cautiousness and desperation to cling to the parents who were suddenly attempting to care for their son. It was evident that Viktor had never had that in his life. Perhaps it was their older age that prompted the shift in their hearts. 

“At least we can move forward together and forget all the time we wasted.” Yuuri told her with a soft smile. He truly did enjoy spending time with Viktor’s mother.

Alyona nodded but sighed, “I’ll never forgive myself for what I did to Viktor when I was younger. I knew that he needed a loving mother, but I couldn’t force myself to give it to him. I never planned on being a mother, and it wasn’t something I was natural at. I wasn’t ready.”

Yuuri placed a comforting hand on Alyona’s arm, “He knows that you’re here now. Give him time, I think he’s still adjusting to the new addition in his life.”

Alyona tore her gaze away and locked eyes with Yuuri, her eyes glistening with emotion, “You know, I’ve never missed a Grand Prix competition that he’s been in. I’ve watched them all on our television. I watched the one where we won his fifth consecutive gold medal… I was so happy for him. But I could tell he wasn’t happy. He had the same smile that Ivan has when he’s upset. But then…” 

Alyona’s breath shuddered as her emotions were beginning to take over her but she continued, “He messaged me the day after the Grand Prix Final banquet, after so many years of silence between us. And he said so simply, ‘I found the one. I’m going to marry him.’ I didn’t know who she was talking about, and I tried to ask him who he was talking about, but when I heard the news that Viktor had given up skating so that he could coach you, I knew instantly you were the one he’s been looking for.”

Emotions ran through Yuuri as he took in the words that Alyona spoke to him. How Viktor was so able to tell even from one evening with Yuuri that he was the one was beyond him. Yuuri had spent his life in love with Viktor, while the Russian man had spent his life desperate for someone to love him back. It was like the planets had finally aligned for the two. Yuuri could give the love he was so eager to give, and Viktor could finally take the love that he never was able to to reciprocate to others. 

“Thank you, Alyona...for telling me that. You know that I love your son more than anything.”

Alyona nodded eagerly, “Yes, I can see that. I couldn’t be happier, I really couldn’t.”

Yuri and Ivan walked up to the two, Ivan placing a hand on Yuri’s back, and the older man was clearly hiding his unease at the two emotional people before him. “Are you ready to go, Alyona?” He asked, his tone attempting care but falling short.

Alyona cleared her throat and wiped away her tears while still maintaining her beautifully crafted makeup. “Yes, Yuuri and I were just talking.”

“Well, it looks like Yuri is hungry. We should probably get him food while the good restaurants are still open. I think Yuri would like White Rabbit.”

“Am I coming back tonight?” Yuri asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

“Would you like to?” Alyona asked, “If you’d like you can stay at our home.”

Yuri shook his head quickly, “No, I want to stay here.”

Yuuri furrowed his brows, “Are you sure, Yuri? You can sleep in a bed--”

“I’m sure,” Yuri spoke with finality. “I want to come back.”

Yuuri was slightly confused as Yuri’s determination to come back to the hospital, but Yuri made it clear when he glanced over to Viktor’s sleeping form. Despite his guilt for the situation they were in, and his unwillingness to talk to Viktor, he still wanted to make sure that he was still there for the older skater. It was Yuri’s way of making sure that he was present in Viktor’s life, but cutting himself off from his emotions so that he didn’t snap like before. 

Alyona seemed to understand as well as Yuuri, “Okay, we’ll bring you back once we’re done with dinner.” Viktor’s mother looked at Yuuri with a soft smile one last time as they left the room, effectively leaving Yuuri alone with Viktor for the first time in what felt like ages. Yuuri sat himself in the seat next to Viktor’s bed and took Viktor’s hand in his. 

“Are they gone?” Viktor muttered, his eyes still closed.

Yuuri was startled with the realisation that Viktor was awake, “Yes… they took Yuri to dinner… How long have you been awake??” 

Viktor opened his eyes slowly and smiled at his fiance, “A couple minutes before they left. I knew they were leaving and if they saw that I was awake they would have stayed longer. And… I wanted to spend time with just you.” Viktor lifted his hand and caressed Yuuri’s cheek, “I’ve missed you, Yura.”

Yuuri leaned into Viktor’s touch, “I’ve missed you, too. That’s why I asked your parents if they could take Yuuri. I wanted to spend time with you.” Yuuri took Viktor’s hand and kissed it gently, “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Yuuri looked up to see a peculiar look on Viktor’s face, “What is it, Vitya?”

Viktor sighed, “I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through.” 

Yuuri smiled, “You know, I think about everything we’ve been through the past couple months, and when I consider the alternative of me living in Hasetsu alone without a purpose, without you, I’d make the same decision every single time,” Yuuri chuckled, “Well, to be fair,  _ I _ didn’t make the decision. You kind of came barging into my life without thought.” 

Viktor blushed and shook his head and laughed, “I still can’t believe that you didn’t remember the banquet. I felt so stupid once I got there and you weren’t interested in me.”

“That was  _ not _ it--” 

“It seemed like it. The only time I had spent with you was while you were drunk off your ass and personifying Eros. We had our amazing night and I had thought that everything was done. We were in love right then and there. But it took me no time to realise that you needed more time once I got to Japan.”

Yuuri shook his head as he remembered his absurdity, “It’s all thanks to my amazing self-confidence. I couldn’t imagine that someone like you could find me attractive. I just assumed when you were trying to advance on me was your way of being friendly.” 

The couple laughed together, “We were so stupid back then.” Viktor grinned. 

“It was only a year ago, you realise.” Yuuri told his fiance. 

Viktor shrugged, “Still, we were stupid. Me more than you. I should have done so many things differently with you.” 

“Like what?” Yuuri asked curiously, playing with the palm of Viktor’s hand. 

“I would have told you everything so much sooner. I was just so scared about revealing too much of myself to you too quickly. I wanted to make sure that you truly loved me. It didn’t take long for me to know that you did, but then I was scared that I would ruin it, or risk it.”

“I understand. I would have done the same thing.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, the thought of his conversation with Alyona playing in his mind about the mysterious man in Viktor’s past. “There… there was something that your mom told me that I wanted to ask you…” 

Viktor’s face became slightly stressed, the heart monitor increasing slightly, “What is it?”

“She mentioned someone that I haven’t ever heard you talk about. Who’s Alexei?”

The heart monitor increased considerably, showcasing the vulnerability Viktor was feeling at the topic. It proved Yuuri’s theory that Alexei was an important piece to Viktor’s past. 

“We haven’t gotten to that part of my past yet.” Viktor responded after a moment to compose himself, “I met him after I was able to escape my life with Nikolai.”

Yuuri nodded, “Who is he?”

“He… He was a boyfriend of mine. My first _real_ boyfriend. I met him while I was in rehab for my drug addiction. He was a big part of helping me overcome my inability to realise my life’s mistakes.”

“Where is he now?”

A look of sorrow appeared on Viktor’s face, instantly making Yuuri regret asking, but his curiosity overcame him. He knew that there was something that didn’t end well with this Alexei that was so influential on Viktor, Alyona had said so. She had also mentioned that it involved Nikolai, so of course it wasn’t going to end well. The only good thing to come out of Nikolai was Yuri, and Yuuri refused to let that man tarnish the younger skater. 

Yuuri’s phone vibrated in his pocket, interrupting the couple’s moment. Yuuri saw that Alyona had texted him, and his heart sank slightly when he saw that they were one their way back to the hospital already. He couldn’t believe it had been so long since the three of them had left, and yet it felt like he never had a chance to spend any time with his fiance. He needed to savor the last few moments he had left with Viktor until Yuri returned. 

“They’re on their way back…” Yuuri spoke glumly as he eyed his phone and then to Viktor. The unease still was written across his face, but it was evident that he wanted more time with Yuuri as well. 

“I’ll tell you when we get back home,” Viktor vowed. “After this time is when I get back into skating, when I present myself back to the world. But I had to go through so much before I got to that point. Two years of struggling until I could get myself to skate again. It was my only drive.”

Yuuri smiled and leaned in to kiss Viktor’s lips, “Whenever you want to tell it to me, Viktor, I’ll listen. I just want to make sure that you’re okay first.”

Viktor grinned, “Nurse Yuuri. It has a nice ring to it.” He winked at Yuuri suggestively.

Yuuri laughed, “Don’t get any ideas yet. The doctor said it was another few weeks before we can do anything like that.”

“Did you ask the doctor?” Viktor asked, shocked. 

Yuuri blushed, “Maybe…”

Viktor leaned into Yuuri again and pressed a kiss to his lips, “Yuuri Katsuki, you never fail to surprise me.” He leaned back and situated himself so he was able to make space for Yuuri. “Come here, I haven’t cuddled with you in days.”

Yuuri couldn’t argue with Viktor, he too was craving that time with his fiance. Without preamble Yuuri made his way onto the hospital bed with Viktor, his body curling around the older man’s frame. Being with Viktor, even in this situation, felt like euphoria to Yuuri. Viktor leaned his head on top of Yuuri’s and wrapped his arm with Yuuri’s so that they could be as close as possible, allowing the couple to relax in each other’s embraces. Viktor’s heart monitor had slowed immensely, the slow beeping of the machine lulling the couple into a state of comfort they hadn’t felt in so long. He never thought this moment would ever happen, where he could hold Viktor like this. It was his wildest fantasy to simply meet Viktor, and here he was holding him when he was at his most vulnerable. His life was one wild turn after another. 

It reminded Yuuri of the first time Viktor had told Yuuri that he was in love with him. They were two days away from travelling to Russia for the Rostelecom Cup and Yuuri was beyond stressed at the prospect of competing with so many talented skaters. Viktor had been so caring and sweet and attempted to prepare a dinner for the two of them. But because Viktor, despite all of his amazing talents as a human, was notorious for not being able to cook, ended up nearly setting the kitchen on fire and sent Yuuri rushing to stop the flames. 

Viktor was visibly upset that he had ruined such a planned evening, but it only fueled Yuuri’s devotion to the older skater. They snuck away from the rest of the family and spent hours alone in Yuuri’s bedroom, getting to know each other’s bodies better. It was deep and passionate, and after three rounds in the night Viktor held Yuuri close to him and whispered those three words against Yuuri’s skin, effectively erasing all worries from Yuuri’s mind. 

Yuuri smiled at the memory, and he pressed a soft kiss to Viktor’s shoulder, “I love you, Vitya.” 

Yuuri could feel Viktor’s smile against his head, “I love you, too, Yura. My Yuuri…” It was such a simple phrase, but the Russian man would say it like a mantra. 

Minutes passed for the couple before they heard the door open to the room, revealing a calmer looking Yuri. He looked like the fresh air did wonders for him, and it made Yuuri glad he had asked Viktor’s parents to take him out for a little while. It was obvious that the sixteen year old was still upset over his actions but he gave the appearance of someone who was coming to terms with their life. He only hoped in the future Yuri could settle his demons without affecting others.

“Yuri.” Viktor smiled, “Come over here! We missed you.” 

Yuri looked longingly at the couple, but he eventually slid into his cool exterior and hid himself away, “I’m actually really tired… I’m just going to go to bed.”

Viktor frowned slightly, “Yuri, please, come over here?”

Yuri clenched his fists and closed his eyes tightly, “I’m really tired… I’m sorry.”

Yuuri looked over to Viktor and shook his head, indicating that it was only going to take more time before Yuri was comfortable with being around Viktor and not feeling guilty. He ached for the younger skater, who cared so much but couldn’t allow himself to feel in a cold world. It again affirmed to Yuuri that Viktor and Yuri had so much in common; whether it was a good thing or not was left to be determined. 

“Will you sleep on the bed with me tonight, Yura?” Viktor whispered against Yuuri’s temple, placing soft kisses against the skin. 

Yuuri chuckled as he curled into the blankets against his fiance, “I wouldn’t go anywhere else.”

 

* * *

  

The final day in the hospital went by in a blur for Yuuri. Viktor’s heart made tremendous progress, and the doctors cleared Viktor to travel back to Saint Petersburg. Viktor, who everyone knew was an energetic person in nature, was more than happy to have the chance to leave the hospital and Moscow in general.

Ivan and Alyona didn’t come back to the hospital the final day, but Viktor almost appeared to be relieved by the lack of visitors. He was finally getting his parents after nearly thirty years of his life, but from barely seeing them to suddenly seeing them constantly for three days was overwhelming to the older skater. The first thing that Yuuri was going to do was shut himself and Viktor away once they got to their home in Saint Petersburg and make sure that Viktor was healing properly. 

The next few weeks would be a challenge for Viktor. The doctors told Viktor that he needed to keep his activity levels low as he allowed his heart to work itself up to normal levels. Which meant no skating until he was better in the doctor’s eyes. His heart still had minor moments of palpitations, but they told Viktor over the next couple of weeks it should get better. Yuuri worried for Viktor if they didn’t, because they warned that if his heart didn’t get better there was a chance he couldn’t compete in skating again. But the possibility never occurred to Viktor. He always assumed he would eventually get back on the ice, so that he could be with Yuuri and Yuri doing their favorite thing.

Yuuri felt terrible for his lack of attention given to Yuri in the past couple of days. Yuri wasn’t making it easy to communicate with the two skaters, but Yuuri couldn’t help but feel guilty for given the blond proper attention. Yuri was constantly around them, but he was never truly  _ there _ . He was closing himself off emotionally, perhaps too scared to think about what his emotions did to affect everyone in the room. He lost his temper and because of it he hurt someone who he deeply cared for. Viktor was trying desperately to talk with Yuri, but the blond either listened and was emotionally unavailable or made an excuse to not talk to Viktor. 

Eventually all three men left the hospital and quickly made their way to the train station and got on the first train back to Saint Petersburg. Their conversations were light, if they had any at all. They all knew that their main mission was to get home safely, or to a place where they didn’t feel obstructed by the weight that Moscow was putting on them. They needed the liberation, it was suffocating them. 

The moment they arrived back to the flat in Saint Petersburg and saw there was no damage done to their home eased everyone’s minds. There was always a chance Nikolai could have done something to the apartment, now that they knew the older man was aware of their address. It was another topic for another time, but Yuuri wouldn’t hate the idea of moving to another place. It would be like their own fresh start. One where Nikolai had no interaction. Viktor appeared to be happy to be home, but Yuuri wondered if they were thinking the same thing about their home. 

“When is Lilia going to be bring Makkachin home?” Yuuri asked Viktor.

“I assume any time now. She had a class earlier in the day but it should have ended not too long ago.” Viktor replied as he walked around the house, eyeing the surroundings like he was looking for something to potentially jump out at him. “I was thinking once she was home we could continue my story.” Viktor said out of the blue, shocking Yuuri and Yuri who had remained quiet the entire trip home.

“Are you sure you want to? It’s so soon after we got home.”

Viktor nodded, “I’m sure. You deserve to know the truth.” Viktor regarded an awkward looking Yuri, “If you want, you’re more than welcome to join us, Yuri. You know now about my past, and it might be good to hear all of what happened.”

“I… I really can’t.” Yuri replied. “I’ve missed so much practice… and I haven’t seen Otabek in forever. I miss him, and he wants me to go see him.” 

Yuuri wasn’t completely convinced by the blond and his excuses not to stay with the couple, but maybe it was best they spent some time away so that they could all breathe. Viktor was the type to keep everyone close together and he genuinely wanted the youngest skater to stay with them. However, Yuri was the type that wanted to escape, and it was obvious as he stayed close to the front of the apartment, rather than making himself at home like normal. At the moment letting Yuri go was all the Japanese skater could do to keep his family together, so he would let Yuri go his own way.

“Well, you know you’re always welcome here.” Yuuri told the younger skater as he went up to him and pulled him into a hug. “Anytime you need us, we’ll be here for you.”

Yuri was stiff in Yuuri’s arms but he didn’t pull away from his touch. Yuri looked over to Viktor once Yuuri pulled away, and the older man went up to Yuri and pulled him into a deep hug, but again Yuri didn’t reciprocate the hug. He was scared to hurt Viktor again, Yuuri could tell. 

“I have to go…” Yuri whispered, tearing himself away from Viktor and promptly leaving the apartment, his footsteps echoing down the hall, leaving the two shellshocked. 

“Is he going to be okay?” Yuuri asked Viktor.

Viktor reached for Yuuri’s hand and pulled him onto their couch, their bodies entwined as they held each other. “I don’t know.” Viktor replied truthfully. “He reminds me of Alexei.”

Yuuri widened his eyes, astounded that Viktor mentioned his name so willingly, “He does?”

Viktor sighed, “Yes, and it scares me.”

“Tell me…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be back to my normal schedule on Sunday, so look out for one of our last flashbacks to Viktor's past! There's one more after next chapter! Who's ready!
> 
> Come hang out with me on Tumblr at Twentythreefandoms! We're all cool, I swear.
> 
> Thank you so much to the people who leave comments every single week. They're a huge source of inspiration for me, and I love them all so much! <3


	13. Because He has No Meaning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The history of Alexei is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS SO HARD TO FINISH. I can't thank DomesticProwess enough for her help with this massive chapter. It means everything to me.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Drug Abuse and mention of a death

2007

Moscow, Russia

It took three different rehabilitation centers before Viktor found one that would actually seem to help him. The first of the three was a beautifully expensive rehab center in Sweden, but the isolation and easy access to drugs due to a less than stellar staff caused Viktor’s second overdose. He had only been there for a few weeks before his parents immediately brought him back to Russia after he was stable enough to fly back to his home country. 

The second center was located in France, and it boasted the sobriety of many famous celebrities across the globe, so Viktor’s parents sent him to France with high hopes for this new clinic. It was no use, though. With the numerous famous people that inhabited the center there was no hope for Viktor to actually take his counselling seriously, and after one night of sneaking out with a famous actor from America caused Viktor’s third and final overdose. Ivan had been so irate that the center had been so careless with his son’s safety, that he sued the French rehabilitation center and closed the place down permanently. 

Once Viktor was back in Russia, the almost nineteen year old boy had given up any want of getting healthier mentally or physically. The road seemed too long and the outcome not worth the numerous amounts of struggles he was currently facing. He looked upon his time as a skater with somewhat fond memories of a boy with a grand talent and a dream, but that was all he would ever be. A dream. Life had treated him so unfairly, had been too cruel, and he wasn’t strong enough to face it alone. 

Weeks turned into months as Viktor stayed dormant in his parent’s townhouse in Moscow. He knew he was in considerable danger being in the same city where he knew Nikolai had high influence and power, but Viktor couldn’t bring himself to care about the value of his life. He had no drive except for the constant need for cocaine. The withdrawals were some of the worst pain he had felt in his life, and after his former life of constantly enduring pain from strangers said something. There would be days where he wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t sleep, only writhe in agony over the loss of the one thing that took him away from his suffering. He had the option to stand up and fight multiple times and he faced the challenge every time, but this time he couldn’t bear the thought to fight. 

His mother had seen how miserable Viktor had become, and pleaded with Ivan to try one more rehabilitation center for Viktor’s sake. He had become a living skeleton, having lost an unhealthy amount of weight from his lack of eating, and it deeply worried the Russian mother. She barely had spoken to Viktor since his return to the Moscow townhouse since he left at the age of seven, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she ached to help her only child. Ivan was less than cooperative, but after seeing Viktor’s state one afternoon he brought in a physician to look over his son. It wasn’t until the physician stated firmly that unless Viktor gets help for his addiction and weak mental state, Viktor would die. 

Whether by compassion or risk of bad press on his family name, Ivan told Viktor that he would give him one more chance at one final rehab center. It wouldn’t be fancy, it wouldn’t be expensive, but it would be close in Moscow in case Viktor went off the rail. Though, Ivan made it clear when he said that if Viktor faltered again, if he grew too weak and found his way back to cocaine, he would be cut off and lose the one connection to a living and working relationship he had left. 

The rehab in question was true to everything his father had said. It wasn’t a big place filled with constant celebrity sponsorships, nor was it fancy and expensive like his previous two locations. The building was a simple brick structure, with narrow hallways and two giant rooms used for recreation and group therapy. Viktor’s room was very spartan by design, one full bed and a small oak desk pushed into one corner. This was his home now. 

No one paid him attention when he arrived, causing Viktor to feel even more lonely and anonymous. It was, however, Viktor’s saving grace. It wasn’t immediate, but after months of persistent therapy and group sessions did Viktor begin to think more of himself. He began to see the worth in the light that he was moving towards. He wasn’t Viktor Nikiforov, Professional Skater. He was only Viktor Nikiforov the patient, and he had to learn how to accept that.

The first person to recognize him arrived three weeks to the facility after Viktor did. Viktor noticed him right away, for he was different than the rest of the patients in his group session. He was an athlete, that much was obvious by his build, but he was just starting his withdrawals, Viktor could tell. He looked scared, and like at any moment he could just vomit up the contents of his stomach, but at the same time uninterested in his current position. 

The man was introduced as Alexei Averin, piquing Viktor’s interest. He felt as if the name sounded vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t quite remember why. It was then that Ralph, the head counselor, explained that Alexei was a semi-professional dancer who was in rehab for his addiction to heroin, when it hit Viktor. He had seen videos of Alexei dancing when he was looking for inspiration for a skating routine years before. 

It wasn’t until a week later that Viktor and Alexei spoke to each other. Viktor was intrigued by the sad boy who barely spoke during their group sessions, and he wanted to find out more. Sure, Viktor had made friends during his time at rehab, but this man in question left Viktor with a desire to know more. Why was he here if he had a pretty reputable name for himself? What drove him to heroin? 

Viktor caught Alexei as their group was disbanding, catching him off guard. “Oh. Hi. I’m, uhh, Viktor. Viktor Nikiforov,” He smiled kindly.

Alexei smiled shyly as he crossed his arms, looking as if he was bracing for impact, “Yeah, I know. I’m Alexei.”

Viktor was startled at the confession, “Wait, you know who I am?”

Alexei chuckled slightly, “Yeah, obviously. You’re two-time gold medal winner for Russia. I’m surprised more people don’t know who you are.”

A blush crept onto Viktor’s cheeks, “I don’t think a lot of people are into figure skating.”

“I mean, I know who you are and I’m sure other people do as well.”

“I’m honestly not that popular-” 

“Is that why you quit after you broke your leg?” Alexei must have seen the visible discomfort and pain on Viktor’s face, because he widened his eyes in shock, “Oh, no. Shit. Sorry, I didn’t mean to ask you that. I was always curious and I couldn’t help myself! I’m sorry!” He spoke quickly, “Sometimes I say things without thought and I get carried away. Seriously, I’m sorry--”

“Hey! It’s okay,” Viktor interrupted the slightly shorter Russian with a slight smile on his face, “And, no… that’s not why I stopped skating. I guess you could say it’s the reason why I’m here. I got addicted to cocaine because I put my trust in the wrong people.”

Alexei nodded in understanding, “Yeah, I think a lot of us can relate to that. And once you’re addicted there’s no hope of getting out.”

Viktor slightly frowned, “Well, I used to feel that way, but you’ll see. I’m starting to feel like a new person again.” It was true. He could never say that he felt like he was himself again, because he was never in a place of happiness in his previous life. But with this new chance to better himself by getting clean, he saw the possibility of finding his meaning, and maybe one day get back into skating. 

“You really think that can happen?” Alexei asked, a hint of desperation in his tone. It was clear that Alexei wanted this to work but he couldn’t let himself believe that he could do it.

“Well, it’s working for me, and my withdrawals are all but gone for me, but I can barely sleep, still. I’m getting better, but it still sucks.” 

Alexei sighed, “I can’t remember the last time I slept a full eight hours.” 

“Well you’ll get plenty of sleep here...there isn’t much to do here besides therapy and group sessions.” Viktor couldn’t deny that it was obvious that Alexei looked tired. His eyes were darkened underneath and his appearance looked dragged, though Viktor wondered if that was due to his lack of sleep or his struggle to overcome his addiction. Viktor thought back to himself those first few weeks of true sobriety and remembered how sunken his frame was, how every part of his being was working towards a singular goal of becoming his new self, one free of addiction and loneliness, so that he could finally love himself for who he was as a person. 

His therapy was helping him see the error in his ways by trusting all the wrong people. He knew now that Luke wasn’t a person Viktor should have fallen for. He was too old and too selfish, and he brought Viktor to the darkest place in his life. Yes, Viktor was weak and succumbed to the temptations, he couldn’t deny his own poor choices, but Luke should have also known better than to bring a then-seventeen-year-old to clubs. 

He even thought of Nikolai, and how he had made the grave mistake of not trying harder to escape his life, but he had been too far into his drug addiction to ever escape. He was a slave to Nikolai who used him for his body so that he could get high. It was no life, it was clear then, but Viktor was free of it. No longer would he ever let drugs rule his life.

Viktor smiled gently at Alexei, “I hope things get better for you the way they’ve gotten better for me. It’s taking time, but if you work hard at it things will start looking up.”

He began to walk away from Alexei when the other man stopped Viktor, “Do you ever miss it? The drugs?”

Viktor’s body screamed the obvious  _ Yes _ !, but he was able to say securely that the dark part of his life was over now. He no longer needed the drugs to cope with his dissatisfying life. The nightmares of his life of prostitution and drugs were leaving him. He wasn’t afraid of the thought of being alone if it meant that he was growing as a person. 

Viktor turned around and looked at Alexei, a frown displayed on his face. “No, I don’t anymore.”

Alexei almost looked disappointed at Viktor’s answer, “Oh...hopefully I’ll be as lucky.”

A thousand different options ran through Viktor’s head. He thought about leaving Alexei to work out his struggles alone; he thought about promising to be there for Alexei, a man he barely knew, through everything; but mostly he thought about how this man had no one, just like Viktor. “You know, if you ever want to get together to work through our therapy or play one of the dumb games in the rec room, we can do that. I could use a friend in here.” He smiled through his nerves. It was the first time Viktor was offering his friendship to someone. 

Alexei smiled in return, “I’d like that.”

The more time that Viktor spent with Alexei the more he came to like him. He was kind and considerate, and he gave Viktor an opportunity to be the same to someone for the first time in his life. Viktor had always strived to have someone who would let Viktor be the emotional support for them, and finally with Alexei he could do that. While Viktor continued to thrive from his therapy, he could see that it was taking the other man longer to come to terms with his decisions about his former life as a heroin addict. That desire to get high from cocaine was running through Viktor, he couldn’t deny that, but the desperation to do it was leaving him quickly. 

Two weeks before Viktor was scheduled to leave the rehabilitation center Viktor and Alexei furthered their friendship and began their romance. It was much different than anything Viktor had ever experienced before. It was of mutual admiration and feelings for each other. He had never had that kind of connection with someone else who genuinely wanted to be around him and cared for him for the person he was, not because he was a famous figure skater. Viktor told himself that he was going to take it slow, though. He knew himself and his tendencies to be spontaneous and do things overboard, so he made sure to think about his actions before he did them. It was for his own protection as well as Alexei’s. 

However, it was shattered when Alexei came to him after one therapy session in tears after it was announced that day that Viktor would be leaving rehab at the end of the week. He was worried that Viktor would leave him once he left rehab. Alexei still had a month left after Viktor would leave, and he was afraid that the new Viktor would excel with his newfound freedom and forget entirely about Alexei and their relationship. The thought had crossed Viktor’s mind, about what would happen once he left the center behind. He never once considered leaving Alexei, but it was clear now that Alexei was extremely bothered by it. 

“Well, what are your plans after rehab?” Viktor questioned, multiple ideas running through his head. “Do you plan on going back to dancing?”

Alexei scoffed, wrinkling his nose at the mention of dancing, “They won’t let me back. Not after everything I did while on heroin. No, I don’t have any plans…” He was looking at Viktor expectantly, and it made Viktor highly self-conscious. 

He wanted to make this work between himself and Alexei. It was still so early in their relationship, but Viktor didn’t want to risk losing it. He was in an actual relationship for the first time in his life. “What if… we found a place together? I’m sure my parents will get a place for me while I work my way into getting money to pay for it on my own. And… I’ll wait for you to get out, I promise.”

Alexei’s eyes lit up and he hugged Viktor tightly, “You mean it?! Our own place?”

Viktor smiled, “Yeah. A month won’t be long at all. It’ll go by so quickly.”

“And you’ll wait for me?” Alexei asked, his voice wavering in his uncertainty. 

“Of course,” Viktor responded with sincerity and without hesitation. 

The day that Viktor left the rehabilitation center was the best day of his life up to that point. It was the hardest he had worked on anything, and finally he was on his own to prove what he had learned. He finally felt capable and strong enough to withstand his fear of being alone. He could use that fear positively to maybe looking towards skating again, the one thing that despite bringing him to this point, gave him a drive in life. It was too late for the 2008 season, for the fall competitions had already begun, but perhaps next season Viktor could make his big comeback. If he had Alexei by his side supporting him he doubted there wasn’t much Viktor couldn’t do. He thought about Yakov and how it had been years since he heard from his former coach. He wondered if he proved himself that Yakov would take him back. Viktor had left Alexei that day with a kiss and a vow to wait for him in their new home which Viktor’s parents had arranged for them to live in. 

By far the best piece of his freedom was reuniting with Makkachin. He hadn’t seen his poodle in months, resulting in both himself and Makkachin refusing to leave each other’s sides for days. She had grown so much in the time Viktor had been away, her wiggly body growing longer and taller than Viktor remembered. The guilt he felt for not taking care of his dog tore at Viktor’s heartstrings, and he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been for neglecting Makkachin. He hated that he had put anything in front of his favorite thing in the world, but knew he would never let it happen again. She was waiting for him when Viktor finally made the journey from the rehab center to his new home. 

It was a modestly small apartment just outside of Moscow making Viktor feel better, but he longed for the day that he could make his way back to Saint Petersburg. The apartment itself was nowhere as nice as Viktor’s studio apartment in the other city, but it was a great first start for Viktor. 

He was right about his parents, who indeed helped Viktor despite their initial protests that Viktor’s boyfriend would be living with him. But Viktor persisted with them and inevitably won the argument. He could see the potential this new home could give him as he spent his first week settling into the place, using the new furniture that his parents graciously gave him. They hadn’t spoken much to Viktor since he moved into his new home., only a few words here and there, but the fact that they were willing to help him with anything in general was a start. 

It was a week into the new apartment and Viktor was enjoying his new life outside of rehab. He was able to live his new life the way he wanted to. It was when he decided that he wanted to return to figure skating. It had been too long and he wanted to revel in the spotlight once again. He began to take daily walks with Makkachin when Viktor received a phone call from Alexei at the rehab center, stating that he was getting an early release.

“You are?!” Viktor asked astoundedly. 

“Yes!” Alexei responded enthusiastically. “They told me that I’ve made amazing progress so I can leave tomorrow! We can finally be together!”

There was a hint of disbelief in Viktor. He had seen Alexei’s status right before he left and saw how much further he had to go yet. He doubted he could make a complete change in just over a week. Of course he wanted to be with Alexei, and the solitude was growing tiresome very quickly, but he wanted to be secure in Alexei’s mental state before he left rehab. If he left before he was ready then all his hard work will be for nothing. 

“The doctors said that you were all cleared?” Viktor asked to make sure that Alexei was completely ready to leave.

“Yes! Don’t you believe me?” Alexei turned from being ecstatic to upset.

Viktor sighed, “Of course I believe you, Lex. I only asked because I want what’s best for you, ending your treatment early is a great accomplishment. I just wanted to make sure you were ready to leave-”

“And I want what’s best for us. I know I’m ready, and I miss you so much. It hasn’t been the same without you.” Alexei responded, deep longing in his voice. “I’ve stayed up late, imagining the moment we reunite, and how I’ll lay you down on our bed and I’ll ravish you--”

“So tomorrow, then?” Viktor spoke quickly, cutting off Alexei. Alexei knew of Viktor’s past of prostitution, but Viktor hadn’t told him of the times he had been raped, and how since then he hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of anyone being inside of him. He wasn’t ready, and he didn’t know when he would be if ever. He felt sexual attraction towards Alexei, it couldn’t be denied, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell Alexei he couldn’t be with him in that way. 

Alexei stumbled in his wording but recovered, “Yes, I’ll be out at noon. I’ll take a taxi to our place and then we can be together finally.”

Viktor smiled, “I can’t wait to see you.” 

Viktor knew the moment he saw Alexei out of rehab that he wasn’t fully recovered. There was still that hint of desperation that clung to his boyfriend, causing Viktor to question Alexei’s sincerity of saying the doctors had cleared him. He wanted to believe that Alexei was cured and he wanted to work towards staying sober, but even for Viktor the fight was a hard one and he wanted to be sober. There had been many times when even the mention of being high sent Alexei in a sprawl of need for the drugs. It worried Viktor, for not only Alexei’s well being but his own. He wanted to get past that chapter in his life and say for certainty that he was a different person now, but he wasn’t sure about Alexei. 

Things were better than Viktor had anticipated with Alexei. He eventually told Alexei about his past with Nikolai and being raped, and Alexei had been incredibly supportive. They managed to still find ways to be intimate together, but Viktor still couldn’t quite let himself feel the pleasure he used to, the feeling of getting hurt still so raw and recent. Alexei was still working hard on getting past his addiction, a task that would have helped immensely if he had stayed in rehab, but Viktor couldn’t bring himself to bring it up to Alexei. 

Months pass until they are ringing in the new year together, and they have successfully made it together without any relapses. It is 2009, and a chance for a fresh start. However, it didn’t last long for Viktor. It was only February when an old name brought  itself into Viktor’s life, one he had always knew would return to him sooner or later, but held out hope that it would never come back. 

_Nikolai_.

He had luckily been home alone when he received a call from one of Nikolai’s workers, the man on the other end of the line insisting that Viktor return to work for the older man. They promised he wouldn’t have to sleep with anyone again, but he could still have all the cocaine he wanted. Viktor couldn’t deny there was a small part that still desired the cocaine and wanted him to do it, but he was able to push aside the weakness and stop the call. 

Viktor instantly became terrified for his safety. If they knew his phone number, they’d be able to track his whereabouts. Viktor immediately purchased a new phone after he smashed his old one, caring little about the photos and memories he had lost in the process. He would lose so much more if Nikolai ever found him, he was certain of that. 

On top of his stresses with Nikolai, Viktor was juggling his poor relationship with Alexei. A part of Viktor always knew Alexei would find his way back to heroin. Having left rehab early had clinched it, especially with Alexei’s deep desire to be high. To be fair, it was the least stressed he had seen his boyfriend in months since he had told him of Nikolai’s contact. A wave of sadness ran through Viktor as he saw his boyfriend’s state, knowing that he had reduced him to this point. 

“Are you mad at me?” Alexei slurred, his eyes drooping as if he was about to doze off. 

A part of Viktor was mad at Alexei for going back to heroin, especially when Viktor himself was a former user of cocaine and was working hard to get past his addiction. However, as a former user, he knew how easy it was to fall into the warm comfort of being high. It was a crutch to use when everything else in life was failing. Viktor wanted to be upset, but he couldn’t bring himself to be.

Viktor helped him to their bedroom with a sigh, “No, I’m not angry.” He spoke softly to Alexei who was leaning his head on Viktor’s shoulder. “I just wish you had told me you were thinking of doing heroin again. I would have helped you through it.”

Alexei sighed when he collapsed on the table, “Didn’t want you to worry.” He smacked his lips and moaned, “I want water.”

Viktor quickly went to get Alexei water when his phone vibrated, indicating he had a text. It was an unknown number but the message was very clear: 

 

_ IF YOUR BOYFRIEND CAN GO BACK TO IT, WHY CAN’T YOU?  _

_ IT MIGHT JUST SAVE SOMEONE’S LIFE _

_ \- N _

 

Viktor felt as if he was going to throw up as he read the text over and over. Somehow, Nikolai knew Alexei was back on heroin. There may have even been a chance Nikolai provided the heroin to Alexei in some shape or form. 

“Alexei, I’ll help you get over this. Please,  _ please _ , instead of doing heroin talk to me and I can help you. Okay? Bad people can hurt us using our weakness.”

Alexei nodded slowly, “That’s why I did it. Bad people scare me.”

Viktor ran a hand through Alexei’s short brown curls and considered his options. “I know. They scare me, too. But getting high won’t keep them away. You’re only hurting yourself by doing it.”

“Mmmkay,” Alexei responded with slurred speech. “I won’t do it again.”

Viktor wanted to believe him, but knew he couldn’t keep his promise. Once the floodgate had opened for Alexei, there was no chance in stopping. There were day when Viktor didn’t leave the apartment and Alexei would be fine, but the moment Viktor left he would come back to a high Alexei. Often times he wasn’t sure how or where he had gotten the drugs, but it was a never ending cycle. He tried to get Alexei to go back to rehab, or see a therapist, but the dancer had refused every time. He didn’t want help anymore, he was perfectly fine with what he was doing to himself. Eventually Viktor was fed up with Alexei’s instability and unwillingness to try to get better, so Viktor had to end their relationship, no matter how much it hurt. 

They had been together nearly a year at that point, but Viktor couldn’t stand to feel the burden of Alexei’s life decisions anymore. He was feeling responsible for the man and it wasn’t fair to him. He wouldn’t reduce his life to watching Alexei destroy them both. He cared deeply for Alexei, but it was the first time in his life he had to walk away from someone who loved him. It was a new sensation for Viktor, one he couldn’t help but admit he liked slightly. The feeling of being the one who had control, rather than being helpless in the situation. 

Alexei had been beside himself after that point, and Viktor considered asking Alexei to leave, but the kindness in Viktor prevented him from doing so. He may have ended the relationship, but kicking Alexei out without a home would surely lead him to his own death. That way, if Alexei ever needed help Viktor could be there for him, but Viktor wouldn’t have to feel like he was solely responsible for Alexei. It was even better when he thought about the fact that he wouldn’t have to worry about Alexei getting taken by Nikolai who was surely watching Viktor’s every move.

Alexei would be safer, he had to be.

The month after their breakup was hard for Viktor, who watched from afar as Alexei continued his drug abuse. The other man was on a downward spiral, and it hurt Viktor to see him in so much pain. Viktor had managed to stay busy with his life,  going on runs with Makkachin and becoming active again. He wanted to work into skating again, his goal filling his life with a sense of determination and drive. He attempted to reach out to Yakov but every time he went to call he grew scared of what his former coach would say so he never called. He needed a final push to help him face his fears.

While Viktor had continued his routine to get back into skating, he hadn’t noticed that Alexei hadn’t been home as much. It was evident by the lack of drugs around the house, but Viktor hadn’t been complaining. Without the temptation to use the drugs Viktor found himself so much happier in life. Yes, he missed Alexei’s company, or his company when he used to be sober, but that was the sacrifice he had to make. It was clear Alexei was never going to quit his addiction, and the sooner Viktor let go of the false dream of his ex-boyfriend getting sober, the sooner he could move on with his life. 

However, Viktor began to worry one night when he came home to find a note by Alexei. He wrote a short note, saying someone was after him and he was scared that it was “the bad guys”  that had been trying to get a hold of Viktor and they would get him. A part of Viktor wanted to brush off the statement and blame it on the heroin, but Viktor’s paranoia prevented him from doing so. Nikolai’s men had been persistent...and they could have seen them together at some point over the last year. He knew better than to ignore a cry for help, praying that Alexei wouldn’t ask for Viktor’s help just as a pathetic way of getting back together. Viktor had to go find Alexei.

Viktor tried calling Alexei’s cellphone, but it immediately went to voicemail. It must have been dead, Viktor assumed. Grabbing his large coat, Viktor left the apartment in search of Alexei. It wouldn’t be long until he found Alexei and could bring the addict back to their home, where Viktor would sit him down and demand that the dancer try sobriety once again. He was wasting his life away, and it was scaring Viktor how out of control he was becoming. 

The winds were whipping against Viktor’s cheeks as he considered where he could begin. He had no clue where Alexei went when he wasn’t at home with Viktor, meaning Viktor had no place to start his search. He sighed deeply into his scarf, hating that he was outside in the cold searching for his ex-boyfriend who was a heroin addict. Though, he considered the fact that he could still be an addict, and he felt slightly better about himself. 

He walked slowly around the apartment building on the corner of the street, searching any little crevice for a clue to Alexei when he saw a familiar form in the alley. A part of Viktor wanted to turn away and call the police, but Viktor knew better. The body wasn’t moving as Viktor moved closer, and all warmth left the silver haired man as he saw the lifeless form of Alexei. His skin was almost blue from the frost that had eaten at his exposed flesh while an empty syringe lay used inches from his body. His eyes were closed as if he was sleeping, but the stillness and the disgusting feeling of isolation clung to Viktor as he dropped to his knees in front of Alexei. 

He couldn’t cry. Deep down he knew this would be the final ending for his ex-boyfriend. He could only stare in somber peace as he regarded the dancer. Viktor skimmed over the body and noticed there was a paper stuck in his zip-up hoodie, a large ‘V’ written on the outside of it. 

With shaky hands, Viktor picked out the paper, instantly recognizing the handwriting to be Nikolai’s. Yes, he knew that Alexei would die by overdose at some point in his life, but he never thought that Nikolai would play any part of it. A new wave of nausea ran through Viktor as he opened the paper to reveal another short message:

 

_ YOU WERE WARNED. COME BACK NOW OR YOU’LL BE NEXT.  _

_ `N _

 

Viktor finally let his tears flow when he realised with stark clarity that he was responsible for Alexei’s death. He had chosen to be a heroin addict, but through Viktor he had provided the drugs that killed him. He felt guilty, saddened, angry, but most of all helpless and alone. Without Alexei, he once again was alone and at the liberty of Nikolai’s powerful influence. Alexei was his buffer from the scary world, but he was gone. 

Picking up his phone, Viktor knew there was only one thing to do. He dialed the number he used to know so well and waited only two rings before it was answered.

“Viktor?!” Yakov asked incredulously. “Is that you?”

Viktor’s lip trembled at the sound of his former coach’s voice. He missed the gruff old man and his harsh demeanor. He now wished more than ever that he had listed to Yakov when he was younger. “Yeah, hey coach.” He spoke through sobs.

“What’s wrong? Viktor, why are you calling me? It’s nearly midnight.” Yakov asked worriedly.

Viktor bent forward in anguish, “Please… I need help.”

Yakov never hesitated, “What do you need.”

The next two hours were filled with ambulances, police officers, and Yakov never leaving Viktor’s side. The old man looked so much older than Viktor remembered seeing him. He was grateful for the support that he felt through Yakov as the night continued. He couldn’t rely on his parents who had already done so much for him. He wouldn’t ask them to get involved in this. Yakov, though, revealed to Viktor that he was glad he made contact with him, that he had regretted for years the way he handled Viktor’s addiction. 

“I’ve been working on coming back, Coach,” Viktor admitted to Yakov as they were waiting for Viktor to give his statement in the police station.

“It’s been years since you’ve skated. Do you think you can come back after all this time, Viktor?”

Viktor looked at Yakov, his face completely serious, “Absolutely. I’ll make you proud, and I’ll work harder than anyone to make my comeback glorious.”

Yakov scanned his face and smiled slightly as he patted Viktor’s knee, “I believe you. I think it’s time you came back to Saint Petersburg. I’m sure after everything's said and done you can live with someone until you get back on your feet again.”

Viktor’s breathing quickened slightly when he thought about the future. Yakov was letting him come back, he was leaving Moscow and he was doing it completely sober. “Thank you.”

Yakov huffed, letting his once softened demeanor slip away, “Don’t thank me, yet. I can tell that you’re nowhere near where you should be when it comes to your fitness. We’ll have to work on that.”

Viktor was only in Moscow for one more week. After the slew of police questioning about Nikolai Viktor was finally able to accept the fact that Alexei was actually gone. It was a new form of moving on as Viktor spent his twentieth birthday at his former boyfriend’s funeral. What Viktor didn’t expect was the freedom he felt once he left the wretched city behind him. He was the new Viktor Nikiforov, and there was no going back.

News got out that Viktor was returning to the skating world in early 2010, and it felt as if everyone was welcoming him back with open arms. What shocked him most was Skype request he got on his computer from someone he had met in 2004. Christophe Giacometti. The once small boy had grown up to an incredibly attractive eighteen year old who had worked hard to make a name for himself in the skating world. Viktor couldn’t wait for the day until he could compete again, mostly fueled by his desire to best Christophe. He was beautiful to watch on the ice, and Viktor longed to return to skating even faster to prove that he was even more elegant than Christophe. 

Their friendship was quickly formed despite their long distance apart, though the pair managed to talk to each other at least once a week over Skype. It was a true friendship, one that made Viktor feel whole. He valued the fresh and new way that Chris made Viktor see his life. It was still early in their friendship but Viktor could tell already it was one of the deepest and strongest bond he had ever formed with someone.

“What are you thinking about?” Chris asked one night over Skype, his hazel eyes scanning Viktor who was braiding his long hair as he was sitting next to his bed by Makkachin.

“What do you mean?” Viktor laughed.

“You’re all lost in the stars, beautiful one,” Chris responded in French. 

Viktor flipped his hair away from and shoulder and rolled his eyes, “I’m thinking about kicking your ass on the ice.”

Chris made a contented hum, “Just make sure you use protection while doing it.” 

Viktor choked on the air, taken by surprise from the Swiss man’s forward statement, “What?!”

Chris shrugged, “Too soon? Oh well…” 

Viktor blushed, “Chris, I’m not looking for--”

“Forget I said anything.” Chris smiled into the computer. “You know me, I’m flirty.”

Viktor frowned, “I’m sorry for being sensitive.”

Chris showcases a dazzling grin as he twirled in his seat, “Oh, I’m sure there’s a reason why. I can’t imagine what the last boy did to you, but I’m incredibly angry at him.” He said in a playful tone, trying to play with Viktor but stopped immediately when he saw what must have been a pained expression on Viktor’s face. “Oh my god, they  _ did _ do something to you. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get into it.”

Viktor grimaced a smile, “It’s okay…”

Chris sighed, “Can we just go back to you kicking my ass on the ice? It’ll be so weird to finally skate against you in person. I can’t wait for the day we can see each other again.”

Viktor smiled with contentment, “I can’t, either.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang out with me on Tumblr! Want me to write you a scene from WYWA or just something in general? Let me know at Twentythreefandoms! I'll be there (like I go anywhere else...).


	14. He is Wild Without Remorse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A weekend together is sometimes all that you need to reconnect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Posting Day! 
> 
> Thank you so much to DomesticProwess for helping me with this chapter and making it so smoothe! You're the absolute bestest!

May 5th, 2017

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

Viktor’s recovering from his heart attack took longer than both Yuuri and Viktor expected. His heart wasn’t beating irregularly as much as it did when they were in the hospital, but there was a just consistent enough that the doctors couldn’t give Viktor the green light to practice his figure skating. Yuuri could tell that Viktor was upset at the news, probably worried that he might miss out on competing against his fiance, but Yuuri was nothing but optimistic for Viktor’s cause. This was just a minor hiccup that Viktor was facing; he would soon be out on the ice again soon. 

“But, it’s been two weeks,” Viktor sighed when he heard the news, “You said--”

“We said two to four weeks, Mr. Nikiforov,” the doctor replied very patiently, “Sometimes it takes the full four weeks until your heart is able to heal. Right now it’s not strong enough to withstand a rigorous workout like figure skating. For now, I highly encourage you to stick with the light workouts, at least for this next week. Come back next Friday and then we can make a rational decision on whether this will be a permanent case for you. Are you able to do light workouts without problems?”

“Yes, I’ve been doing them without issues,” Viktor responded quickly.

“Then I would continue them and work up to more activities. But  _ don’t _ overwork yourself,” She told him with a serious face. Yuuri wanted to crack a smirk. His doctor knew Viktor too well to know that Viktor would go above and beyond if he wanted to. “I want to see you next week alive and well.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Viktor replied sullenly, reaching for Yuuri’s hand who grasped it firmly within his. “I’ll do everything I can to make my heart stronger.”

The doctor smiled as she shuffled her paperwork on her desk, “I love your spirit, but I’m afraid it’s up to the fates to decide. Either your heart recovers on its own or it’s permanent.”

“It’ll be okay, Vitya,” Yuuri told him with a squeeze to his hand. “Either way we’ll be fine.”

Viktor smiled but it was clear that he wasn’t entirely convinced of his situation. Yuuri wished that he could help Viktor though his worries about not being able to compete, but there was only so much Yuuri could say before his words lost meaning. 

Arriving at the ice rink felt different for Yuuri compared to the other practices since their return from Moscow. Viktor had always been so eager, stating that he would be back in no time, he just had to wait for his fatigue to subside and his heart to mellow its beating, but now they weren’t sure if it would ever go away. This could very well be the new Viktor, one who would never be able to compete in a season ever again. Yuuri wasn’t sure if the thought scared him or Viktor more. What would Viktor do if he wasn’t a figure skater anymore?

Would he spiral downwards like before?

“I think today we should focus on your spins,” Viktor told Yuuri as he was helping Yuuri tie his skates. “I’ve noticed that everything else has made great progress. I would say that your spins are the only thing preventing this performance’s perfection. That and…”

Yuuri sighed, knowing what Viktor was alluding to. He still hadn’t figured out his  _ Aha _ ! moment yet for his routine. He had the beautiful shell, he just needed the fillings in order for it to be complete. He hadn’t thought about his routine in what felt like ages, having been preoccupied with everything else in his life. If he was honest with himself, it was the first time he genuinely cared about his skating routine and the thought of competing in the upcoming season. Viktor had been his main focus for over a month, and he could feel it as he began his practices. He wasn’t where he should be. 

Yuuri listened to the music dedicated to his free skate, the music beginning to hit its crescendo and he began to enter into his quad lutz when it  _ hit _ him. 

He knew. 

“VIKTOR!” Yuuri exclaimed, stopping right before his quad to look at his fiance who was caught off guard.

“Yuuri? What’s wrong?” Viktor asked, his brows furrowed in confusion at the odd smile on Yuuri’s face.

Yuuri laughed gleefully as he skated towards Viktor, “I did it! I found it!” 

“Found what?” Viktor asked as he forcefully stopped Yuuri before he crashed into the side of the rink.

Yuuri panted in excitement as he held Viktor’s face between his hands and kissed Viktor forcefully, “You,” he murmured against his lips, “It’s you that’s my Revelation.”

“Your… How?” Viktor replied, still in shock.

“I knew it was going to be revolved around you, but I didn’t have the clinching moment to make it real to me. But then it hit me. Everything that I have learned about you, about your past, your struggles to overcome your obstacles and you still manage to be the greatest person I’ve ever met. I just love you so much, Viktor, and I want to dedicate this routine to you.”

Viktor stared at Yuuri, his eyes wide as he took in Yuuri’s words. “You’re dedicating it to me?” He asked.

Yuuri nodded enthusiastically, “It’s perfect. The music has a whole new meaning now that it has a purpose. And that purpose is you, it’s not even a doubt in my mind.” It wasn’t a surprise that Viktor was Yuuri’s purpose, but Yuuri could rest now that he was able to put it in words how vital Viktor was in his life. Without Viktor, he would have given up long ago. But now, he was not only a top contending figure skater, he was also half of something that he never thought he’d manage to find. It was his revelation: He was Viktor’s strength when he was weak, and he was able to lean on Viktor when he wasn’t strong. 

Emotions began to flood Viktor as he stared in awe at Yuuri, causing Yuuri to blush under the intense gaze. “My Yuuri…” Viktor whispered as he pulled his fiance into his body space, “How… how I ever managed to deserve you I’ll never know. You are my absolute everything.”

Yuuri leaned in and kissed Viktor tenderly, “I love you, that’s why.”

Viktor closed his eyes and smiled, “I love you.”

Yuuri suddenly felt self-conscious as he realised that they were in public, and normally they’d be getting yelled at for their public displays of affection. However, Yuuri looked around and noticed everyone seemed to be busying themselves with other tasks so that they wouldn’t have to gaze upon the couple and their intimate moment. Even Yakov himself was purposefully not looking their way and shooed away a pair of young skaters who were ogling the scene before them. 

“Can I show you, Vitya?” Yuuri asked, “I want you to see my routine, as it should be performed.” Viktor nodded, unable to speak through his emotions, causing Yuuri to grin as he took to the ice after one final kiss to his fiance’s lips to show Viktor and the whole world what his gold medal routine would look like. 

The music itself wasn’t a dynamic choice at the beginning. It started off slowly and built itself until it reached a crescendo of beautiful epiphany. The long draws of the musical notes meant for the message to convey sadness and an ending, but Yuuri knew better. It had spoken to Yuuri when he first heard it, saddened by the initial writing of the music, but deep down he knew there was a deeper meaning. There was a pull to the music that Yuuri couldn’t understand, not until he heard the love of his life tell his story. 

Now, it all made sense as he skated to the music. It wasn’t an ending that Yuuri had thought his epiphany would be, but a new chapter to what once was previously closed. It was a way for the ugly past to be brought back to life and properly laid to rest before the world. Tears streamed down Yuuri’s face as he felt the swell of the music inside of him, hitting every jump just the way he wanted to. It had a purpose. He was going to tell Viktor’s story in form of skating.

His final pose left Yuuri slightly winded, his eyes blurry from his emotions, and he realised that the only sounds he could hear throughout the entire rink was his ragged breathing and soft sobs coming from Viktor. Yuuri lifted his gaze so that he could find the source itself and found Viktor easily at the edge of the rink. His eyes were red and puffy but he refused to look anywhere else other than Yuuri, an intense wave of silence ran between them but they both understood what it meant.

It was perfect. Yuuri had found it.

“Yuuri…” Viktor whispered, holding his hands out for his fiance, a plea for him to be near.

Yuuri shakily got to his feet and made his way quickly to Viktor who stood with his arms outstretched. They embraced tightly, both men beside themselves with emotion. Viktor had suffered so much in his past and he was never able to put it to rest to get his closure and let himself heal once and for all. But Yuuri would make sure that this was the first step to getting Viktor his much needed help. Every breath of Viktor’s he felt against his body was precious and dear to the Japanese skater, and he didn’t want his fiance to think any less than that. 

“We did it, didn’t we? We found the final key.” 

Viktor grinned against Yuuri’s temple, “Oh my sweet Yuuri, I did nothing. This, everything, it was all you. You are the reason I’m here today. Without you, I’d be lost.” 

Yuuri wanted to deny Viktor’s claim, but he had no proof to state otherwise. Viktor had said himself that he was severely depressed before he had met Yuuri in December of 2015 and was at his lowest point of happiness that he had experienced in years. However, it all changed with Yuuri. They were able to make each other’s purpose come out with a burning passion for one another that no one in the world could deny. They were soulmates beyond anyone’s reasonable doubt, and they would fight to the end of the universe for the other. 

The rest of the rink watched in silent revery as the couple embraced, coming to the conclusion that something more than Viktor’s heart attack must have happened. Where jests and jeers were the norm if any sort of emotions between the two were displayed, they freely allowed Viktor and Yuuri to have their moment. Not only was everyone worried for Viktor’s health, but they were worried about his mental health as well. They saw who Viktor was before Yuuri, and no one wanted to see him return to that point. 

“Can we go home?” Yuuri asked, stroking Viktor’s cheekbone with his thumb. 

“Show me your routine one more time?” Viktor asked excitedly. 

Yuuri grinned, “Okay, one more time.”

Their run home was short lived, both men anxious and too happy to pay attention to their worries. Yuuri would spend his time desperately trying to figure out the purpose to his routine, but it had been found by Viktor divulging his entire life’s story. Yuuri’s revelation was that he would forever and always cherish and protect Viktor. Even Viktor himself seemed lighter as they lightly jogged back to their home, the Japanese skater making sure that Viktor didn’t appear to be suffering from his strengthening heart. Yuuri felt freer than he ever had felt. 

Yuuri was barely able to close their apartment door when Viktor’s lips came crashing onto his in a flurry of desperation. Yuuri, who had never complained about Viktor’s kisses, welcomed them gladly as they brushed tenderly against each other. It was still a wonder that Viktor was real, that he was here with Yuuri now and not some fantasy he imagined in his deepest desires. With every breathy moan, with every swirl of their tongues, it became more clear to Yuuri that this was his reality. Viktor was his here and now. 

“Yuuri?” Viktor panted, breaking away from their kiss and leaning his forehead against Yuuri’s. “I… I wanted to ask you something very important.”

“What is it, Vitya?” Yuuri replied, his hands finding their way up and down Viktor’s back. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but, I was wondering if you wanted to be on top…”

Yuuri felt the request was odd. Yuuri had ridden Viktor many times before, it wasn’t like it was out of the norm for the couple to try other positions. “If you want me to. I don’t see how me riding your dick is important but I won’t say no to that.” 

Viktor furrowed his eyebrows slightly but then began chuckling, “Yuuri, you’re too adorable. No, I meant something else. I want you to be inside of me.”

Yuuri froze and looked at Viktor with wide eyes, “You want me to do that? Are you sure?”

Viktor swallowed and nodded fervently, “Very much so. You’re the only man that I’ll ever again let into my body. You’re the first one that I feel complete ease and total trust. We might have to take it slow, but to tell you the truth I’ve been fantasizing about this for awhile now. I just had to make sure that you were willing to take me. All of me. My emotional history and everything.” Viktor took a deep breath to center himself, “But if you prefer we don’t then I will never hold that against you. It’s only if you’re okay with doing it.”

Yuuri would be lying if he said he’d never thought about topping Viktor. However, the beginning of their relationship had been a blur of first experiences cut between many of Yuuri’s competitions and practices. While they were building their relationship there hadn’t been much time to evolve past their initial desperation for each other with Viktor being on top, meaning Yuuri never even considered the possibility of them switching until recently. It didn’t register with Yuuri that there was a missing opportunity with their relationship.

Viktor smiled softly, “You don’t want to do it, it’s okay. It was just a suggestion.”

Yuuri realised that Viktor took his silence for a rejection, causing Yuuri to chuckle. It was just like Viktor to be self-sacrificial when it comes to something he actually wanted. Yuuri took Viktor’s face and brought them together for a deep kiss, making sure to lengthen and appreciate the man in front of him. He pulled Viktor against his body, allowing the Russian man to feel his growing erection against his thigh. 

“Viktor, I’d love to. I  _ want _ to, more than anything. My only concern is for you and if you’re okay with it. I’d never forgive myself if I caused you uncomfort.”

Viktor couldn’t hide the slight surprise on his face, “Are you  _ sure _ ? We don’t have to.”

Yuuri laughed and shook his head as he sneaked his hand into Viktor’s jogging pants and wrapped his hand around Viktor’s growing erection. Viktor bit his lip and moaned, making Yuuri feel more confident with his actions. “Trust me, Viktor. I’m sure. I want to make you feel so wonderful.” 

Yuuri took his hand away from Viktor’s cock much to Viktor’s displeasure but worked quickly to pull down Viktor’s pants and underwear, freeing his fiance’s hard cock. He slid down onto the wood floor and looked up at Viktor with desperation in his dark eyes, reaching for Viktor’s length once again. Viktor smiled down at Yuuri with such adoration that Yuuri thought his heart couldn’t take it. “You don’t--”

“Shhh…” Yuuri whispered as he brought Viktor’s weeping tip to his lips and kissed it tenderly, “Just enjoy.”

Yuuri loved when he could have Viktor’s cock in his mouth. Every bob around his length, every swipe of his tongue against the slit of his tip, felt like a dream come true to the Japanese skater. He wanted to please Viktor beyond anything, even more now. It was their first time having sex since Yuuri found the video tape and Viktor began telling the story of his past. The desire had always remained for Yuuri, but he wondered if Viktor was worried Yuuri wouldn’t feel the same way. It was why Yuuri found it so important that he continued to cherish his fiance with the love that he always deserved. Viktor needed Yuuri’s reassurance that he was here and he was never going anywhere. 

Viktor’s hips began to rock slightly in tune to Yuuri’s movements, causing the man above to whimper at the sensation and grab Yuuri’s hair, a sign that Viktor was getting close. Yuuri wanted to push Viktor past the edge, beckoning Viktor on with hums around his length. He wanted Viktor so badly, he couldn’t contain his desire for his fiance. He took Viktor by the hips and helped him thrust into Yuuri’s mouth, his cock fucking the back of his throat.

“Fuck, Yuuri, I’m so close…” He gritted, his breaths coming in short pants as Yuuri encouraged Viktor further. He enclosed his lips tighter on Viktor’s cock, creating a tight channel for Viktor to thrust in and out of. Viktor became erratic and with a final thrust he came with a moan, Yuuri taking in every drop and swallowing it. 

Pulling off of Viktor’s length, Yuuri watched as a thread of spit and semen trailed between Viktor’s cock and his mouth. His stomach felt warm, loving that he was still able to make Viktor unravel like that. It was still one of his favorite things to do. 

“Come here…” Viktor requested, helping Yuuri to his feet and taking his t-shirt off in the process. “I need you, Yuura.”

Yuuri leaned in and kissed Viktor’s neck with an open mouth, taking in as much of the sweat slick flesh as he could. “I’m right here, Vitya. Whatever you need.” Yuuri’s fingers played with the skin right under Viktor’s t-shirt and slowly pulled his over his head, leaving Yuuri the only one with clothes on. 

“Our bed? Please?” He asked, pulling them slowly towards the master bedroom. 

Yuuri couldn’t deny Viktor as they made their final steps to their bed. He pulled Viktor tightly against him and kissed him passionately. Viktor’s hands wrapped around Yuuri’s form and urged him onto the bed, pulling Yuuri onto his body. His legs wrapped around Yuuri’s waist and grounded their hips together, causing Yuuri to curse out loud when he realised that he was still wearing his workout pants. 

“Anxious?” Viktor chuckled in response to Yuuri.

Yuuri hummed and leaned back to sit on his heels, smiling when Viktor’s strong legs prevented him from moving any farther away, “You have no idea. This is like… number three on my list of sexual fantasies.” He grinned as he massaged the flesh of Viktor’s inner thigh. Yuuri noticed that already Viktor was getting hard again, a thrill of self-satisfaction running through Yuuri. He was able to get Viktor hard again after nearly no time at all. It was definitely something to brag about.

“Number three?” Viktor questioned with a smile, “What other fantasies has my Yuuri concocted over the years?”

Yuuri grinned as he reached for the lube and opened it with ease. He made sure to watch Viktor’s body language to make sure he was always at ease, otherwise he’d reconsider moving forward with anything, but he seemed completely relaxed and happy. He licked his lips and moved so that he had access to his lover’s entrance. He took his thumb and circled Viktor’s entrance carefully, his eyes carefully watching Viktor’s reaction. “Well, number two is kind of embarrassing…”

He pressed into Viktor’s entrance with his middle finger, causing Viktor to bite his lip and moan, “Tell me…” He begged with bated breath, his hands grasping at the sheets tightly.

Yuuri was fascinated with the motions of his fingers as he continued his motions in and out of Viktor. “I’ve always wanted to have sex in public.” He revealed sheepishly with a smile on his face. 

“I think we can manage that,” Viktor laughed, “I’ve always wanted to have sex on the ice rink, so we can definitely work on that…”

Yuuri grinned at Viktor’s tenacity and took his index finger and added the second finger inside of his finace. Viktor groaned with his eyes closed at the new sensation, and Yuuri knew that he wasn’t relaxing as much as he should be, his body rigid around the intruding digits. “Vitya, do you want me to stop?” He asked carefully.

“No…” Viktor spoke softly. “I’m trying to relax.”

Yuuri leaned forward so his head was directly over Viktor’s, “Viktor, look at me,” He whispered, “I’m here. It’s me. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Viktor opened his eyes, and what was once worried eyes faded away to complete trust. Yuuri could feel Viktor loosen as the man below him reached up to cover his hands on either side of Yuuri’s face. “Yuuri…” He spoke like a mantra and moaned when Yuuri began to scissor inside of him, working him so that he could be loose enough to avoid too much pain. 

After Yuuri was satisfied with Viktor he took his fingers out, causing Viktor to whimper at the loss. Yuuri leaned forward and kissed Viktor passionately as he worked his pants off. He sighed the moment his cock was freed, eager beyond all means to be inside Viktor. He took the lube and applied it to his cock, revelling in the feeling of Viktor’s thighs urging him forward, needing any sort of space between them eliminated. 

“They say it’s easier if you’re on your back,” Yuuri told Viktor after another kiss.

Viktor shook his head, “No, I need to see you. I know you won’t hurt me.”

Yuuri smiled and after another pump to his cock he slid himself into Viktor slowly, both men outwardly groaning at the sensation. “You feel better than I ever imagined…” Yuuri gritted as he worked his way further into Viktor. The all consuming warmth nearly overcame him and he stalled himself, too afraid that he’ll cum before they both could finish together. 

“Yuuri…” Viktor pleaded, begging Yuuri to move. “More, please…” 

Yuuri found his strength to contain himself and began to move in and out of Viktor, the feeling of being inside of him beating out every memory of his life up until this moment. He thrusted in tune to Viktor’s hip movement, the two men panting as they clung to each other. Viktor never took his eyes off of Yuuri’s face, almost like he needed the reassurance that he was safe, and that it was Yuuri. 

“What was your number one fantasy?” Viktor asked him between breaths. 

Yuuri blushed but hid it well behind his already pinked skin tone, “It’s embarrassing…” He replied, not meeting Viktor’s eyes.

Viktor took Yuuri’s face and made him look him in the eyes, “Tell me, it’s okay.”

Yuuri smiled as he continued to thrust into Viktor, “It’s not anything crazy. But it was my first ever sexual fantasy,” He told Viktor as he brushed back Viktor’s platinum silver bangs away from his face, “I’ve always wanted to have sex with you and I could call you my husband and we were married.”

Viktor looked up at Yuuri in complete wonder. “I love you.” Viktor whispered to Yuuri, leaning up and kissing his fiance on the on the mouth deeply. “I want that more than anything. I’d get married to you right now if we could.”

Yuuri stalled in his thrusts and looked down at Viktor, his face so innocent and accepting it nearly brought Yuuri to tears. After everything Viktor had been through, after all of his sexual abuse and constant emotional betrayals, he was still able to find the love in others and overcome his demons. There was no one in the world who even compared to his fiance.

“I love you the most, Vitya.” Yuuri began his thrusts again, his eyes completely locked with Viktor’s as he quickened his pace, knowing his time was drawing near. He reached between their bodies and grabbed Viktor’s leaking cock and pumped it quickly, trying to get Viktor to finish before Yuuri could. Sure enough, after another minute Viktor came with a cry, his eyes finally shutting and he threw his head back in ecstasy. The tightness of Viktor clenching down on his dick finally sent Yuuri over the edge, and he came with a cry into Viktor. 

Yuuri managed to work his way through his orgasm with Viktor whimpering from pleasure through it all. When he was finished he laid himself next to Viktor whose chest was rising and falling from their activities. “Was that good?” Yuuri asked his fiance as he curled into his form.

Viktor let out a laugh and shook his head. He kissed the top of Yuuri’s head repeatedly as he accepted Yuuri’s form against his, “The best sex I’ve ever had. Without question.”

Yuuri blushed, “And you were fine? You weren’t anxious? And your heart’s okay?”

“My heart is fine; I just had to look at you, and I knew that I was safe and loved. It’s all I’ve ever needed.”

Yuuri sighed and closed his eyes, fatigue running through his system. “Are you always this tired after sex?” He asked.

Viktor grinned and pulled their duvet over their naked bodies, “After topping? Yes. It’s a good workout. We should probably do that more often for you…”

Yuuri rolled his eyes and with one final kiss to Viktor’s lips Yuuri drifted off to a peaceful sleep.

The smile that seemed to remain on Viktor’s face throughout the rest of the weekend were some of the happiest Yuuri had ever seen his fiance. It reminded Yuuri so much of when they first began their relationship, and in a way it was like they were starting a new relationship. This was the first time they had spent time alone together where Yuuri wasn’t afraid for Viktor’s wellbeing. They were healing, Viktor more importantly than Yuuri. He has seen Viktor happy plenty of times before in their relationship, but never before had he seen Viktor so consistently happy. It was a brand new feeling for Yuuri, being so completely in love and having the feeling of having it all figured out. 

The couple managed to take their weekend and stay in the entire time, formulating their newfound love of each other, and continuing their love affair in any position and location they could find. Viktor still needed time to get completely comfortable with Yuuri topping, but it was just another thing that the couple was willing to work on. Yuuri had been worried that Viktor didn’t fully enjoy himself, but all of his worries were laid to rest when Viktor woke up the next morning begging for Yuuri to take him again. They took it slow again, making Viktor feel completely safe before Yuuri was able to enter him.

Their sex lasted most of the weekend, though neither of them complained. Whether it was in their bed or in the showers, Yuuri and Viktor couldn’t stand the thought to be away from each other. Viktor was like a whole new person Yuuri had never experienced before, but it was like a new person to fall in love with. Everything was a brand new memory that Yuuri could never forget. 

They spent their Sunday doing small things throughout the day in their apartment. They did their light workouts, making sure that Viktor wasn’t too tired. He didn’t appeared to be too fatigued, but Yuuri noticed a few times when Viktor would take a shuddering breath or wince slightly. The doctors said that if Viktor didn’t get better couldn’t compete in skating anymore, and he feared for Viktor if that ever happened. What would Viktor do? 

There was a point when Viktor asked if he had any more questions about Viktor’s past, but even Viktor himself said there hadn’t been much to say once Viktor started skating again. He only focused on skating, ignoring anything else in his life. His only friend was Chris and he only saw him during competitions. The years after Alexei were spent with one goal in mind: becoming the best. It was the only thing that drove Viktor, but even then he said that it felt old after awhile. Yuuri was content with everything Viktor told him. His fiance had gone well out of his comfort zone to tell his life story, every bad thing included. Viktor was truly his hero. 

The couple spent the rest of their afternoon making dinner together, their hips playfully knocking against each other and quick chaste kisses, with Viktor periodically sneaking bits of food to Makkachin who was so happy to be spending so much time with her owners. Viktor was the one who asked Yuuri to teach him more on cooking so that it wasn’t just Yuuri and Yuri who provided the food around the house. Eventually the older man was too enraptured with Makkachin and went off to play with their dog. Yuuri could only grin and roll his eyes as he saw his fiance and his dog so happy, unable to contain the massive amounts of joy he felt in his heart. 

Their dinner was spent cuddled on the couch as they watched recordings of Yuuri’s practices, making notes and suggestions on what he could improve on for the future. There was a noticeable difference between before Yuuri’s last practice where he discovered his routine’s lifeline and the videos they had taken before then. There was a powerful source of purpose to it now, it nearly took Yuuri’s breath away as they watched him perform. Viktor was completely mesmerised to the screen. 

After their dinner the couple curled into one another, content with doing nothing more than holding each other and kissing lazily while Makkachin snoozed at the foot of the couch. Eventually Viktor pulled back to look at Yuuri with a look of adoration, “Are you sure there’s nothing more you want to know?” He asked as he played with the longer strings of Yuuri’s hair. 

Yuuri grinned and pressed another kiss to Viktor’s lips, “I don’t need to hear anything more unless you can think of anything.”

Viktor’s look of adoration lasted for only a second more until a flash of a memory must have crossed Viktor’s mind, causing the older man to look away from Yuuri and frown slightly. “I guess there is something you should know…”

Yuuri frowned when he felt Viktor’s form lean away from him. “What is it, Vitya? You said that you devoted everything to your skating after Alexei. I don’t remember any scandals happening once you started your winning streak.”

“The paparazzi don’t know about it,” Viktor replied, his tone off.

“What is it? Was there someone else after Alexei?” He guessed.

Yuuri was shocked when Viktor remained quiet, “There was someone? Is is someone famous?”

Viktor winced at the thought and nodded, “Yes…”

Yuuri thought back to his Viktor knowledge and couldn’t think of anyone he was spending a lot of time with while Viktor was rising in the world as a skater. “I can’t think of anyone. Who was it?”

Viktor sighed and looked at Yuuri again with guilted eyes, “It was Chris.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is excited to find out next week about what happened between Chris and Viktor?! What do you think happened? Let me know in the comments below! I'll see you all next week my lovelies!


	15. Caring Little for Other's Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paris, France, 2015. A week before the Grand Prix Finals, and Viktor's desperate to feel something again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Happy Posting Day!
> 
> This chapter is a little different. We're jumping five years into Viktor's story, so we miss a big chunk of Viktor's progression to this point. He's reached his goal of becoming a skating legend, but now he's without a purpose. He's severely depressed and is desperate to have a connection to something again. Viktor isn't a great person in this chapter, and it's truly his lowest point. 
> 
> Thank you to DomesticProwess for her continued friendship and her amazing ideas. She knows how to make my story so amazing! Thank you, dear! <3

“You and… Chris?” Yuuri gaped in shock. 

Viktor nodded his admittance, a guilty expression painted across his features, “Yes, Chris and I were together for a very brief time before I met you. But you have the right to know.”

Yuuri swallowed and tried not to overthink the situation, but all he could picture was his fiance with the Swiss skater. Chris was known to be the leader of sex appeal on and off the ice and no one could deny their attraction to him . Compared to Yuuri, who frequently struggled with his body image and capacity to display affection, he by almost all counts was the opposite of Christophe Giacometti. He knew that they had always been close, but Yuuri never wanted to think that Chris had any competition with Yuuri.

Viktor reached for Yuuri’s handed and held them tenderly within his, “I’ll tell you the story of what happened, but before I do I need to stress to you that you might be angry with me, and that’s okay. I still, after everything I’ve done in my life, consider this my darkest moment. I was lonely and desperate for affection and I wasn’t considering anyone but myself. It’s a moment I most regret.”

Yuuri seriously doubted Viktor’s claim, but he never voiced it. After diving into a drug addiction, selling himself into prostitution and without meaning to sending his ex-addict boyfriend to his death, Yuuri considered what he could have done to create so much hate for himself.

“Before I begin, I want you to tell me how much you want to know. It’s a short window of time but a lot happened for me personally.” Viktor explained, frown lines appearing again to his previously flawless features. 

“Tell me everything.” Yuuri responded with surety. He still couldn’t comprehend the severity of Viktor’s upset nature. Surely what Viktor would tell him wouldn’t be worse than anything Viktor had told him of his past. 

Viktor nodded again, collecting his thoughts. He still looked so small, alone. It tugged at Yuuri’s heartstrings and it caused him to reach out for his loved one, silently begging him to come closer on their couch. Viktor went willingly, surprising Yuuri. With his previous stories he had maintained a self sacrificial distance, but this was different for him. Viktor curled into Yuuri as he rested his head on Yuuri’s lap, his blue eyes looking up at Yuuri. He looked calmer, maybe comforted that even after all this time Yuuri still wanted to hold him. 

“I’m still here, Vitya…” Yuuri murmured as he ran his thin fingers through Viktor’s platinum silver threads. 

Viktor appeared to want to say something in response to Yuuri, but he remained silent. Yuuri wondered if he had the confidence was he would have sad to Yuuri. Viktor reached and held onto the hem of Yuuri’s t-shirt with coincidentally happened to be an old relic of Viktor’s. He took a shaky breath and his eyes focused as he drifted into his memories once again, “I’ve always known that Chris was in love with me…”

 

* * *

  
  


December 2015

St. Petersburg, Russia

 

The decision to invite Chris on a weekend getaway to Paris wasn’t out of love or romance, Viktor knew it the second he sent the text to his best friend. The two had recently battled at their own competitions across Europe, each winning gold respectively, making them the first two skaters guaranteed in the 2016 Grand Prix finals in two weeks. The win gained confidence in Viktor that he’d be able to curse away the looming threat of depression he could feel etching into his soul. He knew better than that, though. The goal of the gold did little to appease his inner suffering, and with every day since then he could feel it getting worse. The memories of his past were overwhelming him at an alarming rate, causing him loneliness and the desperation to flee. 

There was little change in his mood when he received the text from Chris not five minutes later that he was already packed. Viktor took a moment of reflection of what he really wanted out of this trip before he called the Swiss skater. They conversed on the flights and hotel after an extensive period of laughter and talking about the Grand Prix series as a whole. They both had been to France many times for competitions but never had the pleasure to visit for recreational purposes. He made the excuse when Chris asked what the sudden need to get away that it was to celebrate their advancement to the Grand Prix Finals, but Viktor knew better. Maybe Chris did, too. 

Regardless, Viktor and Chris left their countries the next morning and flew into Paris. Viktor, instead of feeling guilty for the reason behind the trip, felt empty… nothing. He had a mission; he needed to feel something again. It reminded him cruelly of the withdrawals he suffered years ago from cocaine. The desperation to get the next fix, unable to sleep until you were high. He might have abandoned the addiction to the drug, but he was fixed permanently to a certain lifestyle, a certain way of thinking about life. Ironic how because of the years of his drug addiction his memory would forever be impaired, but he could remember every single high in stark clarity. 

He needed Chris to help him forget, as selfish as that was, but he couldn’t tell him that. There was a barrier he refused to cross, and to admit he was weak was something he couldn’t do, even to his best friend. Instead, he would willingly use him however he needed because he knew it would be possible. Chris was his best friend, Viktor assured himself, even without his feelings towards Viktor he would have agreed to come to Paris with him. A sickening feeling hit Viktor as he realised Chris’ feelings for the Russian skater would benefit the two over the course of the weekend. It was an all time low for Viktor, but the prospect of decreasing any form of loneliness clung to his body like a vice. He knew it wasn’t going to go away once he realised it was a strong possibility. 

It had been years since he had been with another man, and the last one, because of his involvement in Viktor’s life, was dead. Alexei would have always been a drug addict, that wasn’t something Viktor could have changed. No matter what he tried, Alexei couldn’t get away from the chase of the high. Viktor couldn’t blame himself for that anymore, it would have destroyed him if he did. 

No, Viktor told himself, Chris was different. He held deep affection for the Swiss skater, and he of course was incredibly attractive, but Viktor could never last with Chris. He was too much like himself, and at best he moderately like himself at the moment. He hoped Chris could fix that about him, though, even for a short while. 

The moment Viktor saw Chris in the Parisian airport a smile helplessly crept onto his face and he embraced his best friend warmly, each man kissing the side of each other's cheeks. 

“ _ Salut…” _ Chris drawled as he looked Viktor up and down. “First class is certainly the King of Russia well.”

Viktor shrugged with a grin, “For the price I payed, it better!” 

Chris held a hand to his own heart, feigning a wound, “And he’s so humble, too! And I thought everyone just loved you for your ass.”

Viktor snickered and faux punched Chris in the jaw, “Let’s go. I have other plans for us other than commenting on our perfect physique.” 

Chris followed alongside Viktor with his suitcase in tow, “You do?” he asked, his confident exterior faltering slightly. 

Viktor winked at Chris as he put his sunglasses. It would be too easy to get what he wanted from Chris, and the thought of it made Viktor the worst version of self hatred and unrelenting impatience. He knew he was acting off, but he couldn’t help himself. When he was in this sort of mood there was only one cure for it, and Viktor was the type that never rested until he got what he wanted. He didn’t become the first skater in the world to achieve four consecutive gold medals in the Grand Prix final because he didn’t devote every single second to achieving more. It only worked for so long, and after four years of consistently being the best it was starting to lose its effect. 

Their hotel  was a lavish one in the executive suite of a hotel not far from the Eiffel Tower. Viktor of course had booked the room with the perfect view of all the exceptional views that Paris had to offer, and Chris being one for the finer things in life had no objections to Viktor’s pick. Everything was truly beautifully decorated in rich golds and light purples with accents of blooming flowers throughout the suite. It all was perfect, Viktor decided as he brought his suitcase into the master bedroom with one large king sized bed. 

“Well that will be interesting…” Chris commented when he saw the bed. 

“I’m sure we’ll manage.” Viktor replied with an easy smile. Viktor made his way to one of the bedside tables and found a dozen red roses he had ordered for Chris. He picked up the vase and held them out for Chris, “Here. These are for you. For everything you’ve done for me.” 

Chris looked at him with wonder, a faraway look glazing over his eyes as he took the roses gingerly, “This… this is too much, Viktor. They’re absolutely beautiful.”

Viktor grinned as he plopped himself down onto the bed. He looked up on Chris who still looked wondrously at the roses Viktor had given him and Viktor patted the space on the bed next to him, “ _ Chris _ , come join me! I’m lonely.” 

Chris rolled his eyes with a smile but never joined the bed. Instead he walked to the mini fridge located at the bar before the bedroom and retrieved an expensive bottle of champagne. “We’ll need this to celebrate, Viktor, or have you lost your will to have fun?” He grinned cheekily, popping the bottle with finesse. 

Viktor’s heart thudded, knowing deep down he shouldn’t have alcohol. It was too close to being a incentive for his drug addiction. One never seemed to be without the other when Viktor was concerned. But he couldn’t tell Chris that. He would ask too many questions. His best friend joined the bed with two flutes of champagne and held the other to Viktor, half of Chris’ already gone.

Viktor swallowed, meaning to tell Chris he couldn’t, but his body found itself disobeying orders and taking the champagne from Chris. They clinked their glasses and in one go they finished the contents. The familiar buzz of alcohol hit Viktor instantly having been nearly two years since he had a sip of anything. It was like a flip switched inside Viktor and he was instantly hooked. He took the bottle from Chris’ hands and forgoed the champagne flute and when straight for the bottle itself. 

Chris chuckled, “If I’m buying it I’d at least like a sip of it.” He joked, laying a hand on Viktor’s shoulder.

Viktor looked over at Chris fuzzily and displayed a goofy grin on his face, “Sorry, it’s just really good.”

Chris raised his delicately trimmed eyebrows and laughed at Viktor’s lack of composure, “It’s like you’ve never had a drink in your life!” 

Viktor raised himself from the bed and he looked around at his surroundings. It was sad how half a bottle of champagne seemed to fix nearly all his problems. He felt at home when the world was blurry. Viktor nearly called off everything and went back to Russia, set on using his new found motivation instead of Chris, but a pair of hands wound their way around Viktor’s waist and he instinctively leaned back into it. The desire was more than there, but he knew deep down his feelings weren’t that of love. It still wasn’t. 

“Thank you for inviting me here, Viktor.” Chris spoke sincerely, resting his head on Viktor’s shoulder blade. It was the first time Viktor had heard Chris speak without innuendo or flirtation. It was genuine. 

Viktor hated it. 

Turning around in the embrace, Viktor pulled Chris along towards the suite’s exit, “Let’s go!” Viktor emphasised, “There’s so much of Paris we’ve yet to see! And so many wineries!” He added. 

Chris smiled widely and followed Viktor without thought, “Show me the way,  _ mon cher _ .” 

Hours into the Parisian morning finally brought Viktor and Chris back to their suite, drunk and full of laughter. Their clothes, which were once pristine and well put together were wrinkled and barely worn. Their conversations flowed easily in slurred french as they made their way to their bed, neither with a care in the world. 

Viktor collapsed onto the bed, his trousers and shirt thrown across the room to leave him only in his bikini cut underwear. He gazed over at the hazy form of Chris as the other man took off his pants as well, his gaze zeroed in when he saw that Chris wasn’t wearing underwear beneath his pants and was soon naked. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Chris without clothes before, the man would have been a nudist if it wasn’t for the ice that he spends his life on, it was only that Viktor had never seen him without clothes when they were alone and so close to losing their inhibitions. 

The sight immediately that sent straight to his groin as Chris collapsed on the bed next to Viktor was his prominent bum in the dimly lit room. Or maybe it was the only thing Viktor could concentrate on within a hundred foot span, either way he was struck. He swallowed and tried to avert his eyes but in his drunken haze it was all he could seem to do. 

Chris glanced at him from the side and smirked, “It’s hard to appreciate a work of art like this when you’re so far away.” 

Viktor sat up and looked at Chris’ form from a higher angle, perhaps getting a chance to formulate his thoughts into a coherent string of words. He was taken aback at the new angle because it only made Chris more desirable. He was all muscle and curves that fell in the right places. Within a moment he was fully hard but he couldn’t get himself to move. This was why he had Chris join him in Paris, wasn’t it? He needed it to feel something again. So why now couldn’t he go through with it? Why now did he care about the right vs. wrong of the situation when he was so close to getting what he wanted. 

Chris sat up on the bed and Viktor couldn’t ignore that Chris was also sporting a full erection. “Viktor, is everything okay?” He asked with concern, placing his hand on Viktor’s upper thigh, so close to where he needed it most.

“Yes…” Viktor breathed, the taste of countless bottles of wine evident on his breath, “I just…”

“It’s been awhile…” Chris finished Viktor’s sentence with a smile.

_ No _ , Viktor thought,  _ I don’t want to ruin you like I do with everyone else.  _ “Yes.” Viktor replied instead, his voice above a whisper.

Chris inched forward and placed a sweet kiss onto Viktor’s neck, chills instantly appearing on the skin where Chris continued to lavish, “Tell me about it.”

Viktor bit his lip, only able to comply to Chris’ wish, his body reacting on its own accord, “His name was Alexei…” He moaned when Chris bit down lightly onto the skin. 

“Was?” Chris asked, his body moving closer to Viktor’s so that they were sharing the same space.

“He died.” Viktor breathed, his hands winding around Chris’ neck to pull him closer against his body. His drunken mind couldn’t comprehend the dark secret he was beginning to reveal to Chris, how he had bottled away the emotions for years and never told anyone the severity of his depression. He couldn’t care less about what he did or did not tell Chris, though. His body was finally feeling alive again, he’d do or say anything. 

Chris pulled away from Viktor’s neck and the Russian skater whined involuntarily, “He what?” He asked in broken french, too surprised to properly respond in the correct language.

Everything was starting to become real again, and Viktor couldn’t handle it. As long as Chris was worshipping his body with his mouth he could fade away from everything. This was not the time to talk, it was to mess around and have as many orgasms within a three day span. Talking would never fix his problems, especially with Chris. He was the physical personification of what he needed this weekend, and he needed it now. 

Viktor gained a surge of courage and leaned over Chris who looked hesitant now, rather than turned on moments before. He crowded over the Swiss skater’s body who had laid itself flush against the golden duvet of the hotel bed, “Yes, he’s dead. We could talk about it for hours and ruin the rest of our trip; Or…” he reached down and grasped at Chris’ cock and pumped it firmly in order to return it to hardness, “I could fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk properly until the Grand Prix Finals.” 

Chris moaned at the touch, his legs automatically wrapping around Viktor’s waist and pulling him closer, Viktor’s erection rubbing against Chris’ hole. “Viktor, are you sure you’re okay?” He asked despite rolling his hips up with every stroke of Viktor’s hand. 

Viktor dove and captured Chris’ lips with his own in a bruising kiss, all teeth and tongue. “Chris, I need you so badly. I want to be inside you… Please.” 

“ _ Fuck _ .” Chris swore into Viktor’s mouth, the two skaters too caught up in their physical need to bother with Viktor’s alarming history. It was just as Viktor had predicted. They were both too desperate for contact, though for different reasons, that getting to sleep with Chris wouldn’t be a long shot. “I didn’t bring any condoms.” Chris breathed as Viktor sucked a bruise onto Chris’ clavicle.

“I did. In my suitcase.” Viktor told him offhandedly.

“Naughty boy.” Chris panted with a smirk.

Viktor took his hand off Chris’ cock and the Swiss sighed at the loss, “Are you going to punish me?” He asked as he received a bag from his suitcase containing condoms and lube. 

Chris pulled Viktor in for another kiss, the Russian man going willingly into Chris’ embrace. He truly was talented in the art of sex. “Nothing you couldn’t recover from.” Chris responded. 

Viktor smirked. 

 

* * *

 

Viktor instantly knew nothing had changed in the morning after he woke up. While he was blissed out from the many rounds of sex he had with Chris the night before, what he was craving wasn’t the emotional connection and revival Viktor was hoping would arise. Instead, he had a nasty hangover and the deep craving to indulge in more sex and alcohol. It was the opposite of what Viktor was looking for on this trip.

Chris, however, had no idea Viktor was anything less than ideal. He woke up with a smile on his face, momentarily leaving Viktor in a daze, until the Swiss skater moved on top of him and began sucking his dick hungrily, causing Viktor to cry out in pleasure. He eagerly accepted Chris’ sexual appetite and begged for more. Forget feeling fulfilled in happy, he could live with this. 

After one of the best blow jobs he’s ever gotten, Chris hovered over Viktor and began kissing him deeply without abandon. His body covered Viktor’s entirely and the man above him began to grind down on him. Viktor failed to notice that Chris had found an opened package of lube and covered his fingers with the substance and reached down to play with Viktor’s entrance.

Viktor instantly bolted from Chris, his eyes wide and nervous as he stared at the Swiss skater, “What are you doing?” He asked quickly.

Chris looked at Viktor with shock and confusion, “I… I thought we could switch it up? Is that not okay?”

Viktor took a few calming breaths before forcing a smile onto his lips, “It’s fine. I just... prefer topping.”

“Oh.” Chris replied, his cheeks tinted pink from embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it awkward.”

Viktor wanted to tell Chris everything, because if anyone in the world deserved to know about Viktor’s life it was the man sitting in front of him. He was trying to formulate the words to begin to explain why he was so messed up, but he couldn’t bring himself to become any more vulnerable at this point. Yes, Chris deserved to know, but there was always the future.

Viktor instead crawled forward and placed a heated kiss to Chris’ lips, pushing his discomfort and fear aside so that he could pleasure the younger skater. “You should blush more. You’re so sexy when you do it.” He bit Chris’ bottom lip for added effect, wanting to distract Chris from the embarrassingly awkward moment of vulnerability on Viktor’s part.

Chris groaned into the kiss, “I still feel bad.”

“Let me make you feel better…” Viktor breathed against Chris’ skin, sending the Swiss man to the duvet, hoping Viktor’s anxiety attack would leave him as he continued to ravish Chris.

Viktor and Chris collapsed on the bed, both men thoroughly exhausted from their latest round of sex. Viktor noticed however that Chris hadn’t been as receptive to Viktor’s actions, and even now Chris was treating Viktor as if he was more fragile than normal. Viktor hated it but he knew it was time to reveal something to Chris. The drugs and prostitution was for another day and another time, but he felt like he could let Chris get a glimpse into his horrid past with Alexei.

“I don’t talk about Alexei a lot.” Viktor mentioned offhandedly. 

Chris was still catching his breath when he glanced at Viktor. His whole body seemed to glisten from the sunlight hitting his sweat-stained skin, immediately making Viktor regret his decision to open up. He wished he could go back and continue to worship Chris’ body the way it should be. “Was he your last boyfriend?” Chris wondered.

Viktor hummed in affirmation, “We dated for a while, but he had a lot of problems that he couldn’t separate himself from.”

“What happened to him?” Chris asked hesitantly, visibly bracing himself for the harsh truth he knew was coming.

Viktor considered telling him that he was killed by Nikolai, but he knew immediately that it would only cause him to add more to the story he was unwilling to tell. “He overdosed on heroin and I found his body in an alley.”

Chris sat up instantly and looked at Viktor with a horrified expression. Viktor wanted to feel ashamed or worried about what Chris might think of him, but he could only stay in his state of nonchalance as he gazed in Chris’ direction. Viktor knew Chris had questions, but he found himself unleashing more of his tragic story. “He tried to go to rehab, but it never worked. I knew it was always going to end up that way. No matter what I tried to do, he was forever addicted. It was like a vice he couldn’t or wouldn’t shake.” As he spoke the words, he suddenly realised how similar Alexei had been to himself, knowing that if he hadn’t successfully completed rehab he would have ended the same way. Or worse, he’d die under the control of Nikolai. The thought truly haunted him.

“When did this happen?” Chris whispered, reaching out and stroking Viktor’s thigh.

“Right before we became friends. I was just about to turn twenty. That’s why I was so glad to have you in my life.”

Chris smiled sweetly and bent forward to kiss Viktor on the lips. “Things really have changed, haven’t they? It all makes sense now.” He laughed.

Viktor furrowed his brows, “What makes sense?”

“Why you weren’t very flirtatious in the beginning. I thought you weren’t interested in me for the longest time. And going by the past day and how I’ve never had so much marathon sex in my life, I can say that’s changed.” He grinned with a suggestive wink. 

Viktor swallowed and chuckled slightly. He knew too well that nothing had changed, even though a part of him wanted it to. He had been just as attracted to Chris now as he did the first day, the only difference was Viktor’s willingness to act upon it. He was just lonely enough to indulge in himself, hoping that it would make him feel something again. He was still trying to deliberate to see if it was even working.

The rest of the day was spent in a haze of more sex, alcohol and lazy eating between the two as they discovered the new and unexplored territory of their relationship. It was without doubt some of the best sex that Viktor has had in his entire life, though it wasn’t too hard to top with his dark past. It was exactly what Viktor needed, though. A weekend of unadulterated cheating of anything ethically viable. Chris was sweet, funny and above all things willing to give Viktor whatever he wanted. Anything. He never brought up the moment from before, but Viktor could tell there was a newfound hint of caution with Chris, causing Viktor to work harder to make Chris happy. He wasn’t even sure if he was doing it for Chris or himself anymore.

Eventually they made it out of their hotel room and wound their way through the Paris streets, a goofy smile displayed proudly on Chris’ face as they did whatever made them happy. It almost lightened Viktor’s mood to its normal state, the thought that life could always be like this. But he knew just as the weekend was coming to a close and so would their pocket of safety. The timeline of what they could consider their relationship was nothing more than a short span of time that Viktor couldn’t make last forever, even if part of him wanted it to. 

Viktor looked over at Chris who was leaning against a fence, his body surrounded by yellow carnations which brought out the pastel blue of his sweater as he lit a cigarette and blew it without care into the air. 

“You smoke?” Viktor asked in shock.

Chris shrugged without care, “Almost never, but I’m letting myself have this one. It helps my body relax, and after the day we’ve had I can admit I’m a bit sore in the muscles.” He winked vivaciously as he took a selfie of himself in front of the flowers, careful to avoid the cigarette smoke in the picture. If anyone knew that someone as athletically active as Chris, or even Viktor for that matter, smoked or did anything remotely sinful he’d be out of a career in a second. Against their will they were paragons who had to be role models for millions of children around the world. If only they knew who Viktor really was, what he had done just to survive. 

Viktor grimaced when he felt the sickening feeling of his dark thoughts solidify in his mind. It wasn’t fair. He brought himself all this way, let himself enjoy the company of another man for the weekend in one of the most beautiful cities in the world, and he still couldn’t feel anything. He felt like he was a failure. How was he able to inspire so many people around him if he couldn’t make it one day without the crippling fear of his anxiety overtaking him. 

“ _ Victoir _ ? Is everything okay?” Chris asked as he put out the butt of the cigarette on the pavement and came up to Viktor, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him in closer.

Viktor pretended like he was comforted by the act, “I think I’m feeling ill. Why don’t we go back to the hotel?” He suggested, running a hand through his silver locks and walking back towards the hotel. 

“Good idea!” Chris told him, keeping up easily with the Russian, “I think the last European championship is on in an hour. This decides who makes it into the Grand Prix! I’m sure we can find a livestream somewhere, and find something to do before that.” He winked at Viktor. 

Viktor smiled, his intrigue piqued at the idea of scoping out the competition. Truth be told, of the four people who were qualified already there was no one who hadn’t surprised Viktor yet. Chris was always performing to please his audience, never finding his own tune; Jean-Jacques Leroy was a new contender to the Grand Prix series but he was too confident in himself; and Michele Crispino from Italy was too dependent on others for him to be a truly solo contender. There were only two spots open and truthfully Viktor didn’t know many of the skaters competing in the final European championship. 

It didn’t take long for the two to settle into their room with Chris’ laptop on his lap, the two cuddled together on the bed as they tuned into the last few skaters of the championship. Looking at the scores listed from the skaters already competing there didn’t seem to be a standout of who would win. Viktor grimaced slightly; he wanted at least someone to compete against this series, if not just with himself. 

“ _ Oh la la _ , he’s a looker.” Chris commented as he looked upon the last skater of the competition. 

Viktor focused his sights on the skater in question as he took to the ice and he was instantly hooked. The man was from Japan from and his name was Yuuri Katsuki. Chris was right, Yuuri was beautiful. He had a quiet angelic nature that Viktor hadn’t seen in someone in the skating world. As the music began the Japanese skater strolled with ease to the music, the composition elegant but Viktor could tell it wasn’t right somehow. It didn’t connect with Yuuri as the skater’s music should have. It was hard to deny, though, the Viktor’s heart was beating as he watched, entranced by Yuuri’s performance. 

The second that Yuuri missed a jump and over-rotated Viktor sucked in a breath as if he was there, causing Chris to chuckle at his companion, “You okay? I don’t have to be jealous do I?” He joked, though he couldn’t suppress the edge of uncertainty in his voice. 

“He’s a fan of mine.” Viktor heard himself say as he continued to watch Yuuri skate.

Chris rolled his eyes, “So am I, and I’m right here.”

Viktor huffed, “No, seriously. I can tell he’s a fan of mine by the way he skates. He  _ knows _ me somehow…” He ended his thought of track, unwilling to miss any second of the Japanese man. Without doubt he needed to have Yuuri make it to the Grand Prix series, but from the way he skated Viktor didn’t have to wish too hard. Even with the mess ups he would still get a better score than the rest of the skaters. He would see him in Sochi, Viktor was certain of it. 

A smile crept onto Viktor face as Yuuri finished his routine, his chest heaving as the Japanese skater smiled to the crowd and skated off the ice to his coach. “I didn’t realise that his coach was Caio Caio.” Viktor chuckled, the Italian coach being notorious in the skating world for his long locks and short attention span towards his skaters. “He could do a lot better if he had the right person to coach him.” 

“Why are you so interested in him suddenly?” Chris couldn’t help himself asking. “All weekend you’ve been distant towards everything, and then this random skater shows up and you seem like you’re alive again.”

Viktor couldn’t hide the blush that crept onto his face, “I can’t explain it. He was good.” 

“And apparently so good he could make your face light up more in three minutes than I could in three days.” Chris noted, disappointment in his tone. 

“What am I supposed to say, Chris?” Viktor snapped, his anxiety spiking as he felt the urgent need to get away. Viktor made his way off the bed and paced through the master bedroom. “It’s not like you have any right to claim me or anything.” He noted as he watched Chris sit back on the bed.

“Then what was this whole weekend about, Viktor?” Chris demanded, his fists clenched into the golden duvet, “I was under the impression this was going to lead somewhere other than pointless sex.”

Viktor stopped his pacing, his arms trembling slightly as he felt his immense shame wash over him, “Then I’m sorry you were mistaken. You know we could never last, Chris.”

The physical break of Chris’ heart was evident on his face as he stared at Viktor in awe, “How could I have been so wrong about you, Viktor? What about the roses you gave me?! You can’t tell me those were just roses. Do you not remember when we first met and you gave me your rose? How you encouraged me to continue skating?”

Viktor looked at Chris with confusion, “Of course I remember that day, but they’re just flowers, Chris! Why would I suddenly think that giving your flowers means that we’re in a relationship! Did I say we were? No, I just said that I wanted to fuck you.”

Chris simply sat and looked at Viktor with heartbreak written onto his features, “Why? Did you have to do this to me?” 

Viktor released a short breath, “Please don’t think I’m a good person, Chris. I haven’t been one in a long time. If you knew what I’ve done in my life to get where I am, you’d hate me even more than you do right now.” 

Chris scoffed and rolled off the bed, “Don’t give me that victim’s wallow, Viktor Nikiforov. You do not get to feel badly for yourself in this situation. I’m the one who got fucked over.  _ Not _ you.” Chris made his way up to Viktor, his few extra inches he had on Viktor causing the Russian skater to curl in on himself slightly. “You knew from the start that I had feelings for you.”

“Yes.”

“And you still let yourself have this weekend, knowing it wasn’t going to go anywhere.”

“Yes…” 

Chris had never looked so angry in his life, but it was swiftly cut off by his hand coming across Viktor’s face in a vicious slap, sending Viktor back a couple steps. His hand crept up to his cheek silently as he felt the harsh sting from Chris’ hand. He thought for a moment about the similar sting he received from Stanislav when he was so much younger, but it had been so long ago that he couldn’t feel the sharp sting of his memories that would normally pierce him.

His eyes remained downcast, unable to meet the big hazel eyes of his best friend. In his selfishness he had now truly lost everything, his one escape from his old life, the one person who had thought better of him. Only because Chris had no idea of his previous life because Viktor had yet to tell him.

“I get the bed. You will sleep on the couch. In the morning I will pack my things and leave for the airport. You will not speak to me. I will see you in Sochi and I will win the gold. You will not speak to me then. Do you understand?” 

Viktor nodded, exiting the bedroom slowly and flinching loudly when the door slammed behind him, barely missing him by inches. Despite the sadness and guilt that Viktor felt he couldn’t bring himself to be surprised by the turnout. He was selfish and greedy when it came to Chris and his feelings, Viktor knew it would eventually end like this. The aching sadness in his heart couldn’t be dulled to nothing by the pain he gave to someone else. It only added to his self loathing. He knew it wasn’t going to end any other way, and yet he deluded himself into thinking otherwise. Viktor found a bottle of champagne as he sat on the couch, his world turning fuzzy with every long swig of alcohol he felt running down his throat. He was escaping, if only for the night. 

The moment Viktor woke up in the morning he was greeted by the sight of Chris standing at the french doors leading out to the terrace. He didn’t look like he did yesterday, upset and defeated. He only looked tired as he turned to look at Viktor who was sprawled haphazardly on the couch. His round glasses were perched on his face, showcasing the long lashes that the world envied so much. “You’re an alcoholic, aren’t you?” He asked. 

Viktor sat up and groaned at the sunlight hitting his face. The feel of the hangover headache all too familiar with the Russian skater, though not entirely unwelcome, “Among other things, yes.” 

“Depression?” Chris guessed.

Viktor nodded, “Mixed with PTSD. A fancy doctor told me and everything.” 

Chris sighed and moved away from the terrace to sit on a chair by Viktor. “I won’t ask you what you did in your past. That’s your concern that you haven’t felt the need to tell me, your  _ best _ friend. I will empathise with your situation and apologise for not realising it sooner that you were so mentally ill. But I will never forgive you for taking advantage of my feelings when you knew that I cared deeply for you.”

“That’s fair.” Viktor replied, gazing at Chris and felt a warmness for his companion, his character showing through despite his pain. He truly was a marvel to behold. “If you’d let me, I would like to tell you everything eventually. I don’t tell people. But you above all others deserve to know what happened.”

Chris fumbled with his expensive jacket, his brow furrowing for a moment before straightening, “I’ll need time to process everything.” He told him. “I’m still angry. But something tells me that you need a friend in your life, Viktor, and I think I need to be that person. Even though you hurt me, I know you aren’t a bad person deep down.” 

Viktor wanted to disagree with Chris’ statement, but the Swiss man’s phone buzzed and he sighed. “My taxi is here to take me to the airport.” He said, standing up. 

Viktor joined him in standing and swallowed, his breath tasting of spoiled champagne that sat vacant on his tongue. He was going to get himself together, fly home and spend time with Makkachin. He missed his dog more than ever now, knowing Makka wouldn’t cast him aside like he did with his own self. “Thank you, Chris.” He whispered. “Thank you for not giving up on me. You… you might be the only one who hasn’t.” He told him, his voice thick with emotion.

A pair of arms wrapped around Viktor as Chris pulled him into a hug. “I’ll always be there for you, Viktor. You just have to be there for yourself, find a way to love yourself again.”

Viktor nodded feverishly and held Chris tighter before he felt him pull away. Chris had to leave, and truthfully Viktor did as well if he wanted to make it back to Russia on time. In the morning it was back to his old life, back to early mornings with Yakov and the others. Back to taking care of Yuri who hadn’t stopped messaging him the second Viktor started paying more attention to Chris. Back to square one with his sobriety. 

Once Viktor was alone he glanced on his phone to find the final six skaters who had all made it to the 2015 Sochi Grand Prix Finals and his heart skipped a beat. He read through the names of the six men and their rankings for the Series and the one name he desperately wanted eventually appeared at the very end in last place. The person he would for sure see at Sochi for the Grand Prix Finals.

Yuuri Katsuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought about this chapter! I want to make incorporate a scene between Yuuri and Chris, what do you think? :)
> 
> Come hang out with me on Tumblr! I'm at Twentythreefandoms!


	16. His Pull from Life and Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving forward doesn't always mean it works out in the end.

May 11th, 2017

Saint Petersburg, Russia

 

Yuuri could tell Viktor was not having a good day the moment they woke up. He was much more quiet than usual as he continued to lay in their bed while Yuuri got ready for his practice. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for Viktor to have a day of quiet reflection, but Yuuri was getting worried that with everything that had been happening they could become worse. Viktor continued to stare ahead, his eyes unfocused. The only sign of living from his fiance was his gradual increase and decrease of his back as he breathed in and out. 

“Do you need a day to yourself, Vitya?” Yuuri asked once he was set to leave. He couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Viktor in this state of mind, but Viktor was a grown man and was capable of taking care of himself if Yuuri was going to practice for a few hours.

“I had a bad dream… couldn’t sleep.” He mumbled, his eyes blinking slowly.

“Would yelling at me for not doing a quad lutz correctly help?” Yuuri smiled softly as he played with Viktor’s silver hair. 

“It’s okay, you can go to practice. Stick to your drills and follow suit with what Yakov is coaching. I’ll try to make it there eventually.”

Yuuri’s instinct was to stay and take care of Viktor, but he knew that he needed to work a lot harder if he was going to win gold in the series. Pretty soon the competitions were going to start and Yuuri needed to be prepared. The future was approaching him so quickly he could hardly keep up with it. 

“Okay, call me if you need anything?” 

Viktor nodded minutely and Yuuri bent down to kiss Viktor’s forehead before leaving for practice. He felt wrong not being with him, even Makkachin was appearing to be in a sour mood. The feeling of something off never left him as he left the apartment and jogged to practice, and it was evident in the way he skated. He was distracted easily by the thought of Viktor potentially calling him. 

However, Viktor never called. 

Yuuri began to feel worse as the hours progressed, having received neither a call from Viktor or any word that he was showing up. It was out of the ordinary, even for Viktor’s off days. He couldn’t shake off the possibility that something was incredibly wrong. 

“Yuuri, is everything okay? I don’t see Viktor here.” Came a voice from behind him, shaking Yuuri out of his daze.

The Japanese skater turned around and was slightly surprised to see Otabek standing alone. Despite the fact that he had been dating Yuri since the beginning of the year, Yuuri had never had a chance to talk with Otabek alone. He seemed like such a nice guy, and Yuri obviously cared a lot about him if they were still together. 

Yuuri smiled weakly as the Kazakh man sat next to Yuuri on the bench. “I’m not sure, he was having a day to himself. He gets in these moods and he just needs time to feel better…”

“But…?” Otabek asked, clearly picking up on the fact that this time it was different.

“But I haven’t heard from him at all today since I’ve left.”

Otabek raised an eyebrow, “That’s unlike him. Everyone knows you two are the most affection couple on this planet. You don’t go five minutes without some sort of public display.”

Yuuri sighed, “Exactly. So something is off.”

Otabek blushed slightly, “I wanted to talk to you about something… it’s about Viktor. Yuri… he kind of told me some details.” Yuuri’s eyes widened and he snapped his head up to meet with Otabek. “No, don’t worry. He didn’t tell me a lot. Just certain things. Apparently Viktor and his grandpa has some past with each other and they got in an argument when you were all in Moscow. That’s all.”

Yuuri thought back to nearly three weeks ago and shuddered at the memories. Viktor’s heart attack, Yuri’s outburst, discovering Nikolai’s true identity. So much had happened in such a short span of time. Yuuri felt foolish for not considering the thought of Yuri telling Otabek details of their trip, but then again it wasn’t a high priority at the time. 

“I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about me telling people. What Viktor did in his past is his business, and I am not one to judge. I only wish Yuri could see that.”

Yuuri furrowed his eyebrows and scanned the whole of the ice rink, “Where is Yuri in the first place?” He asked once he confirmed that the blond was nowhere to be found. 

“He didn’t tell you?” Otabek questioned, “He didn’t tell me, either. He just said that he was skipping practice today through text. I didn’t think too much of it, but it’s not like him to not tell you guys what he’s up to.”

Yuuri sighed, “I haven’t really heard from him since we got back to Moscow. Ever since Viktor’s heart attack I think he’s afraid that he’ll hurt Viktor again, so he’s being distant. I just… I hope he’s not mad at us. It’d crush Viktor.”

Otabek put a comforting hand on Yuuri’s shoulder, “He’ll be okay. Yuri is a wanderer but he always knows who to come home to. If I don’t hear from him I’ll come to you, okay?” 

Yuuri nodded and smiled at Yuri’s boyfriend, completely impressed with the man beside him. It was clear why Yuri was infatuated with him because he was exactly what Yuri needed; someone level-headed who care care immensely for the sixteen year old. Otabek was a great guy, and it warmed Yuuri’s heart that Yuri had found Otabek so early in his life. 

“I think I’m going to go home.” Yuuri announced as he stood from the bench, “I should make sure Viktor’s alright.”

Otabek smiled and rose from the bench as well, “Let me know if you need anything.”

Yuuri grinned at Otabek and made his way out of the arena and back to his home, his mind swimming with information. He hoped that Yuri was okay and he wanted to send a text to the younger skater to make sure he was feeling well, but his nerves got the best of him. Yuri hadn’t contact him in weeks and it worried Yuuri that he was possibly losing a part of his new family. 

Once Yuuri opened the apartment door a flash of dread coursed through him as soon as he viewed the scene before him. The room around him was in shambles, with furniture out of place and items which were once either hung on the wall or sat on tables thrown on the floor with glass shattered. Yuuri’s fear skyrocketed when he entered the room and saw an empty bottle of vodka tipped over on the couch. The pair hadn’t drank since Yuuri’s discovery of Viktor’s previous addiction, so he had completely forgotten the small collection of alcohol they had stashed away.

“Viktor?!” Yuuri panicked, running to his bedroom and growing more worried when he found no sign of his fiance. He continued into the bathroom and found no Viktor, but instead a small pile of vomit at the foot of the toilet. 

Tears were swimming in Yuuri’s eyes as he entered the last room of the apartment: Yuri’s bedroom. He cracked the door open wider as he scanned the room and immediately found Viktor curled naked in a ball at the foot of the bed. His hair was messed beyond recognition and his body was littered with random bruises and cuts.

“Viktor!” Yuuri exclaimed as he ran up to his fiance. Viktor was conscious but it was clear that he was incredibly drunk.

“Yuura…” He slurred, attempting to lift his head but failing miserably. “‘M sorry.”

“What happened?” Yuuri asked as he continued to look at Viktor’s condition.

“Couldn’t help it… it hurt so much…” he whispered in a thick accent. “It’s all my fault.”

“What is?” Yuuri whispered, brushing Viktor’s bangs away to reveal a cut on his forehead and tracks of tears running down his cheeks.

“Yurio. He hates me now. He thinks I’m a slut and I ruined his life.”

“No no no. He doesn’t think that at all, Vitya.” Yuuri told him quickly, but then the Japanese skater paused. Did Yuri hate them? He hadn’t contacted them since Moscow, and every time they see him at the rink he avoided them. A flash of panic ran through Yuuri when he considered the idea that maybe it was true: Yuri didn’t want to be a part of their family anymore. 

“I think that.” Viktor mumbled. 

Tears fell from Yuuri’s cheeks as he gazed at his fiance. This was so much worse than a normal depressive day. Viktor was retracting to his previous state of self-hatred and reliance on alcohol. Yuuri was scared for Viktor and he had no idea how to fix the current situation. 

“You don’t think that, your inner demons are making you think those things. You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, and you’re the love of my life. I’m sorry I left earlier, I knew you weren’t in a good place.

“I feel sick…” Viktor moaned, causing Yuuri to help Viktor to his feet and rush him to the toilet so he could empty his contents. He sat there and continued to throw up into the toilet as Yuuri held his bangs back and whispered soothing words to Viktor.

Eventually Viktor collapsed against the toilet and began to weep softly, his face scrunched into an expression of misery. Yuuri’s heart broke for the man before him, and there was only one thing Yuuri could think of to help him.

“Vitya, I think you should look into going into therapy again. I think it’ll be good to talk to a therapist about your problems.”

Viktor nodded and reached for Yuuri. “Can you hold me first?”

“Here, let’s take a bath together. You can sit against me. We really should clean up those wounds.”

Yuuri drew them a bath as Viktor watched wordlessly. Yuuri took off his clothes and helped Viktor into the tub he curled his arms around Viktor’s core and kissed his temple. He began to hum a Japanese lullaby softly against Viktor as he cleaned Viktor.

“You’ll be okay, Vitya. We’ll get you better again.”

 

* * *

 

“Y-Yuuri?”

The first thing Yuuri noticed as he was being abruptly awakened was that it was way too early in the morning for practice. The darkness of the master bedroom was unfamiliar to Yuuri as his sleepiness fell away from his body, confused as to why he felt Viktor’s hand grasping tightly to his t-shirt. His initial thought was that Viktor was having a nightmare, but the pained sounds and the off kilter panting coming from his fiance said otherwise. Viktor was awake and for some reason he was in pain. 

“Vitya?” Yuuri mumbled, sitting up and looking down at the barely visible form of Viktor. 

Unsatisfied with his inability to see, Yuuri huffed and reached for his glasses and turned on their side lamp in order to see just why Viktor had woken Yuuri. Once he looked back to Viktor his breath stopped short when he saw Viktor’s condition. Viktor’s hair was matted to his forehead, his scared eyes locked with Yuuri’s as his chest was heaving up and down.

“Viktor?! What’s wrong?” Yuuri asked frantically, sitting over Viktor as he assessed the situation.

“My heart… I think something is wrong. It’s hurts. I think it’s from my drinking.” 

Yuuri felt as if the world had stopped again, just like it had done when they were in Moscow. “Do you think it’s a heart attack?” He asked worriedly, reaching desperately for his phone so he could call an ambulance.

“I-I don’t think so. It feels different. But I know something isn’t right.” 

Yuuri’s call with the emergency responders felt like a blur, but they instructed him very seriously to perform CPR on Viktor. They were worried with Viktor’s history he was having complications with his heart palpitations which could lead to cardiac arrest. It seemed his  arrhythmia was more significant than both Viktor, Yuuri or even the doctors were thinking. They thought with time Viktor’s condition would level itself out so that he wouldn’t experience heart problems to this extent, but it was clear that they were wrong.

Yuuri had to watch once again while his fiance had to be taken by an ambulance to a hospital, the second time in one month. 

It was evident the doctors weren’t happy to see Viktor again in the hospital. Their faces dropped when they saw the state of Viktor, how sick he looked. They worked their wonders so that they could keep Viktor stable and monitor his heart so he wouldn’t experience any more pain.

Thankfully it wasn’t a massive heart attack like Yuuri feared, but Viktor’s condition was serious. He had suffered from Ventricular Fibrillation caused by his previous heart attack. His heart had sustained damaged in the tissue, a tough mixture from his drug abuse years ago and then combined with his heart attack, his heart could no longer keep up with him.

Yuuri knew instantly that it was over. Viktor could never compete again.

It only hit him harder when he heard it directly from the doctors later that day after Viktor stabilized with medication and rest. Viktor himself didn’t even look surprised when they broke the news, as if he had suspected its inevitability. He let out a long sigh and nodded, not saying anything as Yuuri sat in fear. His worst nightmare could potentially come true. Without skating, the one thing that had kept Viktor alive all these years, would it all be over? Would Viktor fall victim to his desire for the drugs that used to control his life?

“It’s clear now that medication and light exercise isn’t enough. We thought your heart would get better on its own, but that’s not the case anymore. It also didn’t help with the large amount of alcohol you drank the day before. Unfortunately your arrhythmia is too severe for you to ever compete without serious strain to your heart. We don’t discourage you to ever skate, but putting yourself through the rigorous state of skating would simply be too much for your heart to handle.” The doctor explained to the couple. “We recommend you attend a  cardiac rehabilitation program until we are satisfied with the condition of your heart.  We’ll update your medications and keep close watch on your health.”

Therapy and Rehabilitation for his heart?

Yuuri fought to keep away tears as he heard the news. The unjust nature of it all overcame Yuuri as he watched his fiance next to him, his head lowered and his eyes screwed shut as he gripped the arms of his chair tightly. “Are you sure--?” Yuuri began to ask, but the doctor immediately cut him off.

“I asked the opinions of many doctors and they all came to the same conclusion. Viktor’s heart was working too hard in the first place, and we’re certain heavy competition would put him too much at risk. I’m very sorry.” He added, looking between the two men with guilt. 

The older man’s face remained the same scared and impassive face as they left the hospital and made their way back to their home. Yuuri’s over active imagination caused him to wonder what could be going on in his fiance’s head, and the worst thoughts came to his mind. What if he will get mad at Yuuri for being able to continue to skate? What if he’ll resent that the less talented skater gets to further his career in skating while he gets left alone in the dust? 

What if Viktor gets bored of Yuuri?

They remained quiet even as they arrived home, the older man quietly taking Makkachin outside for a quick walk, leaving Yuuri alone with his darkening thoughts. He told himself that he was overreacting, that Viktor would never feel that way towards him, but his anxiety had other plans for him. He slumped onto the couch and waited patiently for Viktor to return, knowing a long talk was going to take place. Viktor was in a strange mood by not talking, and he needed to get to the bottom of Viktor’s feelings and what the couple was going to do moving forward.

Viktor and Makkachin arrived home a short while later Yuuri wasn’t able to hide the nerves that he felt when he met eyes with Viktor. Makkachin bounded over to Yuuri without thought and jumped onto the Japanese skater’s lap, eagerly licking and nuzzling any spare inch of skin she could. Afterall, it had been hours since they had properly seen each other. Yuuri laughed at the poodle’s nonsense and looked up at Viktor out of habit to share his happiness. Viktor’s face was incredibly soft and smiling softly as he made his way to the other side of the couch and sat on it gingerly, “She really missed you. She kept circling around me like you were playing hide and seek.” He spoke as he reached over and rubbed a spot behind Makkachin’s ear.

“I would have gone, but it looked like you wanted some time alone to think.” Yuuri couldn’t explain to Viktor that he only really stayed behind because of his fear of Viktor leaving him. Without skating, would Viktor really want Yuuri to stick around, knowing that his days in competitive skating were done?

Viktor sighed and looked away, his hands coming back to his body in a protective stance. “I know what you must be thinking, and it’s true.”

Yuuri’s heart shattered, his worst fear coming alive. Tears began to well up in Yuuri’s eyes, temporarily blinding him as he attempted to formulate words to try to fight for his relationship, “Viktor, I--”

“No, Yuuri. It’s true, I’ve disappointed you, and I’ve ruined everything.” 

Yuuri furrowed his brows and stared at Viktor in confusion, “What? Disappointed?”

“Of course you must be disappointed in me. I made terrible mistakes in my past, and because of it I can never skate again. You must be so angry at me. I always feared that if I couldn’t skate you would have no use for me, and that was  _ before _ I told you everything about my past. I’ve really messed up, Yuuri, and I’m sorry that you’re left with someone like me.”

Yuuri sat in shock as he stared at Viktor’s form. Viktor was worried that Yuuri was going to leave him? The idea seemed completely absurd to the younger skater, but then again Viktor’s self-confidence had always been a weak warrior. It did piece together Viktor’s reaction to him discovering that he could never compete in skating, though.

“So… you’re not angry at me?” Yuuri asked for clarification.

Viktor sat up abruptly and stared at Yuuri, “What why I ever be angry at  _ you _ ?”

Yuuri felt like a complete idiot, “Because… skating is your life. And you can’t do it anymore, but I can. I didn’t know if you’d come to resent me for it--”

Yuuri was cut off by Viktor’s body surging forward onto Yuuri’s body and clung to it, “We are both such idiots.” He muttered into Yuuri’s neck with a slight chuckle, “No, Yuura, I could never be angry with you.” Viktor removed himself slightly from Yuuri’s frame so that he could look down into Yuuri’s eyes, “Yes, skating used to be my life, but that was only a temporary fix until I met you. Literally nothing has made me happier in my entire life than you.”

Yuuri smiled when Viktor wiped away his tears, “So, what are you going to do?” He whispered, his fists clinging to Viktor’s clothing.

Viktor smiled, “I’ll do what I did last year. I’ll coach you through the Grand Prix Series, except this time you’ll win gold.”

“And after that?” Yuuri asked tentatively with a smile.

“Well, you better win gold so we can get married, otherwise I’m going to have to do some major cash bribing with the judges.” Viktor grinned with a wink. The smile faltered and he looked away, “I mean, that is… if you still want to marry me. I know I’m messed up and I have a lot of issues, but I want to go to therapy and see the cardiac specialists. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that the man you marry is his best version.”

Yuuri nodded and wiped away a tear from his cheek as he leaned forward to kiss Viktor on the lips. “Of course I still want to marry you. There’s no one else, and there never will be.”

“I was so scared that yesterday was the last straw for you. I had one sip of alcohol and I was so disgusted with myself, knowing that you’d have to care for me. A part of me told me that you’d hate me and leave me right then and there, so I continued to drink. And then the cycle happened all over again.” 

Yuuri could understand Viktor’s mental decline all too well. It had been the same the year previous after the Grand Prix Finals and he thought all hope was lost at ever becoming a star in the figure skating world. He became depressed and began to eat, causing him to gain weight so that he no longer obtained his toned and muscular physique. It wasn’t until Yuuri gained the help of his friends and family, and of course Viktor, that he could see the light and have a little bit of hope. Even Viktor, who was the best figure skater in the history of the sport, had his doubts on his self-worth.

“That’s why we’re going to get you your help. The therapist will be good for you, and the doctors can help your heart strengthen. You can do it, Viktor, and I’ll be right here to help you achieve it.”

Viktor nodded and smiled at Yuuri. It was a full and genuine smile, and it warmed Yuuri to see such a sight on his husband despite another two harrowing days of depression and hospital trips. Viktor settled himself against Yuuri on their couch and Yuuri pulled him close to his body, still revelling in the notion that this was his current reality. It was messy and crazy but it was all his. 

“It’s still pretty early in the day,” Viktor commented  nonchalantly, “Do you want to practice for a few hours?”

A sense of guilt ran over Yuuri, “Are you sure you’re okay? You just discovered that you can’t compete ever again. Won’t it be painful to watch?”

Viktor sighed and shrugged, “I’ve had a feeling for awhile now that my time had come to officially retire. By this point it’s something I’ve already accepted as a truth, so no, it won’t be painful. Anyways, I have to tell Yakov the news and I’d rather do it in person.”

Yakov took the news much differently than Yuuri had expected. The once brash and loud coach was now solemn and understanding as he listened to Viktor explain the situation. He nodded in his understanding as Viktor told him of his second trip to the hospital and his weakened heart. It hurt Yuuri to see Viktor to glum, but he trusted that Viktor was telling the truth about his acceptance of his fate. Viktor wanted to wait a few more days and then he would make an official statement regarding the matter to the world, but until then it was kept on the down low on who knew. 

After a few hours of Yuuri’s practice, the couple decided to call it a day. They began to pack up to leave when Yuuri noticed Otabek sitting by himself with a perplexed look on his face. He thought about Yuri and how Otabek hadn’t heard from him at all, causing Yuuri to worry about his younger friend. Was he truly okay?

“What’s wrong?” Viktor asked as he approached Yuuri’s side.

“It’s Otabek. We talked yesterday and he said that he hadn’t heard from Yuri. He’s still not here apparently.”

Viktor’s eyes hardened and he quickly approached Otabek with Yuuri following him. “Did Yuri tell you anything about where he was going?” He asked seriously.

Otabek was slightly startled by the sudden appearance of Viktor but he was able to recover quickly, “He said something about his grandpa, so I’m guessing Moscow.”

Yuuri sucked in a breath and looked at Viktor. It was evident that Viktor appeared to be upset by the news but he managed to contain himself, “Did he say why?”

“Not really. Just saying something weird like ‘having to find the truth’ or something like that. He wasn’t making sense but he was in a mood so I didn’t push it. Why? Is he okay?” Otabek asked worriedly, looking between Yuuri and Viktor.

“When was the last time he spoke to you?” Viktor asked evenly.

“Not since yesterday. I’ve been trying to text and call him, but I haven’t gotten a reply. Seriously guys, is Yuri okay? Is there something wrong?”

Viktor couldn’t answer so Yuuri decided to step in, “It’s a very long story, but basically we discovered in Moscow that Yuri’s grandpa isn’t a wonderful man.” Viktor scoffed, causing Yuuri to sigh, “What I mean to say is that he’s done some terrible things, and we tried to tell Yuri that it wasn’t best for him to see his grandpa.”

“Shit.” Otabek cursed, his eyes hardening as he tried to compose himself. “What do we do?”

“Well, is there anything we can do? We told him it wasn’t wise, but he wants to be with his grandpa.” Yuuri said sadly, “We haven’t talked to him in weeks. For all we know he doesn’t want Viktor or me to be around him.”

“No, I don’t believe that for a second.” Otabek told them, “He loves you two so much, he thinks of you as his father figures, people that he can look up to. But don’t tell him I told you that, otherwise he’d kill me.”

A buzzing came from Otabek’s bag and the three men instantly zoned in on the sound. Otabek fished around in his bag until he found his phone and widened his eyes as he looked between Yuuri and Viktor. “It’s a message from Yuri.”

Yuuri and Viktor crowded around the younger skater as he opened a message to find a video sent from Yuri. It was dark in the video once Otabek began to play it, but after a few seconds the camera focused in on Yuri who appeared to be hiding. The harsh flash of the camera light shined on Yuri’s face, and it was evident the younger boy hadn’t slept in what looked like days. 

“Beka…” Yuri’s voice shook with emotion, his bottom lip trembling, “Please, you have to h-help me. It’s my grandpa, I think he’s gone batshit crazy. He’s trying to take me away. Please, help me. Get Yuuri and Viktor, they know where to find me.”

There was a noise in the background and it caused Yuri to whimper in fear, “Please hurry, Beka. I love you.”

And the video ended.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to DomesticProwess for sticking with me even though I'm the busiest person in the world! She's an amazing beta reader and an incredibly talented writer. I'm so lucky to have her as my dear friend! 
> 
> There's only four chapters left! Who's ready to see how it ends?! 
> 
> Come hang out with me on Tumblr! I'm at Twentythreefandoms!


	17. Will Drive Him to Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trip to Moscow, and we see Viktor's parents again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY I AM LATE! This was such an important chapter I wanted to make it perfect. Thank you all for your patience! I will try to keep to my Sunday as best as I can! <3 
> 
> Thank you to DomesticProwess for her friendship and amazing writing skills. She knows just how to make this chapter phenomenal.

May 13, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

“What the fuck was that?!” Otabek gritted through his teeth as he looked between a horrified Yuuri and Viktor. Yuuri could tell Otabek was struggling to maintain his composure in front of the two men who Yuri considered father figures, but Yuuri was too worried about the state of Yuri’s safety. He felt like a fool for even considering that Yuri wasn’t completely loyal to them. The guilt began to eat away at him, but then he saw how terrified Otabek was and he calmed himself down.

“I need to go to Moscow.” Viktor spoke evenly as he grabbed Yuuri’s hand, “Yuri doesn’t have much time if Nikolai is planning on taking him away.”

“His Grandpa?” Otabek questioned, “Why would he want to take Yuri away? There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Viktor replied. “This is something I have to do by myself.”

Yuuri ripped his hand away from Viktor and looked at him incredulously, “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you leave by yourself, Viktor! I’m going with you and that’s final.”

Viktor’s jaw set in place, “I don’t want you getting hurt, Yuuri. Nikolai is a monster and he won’t hesitate to do the unthinkable to you.”

“Then you better keep an eye on me, right?” Yuuri countered, taking out his phone and looking up flights.

“Yuuri…” Viktor begged, but Yuuri silenced him with a look. 

“You shouldn’t even be going, Viktor. It’s far too dangerous with your heart condition to compete let alone go after the man who caused your heart to be this way. If anything, I should go alone.”

Viktor scoffed, “No way! You are not going alone. I’m the one who knows where to go, so it has to be me--”

“Would you two stop?!” Otabek interrupted, his face red. “The more we argue and bicker the worse our chances are of finding Yuri. So you can sit here and decide who’s going, but I’m going with or without you. I know Yuri’s difficult to deal with at times, but I love him in spite of that. He’s never given up on us, and he’s in trouble.”

Yuuri and Viktor stared in shock at the outburst from Otabek. He was normally so stoic and unreadable, but knowing Yuri was in trouble meant Otabek had no problem releasing the stress that was within. A slight smile crept onto Viktor’s face as he looked at the younger man and nodded. Yuri needed someone to care about him, and Otabek seemed like the right man at this very moment. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry. We should all go to Moscow,” Viktor replied, his voice resigned. 

“Good,” Otabek said as he hitched his workout bag over his shoulder and began to walk quickly out of the ice rink, his phone in his hand as he was calling a taxi to pick them up.

Viktor began to follow Otabek but Yuuri stopped him with a hand to his elbow, “Vitya, are you sure your heart will be okay? If you ever got hurt…”

Viktor sighed and pulled Yuuri into his body, his long arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace, “To be honest, I don’t know. But it doesn’t matter. I haven’t told you this, but I still feel guilty for abandoning Yuri last year when I came to Russia. He was so reliant on me and I never considered what my absence would do to him. Yuuri, he’s like our son, and it’s up to us to protect him from all harm. If that means I get sent to the hospital again because my heart freaks out, so be it. But we have to at least try. For Yuri.”

Yuuri nodded quickly as he wiped a few tears away from his eyes. It was true, Yuri had truly been like a son to them since he arrived in Russia. Yes, Yuuri was worried about Viktor’s health, but Yuuri would be right next to him the entire time, so the moment he began to feel unwell Yuuri would take him straight to the hospital. The weight of the evening began to overwhelm Yuuri as he considered every possibility, but when he looked at Viktor with his determined demeanor it helped Yuuri sort out his priorities. 

“Just… promise me, if you ever feel like you’re unwell that we’ll take you to the hospital?” Yuuri asked.

Viktor swallowed and nodded resolutely before bending down to press a kiss to Yuuri’s lips, “I love you, Yuuri.”

Otabek trotted up to the couple, his voice winded, “The taxi just arrived to bring us to the airport. Ready?”

Yuuri took Viktor’s hand and nodded, “Ready.”

The three were silent on their way to the airport, everyone’s minds running through the catastrophe that could potentially occur tonight. Nikolai had Yuri in his captivity, and according to Viktor had no qualms with hurting Yuri if necessary. It made Yuuri wonder, though. How was Viktor so certain? Was there something in his past that confirmed that Nikolai was capable of doing terrible things to members of his own family, not just the people who were forced to work for him?

“Viktor, do you really think Nikolai would hurt Yuri? His own grandson?”

Viktor pursed his lips, “Yes, he’s definitely capable.”

Yuuri’s heart began to race, “What has he done?” 

Viktor’s eyes became sad and he opened his mouth, but Otabek interjected, “If Nikolai is so dangerous then why don’t we call the police?! They can help us!”

Viktor sighed, “You don’t know a lot about my past, I’m assuming. But trust me when I say that calling the police is the last thing we should do. If he knew that we brought anyone other than ourselves he’d have no problem hurting Yuri at minimum. He doesn’t consider people’s lives to be of any meaning to him unless they can make him money, and Yuri refuses to join him. Now, he’s just a liability.” 

Viktor’s eyes looked as if he was recalling a story that he had heard long ago, drawing Yuuri’s curiosity up further. “Something has happened… that Nikolai’s done.”

“When I was employed under him when I was eighteen, something had just happened to Nikolai two years previous that made everyone fear for their lives. There was a reason why no one attempted to leave. He had proven to everyone that what he wanted he got, and anyone who crossed his path would be eliminated.”

“I’m so confused…” Otabek muttered, his eyes casting between Yuuri and Viktor in search of an answer.

“Nikolai basically controls all of Moscow. He runs a drug cartel through the city and has connections everywhere. That’s why we can’t get the police. Whatever ones aren’t involved with Nikolai already will only hurt our chances of getting Yuri back… We have to do this alone.”

Otabek was silent for a moment, “You were involved in a drug cartel?” 

Viktor winced, “Not necessarily.” He spoke in a low voice, careful of the taxi driver’s probable listening in the front, “In 2006 I broke my leg in competition, and instead of working hard to get back to skating I became severely depressed and resorted to cocaine. I became destitute and couldn’t afford anything. Nikolai found me and took me away from my life and forced me into prostitution for nearly two years.”

Otabek looked at Viktor with wide eyes and his mouth agape. “I-I’m so sorry… I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t know until I moved to Russia.” Yuuri replied with a hand on Otabek’s shoulder and a gentle smile.

“I won’t tell anyone, I promise.” Otabek told Viktor firmly. 

Viktor smiled genuinely, “Thank you. It means a lot. It was a dark time in my life.”

“You said you heard stories of something that happened to Nikolai before you were taken by him… why did you hear?” Otabek asked.

Viktor took a deep breath, “I don’t know if it’s true, but all the signs pointed to it and Nikolai himself never denied it. But if it is… it would destroy Yuri. Whatever hope for Yuri after this needs to be preserved, otherwise I fear for what he could become.”

Connections were forming in Yuuri’s brain, and a horrifying conclusion appeared, “Viktor… what year did Yuri’s mom die?”

Viktor looked at Yuuri with absolute anguish, completely confirming Yuuri’s thoughts, “2004.”

Otabek shot forward, “But… Yuri said his mom committed suicide! She shot herself because she was depressed!”

“She could have… but the stories that I heard from people close to Nikolai say otherwise. Either way, we know that Yuri is in serious trouble.”

“Fuck!” Otabek growled, hitting the seat in front of him. “Why did Yuri have to go to Moscow? Why… why couldn’t I have protected him?”

Yuuri sighed and pulled Otabek into his body and hugged him closely. “It’s not your fault. We couldn’t have predicted that Yuri would be in trouble. We’ll find him.” 

Otabek remained quietly determined throughout the boarding process and even onto the plane. He insisted on having an aisle seat, Yuuri concluding that it was Otabek’s subconscious telling him that it meant he’d be able to find Yuri faster. He truly felt terrible for Yuri’s boyfriend, knowing that he would be reacting the same way if Viktor was the one who was in trouble. 

Yuuri sat in between the two men who were both pensive in their thoughts, he felt the need to distract the men. “Viktor, how did you first meet Yuri?”

Viktor, who appeared to be lost in his own thoughts as he stared out the plane window, smiled and looked at Yuuri and Otabek who were looking at him intently. “I met him in 2012. Yakov had just taken on new trainees who had done well in his summer camps, and of course Yuri was the best of them all. He immediately stood out to me, being the most naturally talented skater there. 

I went up to Yakov and asked about him, intrigued by the eleven year old who was so much better than everyone else. Yakov was really quiet when I asked who he was, but eventually he told me that his name was Yuri Plisetsky. Of course I became enraged and suspicious that Yakov allowed someone who was the grandchild of the man who put me through hell, but he assured me that Yuri had nothing to do with Nikolai, especially since he was sent to jail in 2009 and still had no idea why he was taken away.”

Viktor chuckled slightly, causing Yuuri to smile, “What is it?”

“I remember the first time I ever talked to him. He was competing in his junior level and Yakov was yelling at him for doing quads. I had promised him that if he could compete in a junior level without doing quads and won then I would choreograph a program for him. During that next year I helped him with his skating so that eventually he won his junior championship without quads. It was the first time I saw the great potential that Yuri could become… but how similar we both are. He’s so emotional even though he tries not to be, causing him to put everything he has into his skating and forgetting at times to live.”

“Do you think he’ll be okay?” Otabek asked, his face worried.

“I hope so.” Viktor sighed and looked out the window once more, “We just have to find him first.”

“Where are we going once we land?” Yuuri asked Viktor.

“My parent’s penthouse.”

Yuuri furrowed his brows, “Why?” 

“They know Nikolai’s current address, and my parents live in a very secure part of town.”

“Wouldn’t that slow us down?!” Otabek asked urgently, the stress of the situation causing him to panic.

“Marginally, but it’s the only option we have to keep Yuri the safest.”

Otabek didn’t look satisfied with Viktor’s answer, but he never argued with the older skater. Instead, he sat back in his seat and closed his eyes as he rubbed his temples. Yuuri felt as if he was sitting between two men at a crossroads. Otabek was willing to do whatever was necessary to save his boyfriend, while Viktor was trying to keep his sanity at bay. There was something that told Yuuri that they were going to see Nikolai tonight, and that thought struck him. He had no idea what Viktor was going through, but he hoped that he was feeling okay. He hadn’t mentioned his heart hurting, nor did he look pained, so Yuuri put that worry away and saved it for the more pressing matter.

The three men made their way quickly out of the airport and got a taxi to take them to Viktor’s parent’s house. Everyone was silent as they took the short trip from the airport to the penthouse, each person battling their own inner demons. He wondered about seeing Viktor’s parents for the first time since Viktor’s hospital stay, and he hoped that they were keeping true to their word in wanting to keep their connection with Viktor. Alyona had called Viktor every week since the trip to Moscow, and more frequently since Viktor’s second time in the hospital. Ivan was less as frequent, but Viktor did mention that his father was keeping contact with Yuri, keeping his promise to Viktor that if he couldn’t be a father to Viktor that he could try with Yuri. 

The penthouse itself was a lot different than what Yuuri was expecting. His first encounter with Viktor’s parents left Yuuri thinking the house itself would be pretentious and cold. However, looking at the outside of the home itself, it looked rather homey and inviting, with lush plants sitting outside it. The three walked briskly towards the house and waited as Viktor knocked on the several times. 

It took a moment, but eventually an older woman answered the door, her eyes widening, “Viktor, is that you?” She asked.

“Yes, it’s me, Anna. I desperately need to speak to my parents, please.”

“Of course, of course. Please, do come in. I was just finishing up for the night,” She replied, letting everyone in and closing the door tightly behind her and then scuttling off presumably to find Ivan and Alyona.

“Who was that?” Yuuri asked.

“My family’s house-keeper, Anna. She’s been with my family for as long as I can remember.”

Yuuri gazed around the penthouse and was amazed at its style. It was so similar to Viktor’s who had a modern theme drawn from classical elements. The walls were cream but there was plenty of color throughout the open concept. It was the most extravagant thing Yuuri had ever seen, and he was instantly enthralled by the beauty of it all. It was so much warmer than what Yuuri thought it would be, but it eased Yuuri’s worries about Ivan and Alyona as people. 

A moment later Ivan and Alyona made their way quickly down the stairs and approached the three men standing in the living space. The two were dressed in the nighttime wear, but they still looked flawless. “Viktor, what’s wrong? Is it your heart?” Ivan asked, his brows furrowed as he tied his silk robe together.

“No,” Viktor replied glumly, “We need to know Nikolai’s current address.”

Alyona sucked in a breath, “Why would you ever want to go anywhere near that psychopath?” 

“He has Yuri,” Otabek replied desperately, “Every second we waste is a second against Yuri. Please, can you help us?”

Ivan and Alyona stared at Otabek with confusion, causing Yuuri to speak up, “This is Otabek Altin… Yuri’s boyfriend. We got a video from Yuri saying that his grandpa had taken him. We just got off a plane from Saint Petersburg and we don’t have a lot of time.”

Alyona covered her mouth in shock. “Oh no…”

“That explains why he didn’t answer my call yesterday,” Ivan replied lowly, his face set in anger. “Follow me, I have his file upstairs in my office.”

Otabek and Viktor immediately followed Ivan, but Yuuri was stopped by Alyona who held onto Yuuri’s jacket. “Yuuri, can I speak to you alone, please?” She asked softly, pulling Yuuri aside. A part of Yuuri wanted to deny Alyona and follow Viktor and Otabek, but the pleading look on Alyona’s face, so closely matching Viktor’s when he’s upset, caused Yuuri to instantly cave. 

Alyona led Yuuri through a door to their right to reveal a study area with a pair of chairs at the end of it. They sat down and Alyona began to cry softly, her hands grabbing for Yuuri’s, “You’re going after him, aren’t you?”

Yuuri nodded softly, “We have to. He has Yuri.”

Alyona met Yuuri’s eyes with a fierce gaze, stunning the Japanese skater who was so sure Alyona was crying out of weakness. “You have to end him, Yuuri. This has gone on long enough. He can’t be allowed to live any longer.”

Yuuri widened his eyes in shock. “I-I know this is a difficult time, but we can’t just consider killing someone…”

“No, this is the perfect time to do it! You have a motive. If he attacks, it’s just self defense, then! We know people who can help you so you won’t get a sentence--”

“ _ Alyona _ !” Yuuri spoke with finality, effectively cutting off Alyona’s rant.

Alyona widened her eyes and the tears began to pour once again. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that. I would never ask you to do something so horrible. Please, forgive me.”

Yuuri pulled Viktor’s mother into his arms and she wept, “It’s just… he’s my only child. And I wasted my time with me, all I want to do now is protect him.”

Yuuri shushed her, “I know… I would do the same thing.” Yuuri looked beyond Alyona to the wall of books before him and noticed a slew of pictures, “Are those pictures of Viktor?” Yuuri asked.

Alyona pulled away and saw the pictures Yuuri was referencing. She smiled and brought Yuuri to the photos in question. They were all of Viktor during his competing years, ranging from his teen years all the way to his Stammi Vicino program from 2015. Viktor looked absolutely stunning in all of them but Yuuri couldn’t help but be disappointed in the fact that there weren’t any candid shots of his fiance. Yuuri had seen Viktor in his competitions too many times to count, but he had never seen a picture of Viktor from the point of view from his parents.

“I wish I had more from his childhood. But I hardly took any when he was young. And once he was seven he left for Saint Petersburg, so I don’t have any after that.” Alyona spoke, her voice sad as she looked at the pictures before them. “Though, I do have a picture that I treasure.”

Alyona reached for a cupboard door and opened it to reveal photo albums. She pulled one out and turned directly to the page. There was only one picture, but it was unmistakably Viktor. He had to be around six or seven, his silver hair just meeting his eyelids and his big blue eyes staring straight at the camera. His face was stoic but never had Yuuri seen anything more angelic. Viktor was a beautiful child.

“Why don’t you have this in a frame somewhere?” Yuuri couldn’t help but ask.

Alyona sighed, “Because every time I look at the picture, it reminds me of how I ruined everything. He was so pure and angelic, and it hurts to think of how horribly Ivan and I were to him. At least here, I know he’s safe.”

A slew of emotions ran through Yuuri as he stared at the photograph, suddenly understanding the intense wave of emotions that were overcoming Viktor’s mother. “I’ll protect him, Alyona. Whatever it takes.” He looked at her with an unreadable expression, but Alyona appeared to have understood.

“Thank you,” she whispered, bringing Yuuri in to hug her tightly.

Yuuri could hear footsteps arriving down the short hallway leading to the study, and within moments Ivan, Viktor and Otabek joined the pair. Viktor held a piece of paper in his hands and his face was set in a hard line. “We have the address. Ready?” He asked as he came up to his fiance and mother, placing a delicate hand on Yuuri’s waist. 

“Yeah,” Yuuri replied with a smile as he pulled away from Alyona. 

Viktor’s mother wiped her eyes and looked at her son, “Be safe.”

Viktor went forward and hugged his mother tightly, “I will. I have Yuuri to protect me.” He smiled.

“I know.” Alyona said with a smile as she switched her gaze to Yuuri, leaving Viktor to look between them in wonder.

Otabek cleared his throat, breaking the awkward moment between the three people and reminding Yuuri and Viktor why they were there in the first place. 

“Let’s go,” Yuuri told Viktor, taking his hand and pulling him towards Otabek who was already making his way towards the front door. 

“Viktor?” Ivan called from behind, causing the three to stop and look at Viktor’s parents who were watching with heavy eyes, “Stay safe, son.”

The address for Nikolai’s house brought the three men to a rundown house in the outskirts of Moscow. The windows were all dark as Yuuri, Viktor and Otabek all made their way towards the house, watching their surroundings the entire time. Yuuri could tell that Viktor and Otabek were less cautious as they approached the house, so Yuuri elected to stay behind and watch them as they got to the front door. 

The paint was chipping from the door and the knob itself looked dated and heavily used as Viktor turned it and easily opened the door with a long drawn out creak, as if the door was protesting. The air inside the house was putrid and sour, causing Yuuri to look at Viktor who look disgusted, “It smells like someone was making cocaine here. I hope he didn’t get Yuri tied into this.”

“Have you been here before?” Otabek asked as he scoured the dark front room.

“No, I’ve never seen this place. But then again, I never was at the making end of the cocaine cycle. Just the user. So there was never a reason for me to be here if this is where they make it.”

“Yuri lived here before his grandpa went to jail?” Yuuri asked incredulously, “And the police knew he lived here and yet he still made cocaine?”

Viktor winced, “Now you know the amount of influence Nikolai has on the city.”

“Your parent’s couldn’t have turned him in?” Otabek asked, still looking around the house.

“My father is a powerful man, but only in the business sector. In the criminal world he has almost nothing but his money, but even then that doesn’t mean they’ll stay loyal.”

“Shit!” Otabek shouted, startling Viktor and Yuuri. “Guys, come here! Dammit!”

Yuuri followed Viktor through an arch and into a small kitchen. Otabek was looking at the wall where a small pantry door was slightly open and on the floor where a pile of blood laid splattered on the white tile. There were hand prints coming from the pantry that were leading towards a back door to the backyard. 

“He took him!” Otabek shouted, throwing the closest item to him and throwing it against the wall, smashing it. “NO!”

Yuuri came up to comfort Otabek but the younger man curled away from them. “We have to keep looking! There has to be a clue to where he is! There has to be!”

A loud ringtone sounded from the front room, causing Otabek to roughly push past Yuuri and Viktor in his desperation. The phone lit up the whole room with a phone number displaying on it. “Do you think this is him?” Yuuri asked, his hands shaking.

“It’s him. I know the phone number.” Viktor took the phone and answered it. “Nikolai, where’s Yuri?”

“VIKTOR?!” Yuri cried into the phone, his voice breaking.

“YURI!” Otabek yelled, attempting to get the phone from Viktor, “You’re alive!”

“Beka?” Yuri asked, his voice almost disbelieving.

“I’m here, baby! We’re all here to get you!” Otabek told Yuri, tears running down his cheeks.

“Tell him.” The voice of Nikolai spoke from Yuri’s end.

“Viktor, you have to come to the house.”

“What ho--?” Viktor stopped himself when he realised just what Yuri meant. “We’ll be there, Yuri. Don’t worry.” He spoke without emotion before hanging up the phone and dropping it to the floor without care.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” Otabek asked. “We don’t even know where we’re going! What house is he talking about?”

Viktor stared ahead, his face expressionless, “We’re going to the house where it all began.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Three chapters left...


	18. Unless He Finds a Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nikolai is confronted. Someone dies.

May 14th, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

Viktor’s grip was tight on Yuuri’s hand as the three men raced for Yuri. The Japanese skater assumed that the stress had to be unimaginable for Viktor. It was a whirlwind of pain, having to confront not only the man who caused you to suffer for so long, but to do it in the house where all the suffering took place. It was a mind game that Nikolai was playing, and what scared Yuuri was the thought that he didn’t know who was winning. Viktor’s face was set in a hard line, his eyes cast forward, but there was a desperation that he was exuding that Yuuri could identify easily.

“Vitya, is your heart hurting?” Yuuri asked when he noticed Viktor’s hands were becoming slightly sweaty.

“Only a little…” Vitkor admitted as if it was no big deal.

Yuuri wanted to protest Viktor’s role in this rescue operation, but he knew there was no point. Viktor wasn’t going to stop and get the help he needed until he knew Yuri was safe. It was admirable that he was so committed to saving Yuri, but more than anything it proved to be more of a distraction for Yuuri. With the dark haired skater constantly watching Viktor to make sure he was okay, Yuuri knew he wouldn’t be able to properly keep everyone safe. 

Yuuri had a choice to make. If Viktor wasn’t there to save Yuri everything would fall apart. Despite the fact that this was the house where Viktor suffered all of his worst memories, he knew the house better than anyone, and therefore would know where to go to look for Yuri. It was essential for their rescue mission that Viktor was with them, but Viktor’s heart could quit working at any moment, sending Viktor into cardiac arrest and possibly to his death. He had to choose between the healthy and safety of Viktor. 

“Make sure you keep your promise,”  Yuuri said firmly, his eyes hard as he looked over the features of Viktor’s face. “I won’t lose you.”

“This is the only time I would consider putting myself at risk, and it’s because Yuri’s our family. You and him, you’re the only two who matter the most in this world to me.” Viktor leaned in and kissed Yuuri soundly, his lips trembling with the fear of the impending future and all that it was going to hold for them. Viktor pulled away slightly to rest his forehead against Yuuri’s, their breaths mingling together, “I’ll be okay, Yuura. We’ll be okay.”

Yuuri nodded quickly as he placed his hand over Viktor’s heart, attempting to hold back the onslaught of emotions that were threatening to overcome him. He was terrified of so many things that could happen, every single one of them so likely to occur. They all seemed to stack against him and his small family. 

“I think we’re close…” Otabek spoke quietly, as if he was hesitant to interrupt the couple’s moment. 

Viktor’s head separated from Yuuri to look out the window into the dark night. The hour had just struck midnight, causing everything to be enveloped in darkness save for the two streams of light coming from the taxi as it drove down a long paved path. Viktor winced slightly and let out a sigh, “You’re right. It won’t be long now.” 

“What’s the plan?” Otabek asked, his hands twisting within each other nervously, his eyes scanning for any possible sign of a house approaching them.

“I don’t have one,”  Viktor replied casually, “I try not to think ahead of Nikolai, that way I’m never surprised when he does exactly what I assumed he would.”

Another turn in the drive led the three men to face a beautiful manor just a short distance away. It had a yellow exterior, and an abundance of well maintained plant life was nothing what Yuuri had expected. This place, however, was beautiful, with lavish finishes and even cameras outside following the men as they came closer. This was really the place where Viktor was kept for nearly two years?

Yuuri looked at Viktor who looked ashamed of himself, “It’s been so long, I nearly forgot what it looked like.”

“It’s… so…exquisite,” Otabek breathed, apparently surprised as well by the house before them.

“Don’t be fooled by the outside. It’s all a facade.”

As the men got out of the car and walked up, Yuuri noticed the frosted glass doors that led into the front of the house. The two doors were lit with activity that buzzed just beyond the entry and there were indistinguishable voices that carried out into the evening air. The reality of it all sat right in front of Yuuri, his nerves getting the better of him as he stood in front of the doors. Soon, Viktor was going to have to face his greatest fear, and there was nothing he could do to protect him. Even the knowledge that Otabek was there to help them did little to calm Yuuri’s woes.

Otabek was the first to open the door, putting forward the motions that Yuuri was so hesitant to do. The front hall was lit brightly as the three men entered the house, their footsteps against the marble floor echoing against the lavish walls and mixing with the voices in the distance. Yuuri took a deep breath and followed Otabek who was walking with purpose, making sure to stop at every door and search for any sign of life. 

“Stop,” A deep voice ordered in Russian, causing the three men to stop in their tracks and turn around to find a tall man standing behind them with a handgun pointed in their direction. 

Viktor immediately took a step in front of Yuuri and glared at the man while Otabek took the proper precaution to guard himself next to Viktor. “Where is he? Where’s Yuri?”

“He wants to see you. If you want him to live you’ll keep going and not make a fuss,” Replied the man, motioning with his gun towards the end of the hallway which opened up to a larger living space. 

“Let me guess,” Viktor sneered, “You’re taking me to my old bedroom, just for old time’s sake? Is Nikolai really going for that much of a dramatic touch?”

The man’s nostrils flared at Viktor’s attitude, his temper running out of control. He took his gun and hit Viktor over the face with it, propelling Viktor back a foot or two. Yuuri cried out in shock as he tried to come around to aid Viktor, but his fiance refused to let him get in the line of possible fine.

“Living room. Now,” The man spat, motioning with the gun in a forward direction towards the space again. “Don’t make me say it again.”

“Viktor…” Otabek said, his voice on the verge of begging as he looked at the silver-haired man. Now wasn’t the time for smart remarks, Yuuri realised right before Viktor. Yuri was still in trouble. 

Viktor held onto his jaw and nodded in his understanding. “Stay close to me,” Viktor spoke softly to Yuuri as he turned them around and began to walk the final distance in the hall. It revealed itself to be an open concept, with a modern kitchen on the right and on the left an expensively furnished living room. 

Yuuri was first to notice Nikolai standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by three men with different ranges of guns on their artillery. The older man was clad in his usual heavy sweater and hat, his hands stuck in his trousers as he stood confidently with a disconcerting smile on his face. Yuuri’s anger began to boil under his skin as he looked at the older man, knowing full well this was the man who has caused so much pain and misery to so many inh is life. 

“Yuri,” Otabek choked back a sob, causing Yuuri to look behind Nikolai and finding an unconscious Yuri strewn across one of the light couches, a stream of blood slowly creeping from the side of his head permanently staining the couch’s fabric. 

“Welcome back, Viktor,” Nikolai spoke in his deep voice, drawing everyone’s attention to him just by speaking up. “Have you missed this place?”

“Just give us back Yuri, Nikolai. He needs a doctor,” Viktor growled, his fists clenched in tight balls at his sides as he made eye contact with the older man.  

“You know no one is leaving this house, right?” Nikolai replied, stepping forward slightly. “In fact, there’s no need for you to ever leave this house ever again. Business has been slow ever since you left, Viktor. People miss their cock-slut, and I already have dozens of people waiting for your return, promising me whatever I want to get you back. One was especially intrigued after I told him that he could fuck Yuuri as well.” Nikolai turned his gaze to Yuuri, sending a wave a nausea to rage in the dark haired man’s stomach. 

It made sense now why Nikolai would work so hard to get Viktor back into his grasp. Without his highest prize, he must not have made as much money. The stakes were even higher for Yuuri and everyone else to get out of the house, and quickly. His conversation with Alyona replayed in his mind, with her begging him with all of her might for Yuuri to kill Nikolai. The thought was tempting, to cut the head off the snake and watch while his cohorts scramble to pick up the bloody pieces of the legacy that Nikolai left behind him. 

“You will never hurt Yuuri!” Viktor shouted, his grip on Yuuri’s arm like a vice. 

“Oh, I don’t have to. You know that, Viktor. You’ve been doing that all by yourself. Tell me, Yuuri,” Nikolai spoke directly to him, his smile turning quickly into a sneer, “How badly did it hurt to have to watch your dear sweet Viktor get fucked by three men? Do his screams still haunt you to this day? Isn’t it amazing how much Viktor was able to tolerate back then just so he could get high at the end of the day? I have to say, even though that footage is old, it’s still my top seller.” Nikolai laughed when he saw the horrified faces of all the men in front of him, “Though, I think with all three of you present we can manage to make a new one.”

“Just give us Yuri!” Otabek yelled, his temper running out quickly.

“You might want to control that one,” Nikolai glared, “He may be fucking my grandson but he’s still replaceable. Everyone but you, Viktor.” Nikolai sighed, “Why is it always the emotionally damaged ones who are the best at taking cock? I’ll never know.”

“Leave them alone!” Otabek screamed, taking a step towards Nikolai but Viktor stopped the younger man just in time. Viktor physically restrained the younger skater as he tried with all of his efforts to try to get at the older man. Yuuri watched in slow motion as the three men with guns soundly pointed their weapons right at Viktor and Otabek.

Nikolai laughed darkly, “I like him. He’ll be fun to break.” 

“We aren’t your toys, Nikolai,” Yuuri replied, his confidence boosting now that he was standing on his own. “People know that we are coming after you, and if anything happens to us they’ll come after you.”

“Yuuri!” Viktor warned, his worried glance towards Yuuri begged him not to upset the man in front of them more, but Yuuri felt empowered. He was not going to let Nikolai walk all over them. Someone had to stand up to the older man. Yuuri would protect Viktor at all costs.

“Who? Viktor’s parents? They’re easily dispensable and everyone has their price.” Nikolai replied easily, his voice nonchalant. 

“They aren’t people who you can just kill off! They aren’t your daughter,” Yuuri spat, and for the first time since Yuuri had met Nikolai he seemed caught off guard. 

Nikolai’s smile faltered and turned into a grimace as he looked from Yuuri to Viktor, his face seething, “Where did you hear that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Viktor told him, “But it’s true, isn’t it? Nina didn’t kill herself.”

Nikolai casted his eyes to his left to the still unconscious Yuri. “I mean what I said. Everyone can be replaceable.”

Yuuri felt as if he was seeing white, his anger was overcoming him, “You killed your own daughter?!” 

“Of course I didn’t kill her!” Nikolai growled, “She did kill herself. She was selfish and she knew it. It was only a matter of time before she was starting to become a liability.”

“But she didn’t want to die.” Yuuri glared. “You took a mother away from her child.”

“She knew exactly what she was doing!” Nikolai yelled back at Yuuri, his face twisted in a mixture of pure rage and pain. “I told her not to marry that boy! He was clearly not in love with her! But she insisted that it was  _ true love _ . They eloped without my consent, and nine months later had Yuri. I allowed her to remain in the family for awhile, having taken pity on her when her husband left without a trace.”

“He wouldn’t just leave his family!” Otabek reasoned.

Nikolai glared at Otabek, “You know nothing of that man. I tried for years to get my daughter and her husband into the family business, but they both refused. He became disgusted with her and left when things got to be too tough. He is a  lokh with no worth behind his name! Even my daughter knew that she should give Yuri her maiden name.”

“So you just killed her.” Yuuri replied, his voice heartbroken over the new information about Yuri’s mom. 

“I tried one last time to get her to join the family business. I took her to Moscow and told her to join the family or be prepared to suffer the same fate as anyone else who leaves. She refused. Of course I had to make it look like an accident. I wasn’t about to have Yuri be sent off to a no-good nobody like his father. He needed to be with someone strong, someone who would raise him to be a  _ somebody _ .”

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” A loud screech came from behind everyone. Everyone shifted their gaze to find Yuri sitting up on the couch, tears freely running down his cheeks as he seethed up at the older man.

Yuri had been awake.

“Yurochka?” Nikolai gasped.

“You…” Yuri gritted through his teeth, “It’s all fucking true.”

Yuuri lost all feeling in his body. Yuri had heard all of their conversation, meaning that he knew of his mother’s actual demise. Yuuri looked at Viktor and Otabek who were just as horrified as they watched Yuri rise to his feet. They wanted more than anything to run up to Yuri, but they still had the three men pointing their weapons at them. Yuri looked beyond scared and furious, and Yuuri knew him well enough to know that Yuri could do something incredibly dangerous and impulsive if no one stopped him. 

“Yuri, don’t do anything stupid,” Yuuri told him, his voice desperate for the younger man to see reason. 

“Fuck off, Yuuri. This man has ruined so many people’s lives… he deserves--”

“What? What does he deserve? You’re too young to pass any sentence on him,” Yuuri responded, trying to reason with Yuri. Everyone in the room was standing on eggshells around the delicate conversation, knowing Yuri could either get himself killed or the people trying to rescue him.

“Despite what you think, Yuri,” Nikolai spoke up, his casual demeanor replacing the one of surprise, “Everything that I’ve done has been for your benefit. The best part of my life has been to see you grow into the man that you are today. Nothing has come close to--”

“YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!” Yuri shrieked, his face twisted in agony. “I grew up without a mother because of you! I didn’t need you to look out for me, I needed someone to  _ love _ me! And then you abandoned me when you got sent to jail and I was alone. You don’t give a shit about me.” Yuri concluded, the agony on his face replaced with burning hatred, “You just wanted to own me.”

Yuri took a step toward Nikolai and the men pointing their guns at Yuuri, Viktor and Otabek turned their targets to the younger blond who stopped in his tracks immediately. He looked at the men and then towards his grandpa who looked vaguely smug. “What are you going to do, old man? Kill your pride and joy for being upset at you?”

“You heard it yourself. It’s not the first time I’ve done it,” Nikolai replied lowly, “I thought I nearly killed my second pride and joy with the cocaine, but turns out he’s too stubborn to quit.” Nikolai flicked his eyes over to Viktor who was still holding Otabek back.

“You couldn’t even have me as your favorite. I’m just another obsession to you,” Yuri gritted.

“An obsession that’s now starting to get in my way.” Nikolai glared. “I wanted you to join the family business, but I see there’s no point in trying to bribe you.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“You’re either with the family or you’re not. And if you’re not…” Nikolai waved a hand towards Yuri, indicating to his men that he had a new target in mind.

The men kept their guns on Yuri but cocked the chamber, waiting for the word from Nikolai to shoot his grandson.

“Yuri! No!” Otabek cried, attempting with all his might to get to his boyfriend but Viktor held him back tightly. 

Yuri looked from the men and then to his grandpa, “I want you to do it.”

Nikolai scoffed, “I don’t carry out the killings, I just enforce it.”

“Do it for me, Grandpa. It’s the least you could do for destroying my life.”

Nikolai stared at Yuri, his face indecipherable. Yuuri couldn’t stand to watch the scene in front of him, but the utter terror kept him locked in position, unable to move as he watched helplessly. 

Nikolai released a long breath and held out his hand towards one of his men, his eyes locked on Yuri. “Give me your gun,” He ordered, and Yuuri watched in horror as the man handed his gun to Nikolai, the older man playing with the device in his hands. “Leave the house,” Nikolai told his henchmen, “Don’t come back when you hear the bullet. I’ll take care of it myself.”

The men left the room without a word, their eyes casted forward in determination as they passed Yuuri, Viktor and Otabek. 

Nikolai sighed at Yuri, shaking his head before he took his eyes off his grandson to take the safety off the gun, “Any last words--?”

Before Yuuri could register what had happened, everything seemed to flash by him in ultra fast speed. Yuri had taken his sliver of an opportunity that he had to rush at his grandpa and forcing him to the ground, the older man shouting out in surprise. Viktor took that as his cue to run after Yuri and help with the older man. 

Otabek began to run towards the two younger men but Yuuri ran over to him and held him back in Viktor’s place. 

“Let me help, Yuuri!” Otabek growled as he attempted to break free from Yuuri.

“No! We have to let them do this themselves.” Yuuri told him firmly, locking his arms around the slightly shorter man. 

“Fuck whatever sense of righteousness you have about the situation!” Otabek growled, “We have to help--”

A shot rang out in the room, and everything became quiet.

Yuuri and Otabek stopped their arguing and looked over to the scene before them. Nikolai was lying on the marble floor, his body slumped over and a bullet hole coming out of the right side of his chest. His body looked defeated and empty, making it hard to believe that anything that looked so worthless could be the culprit to so many people’s lives being ruined. 

Yuuri casted his eyes upward and he sucked in a breath when he saw who held the gun: Yuri. His hands were shaking and his breath was coming in short spurts as he glared down at his grandfather. “FUCK YOU!” Yuri screamed, and a new wave of emotions began to run out of the blond. He began to weep like Yuuri had never seen before, causing his heart to clench at the sight, before Yuuri began to realise the severity of the situation.

Yuri had just killed someone.

“Yuuran,” Viktor spoke softly, his voice shaking as well as he reached for Yuri’s hand that held the gun and took it from him gently, letting the weapon fall to the ground with a resounding echo throughout the house. “It’s okay…”

Yuuri’s heart was beating ferociously as he watching his fiance take Yuri into his arms and hold him close. What did this mean for Yuri? How was he supposed to go about his life knowing that he had killed his grandfather? He tried to be so tough about everything, but Yuuri knew better. Yuri was nothing more than a scared young man who was trying to find people who loved him. Would this sort of thing destroy him?

Yuuri took his arms away from Otabek and stared limply at the two men. He was terrified for the implications of what Yuri had just done. He had taken someone’s life, and he was so young. Would he be sent away for this? 

Otabek took a step forward in order to comfort Yuri, when he suddenly tensed up and shouted, “LOOK OUT!” and Otabek began to run towards the two men but it was too late. Yuuri barely registered that Nikolai was weakly holding the gun Viktor had dropped to the floor, the target pointing directly at Viktor before a second shot rang out. 

Yuuri looked over two Yuri and Viktor in utter terror when he saw Viktor slumped over a wounded Yuri, his left shoulder bleeding profusely.

Nikolai’s eyes widened in terror when he realised he had shot the wrong person. Once Otabek had screamed his warning, the two men twisted their positions, making Yuri the new target. Instead of hitting Viktor straight in the heart he hit Yuri in the shoulder.

“No…” Nikolai breathed weakly, blood beginning to pour from his mouth, “Yuri, I didn’t…” but Nikolai collapsed, his body truly dead with the gun falling limply from his hands.

“YURI!” Otabek yelled, finally reaching the blond who was still being held by Viktor who had a look of pure shock on his face. 

“I didn’t know…” Viktor replied numbly, “I didn’t know…”

Yuuri ran forward and kicked the gun away from Nikolai and checked that he was truly dead before looking at the three men before him. Viktor had let Otabek cradle Yuri who was barely breathing and stared in shock, his bloody hands held forward as if he was still holding Yuri. Yuuri ran forward and embraced Viktor close, their bodies beginning to overcome with sobs when they realised that it was over for Nikolai. They would never have to worry about him hurting anyone else again. However, it was just the beginning for Yuri.

“We have to get him to a hospital!” Otabek exclaimed, tears running down his cheeks as he held Yuri tightly, “Don’t leave me, baby. Please, don’t leave me.”

“Beka…” Yuri whispered, “I’ll be okay…” Yuri fell limp, his eyes rolling in the back of his head as he quickly lost consciousness.

“Yuri!” Otabek screamed, “YURI!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone order an update that was nearly three days late? :(
> 
> I'm sorry for the wait! I do photography on the side and I had to edit hundreds of pictures. 
> 
> Thank you to DomesticProwess for kicking ass and helping me read through this chapter! <3
> 
> Two chapters left! Who's ready?!?!


	19. To See the Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a gunshot can put things in perspective.

May 14th, 2017

Moscow, Russia

 

“Someone, get my phone!” Otabek screamed the moment Yuri fell unconscious. “Call an ambulance!”

Viktor hesitated a moment before finding the gun on the floor and picking it up.

“What are you doing?!” Yuuri exclaimed, moving to take the gun away from Viktor but his fiance stopped him from doing so.

“There’s still people outside.” He growled, cocking the gun.

“You are not going out and killing those people!” Yuuri told him firmly. “We need to call the police. It’s Yuri’s best chance of survival. Of everyone’s survival.”

Yuuri could tell that Viktor was running on shock and adrenaline. His eyes were running wild, his hand still shaking with the gun as visibly contemplated his options. Deep down Yuuri knew that Viktor would never be capable of something so horrible, but Viktor was letting his fear rule his mind and his body. He was in the home where he had been abused repeatedly, and currently the boy he saw as his responsibility had been shot as he was holding him. It was a situation where Yuuri could understand Viktor’s feelings, but it was important that Viktor not do anything he would regret. He wasn’t alone anymore; he had Yuuri and Yuri as his family now and they all equally relied on each other.

“If I don’t do anything to them, they could do terrible things to us.” Viktor spoke quietly, his eyes casted down on the gun. “I told you, if they did anything to you…”

“But they did something… to Yuri, and he’s hurt, Vitya. We have to get him help soon or we could lose him. If I lost you, too. I’d be alone, Vitya. I would have nothing left.” Viktor’s face crumpled as he considered the reality of the situation. He wanted to show that he was still strong, a protector, but he was afraid. “Here, give me the gun, we’ll find another way out.”

Viktor’s hand was still shaking as he passed the gun to Yuuri who willingly took it and placed it as far away from anyone who could do any more damage. Someone was already dead and Yuri wasn’t doing much better. They had to find their way out of the house if they were going to make it. Otabek was still clinging to Yuri but he was talking to someone on his phone, a sense of relief and hope radiating from Yuuri. If someone could get here quick enough Yuri might be able to make it.

“Yes, we need an ambulance and the police here quickly!” Otabek spoke urgently in the phone, “My boyfriend has been shot by his grandfather and he’s losing a lot of blood. We have people outside the house and they’re armed with guns. Please, you have to hurry!”

Otabek’s brows furrowed in confusion, causing Yuuri and Viktor to approach him. “What’s wrong?” Viktor asked as he knelt beside Yuri.

“They say that there’s police already on the location…” He replied.

“That’s imposs--”

Suddenly gunshots were heard outside the house, all three men instantly ducking to avoid any possible bullets that may enter the house. There were audible yells and continuous gunshots from people, but it was unclear if they were all from the good people or the bad people. Or if there were good people in the first place. The night had already brought so many uncertainties. Until Yuuri was secured at a hospital he wouldn’t assume they were all safe.

“How did the police know we were here?!” Otabek yelled over the sound of gunshots.

Yuuri looked over to Viktor who was crouched on the ground, his face slightly pained. “Viktor, is it your heart?!”

Viktor nodded quickly, “It just hurts a little bit, but I think I need a doctor.”

“We need to get out of here _now_.” Otabek urged, not waiting for the shots to end as he picked up Yuri and made his way towards the front of the house. Yuri was deadweight to the older man but he was able to easily carry the blond in his arms. Whether it was the adrenaline kicking in or Otabek’s pure strength Yuuri wasn’t sure, but there was a newfound respect for the Kazakh man. He truly was Yuri’s protector.

“Otabek, it’s not safe!” Yuuri cried, grabbing Viktor and helping him to his feet so they could follow Otabek. Viktor was slow to his feet but when he saw Otabek surging towards the front of the house he pushed past his pain so that Yuuri could help him. “Are you okay?” Yuuri asked Viktor as they worked together to keep up with Otabek.

“We just have to get out of the damn house.” Viktor replied, his eyes hard as he looked around the house. Yuuri wondered if all the horrible memories of all the things that had been done to him were clouding his mind, a wave of sympathy coursing through the Japanese skater. Without a shred of doubt Yuuri knew that this would be the last time Viktor would ever have to step foot in this house. Yuuri would make sure of that.

Otabek reached the front of the house first and with a little maneuvering was able to open the door for the four of them to exit as quickly as possible, with Otabek carrying Yuri in his arms and Yuuri with his arms around Viktor. They heard shouts coming from outside the house after a cease of gunshots and immediately froze in their tracks when they heard an order to stop. Dozens of lights flashed on them and once Yuuri was able to adjust to the sudden brightness he saw several police cars and officers outside the house… with all of their guns pointed at them.

“It’s okay!” Yuuri yelled back in his best Russian, the language attempting to slip away from his brain now that he was suddenly under pressure, “We don’t have any weap--”

“VIKTOR!” A familiar voice cried out over the mass amounts of noise. “DROP YOUR GUNS!”

Everyone turned their attention to the woman’s voice once the police officers lowered their weapons and were stunned to see Alyona running up to them. She immediately approached her son and Yuuri and embraced them. Yuuri glanced to his side and noticed that Otabek had wasted no time and ran towards an ambulance with Yuri still cradled in his arms.

“Alyona?!” Yuuri questioned, hugging Viktor’s mother back. “What--? How did you find us?”

Alyona pulled away, “You didn’t think I was going to send you to a psychopath’s house without tracking Viktor on his phone did you?” She asked with a sigh.

Viktor shook his head, the slightest smile on his lips, “Now I know where I get my flair for the dramatics.”

Alyona leaned forward and kissed her son’s cheeks fervently, “We lost you once to this man, Vitanka. We vowed we’d never let it happen again. It was your father’s idea to get the police.”

“It’s a good thing we did, too.” Ivan replied as he walked up to Viktor and Yuuri, “Nikolai wasn’t messing around and had more people surveying the property than we initially thought. The men we brought were well prepared, though.” He explained as he put a hand on Viktor’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re okay, son.”

Viktor’s eyes widened slightly at the almost warm exchange from his father, but he quickly replaced it with a slight wince, “I’m not out of the woods, yet. I need a doctor.”

“What happened?!” Alyona asked.

“Well, my heart is starting to hurt, but--”

“What happened to Yuri!?” Ivan interrupted, his grey eyes noticing the emergency responders putting Yuri on a stretcher and hooking him up to an oxygen mask.

Viktor swallowed, his eyes heavy with anger, “Nikolai shot him… I didn’t know it was going to happen.”

Ivan’s jaw set and Alyona gasped, “And… Nikolai?”

Viktor and Yuuri exchanged a look, wondering how much they were willing to tell Ivan and Alyona, “He’s been dealt with.” Yuuri eventually replied, his tone even as he looked behind him at the vacant house.

Alyona suppressed her tears and nodded quickly, “Good. Good. Whatever happened inside, we’ll take care of it. Don’t worry.”

Otabek ran up to the four people conversing and placed a hand on Yuuri’s elbow, “We need to leave now. The responders said we need to act quickly. He’s losing too much blood and he can’t stay awake.” Otabek looked at Viktor with sad eyes, “There’s only one ambulance, and Yuri’s life is in immediate danger… I told them that he could take it. I hope you’re not angry with me.”

Viktor shook his head, “Of course not. I’m fine, just feeling off. Are we able to go with you?”

Otabek rolled his eyes and motioned over to the responders, “They weren’t happy about it, but I convinced them eventually that it was for the best. But we really do need to hurry. Apparently Yuri has a rare blood type and they don’t have bags available for him to use.”

The ride to the hospital was filled with many chaotic moments. Yuri was still trying to stay awake with help from the emergency responders, but it was difficult for the sixteen year old to keep his consciousness. Otabek was beside himself when Yuri’s shirt was torn away from his body to reveal the bullet wound in his shoulder, the blood still attempting to pour out of his body. Yuuri and Viktor sat on either side of Otabek and comforted the Kazakh skater as they watched Yuri before them.

“If he doesn’t make it, I don’t know what I’ll do.” Otabek whispered, his lip trembling as he reached for Yuri’s hand.

“He’ll be okay, Otabek.” Viktor told him, “Yuri’s strong, just like you. He won’t stop fighting.”

“He’s not as strong as what you think he is.” Otabek replied softly, his eyes sad, “He’s been really hurting recently. I think everything with his grandpa and his mom happening in the past couple of months have changed him. He’s a lot more insecure and cautious, though he tries to hide it. But I could see that he was feeling like he was alone.”

Yuuri’s heart clenched at Otabek’s words, “I was so busy with everything else that I never considered that Yuri was upset.” He suddenly felt like the worst person in the world.

“If Yuri had his way he wouldn’t want people to notice. He hates when people think that he isn’t strong. But _when_ we all leave the hospital and go back home, we need him to know that we’re all there for him.”

Yuuri noticed a smile creeping on Viktor’s face and he pulled Otabek into his arms for a hug, surprising both Yuuri and Otabek. “Thank you for taking care of him. I have failed so terribly in that aspect ever since I left him last year, and I know he’s been upset because of it. He was so alone before you, and I owe you so much.”

Otabek smiled, “Trust me, I don’t normally do this for other people.” His eyes casted towards the blond, “Only for Yuri… He… He means everything to me. I know it’s so early in our relationship, and we’re so young, but he just feels _right_ to me.”

Yuuri and Viktor looked at each other in mutual understanding. “We know the feeling.” Yuuri replied, his eyes shining with the sheer emotion that was coming from the three men in the ambulance.

There was only one person allowed back with Yuri once they arrived at the hospital, so it was no question when Otabek parted ways with Yuuri and Viktor to follow after the blond. They took one last glimpse at the unconscious blond and held each other close, trying with all their might to think positive about Yuri’s condition. It was only the shoulder, so hopefully it didn’t hit a major artery and the doctors would be able to replace the large amount of blood that Yuri had lost.

A separate doctor came up to Viktor and took him to his own room after Viktor mentioned his heart. The doctors were hesitant to take Viktor in at first, but when he explained he had a previous heart condition they wasted no time in getting Viktor tested. It was merely a precaution, the doctor told them, but Yuuri was more than willing to have Viktor’s heart looked at. He wasn’t going to risk Viktor’s life just because he wasn’t considered in immediate danger.

While Viktor’s heart hadn’t given out on him, the doctors were indeed glad to see that Viktor got the treatment he needed in time. His arrhythmia was becoming too unstable by the time they got to the hospital, meaning it was only a matter of time before he had another heart attack if his stress had remained high. There was a moment when Yuuri considered if Viktor’s heart was truly that unstable; after all he had just been reunited with his old captor in the house where he had been repeatedly abused and watched as his younger friend was shot. If he could survive that, surely he could withstand the stress of competition?

When Yuuri had asked the doctors, he was disappointed to hear they had not changed their minds about Viktor’s condition. While he was able to work past his heart problems for the short time period, doing it for months would have lasting affects on his heart. It wasn’t like Yuuri was actually expecting anything to change, but it was a last ditch effort to see if anything could be done. Viktor would still go through his physical therapy, but the doctors were happy with the way Viktor’s heart had handled the situation. They would keep him just until the morning to keep a watchful eye on him, but they had no worries that Viktor would be just fine.

Once they had finished the tests on Viktor and confirmed that he would be just fine, the couple was left alone in Viktor’s hotel room, their adrenaline still running high from everything that happened less than a day ago. It was still so early in the morning but neither of them had any will to sleep. They still had no word on Yuri and Otabek hadn’t answered any of their calls, so wordlessly they both agreed they wouldn’t sleep until they knew of Yuri’s fate.

“I wish it had happened differently…” Viktor muttered to Yuuri after their dinner was over.

Yuuri, who was sitting on a plush chair next to Viktor’s bed, lifted his eyes away from the small pattern he was tracing on Viktor’s arm and met with his fiance’s. It was clear there was intense guilt going through Viktor, and it worried Yuuri that he was taking on too many stresses than necessary. Until his heart was stronger, Yuuri was going to have to insist that Viktor lower his responsibilities.

“What part?” Yuuri asked, his curiosity piqued.

“The fact that Yuri had to kill his grandfather.” Viktor sighed, his eyes cast downward. “If it would have been up to me, I would have--”

“You wouldn’t have been able to do it.” Yuuri interrupted, his tone sure. “I know you, Vitya. Despite the fact that Nikolai had done all those terrible and despicable things to you, the good person in you wouldn’t have gone through with it.” What did that mean for himself, who had actually considered it at one point? Or Alyona? What about--?

“What does that make Yuri?” Viktor questioned, his tone slightly on edge.

Yuuri wasn’t surprised Viktor had caught onto Yuuri’s thought process, “I don’t know.” He answered honestly. “I know he’s a good person, and he’s been through a tough time. But I believe if he wasn’t under the stress and emotional turmoil of just discovering his mother had been killed by his grandfather he wouldn’t have done it. Yuri has always been impulsive and runs off his emotions. What that makes him, I’m not sure.”

Viktor sighed and leaned his head back against the pillow, “I don’t know what this is going to do to him. He genuinely loved his grandfather, up until the moment he knew he had been betrayed by him. I hope this doesn’t destroy him.”

“Would it?” Yuuri asked. “Yuuri may be emotional and abrupt with all of us, but he’s able to tell apart which was his emotions and which one was his logic? He didn’t plan to kill his grandfather, it was just a lapse of judgement.”

Viktor didn’t look convinced, “He’s so much like me when I was younger. I can clearly see myself. The inner battle he’s facing. If we don’t keep constant surveillance on him, I’m afraid he’ll self-destruct like I did. Yuuri, he’s only sixteen…”

“We won’t let him self-destruct.” Yuuri assured. “I agree, we’ll keep watch on him and make sure he’s okay.”

“If he’ll be okay,” Viktor mumbled.

Yuuri frowned, “ _When_ he’ll be okay. He’s going to make it, Vitya.”

“Do you think it’d be okay if Yuri moved in with us?” Viktor suddenly asked, his eyes pleading with Yuuri. He began to ramble, “I know it might be weird with the smaller place we have and the fact that Otabek would probably be around us all the time, but after everything I know he’ll need us, and I think Otabek would appreciate the help, and--”

“Vitya!” Yuuri stopped him with a slight chuckle, “I think it’s a great idea. Even before everything I thought about asking Yuri to live with us. It will be a consistent environment for him surrounded by people who love him. I think he’ll appreciate that.”

“So, when he gets out we’ll ask him?” Viktor asked with a smile that dazzled Yuuri.

“Yes, we’ll ask him.” Yuuri replied with a smile and a kiss to the mouth.

“Also, I was thinking. About our place… how would you feel about getting something bigger? Like a house?” Viktor asked, his tone cautious.

Yuuri thought about their current home, how it was just big enough for the two of them and Makkachin. However, if Yuri was going to move in with them, they had to consider the option of getting a home that could accommodate everyone. Maybe even a cute yard for Makkachin to run around in. The more Yuuri thought about it, the more he realised that this was the right move. There were so many painful memories in their current home, memories that could never be washed away.

“A new home would be perfect.” Yuuri smiled. “Once we get back to Saint Petersburg we’ll start looking.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri received a text from Otabek a few hours later that Yuri was out of surgery and everything went better than expected. The bullet which had been lodged in his shoulder was taken out without complications and he was currently stable in a hospital room, but he was fast asleep and wouldn’t be awake for many hours. Yuuri and Viktor both wept at the amazing news and clung to each other when they realised that Yuri wasn’t going to die. He truly was a survivor. They asked Otabek if he wanted to come to Viktor’s room for some company, but the Kazakh skater insisted on staying with Yuri in his room. He didn’t want Yuri to wake up alone.

Eventually Yuuri was able to convince Viktor that they needed sleep just before noon, and watched his fiance until he knew that he had fallen asleep before he too gave into his exhaustion.

Yuuri wakes up a little past six in the evening to the feeling of Viktor’s fingers running through his hair. The sensation reminded Yuuri so much of the simple mornings they had in Hatsetsu when they first kindled their romance. Viktor had been so cautious and gentle with his emotions. A smile crept on his face when he peered up at the blue eyes of his fiance, that never ending thrill of love rushing through him.

“Hi,” he smiled softly, leaning into Viktor’s fingers.

“Hi yourself,” Viktor replied kindly. “Have any decent dreams?”

Yuuri chuckled and rolled his eyes, “With _that_ exhaustion? Not a chance. But it’s still nice to wake up to you.”

Viktor’s smile was brilliant, “You’re so sweet, Yuura!”

Viktor and Yuuri received a text from Otabek in the early hours saying that Yuri had finally woken up, but he was still in a lot of pain. What hurt Yuuri and Viktor even more was learning that Yuri sustained substantial nerve damage from the gunshot, and would most likely have it for the rest of his life. It wasn’t something that would prohibit him from skating, but the use of both his arms was absolutely essential. Yuuri was afraid that the younger blond wouldn’t be able to compete this season, after everything he had been through.

Eventually Viktor was released the next morning from the hospital, but immediately the couple went to Yuri’s room. Otabek said that the sixteen year old was eager to see them, and they hoped more than anything that Yuri was in good conditions. The last time Yuuri had seen the younger skater he hadn’t been sure if he was even going to make it, so he hoped that Yuri would indulge him in some physical affection.

Otabek met them outside the hospital room with a tired smile on his face and the appearance of a man who hadn’t stopped moving in three days. In reality, he probably hadn’t gotten much sleep since before their excursion. Yuuri went up and hugged Otabek tightly, thanking the eighteen year old for his commitment to Yuri as Viktor patted Otabek’s shoulder.

“He’s been asking about you.” Otabek revealed with a slight yawn.

“How is he?” Viktor asked, his eyes drifting to the slightly open door that opened into Yuri’s room.

“I’m not really sure…” Otabek spoke softly, his brows furrowed. “One moment he’s fine and talking with me, and then the next he’s blowing up in my face about a small thing. I know it sounds like Yuri in general, but I’m just excusing it as exhaustion and shock.”

“Is he awake?” Yuuri asked.

Otabek nodded, “He was given some pain medication not too long ago so he should be in better spirits than before. I would go in before it’s too late.” He smiled.

“Aren’t you coming in with us?” Yuuri asked as Viktor moved to open the door.

“Nah, I’ll let you three have a moment alone. I’ll be in the cafeteria if you need me.”

Otabek turned around and made his way towards the elevator as Yuuri followed Viktor into the hospital room, his heart thudding wildly in his chest. They found Yuri lying in his bed, his hair tied up in a short ponytail and just underneath his hospital gown were the faintest hints of bandages over his shoulder. While he had just woken up from a deep sleep, Yuuri couldn’t deny that the blond looked tired and emotional.

Yuri perked up at the sight of Viktor and Yuuri, and he silently beckoned them in with an outstretch of his arms. He lifted his left arm but instantly recoiled and hissed in pain after he lifted it slightly. Yuuri and Viktor stopped in their tracks and waited for Yuri’s reply before advancing any further.

The blond cradled his shoulder with his hand before looking at Yuuri and Viktor with vulnerable eyes, “The doctors still said I could skate…”

“That’s wonderful.” Viktor smiled as he took the first step towards the blond and hugging him, “We were so worried about you.”

“I was worried about you, too…” Yuri mumbled, neither deflecting nor advancing Viktor’s hug. “Otabek said you can’t skate anymore because of your heart?”

Viktor and Yuuri took seats next to the boy in the bed, “The doctors told me a few days ago.” Viktor confirmed, his tone neither sad nor happy about the sentence.

“So you’re just giving up?!” Yuri asked incredulously, “If there was any chance for me to skate I would do it!”

“This is my heart that’s on the line, Yuri. I’m not willing to sacrifice my life for skating anymore. Not when I have so many more important things in my life.” Yuuri felt tears prickle in his eyes when he felt Viktor’s hand entwine with his own. “I still am coaching Yuuri and I’ll be at every one of your competitions. I have accepted my fate, and I am not sad by it. Skating was what brought me all of this.” He said with a smile.

Yuri looked down in sadness, “But it’s caused you so much pain.”

Viktor nodded, “True, it has. But I wouldn’t take it back.” Yuri nodded, “I don’t want you to feel guilty about my past, Yuri.”

“I don’t!” Yuri replied too quickly. “What I meant was, I feel like I’ll always be that little reminder of the man who nearly killed you.”

Viktor smiled and pulled Yuri into a hug, “You’ll never be that for me. You’ll be the reminder of the person I was capable of becoming.”

“I didn’t mean to kill him.” Yuri mumbled, “I mean, I wanted to, but after I did it, it felt wrong.”

Yuuri furrowed his brows, “Have you told anyone about this?”

Yuri shook his head, “No, I didn’t know who to talk to. I talked to Ivan and he said he was going to take care of it, but I’m still scared.” Yuri’s lip trembled and a few tears escaped down his cheeks. “I feel like everything is crashing down on me.”

“You know that you have us, right?” Yuuri replied, taking hold of Yuri’s hand and holding it tight.

“Yes…” Yuri said glumly, as if he truly didn’t mean what he said.

“Yuri, we mean it.” Viktor told the blond, forcing Yuri to look at him with a slight nudge with his index finger. “We’ll always be there for you. We all owe each other our lives at this point. We’re a family.”

Yuri sniffled and nodded, “Okay.”

Viktor sighed and looked at Yuuri, and Yuuri immediately knew what Viktor was about to do. He nodded his head in affirmation. “Yuuri and I have been thinking, if you want of course, that it might be best if you moved in with us… permanently.”

Yuri’s eyes widened and he looked at both Viktor and Yuuri, “You want me to live with you? After everything my family has done to you?”

“You’re our family now, Yuri. That’s all that matters to us.” Viktor told Yuri with confidence. “We want you to live with us. We’re getting a bigger house, one with a yard and it’s close to the skating rink.”

“Can I bring Potya?” Yuri asked timidly, his eyes searching between Viktor and Yuuri.

Yuuri laughed, “Yes. I’m sure Makkachin would love the company. Even if it’s a cat.”

Yuri grinned, “Okay.”

Viktor and Yuuri surged forward and attacked Yuri with hugs and tears, the same coming from the smaller skater. They were officially a real family, a family that would grow together now that they were able to finally move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE LAST CHAPTER! How is it going to end?! Let me know what you think below! 
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has been reading my story. This really has meant a lot to me, and I plan on writing so much more in the future!


	20. From Loving His Burns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is just the beginning.

December, 2017

Nagoya, Japan

 

After the events that took place in May, the Grand Prix Final series almost seemed a little dull to Yuuri. The skaters and their mind games were nothing compared to an actual murderer who happened to pass under Yuuri’s nose for almost a year. Actually, it was rather welcoming to only have to worry about his routine and performing it to his best ability. The long month in May put things in perspective for Yuuri, so that he knew beyond doubt that he could do anything. 

The months after the deadly incident in May were extremely busy for the three skaters. Yuuri and Viktor spent countless hours at the ice rink, trying to make up for lost time. Yuuri’s short program was spectacular, with his gold-medal-worthy free skate closing his routine. Every day the Grand Prix Series got closer, Yuuri could feel his heart racing with the excitement to finally reveal to everyone the new Yuuri. Without having to see the other competition, Yuri knew that he would win the gold medal if he was consistent with his practices. He was going to marry Viktor, and Yuuri wasn’t going to wait a second longer than he had to in order to do it.

Less than a week had passed since the death of Nikolai when Viktor made the official announcement of his retirement. He scheduled a formal sit down interview with a prominent new source and told the reason why he would retire. He didn’t hide his heart condition, though he did conceal the reason for it. He blamed it all on the years of stress and the “less than ideal lifestyle” that led to his heart’s problems. 

The world, of course, was devastated at Viktor’s sudden fall from grace, and wondered if it would be the end for Yuuri and Viktor, who had relied so heavily on figure skating to flourish their connection. But the world knew nothing of what they’ve had to go through, all of their struggles that only brought them together. Viktor was Yuuri’s shining light in a world that seemed so dark and terrible. 

It wasn’t long after they got back in Saint Petersburg that Yuuri and Viktor began their search for a new home. While they loved their apartment, it was evident by everyone’s somber demeanors that they weren’t comfortable in the apartment anymore. It felt constricting, whether it was because of the events that took place within its confines or because the city was becoming too overbearing and noticeable for them, they weren’t sure, but when Yuuri found a three bedroom home on the outskirts of Saint Petersburg, Yuri and Viktor never spoke against it. 

The travel was long to the home, but the three skaters never complained, especially when they gazed upon the beautiful three-story home. With an indoor pool, three spacious bedrooms, and a large yard for Makkachin to peruse around, no one could object to the idea of living there. Yuuri could envision the cold winter nights snuggled up to Viktor in their living room in front of the fireplace, or Yuri running after Makkachin so that she wouldn’t jump into the pool (again). He even saw the potential for the third bedroom, whether it be for a guest bedroom or a nursery, Yuuri couldn’t decipher. The look on Viktor’s face when they looked at the spare bedroom was just as cryptic. But that was another talk for another day. 

After their move the distance to the ice rink became too long for public transport, so Viktor came home one evening sporting a new luxury car. When Yuuri looked at the brand and the slightly guilty look on Viktor’s face, Yuuri knew Viktor had spent a fortune on it. 

“It was so pretty!” Viktor pouted, “I saw it on the lot and I had to get it!”

“WOAH!” Yuri exclaimed, running out of the house with his arm in a sling and up to the car, barely registering Yuuri and Viktor, “Is this the new Maserati?!” He questioned, his eyes wide. “It’s beautiful… Can I drive it?!”

“No,” Yuuri and Viktor said in unison, causing a scowl from the sixteen year old and slight grins from the couple. 

“It’s just… I figured if we bought a car, we would get a bigger one… in case…” Yuuri began to blush.

Viktor’s face lit up, his heart smile bigger than he had ever seen it. “Yuuri!” Viktor cried, pulling his fiance close to his body. “Do you want a baby, too?!”

“I mean, it was something I was thinking about… only if you were thinking--”

“Can we go adopt a baby now?” Viktor asked, his eyes wide. 

Yuuri laughed, “Viktor! We aren’t even married yet. Anyways, we have our own baby to take care of right now.” Yuuri pointed over to Yuri who was still pouting over the fact he couldn’t drive the new luxury vehicle, slightly stroking the champagne colored exterior with his good arm. 

“You’re going to take me to my physical therapy appointment in this, right?” Yuri asked, “All the people in my group would die of envy.” He smirked. 

Viktor rolled his eyes, “Sure. That way I can tell them myself that you’ll never drive this car.”

Yuri glared at Viktor, “You’re such a dick.” He stormed off into the house and and closed one of the two front doors behind him.

“Do you think he’s doing better?” Yuuri asked Viktor, “I can never tell with him. His arm is taking longer than the doctors thought to heal…”

Viktor sighed and pulled Yuuri close, “I don’t know. He told me he wasn’t interested in seeing his therapist anymore.”

“What??” Yuuri exclaimed, “He needs to keep going to him!”

“I told him that,” Viktor replied, “I said that if I have to keep going to therapy, then so does he.”

Yuuri sighed, “I’m still so worried about him, Vitya.”

Viktor’s face was sad, “I am, too.”

Despite Yuuri and Viktor’s best attempts to keep the sixteen year old in his therapy sessions, Yuri was adamant that he didn’t need to attend his meetings anymore. He claimed that he was fine, and even if he wasn’t he didn’t want to talk to a stranger about his problems. Yuuri and Viktor were stuck, not sure of what they should do. It was clear that Yuri was still struggling with something, but there was no point in arguing with the blond. They could hear him crying at night every so often, and his moodiness was more unpredictable than ever. They wanted to help Yuri, and they thought therapy was the way to do it because it was helping Viktor immensely, but Yuri was adamant about not going. 

Eventually, Yuuri and Viktor agreed to let Yuri stop his therapy sessions if he practiced more at the ice rink. For the first time since they looked at the new house, Yuri agreed with his guardians. At first he was reluctant to go, but as the Grand Prix neared Yuri’s emotions became haggard, causing the couple to insist that Yuri continue his skating if he wanted to compete in the Grand Prix Finals.

Yuri’s program was able to eventually discover his spark, but even Yuuri was nervous that it was too late for the sixteen year old. His theme was “To My Guardian”, dedicating his short program to Viktor and Yuuri and his free skate to his mother. It was less than a month before the competitions began though, and Yuri’s arm was still nowhere near where it should be. He was able to move his arm well, but there were moments when he would overwork it and spasm to the point of dysfunctional. It was maddening to have to watch Yuri struggle so much with something that used to come so easily for him. The time of his two raised hands jumps were a thing of the past, now he could only raise one arm at best. 

However, Yuuri and Viktor couldn’t have been prouder of Yuri. He had suffered so much and had a high hill to climb for a chance to even compete this season, but the blond never gave up. With the help of Otabek’s constant support, Yuri was able to make it to the Grand Prix Finals, alongside Yuuri, Otabek, Chris, Phichit and Michele Crispino. 

Yuuri had yet to talk to Chris about the weekend in Paris between Viktor and the Swiss man. He had so many things to say to Chris, things he wanted to say in person but couldn’t quite form into words the message he wanted to convey. Yuuri tried to call him during the summer, but when they spoke over the phone Chris had been so happy and kind that Yuuri couldn’t go through with it. He hoped that Chris wouldn’t mind that Viktor told him, but it was clear to Yuuri the moment the two met eyes during a competition that Chris knew Viktor told him. His eyes were guarded and unsure as Yuuri approached him, his mouth beginning to form a sentence but Yuuri silenced him with a tight hug and a meaningful “Thank you” to his friend. Without Chris, he wasn’t sure where Viktor would be now. 

The night before the opening ceremonies, Yuuri couldn’t help but notice that Viktor was acting strangely. He was constantly looking at his watch and always seeming as if he was waiting for something. He barely ate his dinner, only drinking his water with little sips. 

“Is everything okay?” Yuuri asked Viktor, “You love Japanese food. I would have thought being back in Japan would mean you would be constantly eating.” Yuuri smiled.

Viktor smiled, but it seemed slightly forced, “Yes, everything’s perfect, Yuura,” The older man replied softly, “I’m sorry, I’ve been working on a little surprise for you and after dinner I was going to go work on it.”

Yuuri’s insides froze. He himself had a surprise for Viktor in the works, too. He hoped that his fiance wasn’t doing anything that would disrupt his surprise, “Can you give me a hint at least?” Yuuri asked, his voice nervous.

Viktor laughed, “Don’t worry. It’s a surprise for everyone, too! But it’s dedicated to you. It’ll be before the competitions start tomorrow, so I won’t be able to be with you for a moment.”

Yuuri raised an eyebrow, “Can’t you just tell me? You know I hate surprises.”

“Nope!” Viktor replied, his smile bright. “But, now that you somewhat know about it, I should tell you that I need to get going. I have to make sure everything is perfect!”

Yuuri sighed, resigned to the fact that his fiance was set in this surprise, “Okay, I guess I can go see Yuri in his room. I think he’s lonely, knowing that Otabek is adamant about his alone time to focus.”

“Good idea!” Viktor replied, standing up from the table and kissing Yuuri the the top of the head, “I’ll see you tonight, my love.”

Yuuri finished his meal shortly after Viktor’s departure and made his way back to the hotel, his stomach full of nerves and food. Even though so much stress had been taken off Yuuri’s shoulder since Nikolai’s death, the aftermath of everything was still taken effect on everyone, especially Yuri. On top of that, he still had his competition tomorrow and now a secret project that Viktor was giving Yuuri tomorrow. He felt like he could use a drink but ever since Viktor’s story of his previous alcoholism, the couple swore off drinking for good.

Yuri’s room wasn’t too far away from Viktor and Yuuri’s, so the short walk provided less time for Yuuri to overthink all the thing events happening in his life. Just outside the door, Yuuri could hear muffled shuffling and Yuri’s frustrated cry from the other side, causing the Japanese skater to knock on the door quickly.

“Yuri, it’s me. Can I come in?”

“Go away, Yuuri…” Yuri replied, his voice tired.

“Please? Viktor’s off doing some secret surprise for me and I’m all alone. Want to keep each other company?”

There was a moment of silence before he heard the click of the lock, a sigh of relief coursing through Yuuri. He wasn’t sure if Yuri would have let him in. The blond had been especially moody lately, having just barely managed a spot in the Grand Prix Finals. 

“What do you want?” Yuri asked, his eyes tired as he let his guardian in his hotel room. 

Yuuri walked in the room and looked around, noticing how the dimly lit space still managed to be a mess despite the three of them only being there a little more than a day. On the bed was Yuri’s arm spring that he still wore occasionally even though the doctors told him he would be fine without it. It was almost like Yuri was afraid to let himself heal, but Yuuri couldn’t think of a reason why. Yuri hated admitting any sort of weakness.

“Is everything okay? I thought I heard you struggling.” Yuuri told him as he sat himself on the edge of the bed.

Yuri followed him into the room and looked down, the hint of a blush barely visible in the dim lighting, “I was doing more therapy stretches…”

“Oh…” Yuuri replied, his heart clenching at the thought. “Are you still at seventy-six percent use?”

“Seventy-eight.” Yuri replied bitterly, “The doctors said with hard work I could get it back to ninety by the Grand Prix. What a load of bullshit.”

“Well, that was just what the doctors projected,” Yuuri tried to reason, “With more time who knows what it could be up to.”

“It doesn’t matter. I still won’t be back to my full ability.” Yuri glared, crossing his arms gingerly. 

“At least it’s your arm,” Yuuri reminded him, trying to look on the bright side. He’s had this conversation with the younger boy before, but it could do with repeating. “If it were your--”

“My leg, I know,” Yuri cut him off, exasperated. “Do you have any more useless optimism for me, or can I get back to my fucking useless arm?”

Yuuri furrowed his eyebrows, “I’m just trying to help you, Yuran. Tomorrow’s an important day for both of us. A lot is riding on us and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I know a lot is riding on tomorrow, Katsudon!” Yuri yelled, surprising Yuuri. It was the first time in months Yuri had the nerve to yell at the Japanese skater, let alone call him by his old nickname. 

Yuuri stood up and glared down at the blond who instantly realised his mistake and looked guilty. “I’m sorry…” Yuri whispered, reaching a hand out to clasp at Yuuri’s shirt. “I’m sorry…” He repeated.

Yuuri took a few calming breaths before responding to Yuri. Yes, Yuri was a teenager but he still had no right to treat Yuuri, one of his guardians, with such disrespect. “I think we should look into getting you back into therapy.” Yuuri replied evenly. “I feel like you’ve been on edge recently and you won’t tell me what’s bothering you. I just want to help you, Yuri.”

Yuri’s face crumpled and he collapsed into Yuuri’s space, his arms coming around to hug tightly to the Japanese man, “I don’t want to disappoint you,” The younger man sobbed. “You’ve done so much for me… and the last thing I want is for it all to crash down on me and for you to pick up my pieces again. I feel like I’m going crazy.”

Yuuri’s eyes watered at Yuri’s confession, unable to put into words the genuine sadness he felt towards the Russian boy. “There’s nothing you could do that would make Viktor or myself feel disappointed in you.” Yuuri told him truthfully. “We just want what’s best for you. Whether it’s still skating, or doing literally anything else, we will be here for you. Just please don’t push yourself past your limit.”

Yuri nodded against Yuuri’s shirt, “What if I don’t do well tomorrow? What if I lose everything I’ve worked for because of something stupid that I do?”

“Then the world can breathe a little easier knowing that you are human.” Yuuri smiled forcefully, trying not to feel the growing concern for Yuri. He had never seen him like this, so out of sorts. The closest had been the day of his mother’s death, but even then he was able to hold himself together. He could see that Yuri was trying to keep himself calm, but his emotions were taking over him.

“But, Viktor did so well when he was younger…”

“But he also had no one in his life to be there for him. He was so alone, and when he crashed and fell the world forgot about him. It doesn’t matter how well you do at the top, it only matters what happens after you fall. Eventually it will happen, everyone fails. How you deal with it will reveal who you really are.”

“Have you always been this smart?” Yuri muttered into Yuri’s shirt.

Yuuri laughed, “The glasses didn’t tip you off?”

Yuri huffed and separated from Yuri, the emotional moment over. “It’s getting late. I should get to bed soon.”

Yuuri nodded with a slight smile, “Okay, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Yuuri wasn’t sure how he felt about his conversation with Yuri, but he felt like he did the best he could do to inspire the sixteen year old skater. He was conflicted about his feelings towards tomorrow, knowing that Yuri was extremely fragile about his role as the current gold medal winner for the Grand Prix. However, Yuuri himself had so much riding on him to do well. If he didn’t win gold… 

Yuuri could feel his anxiety well inside of him, but Yuuri no longer felt like his anxiety could overwhelm him. It was like a ghost that tried to haunt him, to remind him how he used to be, but there was nothing that could be done. Yuuri was so much stronger than the man he used to be two years ago. He was confident in himself, he was in love with his childhood idol, and he was currently the guardian to one of his favorite people. 

Viktor returned to the hotel room a few hours after Yuuri, the younger skater nearly asleep in their hotel room. Yuuri saw the barely noticeable form of Viktor, squinting slightly with his poor sight, and relaxed back in their bed with a sigh. Viktor stripped down to his underwear and joined his fiance in his bed. Yuuri felt Viktor’s slightly chilled body against his form and curled into it. 

“How was your visit with Yuri?” Viktor asked quietly, his hands aimlessly wandering across the expanse of Yuuri’s body, a normal action for the Russian man. 

“We’ll see tomorrow,” Yuuri replied, a yawn escaping his mouth, “I think he’s really worried about how well he’ll do.”

Viktor sighed, “He’s not the only one. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Yuuri turned himself so that he was facing Viktor, their noses barely touching, “At least he has us.”

Viktor smiled and nodded before kissing Yuuri’s lips, “At least he has us.”

The next day went differently than how Yuuri imagined it. He was able to continue his streak of self-assurance through breakfast with Viktor, Yuri and Otabek, then they all separated to prepare themselves for the first day of competition. Yuuri put on his short program outfit, a piece that started black in the legs but gradually lightened until it was white at his shoulders. He found it fitting for his theme of Revelations, how Viktor’s past had been so dark and uncaring and now was light and full of love. 

He loved it genuinely, but he was more excited to wear his free skate costume. It was more classical, with his costume essentially looking like a tuxedo but of course with a few extra flairs at Viktor’s request. When Viktor asked him about the choice for his costume, Yuuri revealed that every time he wore it he was reminded of his reason for winning gold. Viktor had teared up at the notion.

Arriving to the arena alone, Yuuri only had Viktor’s texts to verify that his fiance was at the arena. He sent snapchats to Yuuri, but never of Viktor himself. Yuuri was completely confused by Viktor’s surprise and everyone he asked had no idea what Viktor was planning.

Yuuri walked out to the rink with Yuri and Otabek, waiting for the opening ceremonies to begin, his eyes constantly scanning for Viktor in his undoubtedly sleek suit. He hadn’t heard from Viktor in nearly an hour and he was beginning to worry. 

However, once the announcers began to speak over the intercom, Yuuri was forced to focus on the task at hand. He needed to win gold, gold was his goal. 

He nearly missed the words from the announcers, but began to pay attention when he heard them say, “...Special surprise for the whole world.” 

Surprise?

“Earlier this year, the world was shocked and saddened by the sudden retirement of everyone’s favorite Viktor Nikiforov of Russia due to his health issues. He brought so much inspiration to everyone in this arena, and we all will miss him in competition. However, we have asked Viktor to skate one last time for us, and he agreed!”

The whole crowd erupted into screams and applause with Yuuri standing shell-shocked. Since when has Viktor been planning this? 

“Here to skate his free program for the world dedicated to his fiance Yuuri Katsuki, please introduce Viktor Nikiforov!”

Yuuri was still completely shocked by the announcer’s words that he nearly missed a glittering Viktor gliding effortlessly onto the ice. His costume was absolutely glorious. He was shining in a tight-fitting outfit in a decadent gold, and his eyes were outlined in golden swirls, highlighting his silver hair perfectly. 

Viktor was the most beautiful thing Yuuri had ever seen.

The familiar music began to swell throughout the arena as Viktor began his routine that he had practiced so hard to perfect at the beginning of the year. His golden costume flowed brilliantly as Viktor glided on the ice. His face was serene, so different than how Yuuri had seen it at the beginning of the year. This was truly something that made Viktor happy, and it hurt that Japanese man to think that he couldn’t do this anymore. Yuuri’s emotions had been on the brink of overcoming him before he arrived to the skating rink, but seeing his fiance who he thought he would never see skate in a major arena again was too much. Tears fell freely down his cheeks as he continued to watch Viktor perfectly execute his routine, the music welling up in Yuuri’s heart. Everything was Viktor. 

Eventually the routine ended with a beautiful flourish of Viktor. His body stood in the middle, his arms open wide and his chest jutted out clearly for the whole world to see. Yes, Viktor may have had to end his career based on his heart, but his heart was the one thing that kept him going despite everything and he was refusing to let it defeat him. The arena had never been louder, their cheers and screams reverberating into one loud noise. But Yuuri couldn’t hear them. The moment Viktor’s eyes landed on Yuuri he skated quickly to his fiance and the two embraced lovingly in front of the whole world, their tears blending together as the noise cancelled out and it was just the two of them against the world. 

“I wanted to surprise you more than you’ve surprised me, and this was the only thing I could think of…” Viktor told Yuuri, repeating the words he spoke to his fiance over a year ago after their first public kiss.

“It worked…” Yuuri smiled as he hiccupped through his tears. 

“Let’s hear it for Viktor Nikiforov!” The announcer exclaimed, letting the arena once again erupt into loud applause. 

“I should go change, unless you want me to wear this for the Kiss and Cry.” Viktor grinned.

“Hmmm… maybe later tonight you can wear it,” Yuuri replied cheekily, pulling Viktor close to him. 

“Deal,” Viktor said instantly, kissing Yuuri on the cheek and running off to change his outfit, leaving Yuuri alone with thousands of eyes staring at him. Yuuri wanted to take this opportunity to show to the world that Yuuri was a changed man, and that he was able to take his moment in the spotlight and excell in it. This was something that Viktor did better than anyone, and it was something that Yuuri was slowly getting better at.

Yuuri put on a brave face and smiled brightly and extending his arms forward to make a heart with his hands, causing the arena to cheer for him. Yuuri could feel a thrill of adrenaline coursing through him, a feat he rarely could make happen. He felt like he was beyond driven to execute this program, but he was at ease with it. As long as he performed his routine with confidence and elegance he knew he could win. 

Having placed last in the series Yuri was up first. He did well in his program, only changing a quad to a double in the second half, but his program also wasn’t the most daring like his previous routines. He looked stoic at the Kiss and Cry with Yakov and Lilia, but Yuuri considered that an achievement. Perhaps Yuri could out-perform them all. It really would make a great achievement considering his rough first half of the year. Everyone was pulling for him secretly. 

Viktor missed Phichit’s performance, the Thai skater scoring higher than Yuri by just a point, but he managed to join his fiance as Chris began his skate. Viktor was donned in a jet black suit with gold trimming, causing Yuuri to grin at Viktor’s confidence. Chris’ routine this year was much different than his Eros theme last year. He was much more powerful and elegant than Yuuri could give the Swiss skater. 

He outscored Phichit by a wider margin, causing Yuri’s face to darken slightly. While Yuuri wanted more than anything for the blond skater to do well in the competition, Yuuri knew that if there was anything that Yuri could do to perform better he would do it. Yuuri was extremely worried that because of today’s standing Yuri would get anxious and do something that he might regret. Whether it be in the ice or off he wasn’t sure.

Michele skated after Chris, but just like JJ last year the Italian man was overwhelmed by the pressure of the Grand Prix and wasn’t able to perform his best, missing many jumps and falling more than once. He placed well below Yuri. Yuuri looked around to see if his sister was there to cheer him on, a relationship that Yuuri had never been able to decipher, but he couldn’t find her. He wondered if the absence of his sister caused the Italian skater to lose his focus. He appeared to be fatigued, which completely devastated his score.

Otabek was next, and his routine was just as powerful as the year before. He easily commanded the stage and performed to his best ability, taking first by a safe distance from Chris. The Kazakh man stepped away from the Kiss and Cry and went up to Yuri who took him into a sweet embrace, the two sharing a quiet moment together away from cameras. They appeared to say some words to each other but Yuuri couldn’t tell what the context of the conversation was. 

Eventually, Yuuri heard his name called over the loud speakers of the arena. He had a moment of hesitance before he stepped on the ice, wanting to remember this moment as the moment before he took his gold medal. He had this routine and one more afterwards, that was all he had to do. He would win the gold medal and marry the love of his live. They were the only things that he could remember wanting more than anything. To bring honor to his family as a gold medalist and to find the one person who loved him beyond life itself. 

The routine flashed by in a blur, but Yuuri knew without doubt that he had done it perfectly. He felt like he was reborn on the ice, his emotions laid bare before the world. Tears streamed down his face as he finished his routine, and he looked over to see Viktor’s triumphant smile marred by the stains of his tears as well. Yuuri was really doing it, he was going to win gold. 

“There’s no one who can beat you tomorrow,” Viktor praised as he sat with Yuuri at the Kiss and Cry, their arms entwined as they received word that Yuuri was in fact in first place. “You were absolutely perfect out there. I could feel your love coming off of you and filling me up. It was intoxicating.”

Yuuri felt like he could finally breathe as he sagged against his fiance with a smile, “It’s really happening.”

Viktor nodded against him, “One more day.”

“One more day.”

While Yuuri was secure in his own standings, it was clear that Yuri was never able to shake off his short program. His free skate, while beautiful and meaningful, lacked Yuri’s usual flare that he always seemed to bring to the ice. Despite the fact that his free skate was dedicated to his mother, Yuri seemed angry and desperate as he skated, and it only crashed on him more when he attempted to do a quad loop with both arms raised. His bad arm, which had been beaten and battered enough already, had no more to give and spasmed on Yuri in the middle of his jump, causing the sixteen year old to fall and killing any chance at a decent standing. 

Yuuri wanted to cry for the younger boy’s defeat, but Yuuri himself had to keep himself focused on what he was here to do.

Winning the gold for Yuuri was easier than he thought it would be. He kept waiting for the moment to appear when he’d overthink his emotions or second-guess his routine, but it never came. Instead, Yuuri was able to stay strong and steadfast throughout the whole day, never once faltering when it came to his goal. He was lightheaded and drained by the time he finished his free skate, but Yuuri knew that he had won. No one else came close to his score yet, and he had to mess up badly not to win his gold medal. But he did it.

Yuuri had won the gold medal.

Yuuri was surprised when he didn’t cry. He had imagined the moment where he would stand on the pedestal and hold the gold medal in his hands, and he always imagined himself crying. However, he stood strong and accomplished, knowing that he still had so much more left that he had to do. He looked to his right and saw Otabek holding his silver medal and Chris on his left wearing the bronze, and it all fell into place for him. He was Yuuri Katsuki of Japan, and he had his gold medal. 

The night after the ceremony was extremely busy for Yuuri. Viktor kept trying to get his alone time with his fiance, but Yuuri felt like he was being pulled every other way. Everyone needed him for different things, and it was obvious that Viktor was getting tired of his lack of time with his fiance. Yuuri couldn’t help it, though. While Viktor had his surprise for him at the beginning of the Grand Prix, Yuuri had his own for Viktor. All of his friends were working tirelessly to make everything perfect, but it caused Yuuri to take his time away from Viktor.

“Yuuri…” Viktor whined as he stood from their hotel bed and came behind Yuuri and wrapping his long arms around his stomach, “I miss you. Pay attention to me?”

Yuuri leaned back into Viktor’s space and sighed, “I’m sorry, Vitya. Everyone’s blowing up my phone.”

“Why?” Viktor asked.

Yuuri’s face grew hot and he couldn’t help but smile when he thought about his surprise for Viktor, “You’ll find out tomorrow.”

Viktor made a complaining sound, “I have to wait until tomorrow? At least tell me if it’s before or after the banquet.”

Yuuri’s smile grew brighter, “You’ll find out before.”

“Humph.” Viktor grunted, clearly not happy with having to wait at all. “At least can you take some time out of your busy schedule to spend some time with your gorgeous fiance?” Viktor asked, his hands pushing underneath Yuuri’s shirt to feeling the soft expanse of Yuuri’s skin. “He misses you very much…” One of his hands dropped below the waistline of Yuuri’s pants and wrapped itself around Yuuri’s hardening cock. “I want to know what it’s like to be fucked by a gold medalist.”

Yuuri bit his lip and closed his eyes in ecstasy. He had been so busy with planning everything he had built up a load of stress he hadn’t realised he was carrying. Without second thought he dropped his phone on the table and spent the rest of the night with Viktor. The planning for the surprise could wait until morning.

Yuuri spent the whole next day on the phone, but he didn’t have time to feel bad. The only thing that made him feel better was the fact that Viktor, too, was on his phone. He was answering calls about new sponsorships and setting up interviews for himself and Yuuri. The next few months before Worlds were going to be busy, but Yuuri was ready to take it all on if it meant that Viktor would stand by his side.

Yuuri and Viktor took the afternoon off in order to get properly ready for the banquet. The couple worked together to make sure the other’s hair was perfect and set in place, though Viktor never needed any help in that area.

“Yuuri?” Viktor asked as the Japanese man went to join him in their room, “Have you seen my suit? I had it in here yesterday.”

Yuuri checked his phone and saw that it was time, causing a smile to break out on his face, “I took it.”

Viktor’s brows furrowed, “Why? Where is it?”

Yuuri walked forward and took Viktor’s hands, the smile unable to erase from his face, “I want you to wear something else.”

Viktor looked around in confusion, “I don’t have anything else to wear.”

Yuuri chuckled, “Follow me.”

Yuuri took an extremely perplexed Viktor out of the hotel and into the skating arena where the banquet was about to be held. “Yuuri, I’m not going to the banquet dressed in trousers and a t-shirt!” Viktor told him, aghast.

Yuuri laughed, “You’re not. Trust me. We’re almost there.”

“Seriously Yuuri, what’s going on…” Viktor said, his voice getting worried.

Yuuri pushed open the doors to the ice rink and led Viktor into the empty arena. The pair walked out to the main floor and placed in the center of the ice with a spotlight shining on them were two tuxedos on mannequins. One was a charcoal black tuxedo with a pinstripe vest underneath and a pale pink tie. The other was a white tuxedo with matching white vest and a pale blue tie. 

Viktor stared at the tuxedos in confusion, “Why are we wearing tuxedos to a banquet.”

“I told you I had a surprise waiting for you.” Yuuri told Viktor softly, lacing his fingers with Viktor’s and bringing him out onto the ice, “But in order for you to get it you need to be wearing your tuxedo.” Yuuri pointed towards the darker suit for Viktor. “I have Chris and Otabek in one of the changing rooms, ready to help you. I’ll come get you when it’s time.”

Viktor raised an eyebrow but never said anything. Yuuri could see that the wheels in his head were turning, trying to figure out what Yuuri was planning. The couple separated and changed in their respective rooms. Yuuri had Yuri and Phichit helping him, the two men helping Yuuri with the last minute details. 

Eventually Yuuri left the changing room and watched as Yuri and Phichit ran off to find Chris and Otabek. Yuuri walked the short distance to Viktor’s room and knocked on the door slightly. He waited a moment before Viktor opened the door dressed in the darker tuxedo. Yuuri’s breath was stolen from his as he looked Viktor up and down, unable to comprehend the absolute beauty of his fiance. 

“You look beautiful.” Yuuri whispered, reaching out and smoothing down Viktor’s tie. “Absolutely stunning.”

Viktor smiled softly and looked Yuuri up and down, “I couldn’t imagine someone more perfect.” Yuuri swallowed the lump in his throat and took Viktor by the hand. They walked in silence towards the banquet, Yuuri’s excitement nearly bursting out of him. 

The couple rounded the corner and were greeted by Yuuri’s mom and dad who were standing in front of the doors leading into the banquet hall. The pair were dressed in fancy apparel; Hiroko in a beautiful black himono and Toshiya in a black suit. Viktor stopped in shock, surprised to see them here. They said they weren’t able to come to the Grand Prix Final.

“Hiroko? Toshiya?” Viktor asked, stunned. “What are you doing here?”

Yuuri grinned as his parents came up to Viktor and embraced him lovingly, “We didn’t want to miss the big day!” Hiroko told him brightly after she released the Russian man from her hug. “And we wanted to meet your parents.”

“My parents…?” Viktor asked, completely out of the loop.

“Vityan,” Came a soft voice to the left of the couple, causing them to turn. 

Standing close were Alyona and Ivan, dressed in immaculate outfits. Alyona wore a champagne colored dress that shined brilliantly in the light, and Ivan wore a black suit with a tie that matched the color of his wife’s dress. 

“Mama? Papa?” Viktor asked, his voice wavering as his parents came up to Viktor and Yuuri, each person taking turns embracing each other. 

“You look so handsome,” Alyona said to her son, her voice whispy as he dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief. “I can’t believe the day has finally arrived.”

“What are you talking about?” Viktor asked, looking at everyone’s emotional faces before looking at Yuuri. “Yuuri, why are our parents here?”

Ivan laughed, “You didn’t tell him?”

Yuuri grinned, “I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Surprise for what?” Viktor asked. 

Yuuri took Viktor’s right hand and held it up, showcasing their matching rings, “You said so last year. After I won gold we could get married. Well, I won. So I figured why waste anymore time.”

Yuuri could tell Viktor’s breath was coming in short spurts, a smile slowly creeping on his face, “But… what about the banquet? Where did everyone go?”

“There is no banquet.” Yuuri replied, his smile equalling Viktor’s. “Instead I took the space where the banquet was supposed to be and reserved it for us to get married. Everyone’s waiting for us inside.”

“We’ll be inside, whenever you’re ready.” Hiroko told the couple, placing a kiss on both of their cheeks and following her husband, Ivan and Alyona into the double doors. 

Viktor’s eyes widened as he turned to his fiance, “We’re… getting married tonight?”

Yuuri nodded, “I was finalizing everything yesterday, but I’ve had the banquet hall reserved since June. Something told me that we were going to be needing it today.”

Viktor smiled, “You knew we would get married since then?”

Yuuri closed in on Viktor and kissed him deeply, their bodies flushed against each other, “I’ve known since the moment I saw you on my television screen when I was a little kid.” Viktor laughed, causing Yuuri to lean in and kiss Viktor again. “But yes, I’ve known that I would win the gold medal since June. My routine was too perfect not to, and I knew that I wouldn’t ruin it this time. Not with you by my side.”

Viktor’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears, his bottom lip slightly trembling, “Can we please get married now?”

Yuuri nodded quickly, the threat of his emotions overwhelming him and turning him into a pile of tears too close to becoming a reality. 

The pair took each other by the hands once again and made their way to the double doors. The opened the doors together to reveal the gorgeous set up for their wedding. All the planning since June were revealed to Yuuri as the pair stood before all of their friends and families. The room was divided in two, everyone that Yuuri and Viktor knew and loved there and staring back at the couple with bright smiles on their faces. Yuuri could pick out Yoko, Takeshi and the twins, as well as Mari and Minako. Yuri and Otabek sat next to Chris and Phichit, the couple’s best friends already a pair of emotional wrecks as they watched the couple. 

There was a soft swell of music played by live musicians, creating an atmosphere of tranquility as Yuuri was able to see the payoff from all of his hard work. It wasn’t just the wedding planning, but making sure that Viktor wasn’t going to find out.The banquet hall itself was decorated in beautiful pink and blue flowers, with the aisle leading them to a beautiful golden arch with Yakov standing at the center. 

“What’s Yakov doing?” Viktor asked Yuuri softly, his heart beating so quickly as he fought the emotions that made his eyes begin to mist. 

Yuuri grinned, “He wanted to officiate the ceremony, and I thought it’d be interesting.”

Viktor laughed, “This is so us. It’s perfect, Yuuri. Everything I could have ever wanted.”

Yuuri took Viktor’s hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it gently as he looked up at the man who had changed his whole world, “Me too.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE DID IT! 
> 
> I'm an absolute emotional wreck, so please forgive me. I want to thank everyone who has taken time out of their day to read this story of mine. Especially those who took extra time to comment or leave a kudos. It means everything to me.
> 
> The most special thank you to DomesticProwess for her constant friendship and amazing Beta skills. She knew exactly how to make this story shine and I cannot explain what she's done for me. She's helped me through massive waves of depression and still managed to make me see that the world has amazing people in it. She's truly amazing.
> 
> Make sure to subscribe to either myself or this series because I do plan on continuing with this universe! Not everything will be sunshine and daisies after this!
> 
> Finally, DomesticProwess and I are working on our own story to release together! So look out for that! We will post the first chapter soon!
> 
> So much love, Twentythreefandoms. <3
> 
> P.S. Come hang out with me on Tumblr. I'm at Twentythreefandoms.


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